I've gotten hair compliments, but I have never in my life been asked if I'm mixed. Maybe the people I'm around are a little more conscious because the people I'm around seem to know a lot about ethnic hair...I don't have to explain relaxers, weaves, etc. & if they have a question, they usually just ask directly. Like, "Is your hair naturally curly?" when I wear a braidout.
"You can't be all black, your hair is too soft..."
- Thread starter doobiequeen88
- Start date
snillohsss
New Member
Im so hoping this thread is still here when I get back from dinner. 
~marti26.
New Member
OMG!! That had me ROFLing. Hilarious. Can u just imagine the look on her face. She definitely would have cried.
lonelysky
Baby Chick Gate 2011
Chrissmiss
New Member
I have to shake my head at those ready to tell the manager and call corporate. I'm sorry but I don't think that is needed. The woman was obviously just ignorant. No need to try and get her fired. Most black women feel that way about their own hair and would have thought or said the same thing if they were bold enough or just curious. I actually think its racist to assume that this woman was being racist just because she is white. Gosh.
YaniraNaturally
WL-HL???
^ The cashier could have easily said "Wow your hair is so soft!" She didn't have to add all that she said.
And IMO, when you work in customer service/sales positions you need to just mind your own damn business. Sure I always wonder about the people that come into my job, but I wouldn't dare ask/say anything too personal. I keep it superficial!
I don't think she should be fired, but she needs to be reprimanded.
And IMO, when you work in customer service/sales positions you need to just mind your own damn business. Sure I always wonder about the people that come into my job, but I wouldn't dare ask/say anything too personal. I keep it superficial!
I don't think she should be fired, but she needs to be reprimanded.
CurlyMoo
Well-Known Member
Her comments were very ignorant AND insensitive. I'm starting to believe that White folks who make these comments understand that many Black people really don't like being Black or having Black hair and features so they play on that insecurity and make these comments.
It's up to you if you want to contact the manager. But I think ignoring her comment would have spoken volumes or telling her that you don't have to be mixed to have beautiful hair. Although I did like your response too.
It's up to you if you want to contact the manager. But I think ignoring her comment would have spoken volumes or telling her that you don't have to be mixed to have beautiful hair. Although I did like your response too.
Lita
Well-Known Member
HE_Blesses_MY_Tresses
New Member
OP, I'm going to let you know off top that this has happened to me many times and even though I am used to it happening to me, it offends me each time as if it were the very first. I am mulitcultural, my great grandparents and grandparents on my mothers side were Native American as well as my fathers side but they also have African American French and Irish so I am a bit of a "melting pot". When someone asks me "what are you mixed with?" I ask them "What are you talking about?" they ask again and I ask them again what they are talking about, we go back and forth until they get so frusrated and blurt out what they REALLY are trying to say " Well youre not ALL black, you CANT be." I ask them why not and they "Because of your hair, it's so curly and soft and your eyes, and the way they are shaped...BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...." people always have their reasons for thier ignorance, some can honestly be innocent to the fact that ethnic hair can be so beautiful depending on where and how they were raised and what they were exposed to, I just educate when I can. I enjoy listening to their reasons then crushing their logic, most of the time I whip my phone out and pull up LHCF and bring up some of the womens picures on here. I look for the naturals,, women with loooong hair, some that may be relaxed but I keep in mind all the reasons the person just gave me and then I lay them to rest. By the time I am finished, they are asking me for tips and telling me how they have a friend with hair troubles. Each one, teach one...lol
But in all fairness I dont think she came on here to start anything, I think that she was trying to share an experience that she had. Everyone responds differently, some are more reserved, some more aggressive, and some just plain passive, if she cant share this with us then why are we here, I've seen even more pointless threads get more support...
erplexed
But in all fairness I dont think she came on here to start anything, I think that she was trying to share an experience that she had. Everyone responds differently, some are more reserved, some more aggressive, and some just plain passive, if she cant share this with us then why are we here, I've seen even more pointless threads get more support...
erplexed
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
This white woman constantly tells this other African woman at my job who is following healthy hair habits (with my help) that her hair does not look good. She used to wear braids ALL the time and now her edges are damaged and her hair is in a TWA. She seems pretty excited about her hair and not being dependent on extensions etc. She is adamant about working with the hair that grows out of her scalp and only that, no wigs, no extensions, no braids not even a phony pony lol! She comes to the salon and gets twists and for the first time on Tuesday, a classmate did flat twists in the back going towards the crown and twists @ the top and sides. She loved it. The next morning the W. woman from work asks ME why am I not doing her (the client's) hair anymore because it looks bad and that I'm just setting her up to look bad and aren't I suppose to be her consultant blah blah blah... That's when I had to let her know that 1. she's doing what's best for her hair now and 2. she likes it and sprinkled with some black hair careducation. I don't think she'll come at me with that mumbo jumbo again b/c she KNOWS I will NOT see it her way nor can she intimidate me into adopting her views which btw, have NOTHING to do with HER hair. Uhm, can you said MIND-YOUR-BIZNESS???
Bottom line is, like Oprah said white folks (the majority of them) who know nothing about kinky hair textures or anything about the nuances of our hair ought to simply stay out of it. They will never understand what we do to or how we care for our hair. Those who genuinely want to know/learn will ASK questions and avoid judgmental comments. While I like educating them, the foundation or the hard core beliefs about us, our hair, our features etc. seem to get in the way.
At least the students in school will come out and say straight up, doing black hair scares me or intimidates me....I can respect that.
growwithme
Member
How ignorant but not surprising! That is so unprofessional and Obviously she doesn't get out much...maybe the next LHCF Charlotte meetup should be held on the premises during her shift...smh.
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
I hear ya'll, really I do but playing devil's advocate, how do you KNOW that these types of threads are fishing threads vs. sharing or venting?
Is it possible that how the reader perceives or interprets these threads/questions have more to do with the readers' thoughts and experiences and judgments etc. than the OP's reality?
EccentricRed
New Member
I would have been in there asking her questions.
"I have soft hair, so I must not be all black." "Is that right?" "What is the significance of race on a person taking care of their hair?" "So...other races and ethnicities don't have people with 'chewed up hair?'"
"Don't worry...I'll wait." :realitycheck:
Then I would have clarified to her that why I have spoken to her politely about her comment, others will not have such nice things to say and she needs to
!
My Pan-African Studies professors always called those "Teachable Moments." I have no problem exposing peoples ignorance! Plus, I'm just a jerk like that.
"I have soft hair, so I must not be all black." "Is that right?" "What is the significance of race on a person taking care of their hair?" "So...other races and ethnicities don't have people with 'chewed up hair?'"
"Don't worry...I'll wait." :realitycheck:
Then I would have clarified to her that why I have spoken to her politely about her comment, others will not have such nice things to say and she needs to
!My Pan-African Studies professors always called those "Teachable Moments." I have no problem exposing peoples ignorance! Plus, I'm just a jerk like that.
Freespirit02
New Member
Because Sallys has ethnic products on one side and "caucasian" products on another side, Women will walk to one side and literally shake their heads at me when I suggest a product not in their "ethnicty"? for their hair troubles.
I find this funny..bc I have an Indian friend and all her and her fiance use is black hair products..down to the hair spray. She had no idea that those were Black hair products..but she loves them! If ppl weren't so afraid to "cross the aisles" they may see some kind of improvement in their hair.
I find this funny..bc I have an Indian friend and all her and her fiance use is black hair products..down to the hair spray. She had no idea that those were Black hair products..but she loves them! If ppl weren't so afraid to "cross the aisles" they may see some kind of improvement in their hair.
Freespirit02
New Member
Umm..why not???
When you work in a certain line of business you need to know what not to say to certain races..or to ppl in general. What if you went to the doctors and the nurse said "are you here to test for diabetes and high blood pressure"..just bc you are black..would you feel a need to complain? I'm tired of ppl playing the dumb card when they know good and well what they said wasn't even cute...Freespirit02
New Member
Ms. Martina
Well-Known Member
What a rude thing for someone to say to a customer. Perhaps she should use her brain. She works at a BSS, and most people go to the BSS on wash day. If it is wash day, their hair is probably not looking bouncy and etc because it is time to re-do it....duh. I only go to the BSS when I am looking for something to use on my hair that day, i.e. when it is time to wash my hair. Now, my hair doesn't look horrible when I go, but it is not looking like day 1, freshly washed and styled hair either...lol. If it isn't looking presentable, I just comb it into a ponytail and wear a baseball cap.
I have seen other women come in there with their hair all over the place though, or wearing a conditioning cap, head scarf, du-rag, or satin bonnet, or rollers. I've never done that, but hey to each his own. After all, they are coming there to pick up products to help them do their hair, so at least they are trying to take the steps to fix it.
I think if anything, you should complain to her manager because offensive comments like that are bad for business. If people are uncomfortable shopping there, they won't come back. Any manager would want to nip this in the bud to ensure they won't lose customers. I say call the manager. The woman needs to know she can't say these kind of things to customers. I mean, does she ask the black women with dry/brittle hair what African tribe they are from?? In her mind, she might think that is okay to ask as well. And Lord knows she might get pimp slapped if she asks a sister that question.
Call the manager...
I have seen other women come in there with their hair all over the place though, or wearing a conditioning cap, head scarf, du-rag, or satin bonnet, or rollers. I've never done that, but hey to each his own. After all, they are coming there to pick up products to help them do their hair, so at least they are trying to take the steps to fix it.
I think if anything, you should complain to her manager because offensive comments like that are bad for business. If people are uncomfortable shopping there, they won't come back. Any manager would want to nip this in the bud to ensure they won't lose customers. I say call the manager. The woman needs to know she can't say these kind of things to customers. I mean, does she ask the black women with dry/brittle hair what African tribe they are from?? In her mind, she might think that is okay to ask as well. And Lord knows she might get pimp slapped if she asks a sister that question.
Call the manager...
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