Is Anyone Else Stuck Between Two Loves? Help Me Decide! My Progress Pics

Hi ladies! I have a confession to make...

I'm in love with two people named Natural and Relaxed and I don't know who to choose. I've been cheating on Relaxed ever since Natural came on the scene and I don't know what to do...

I have been on the fence about going natural for quite some time. Every time I stretch, I play with my new growth and wonder... I love my relaxed hair because of the ease in styling and washing, and I think my relaxed hair is pretty; it's come a long way. But I still suffer from breakage, no matter how gentle I am and how much healthier it is. And when I see natural heads like some of you ladies on this board, I am envious of your hair and your guts to big chop/transition. What if I bc and I don't like it? What if I cut off all my hair and don't know what to do with it?

To me, hair plays a role in how you feel as a woman. I feel more confident when my hair is point and styled in a way that I feel compliments ME. I know "it's just hair" but LHCF has somewhat contributed to my slight obsession with it being "just hair"

Yall ladies know what I'm talking about!

Anyhoo...here is my hair progress:

Here are two pics of my new growth. It may not be enough to judge, but I always say I'm a 4a/b. Not sure. Who cares. Lol. But I posted it so some of you who think your hair looks similar to mine...let me see YOUR HAIR!! I want an idea of what my hair *could possibly* look like

Pre-LHCF. It never grew past my shoulders, but it always looked decent. I got a touch up every 6 weeks and burned like crazy every time

This is what my look like right after I damaged it:

So I found LHCF and a couple months later, my hair progressed in length and fullness, but it wasn't really that healthy just yet:

Airdried:

Blowdried:

Twistout:

Braidout:

Curlformers:

Wavy:

Flat Ironed (FYI: I'm leaning!)

Henna:

December 2007:

January 2010:

February 2010:

January 2011

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So...I have been on the board for a couple of years now, and I must say that I am not satisfied with progress in the length of my hair. Four years later, and my hair is barely touching APL. The health of my hair is okay, and I've gotten lazy along the way, so there is a glimmer of hope; I can still achieve lengths if I put my mind to it and go all in. But I think of part of the reason why I haven't gotten to my desired length (MBL)has to do with relaxing. I have accepted the fact that although it is possible to have healthy relaxed hair, my hair will never be at its peak level of health unless I have never put chemicals in it to permanently change the texture of my hair.

So I'm asking you natural ladies who were previously relaxed:

• What influenced your decision to bc/transition?
• Were you satisfied with your decision?
• What benefits do you experience with natural hair that you were never able to enjoy with relaxed hair?
• Would you ever relax again?
• What is hard for you to re-learn your hair (washing, styling)?

I also want to add...it is not my intent to start a natural vs relaxed debate. Both have pros and cons...we all know that. What I want are your personal experiences with being relaxed at one point and being natural now. This thread is more-so for me to live vicariously through you to help me make a decision that I can be satisfied with. ((If someone says something you may not like, please pm them )).

Also, if there are other threads like this on the board, feel free to post the link in here. I'm not concerned with how many replies I get, only a few quality answers can help.

Thank you ladies SO MUCH for taking the time to view my progress, share your experiences, and help me achieve healthier hair. Relaxed or natural, you all have done so much for me! My hair never would've gotten where it is, if it were not for you guys. I love my cyber family!!

you have beautiful hair and i love your color henna...

You mentioned the reason I decided to transition...I was on a relaxed hair journey from 2007-2010 and never reached full apl. I figured that I never would until I stopped relaxing so I did.

Your NG is growing in like mine did so i would guess that you are 4a, also.

Eta: your relaxed hair looks great!

What influenced your decision to bc/transition? My hair and scalp was very damaged from the relaxers. For me, my scalp NEVER took a relaxer well. I know some people don't have that problem, but I always did.
Were you satisfied with your decision? Yes, but transitioning is not always easy. And even now that I'm completely natural, I'm still learning how to care for my hair.
What benefits do you experience with natural hair that you were never able to enjoy with relaxed hair? My scalp and hair are definitely healthier, but I still need to improve it. Also, I don't take my hair for granted like I did when I was relaxed.
Would you ever relax again? No.
What is hard for you to re-learn your hair (washing, styling)? It does take effort and time.

Moonpie8 said:

you have beautiful hair and i love your color henna...

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Thank you! Henna really helped strengthen my hair and make it a little fuller.

Your hair looks good. Keep doing what you're doing.

You have a great head of hair! Even if you decide to go natural and don't like it you have enough knowlege to get back a nice head of relaxed hair so take a chance.
[*]

What influenced your decision to bc/transition? Seeing beautiful heads of natural hair and being curious enough to try it. Plus I had some thinning from relaxers and a weave that were uncharacteristic for me so I needed a change to help me recover.


[*]Were you satisfied with your decision? I was and mostly still am. My hair is still thinning but it so long (well not really, BSL, so its longer than I'm used to) and still very full so it tends to be a lot of work.


[*]What benefits do you experience with natural hair that you were never able to enjoy with relaxed hair? Length and health. I'm BSL and its definitely healthier although I go through phases of wanted to flat iron and blow dry so I often have to overcome the damage bc some of my strands are very fine. Even so I've retained more length natural.


[*]Would you ever relax again?. I've been getting the itch lately and I can't say never again...just not right now.


[*]What is hard for you to re-learn your hair (washing, styling)?
[/LIST]. Its still a work in progress so yes, there is a learning curve, but I don't have a lot of time or energy so that's part of my problem. I tend to stick to styles I can keep at least 2 weeks at a time.

LovinLea said:

You mentioned the reason I decided to transition...I was on a relaxed hair journey from 2007-2010 and never reached full apl. I figured that I never would until I stopped relaxing so I did.

Your NG is growing in like mine did so i would guess that you are 4a, also.

Eta: your relaxed hair looks great!

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Thanks! Just took a sneak peak at your fotki I like your texture! I think I'd like my hair if it looks like yours

You might want to consider trying not relaxing bone straight. That should cut down the breakage by a lot. Tex-laxing, for me, is the best of both worlds because I retain the texture and body of my natural hair, but with much less shrinkage. Also, I am not sure how long you stretch, but for me, stretching at least four months (six months nowadays) is best because it minimizes overlapping. Tex-laxing and stretching have been wonderful for my hair.

mg1979 said:

What influenced your decision to bc/transition? My hair and scalp was very damaged from the relaxers. For me, my scalp NEVER took a relaxer well. I know some people don't have that problem, but I always did.
Were you satisfied with your decision? Yes, but transitioning is not always easy. And even now that I'm completely natural, I'm still learning how to care for my hair.
What benefits do you experience with natural hair that you were never able to enjoy with relaxed hair? My scalp and hair are definitely healthier, but I still need to improve it. Also, I don't take my hair for granted like I did when I was relaxed.
Would you ever relax again? No.
What is hard for you to re-learn your hair (washing, styling)? It does take effort and time.

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My hair takes relaxers well, but I have to leave it in for about 20-25 minutes, that's the only way it gets bone straight and some sections still don't get completely straight. Maybe that's why it still breaks? And my scalp is beginning to get flaky, so I think the touch ups are taking a toll on it.

Thank you for your response!

I think your hair and texture is very similar to mine. I haven't been natural since I was 3 so I can't answer your question, but I wanted to stop by and tell you how beautiful your hair is.

Good luck!

No I'm not stuck between 2 loves. I only love being natural.

What influenced your decision to bc/transition? I started transitioning because I have chronic eczema and I was getting burned every time I got a touch up. I wasn't even thinking about what I was gonna do next, I just knew I couldn't relax anymore. I liked the way my new growth looked and felt and my scalp/skin felt better. On top of that, I like my hair colored and the double processing was bad for my hair.

Were you satisfied with your decision? Absolutely, no regrets.

What benefits do you experience with natural hair that you were never able to enjoy with relaxed hair? My hair is way healthier. I don't know if this is necessarily the case for everybody. My hair would get to BSL/MBL but it wouldn't last long because the ends were so damaged. I don't blame this on the relaxer alone....I used the flat iron a lot, no heat protectant, didn't moisturize daily, and always had color. Plus I wear my hair in a ponytail/bun 99% of the time (even when I was relaxed), and I like big, puffy ponytails better than skinny ones.

Would you ever relax again? Nope

What is hard for you to re-learn your hair (washing, styling)? No, especially not styling since I usually wear a ponytail or puff. I use way more conditioner now because I co-wash a lot and overall have a lot more hair.

Hi, I'll put my two cents in, since I'm procrastinating writing cover letters (its recruiting season).

I recently BC-ed after 13 months of transition in December. My case may not be quite relevant to yours because I transitioned to natural with the intention of continuing to wear my hair in straight styles 100% of the time (I would dabble in braidouts or twistouts if I could ever figure out how to do them correctly). I think my curls when wet are adorable, but I do not plan on wearing my hair in a WnG until my hair is AT LEAST SL curly. I'm 4a, and I think you are too.

So my experience: When I wear my hair pressed straight now that it is natural, I definitely do not have the same "swang" or shine that I had when relaxed. Transitioning was hard because it seemed my hair was growing inversely - the more time went on, the shorter the length got. My edges frizzed up and I looked like I needed a touch up all the dang time.

So why did I do it? Not quite sure; I decided to transition before finding LHCF, but after finding it, all of the pictures of gorgeous, thick natural hair, worn straight and curly, made me continue. Ultimately, the look of long, thick, pressed natural hair is more attractive to me than the look of long, shiny relaxed hair. I prefer bigness over swang. With that being said, it is hard to tell if my hair will retain the thickness and length I desire with heat used ever 10 days.

I hope this helps. PS I think your hair looks very thick and pretty relaxed.

I've found a new found respect for my natural hair. It is more versatile than my relaxed hair. I think your hair would be pretty either way. I think you should stretch for a year and decide. I couldn't do it because I had my head and heart set on going natural. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

What influenced your decision to bc/transition?
Boredom.. i was so bored with straight hair it wasn't even funny
Were you satisfied with your decision?
After i was done transitioning, i wasn't really satisfied because i didn't know what i was doing. My hair was hidden the entire time i transitioned.
What benefits do you experience with natural hair that you were never able to enjoy with relaxed hair?
EVERYTHING. I have so much versatility and style options its not even funny. If i take a shower, i don't care about my hair getting wet. If its raining , who cares! My hair works with the weather and not against it.
Would you ever relax again?
Excuse my french but aint no way n hell.
What is hard for you to re-learn your hair (washing, styling)?
It wasn't hard once i learned what i was doing. The hardest part was the product junkie phase. and that wasnt really hard, it just cost me alot of money

• What influenced your decision to bc/transition?

I had damaged relaxed hair and so was transitioning so I could relax afresh.

• Were you satisfied with your decision?

Well, I was happy to transition and my hair grew nice and healthy as it always did when I decided my relaxed hair needed a do over: I'd just braid it and let the damaged hair break off and then I'd go start afresh with virgin hair. So yes, I was satisfied with my decision to transition, only this time I was following a healthier regimen if trimming every 6-8 weeks so I had better virgin hair when all my relaxed hair was gone. The only thing is I changed my mind about relaxing because my hair grew longer than I ever knew and length was always my goal. Not texture change. That was just more of a style change but mainly because I believed that if my hair were straight, it'd not break when I combed so it might grow longer.

• What benefits do you experience with natural hair that you were never able to enjoy with relaxed hair?

-Length for one. I never had hair that was longer than 6 inches when I was relaxed. But I had little knowledge on haircare so perhaps that doesn't count.
-I also enjoy the independence of doing my own hair. When I was relaxed I had to rely on someone to be my eyes during touch ups and would not risk overlap doing it myself.
-I also love how much cheaper it is it care for my natural hair.
-I love the certainty I have on caring for my hair. I am more familiar with my natural hair than I was my relaxed hair--having been relaxed for only 1/4 of my life, and with the knowledge I've acquired, I am most at home with my natural hair.
-Most of all, I love the versatility. I can do so much more with my natural hair than I could with relaxed hair, including wearing the same styles I wore when relaxed because I can press my hair to make it straight.

• Would you ever relax again?

I don't want to say never, but the chance of me relaxing again is slim. I love that I always deal with the same texture from base to tips, and that I never have to worry about overprocessing/underprocessing or having a demarcation point that could be source of issues. I also don't have to worry about formula changes in products I use to relax which could affect results of my touch up and make it not match the previous hair. Looking back, I think there are so many risks with relaxing that I am so not willing to take. What's more, I find I get bored with straight hair so quickly and not having a choice to get away from it when I please would drive me to drink. Did I mention I love the independence of doing my own hair? I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable applying chemicals to my hair without actually being able to see my fingers in action...and I'm not fond of staring into the mirror for more than 5 minutes to do my hair. Normally I do my hair while I watch TV. Love it!

• What is hard for you to re-learn your hair (washing, styling)?

No because I have had natural hair more years of my life than relaxed so natural hair has always been "more familiar" to me. And then when I joined LHCF and took a greater interest in understanding my hair, the whole journey became an adventure. Because my hair grew long in braids, I did find myself at a loss on styles I could wear it in when it was out and around shoulder length, which is when I went to a SHS for help and got burned. Also because I used no leave-in products in my hair from 2001 when I had started a new regimen and only used a serum on damp hair while relaxed and then none during and after I transitioned and was in braids, I did find myself clueless on what leave-in products would work on my hair when worn out and natural. So after the SHS's BC, I did a bit of trial and error on products my friends recommended until I found S Curl. Then I was all set and have never had issues with my hair. I had picked up the "washing in braids" method from C&G on the forum so that made washing longer natural hair a breeze.

This thread gave the pros and cons of both sides of the fence: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/ha...-natural-hair-relaxed-hair-pics-welcomed.html

OP if you enjoy your relaxed hair (and it IS beautiful) I'd say only change if you're having issues. If it's just a matter of wondering what it's like on the other side of the fence, get a weave. I'd hate to see you lose that beautiful mane.

Here is my opinion: I was scared to go natural too. All I knew was my chemically altered hair (I had a curly perm for a few years then relaxed it for about 6 years). Try going natural. Just do it. If you don't like it, well, relax it! That is what I told myself back in 2006 and a little over 4 years later and I have not turned back since.

* What influenced your decision to bc/transition? Seeing other beautiful natural hair at college
* Were you satisfied with your decision? Yes
* What benefits do you experience with natural hair that you were never able to enjoy with relaxed hair? Better retention of length, stronger, healthier hair. I actually love my hair now...
* Would you ever relax again? NOOOOOOOOOO
* What is hard for you to re-learn your hair (washing, styling)? Yes. It was something new to me, but now that I know I am a pro at it.

What influenced your decision to bc/transition?
Were you satisfied with your decision?
What benefits do you experience with natural hair that you were never able to enjoy with relaxed hair?
Would you ever relax again?
What is hard for you to re-learn your hair (washing, styling)?

- the first time was not by choice. i'd ruined my relaxed hair beyond repair. the second time its because i felt my natural hair was prettier and i enjoyed handling it better than my relaxed hair.
- in the beginning yes, but now i regret transitioning. i feel i jipped myself of experiencing cute styles on a twa. but oh well.
- i enjoy regular washing, easier detangling, and more variety with styling.
- doubt it. i'm good with my flatiron.
- no it wasn't hard, just different. thats all it ever is. different. ♥

@Frofab...yes, I think I may have to to take that chance and see! And BSL is LONG, girl I don't think I'll ever make it there relaxed

@Thiends...I never considered texlaxing! Hmmm...I wonder if my stylist would be down with that...

@Blackdiamond1...You assuredness to being natural is simply refreshing If I should make the decision to bc, I want to be completely content with my decision, as you are. And the fact that I'm discontent with being relaxed shows that maybe I should take the plunge and try it, like Frofab suggested.

@Trackstar...thank you for taking the time to procrastinate with me! Your case sounds alot like mine. I LOVE straight hair, and that's why I've been hesitant to take the plunge. I figured it'd be better to relax than to go natural and flat iron twice a month, I don't think my hair could handle that. Thanks for identifying my texture! Thank you so much for your response, because I feel the same...I like the look of natural pressed hair more than relaxed straight hair, too!! I'm just not sure if I'd like mine lol. Guess I won't know unless I try it!

@DDTexlaxed...that is one thing I can say is drawing me to natural hair, the versatility. Bantu knots, buns, twist outs, wng...looks so much better on natural hair!

topnotch1010 said:

I think your hair and texture is very similar to mine. I haven't been natural since I was 3 so I can't answer your question, but I wanted to stop by and tell you how beautiful your hair is.

Good luck!

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Thank you and congrats on being FOTM. You definitely deserved it and your hair...beautiful!!!!

Just had to say your hair is beautiful! It looks super healthy and shiny. For me I went natural because of the breakage I would get when relaxed. It seemed like it would grow and soon as I relaxed it would break off within two weeks. I didn't know then, but what was happening was I was stretching my relaxers and then overlapping when I relaxed. So I stopped, because it was just heart breaking and discouraging to me to see progress then have setbacks, but at the same time I didn't know what I was doing. I also went natural because I had to, I developed psoriasis on my scalp and so for awhile I was still relaxing but it would burn my head so bad I had to stop unless I wanted to be bald. I know when I transitioned I didn't cut all my hair off, because I just refused.lol!! I just grew it and cut along the way until my entire head was natural but it was easier for me, because my hair really wasn't that long anyways. I am very satisfied with my decision. My hair is alot stronger now since being natural. One of my biggest loves about being natural is Thickness, my hair is super thick natural versus when I was relaxed. It's hard for me to say just go natural, because your hair is obviously healthy and you are doing a good job at maintaining it. Maybe try texlaxing? HTH

I have no advice to help you make a decision but I must say your hair is gorgeous!!

Your hair looks fabulous.

Thiends said:

You might want to consider trying not relaxing bone straight. That should cut down the breakage by a lot. Tex-laxing, for me, is the best of both worlds because I retain the texture and body of my natural hair, but with much less shrinkage. Also, I am not sure how long you stretch, but for me, stretching at least four months (six months nowadays) is best because it minimizes overlapping. Tex-laxing and stretching have been wonderful for my hair.

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I agree with this. Why choose when you can have the best of both worlds?

kiesha8185 said:

@Thiends...I never considered texlaxing! Hmmm...I wonder if my stylist would be down with that...

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You might want to consider a different stylist, if yours is familiar only with bone-straight relaxing. A stylist who has tex-laxed many heads will be able to tell just how long to leave your relaxer in, while one who is not familiar might need many "oops!" applications in order to get it right (by which point, you have a host of different textures on your head from different areas being relaxed differently). You can tex-lax by leaving relaxer in for less time, by mixing oil or reconstructor in your relaxer, or by doing both. Which one is best will depend on what brand of relaxer you use, what your hair texture is like and how even your hair texture is (if you have 3b in back and 4b in front, then you will need a different approach to each section). Best to just go to someone who knows what they are doing. My stylist has done a perfect job on my head of hair. I can see a MAJOR difference in health, body and beauty between the bone-straight relaxed parts of my hair (which came from a mistake another stylist made) and the tex-laxed parts of my hair.

I have been natural successfully, and relaxed successfully, and it currently looks like I a heading back to natural. All I can say is try it, both have positives, and since your scalp is not happy with you relaxing at this point, then this is a prime time to give it a go.

What influenced your decision to bc/transition? It was a gradual choice to save money since I wore a weave continually for years.

Were you satisfied with your decision? Once I removed my weave, yes. I thought I had found products that allowed me to mimic relaxed hair. BUT, it took me a while to get used to seeing my natural curly hair AND the shrinkage that goes with it.

What benefits do you experience with natural hair that you were never able to enjoy with relaxed hair?
Without a doubt, wash and goes. My hair responds nicely. I don't miss the days of having to fit in some curly iron or flat iron time before my hair looked "right".

Would you ever relax again?I doubt it. My hair and scalp is healthier for going without the relaxer.

What is hard for you to re-learn your hair (washing, styling)? I still struggle with styling my hair. Its pretty hard for me although I am getting better.

Not because your hair is natural means you won't experience the shedding, breakage etc., you experience being relaxed. As a matter of fact, my hair shed more as a natural than it did relaxed. It's very important that you clarify and clearly understand your reason for going natural so you stay the course in spite of.

Truth be told, if my relaxed hair looked half as decent as yours look, I probably would not have gone natural in the first place and lost so much length in the long run. The grass is not always greener on the other side but, dealing with your hair in its natural state is never a bad thing. Its a good experience for you to have, at least you can say, been there done that if you had to.

Your hair is beautiful. Whatever you decide I am sure it will turn out nice for you.

I must admit i'm stuck/torn between two loves. I ended my 6mth transition with a BC in April last year. I'm currently 9mths n 1day natural but i've never worn my hair out because one, i'm not comfortable with its length of 4.5-5'' all over. I honestly hate short hair and have been wearing wigs and weaves since my BC. At present as i type this i'm in a weave i've been wearing for 7wks as of tomorrow. I miss my relaxed hair more often than i enjoy having my natural hair since i've never really worn it out. I'm trying to find all the patience and determination in the world to grow it long because i wanna prove to alot of persons that natural hair can be long, healthy, pretty and stylish but at the same time i would also prefer to wear my own hair rather than rely on weaves and wigs till my hair reaches the length where i'm comfortable to wear it out so yes i'm torn and it's a darn shame because so many beautiful heads of relaxed and natural hair is on this board sometimes it makes my head spin. I have the itch to relax at times and i also contemplate texlaxing but i'm not sure how it will turn out(really scared of that).

OP your hair is beautiful and looks very healthy. listen to your hair it will tell you what to do all the time which will work out to be the best thing if you just listen to her.Sometimes too a change can be a step in the right direction, but like i said before. LISTEN TO YOUR HAIR! I hope i did not discourage u with my ranting.


Your styles are cute too, loving the bun in the purple and white top