Single Christian Women's Support Thread

[Belle Du Jour]

Christian dating: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3U-PiGo2X8

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

Today I realized I live a happier life when my circle is small. So for now on, I am limiting who I refer to as friend.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

After corresponding with someone for a couple weeks, I decided to end it as he wanted to move forward. I didn't think we were compatible, but a part of me selfishly was thinking well, at least it's someone.

Does anyone else struggle with dating out of boredom or for practice I think this is a pattern for me.

 

[BrandNew]

Has anyone read this blog post 'My Husband Is Not My Soul Mate'? It's been making the rounds online. What are your thoughts?

 

[Divine.]

Has anyone read this blog post 'My Husband Is Not My Soul Mate'? It's been making the rounds online. What are your thoughts?

I kind of agree. I'm not entirely caught up in the whole soul mates thing. Simply because God gave us all free will. People choose who they want to be with. I feel like "the one" can just be someone who complements you and your values. God will give you discernment regarding whether this person is a good match for you. I have read so many instances where a woman thought God told them they should marry someone and it ultimately didn't work out. I don't think it's about finding your soul mate. It's about finding a man that fits the mold for a godly husband.

 

[JaneBond007]

If you don't believe in G-d magically dropping your mate into your lap like the stork drops children, why not get out there and date? Whether it's practice or not, how will you get to know someone if you don't get to know someone?

 

[Belle Du Jour]

If you don't believe in G-d magically dropping your mate into your lap like the stork drops children, why not get out there and date? Whether it's practice or not, how will you get to know someone if you don't get to know someone?

I don't think the two are mutually exclusive ie if you decide not to date someone who you feel you are not compatible with then you believe God will send the right man to your doorstep. I just think that dating someone you know that you're not interested in just for practice, free dinner, not wanting to be alone, etc., shows a lack of respect for the dignity of that person. We are also called to guard our own hearts so why even go down that road only to have to end it later, causing more hurt feelings?

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Has anyone read this blog post 'My Husband Is Not My Soul Mate'? It's been making the rounds online. What are your thoughts?

I disagree with her that God does not have a person in mind for us. If we read the Bible, we see that God is a great matchmaker and has been arranging marriages from the time He presented Eve to Adam. I know this is a very debatable issue among Christians, but if God orders the steps of man, why wouldn't that include the choice of a spouse? Ultimately, God is a person's soulmate, I agree with that. But I really do think there's a best person that God has in mind for those called to marriage. Of course, there are several people we could end up with and be reasonably happy (and we do have free will) but that doesn't mean it was God's choice.

I also agree with the girl's father that marriage is a pathway to sanctification. While most people are called to sanctification through marriage, God knows if that is the best way or not. For some, it might be living as a consecrated single person in the world. Only God knows.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

If you don't believe in G-d magically dropping your mate into your lap like the stork drops children, why not get out there and date? Whether it's practice or not, how will you get to know someone if you don't get to know someone?

Amen to that!

 

[FlyyBohemian]

I believe God has a purpose and a will that He wants you to fulfill whether you get married or not. Getting married or remaining single is a choice and not necessarily what God chooses for people. Sometimes he may choose a spouse for you to fulfill a particular purpose, just like he told the prophet Hosea to play Captain-Save-A-Hoe with Gomer, but the Word of God also says that the choice is up to us who we marry, or whether we want to get married or not. He just wants it to be one of His children of the Faith. I agree with the lady that having this choice is a lot more freeing than being destined to marry someone.

 

[Maracujá]

I was going through threads in the CF forum about singleness and stumbled upon this one link that I just had to share, it confronted me with myself in a way that blew me away:

http://www.gillistriplett.com/rel101/articles/will.html

Another website that I've been visiting alot lately is this one:

http://www.loveandgracemedia.com/

It's by a lady that remained single for 18 years before marrying her now DH, who is a pastor.

 

[Highly Favored8]

Good day ladies! I just do not care about being in a relationship any longer. Just letting go and allowing God. One thing is you/me who are still wanting a relationship/marriage is just to let that go. Live your/our lives and get busy doing things what we love to do. When a relationship shows up oh and it will you will be able to already have a full life.

I was like God I let this relationship stuff go. I am not even going to focus on it anymore. Just looking at some dudes out here and IJSMDH. The crumbs and games that some of these men are playing out here and the sad part is that these men are over 40 WTH!

I am finally in the space where I am "letting go and allowing God". Keeping focus on myself and my son. That is all I can do. I know the one for me is going to show up. However, I can't let that be my focus at the moment. All I can do is to focus on myself, travel even more and get out more. The one for me will show up.

Have a great day every one!

 

[Divine.]

I didn't want to start a new thread so I figured I would post here. One thing I want to be sure of now is that I'm not wasting time on the wrong guy. My question is how did God tell you that a certain person wasn't right for you? What did God reveal that let you know you either needed to walk away or just wait?

Sometimes I want God to just tell me yes or no but He doesn't so I'm looking for other ways I could find His answer.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

I didn't want to start a new thread so I figured I would post here. One thing I want to be sure of now is that I'm not wasting time on the wrong guy. My question is how did God tell you that a certain person wasn't right for you? What did God reveal that let you know you either needed to walk away or just wait?

Sometimes I want God to just tell me yes or no but He doesn't so I'm looking for other ways I could find His answer.

divine

I believe God allows us to see the signs but we ignore them. Sometimes you really like the person because their handsome, successful, caring but there may be one or two things that may you go hmmm. But that hmmm is not enough for you to walk away from this man. Sometimes you are just lonely and it feels good to have someone take you out and call to see how your day was. Here's what I'm learning..., I'm very vulnerable right now and the devil sees that. He is gonna send every Tom Dick and Harry my way to distract me from preparing myself for the man God truly has for me. It is up to me to be strong and walk away of the guy is acting a fool. Any signs I see that will be issues down the road I must walk away. It's hard yes because you will feel lonely again but you know I rather be alone then stressing over a man who does not deserve me. The man God has out there for me will treat me like Gold and that's what I deserve.

 

[Divine.]

Thanks Kinkyhairlady

Right now I'm just struggling with facing the fact that a certain someone isn't the one. When I met him, I wasn't saved. I had developed a lot of bad habits from my previous relationships and took them into this one. This person is the reason I got saved because he was regularly in the church and I wasn't at all (for many reasons). I just felt like it was time to give my life over to Christ.

Now that I'm finally in a better place spiritually, I want to entertain the thought of a relationship with him. But it has not been easy! There are so many road blocks in the way. I honestly can't think of a negative trait about him other than that he is adamant about not pursuing a relationship right now. I'm thankful he isn't using me as a rebound, but it's still frustrating to be in the friend zone. I'm not sure if God is saying wait, or no. It honestly baffles me how such a great guy can't be the one.

I guess I'm just gonna go with no this time. He shouldn't be my concern anyways.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

A groom on the eve of his wedding: http://jackieandbobby.com/2013/08/10/here-comes-the-bride/

...I have no doubt that I will be a hot mess when Jackie walks down that aisle today. I’m a crier. I pretend not to be, of course. I work at an all-boys Catholic high school, so I hesitate to admit this (they sometimes call me “Mr. Leonidas”)(it’s the beard). But I know that this wedding Mass will be such an experience of divine generosity and the explosion of love in that Church will likely break my heart. It will all be a gift—a free, total, undeservedly radiant gift.

So yeah. I’m gonna cry.

If nothing else I write tonight sticks, know that He is faithful. Trust in His plans for your life, especially if you are in a place of hurt, loneliness, or doubt. He doesn’t want us to settle; He wants to give us gold.

 

[Maracujá]

I really enjoyed this article on the BMWK website: http://www.blackandmarriedwithkids....st-in-yourself-to-save-your-life-or-marriage/

 

[stephluv]

hey ladies!!!

Soooo last wk or so i've been feeling like forget this celibacy stuff....i made it a yr and thats great but dang Lord give me something I need to know that one day I will get married so i'm not waiting in vain......it was a woe is me kind of wk....so of course the Devil knowing my struggle sent so many Toms and Harrys its been crazy!! I mean I was just getting a new # every day type of mess But for some reason it made me even more sad...i was struggling with these emotions and I got dudes interested in me but not in my God smh!!! Thankfully after avoiding "meet-ups" and sticking to my decision of not giving up I cried out to God again...then I went to my friends church and they were having an hr prayer on breaking chains (its going on for the rest of the wk) I had to cry out just say God take these feelings away...i left feeling that God heard my cries. Later that night my friend who is a minister and has the gift of prophesy and knows my struggle said she didnt want to depress me but she feels i wont be married for another 3yrs!

Can I say i'm actually RELIEVED!! yes i just wanted someone to say what i've been feeling...that no my Adam is not coming tomorrow lol I think that was what was bothering me I know i'm not ready...but knowing that yes it will happen and I got time just made me feel better in working on myself and my relationship with Christ!

whew wanted to get that off my chest..have a blessed day!

 

[Divine.]

stephluv

I had a moment like this earlier today as well I may not discuss my struggles because I try to encourage everyone as well as myself, but it's definitely hard. Today I just felt like not listening to what God told me concerning my "relationship." I snapped out of it though. I'm not gonna lie, I'm half listening at the moment lol I know I'm going to be tested in this area very soon so I'm just waiting for it.

I know I'll have the man of my dreams some day but the wait is killer. 22 years is enough

 

[Maracujá]

Hello ladies! Just wanted to leave you with this gem of a sermon before I head to work:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5tUyGSJL7o

 

[Nice & Wavy]

I read this and immediately thought of the ladies of this forum and this thread. Please know that my husband and I am always praying for singles!

_________________
There is so much emphasis on marriage and family in the church that many single men and women wonder whether it is possible to be single and satisfied. Well, it is not only possible to be single and live a fulfilled life, it is sinful to be otherwise. That is, if you are single and unhappy in the role God has given you, you do yet have a complete handle on God’s Kingdom view of singleness. Unfortunately, the church has helped fuel a sense of incompleteness by its great emphasis on family. There is nothing wrong with emphasizing family. There is something wrong with making singles feel like second-class citizens in the kingdom. In fact, we pastors often unconsciously fuel the discontent of single believers by helping singles to cope with their singleness. God doesn’t simply want single people to cope. He wants them to succeed.

Someone has said that marriage is like flies on a screen door. Those on the outside are trying to get in, and those on the inside are trying to get out. As a pastor, I often talk to singles who are frustrated because they’re not married. Then I meet with married folks who are frustrated because they’re no longer single. The point is that both single and married people need to stop trying to cope with their marital status and start living for the kingdom.

I’ve been married more than forty years, so single readers might wonder how I could understand the pain and struggle they are feeling. I agree that I am not an expert on the single life, so I reference two people who were—the apostle Paul and Jesus Christ in this helpful, FREE downloadable eBook: Single & Satisfied. Get yours here:

http://go.tonyevans.org/single

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I feel like I'm always plugging some book, LOL, but I'm re-reading Stephanie Herzog's God is a Matchmaker and it's really good. I don't know much about her and her husband in terms of their ministry, but the book talks about letting God order this aspect of your life. She shares how she and her husband got together and it's pretty funny (especially when she starts rebuking the thought that David was going to be her husband LOL)!

The book is another reminder to me that when I feel tempted to take over and orchestrate things that I just need to chill. It just seems so counterintuitive! However, I've never felt more peaceful about this issue than I do right now. (Not sure how long it will last either ) And I've received no "revelation" that a spouse is around the corner. Matter of fact, I'm not hearing anything. But my prayer daily is to stay in His will. I am finally getting it that today, his will for me is being single! I don't know why but frankly, I don't have to know why. I just need to know I'm living in His will and that's pretty powerful. Happy Sunday ladies

 

[Belle Du Jour]

http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/08/27/dear-sweet-frustrated-friend/

 

[Divine.]

Joyce Meyer talks about worry:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYM6WiTBmBk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtFqdmGcxI8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyjqxGenQE4

I definitely needed this lately. I hope these messages bless someone.

 

[sounbeweavable]

Hi Y'all! I don't think I've posted in here before, but since I'm trying to do "Christian Dating", I thought I should pop in. How do y'all meet good, Christian men? I don't know any Christian men my age, so my dating pool is pretty much restricted to men I meet online.

 

[TeeMBL]

Unfortunately, I'm finally at a place where I have given up on ever meeting my husband. I'm so exhausted from men and dating.

I literally feel like moving to an island and never thinking about dating ever again. It hurts because I've prayed for it for so many years and never thought I would get to this point of giving up. I thought my faith would always keep me believing that he was out there. I just don't feel that way anymore, and I am truly heartbroken by that.

 

[Britt]

I am going through it.... going through a bad breakup. I'm 31 and will have to start over. I feel down and disappointed. I was speaking to my mom and she reminded me that my bio clock is ticking -- which is true. I read stories about women remaining single and celibate for years not finding their hubby till mid-late 30s. I can't say that makes me feel encouraged at all. I'd prob feel different if I were still in my 20s, but I'm not. On the brighter side, while I am weary a huge part of me is finally at peace.

 

[Maracujá]

Aim to Tell the Story

"Wait a minute," you might say. "Sexuality may be a great gift for people who are married, but what about me? I don't get to have sex. My sex drive is something I have to manage, not something I get to enjoy." It may surprise you that the Bible refers to both marriage and singleness as gifts (1 Corinthians 7:6–7). Your sexuality and your singleness (temporary or permanent) are gifts from God.
Now maybe you think that singleness is not a good gift — kind of like getting an ugly knitted sweater from a frumpy aunt at Christmas; so ugly that you wouldn't even dream of re-gifting it. Or maybe you wish the gift came with a receipt so you could exchange it for the one you really want. But whether or not you're happy about being single, it's important for you to understand that though this gift is given to you, it's not given for you. The gift is ultimately for the church. God gives gifts so that we might faithfully steward them "for the common good" (1 Corinthians 12:7). Therefore, as long as you hold the gift of singleness in your hands, the Lord wants you to steward it for the for the benefit of others.
How can you do that? To begin, the Apostle Paul explains that an unmarried person can focus on the things of the Lord in a way a married person can't (1 Corinthians 7:32–35). Singles have more time and energy to serve the body of Christ and further the kingdom. But that's not all. Singles have a unique role to play in telling the story of Jesus. When, by your sexual chastity, you display the story of the church faithfully waiting for her coming Groom, the whole community benefits.
Singles demonstrate that the things to which marriage, sex and family point are more important than the symbols themselves. Singles testify to the fact that the temporary will give way, in the end, to the eternal. They remind the church that spiritual fruitfulness, spiritual family and spiritual union with Christ are more permanent and precious than their earthly counterparts. There are truths about Christ and His kingdom that can be more clearly displayed by a single woman than a married one.
The way you conduct yourself sexually is much bigger than your own personal life. It has meaning that connects to the cosmic, unseen, eternal realm. To manage your sex drive and delight in sexual continence, you need to understand that sexual restraint is as much and as valid of an expression of the meaning of sex as the sexual act itself. Your sexual chastity contributes to the cosmic story. It testifies to the astonishing meaning of it all.
Understanding that sex symbolizes the covenant union of Christ and the church, that single women tell the story of the bride-in-waiting, and that sexual chastity is vital to the script, should help guide your sexual choices. Things like masturbation, oral sex and sleeping around with your boyfriend don't line up with the covenant story line. Viewing pornography, reading smutty romance novels and watching movies that exalt immorality don't either. So put up boundaries, and do what is necessary to guard your purity. Aim to be a good steward of God's gift. "Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you . . . You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body" (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

Link: http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2012/sex-series-sexy-single-women

 

[Divine.]

Time for a pick me up! It seems as though a lot of us are feeling down. I was feeling down as well, hence my inactivity. But I want everyone to remain encouraged! I can't mention everyone so I apologize.

Where to meet Christian men? I honestly can't answer that. I have only met one Christian and currently that is now on a indefinite pause. But that could just be because I'm not yet active in my new church. I think you can find someone as long as you're involved in the church and the community. The hard part is weeding out the counterfeits.

Being single can be hard but that doesn't mean we have to be sad. What kind of life is that? I'd rather learn to be content and single than wallow in misery. There's so many reasons why each of us are single right now. For me personally, I know that God doesn't want me in a relationship because he's knows I'm not ready. The day I can say wholeheartedly that I'm content with Him alone, is the day I'll meet my husband. I idolize it too much.

I don't necessarily enjoy being single, but I'm learning to each day. I feel like each season comes with its own trials. During that single season, it's just you and God wrestling with each other until someone gives in. Which will probably be us!

Everyday I'm listening to sermons about contentment. I want the Holy Spirit to be in my presence every second so satan cannot attack me. The minute we let worry or doubt creep in, it makes it that much easier for Satan to prey on it. Keep strong! God has a plan...don't worry. Don't doubt!

 

[Maracujá]

I used to think the problem was me but I've had an epiphany today: it's not me. If you're unable to hold a 10-min conversation with me without pointing to my civil status then guess what? YOU are the problem. You purposely bypass far more interesting topics that are dear to my heart such as travel, music, fashion, black culture, books and a plethora of other things...simply to constantly point to the fact that my civil status is unmarried?! Yeah, YOU are the problem and btw so is your upbringing. End of vent/rant.