The boyfriend weave lecture...

LightEyedMami · Jul 24, 2012

My husband is the same way!..He loves my real hair, he does not care for weaves/wigs .....I would meet him in the middle, i would wear my natural hair sometimes, and the times you want to wear a wig, take him to the store with you and let him pick it out, that way he feels like you are considering his feelings too. :yep:

LightEyedMami · Jul 24, 2012

BlackMasterPiece said:
@vmerie I'm 100% Natural and own a natural hair blog. There are many ways a man can run his hands through our natural hair, when we wear twists, when we wear blowouts, when we wear braid-outs, Bantu-knot outs, flat twist outs, presses, right now I'm rocking a blowout Bantu knot out that people can easily run their hands through. Even when we're wearing a fro, many men just prefer to know that their woman is rocking her own hair and that they can touch it without being shooed away or getting the old dip and dodge move.

This is an issue that constantly comes up lol men are always voicing these feelings on weaves and wigs across the board, the vast majority prefer to be able to touch their woman's own hair. Chris Rock almost lost it when Oprah said he could run his hands over her scalp and through her hair to feel that there were no tracks he said "He was like a starving man getting a glass of water" lol it's really that deep to them!

Some people say oh well I'm gonna do what I wanna do but when you're in a serious relationship it's not just about what you think/ feel you have to take the other persons feelings and qualms into consideration as well.

By the same token, if OP really has some goals she's determined to reach and feels PS'ing is the best way to get there she can discuss it with him and find a happy medium.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

I agree i compromise is needed in a good relationship, its not like your being "bossed around" if you give them the consideraton that you would expect, i think some people get in a real relationship BUT their mentality stays single....you will be BACK single that way :yep:

reeko43 said:
I don't understand why people get their panties in a bunch over compromise. That is what makes relationships work. When I decided to go natural, DH wasn't feeling it. He expressed his opinion but said that I should do what makes me happy. I took the time to explain to him why I was going natural. I gave him options for compromise. DH preferred that I didn't chop all of my hair off at once. As a compromise, I transitioned. DH prefers my hair to wigs. I still wear them but not all the time. Now he loves me natural and didn't like the one time I straightened it!

Compromise is a two way street. DH had to change some things that he liked that I hated. He really liked wearing beards which I hated on him. He compromised and now just has a well trimmed goatee.

Seems like your SO is doing you a favor. You really should try to get over yoru insecurities about your hair. You will never do that if you keep hiding it. Being willing to compromise is a sign of love and respect. As long as you are both willing to do it, what is the problem?

Yep i agree, its a two-street he has to do the same for you! :yep:

gabulldawg · Jul 24, 2012

If you decide to sell your hair stash please let me know. :sekret:

Seriously, though. :look:

But I agree that you should compromise. I like the idea of wearing weave for a month and then your real hair for a month. :yep:

Hair is such a complicated thing to BW. :lol:

IMFOCSD · Jul 24, 2012

Aww well whatever ur decision make sure you are happy in the end as well.....alternate between ur wigs/weaves and your natural hair.

dollface0023 · Jul 24, 2012

Kindheart said:
Some man" who loves her . See, alot of people don't understand that when you enter a relationship with another person it's never only about You and what You want or need,it's a fine balance between your needs and respect of your partners wishes /needs.
Imo wearing wigs is not a serious enough cause to even ponder threatening a partner to leave .It's not and shouldn t be a need but only an accessory.

It's her hair and her decision and no one said anything about creating an argument or that she should even leave her partner over it

erplexed

Of course it's not that big of a deal, but it still her decision to make. I seriously doubt her man is going to leave her if she decides to continue wearing weaves until she meets her hair goal.

gabulldawg · Jul 24, 2012

dollface0023 said:
It's her hair and her decision and no one said anything about creating an argument or that she should even leave her partner over it erplexed

Of course it's not that big of a deal, but it still her decision to make. I seriously doubt her man is going to leave her if she decides to continue wearing weaves until she meets her hair goal.

I definitely feel you. This topic always gets on my nerves because for most of us our hair is hard work! Having to do something with it everyday is tiring. Plus for those of us on a healthy hair care journey it can be tough to find cute styles that are also healthy (i.e., low/no heat). :ohwell:

I love wearing wigs/weaves and don't want to give them up. I am glad that DH just goes with the flow and lets me be me. :lol:

One week I may wear a wig, then one week I'll wear my hair and he will just say that I look nice. :lachen:

Carmelella · Jul 24, 2012

SummerSolstice said:
Your Cheeziness
Its 4a/b... I have been trimming the sides and top because I had some straight peices from getting a lil crazy with some bleach last year So my fro is shorter by my temples and small section of my crown got snarled up in a helmet last year (don't ask smh) and its really short... and I am obsessed with good hair cuts so its semi unbearable to me right now...
anways her it is in all its shrinked glory...

here's my actual length -_-. I wanted to be MBL before I stopped... I'm bout an inch away from BSL right now and then some of my hair in the front is SL... everythings just wrong

I think you are a lil addicted and suffer from hair anorexia because if you stretched your hair without heat it wud still be fuller than ur profile pic. If you want fatter buns either don't straighten the ends as much or use one or two tracks of hair in it ( wrap the track around your own ponytail letting the hair on the track hang, pin it in place with a bobby pin and then make your bin by twisting and folding under, )just one track makes a big difference.

Your hair is very pretty.

Carmelella · Jul 24, 2012

And btw, ur profile pic weave seems to have the same dimensions as u described ur hair,... Shorter sides and shorter in the front.

RocStar · Jul 24, 2012

Kindheart said:
Some man" who loves her . See, alot of people don't understand that when you enter a relationship with another person it's never only about You and what You want or need,it's a fine balance between your needs and respect of your partners wishes /needs.
Imo wearing wigs is not a serious enough cause to even ponder threatening a partner to leave .It's not and shouldn t be a need but only an accessory.

A relationship is about compromise, but EVERYTHING is not up for compromise...like my morals, my values, my essence, my being. My SO can have an input and/or opinion on my hair, but ultimately I decide what to do with my hair. My hair has no affect on him, his life, or our relationship. And if it does, then we have bigger issues than my hair.

IMFOCSD · Jul 24, 2012

RocStar said:
A relationship is about compromise, but EVERYTHING is not up for compromise...like my morals, my values, my essence, my being. My SO can have an input and/or opinion on my hair, but ultimately I decide what to do with my hair. My hair has no affect on him, his life, or our relationship. And if it does, then we have bigger issues than my hair.

I agree with the bold..

vmerie · Jul 24, 2012

RocStar said:
A relationship is about compromise, but EVERYTHING is not up for compromise...like my morals, my values, my essence, my being. My SO can have an input and/or opinion on my hair, but ultimately I decide what to do with my hair. My hair has no affect on him, his life, or our relationship. And if it does, then we have bigger issues than my hair.

Co-signing :yep:

sckri23 · Jul 24, 2012

Well its sweet I wish I had a guy that loves the real in and out of woman. Some guys dont care and when you actually want their opinion for once you get the "yea you look great" without one look or glance.

Tiye · Jul 25, 2012

*CherryPie* said:
I'm a natural 4a. I can run my fingers through my hair.

Natural 4b++++ and I can run my fingers through mine. :yep:

Wigs and weaves can be fun but they shouldn't be serious enough to interfere with a relationship. I say a man who loves you and tells you that you're beautiful without extra hair is worth rocking your own hair for ... especially when you have plenty of it.

If you need protective styling for work it looks like you could easily do loose hair bun, braids (your own hair) or twist buns and have an appropriate look even for the most conservative work environment.

diadall · Jul 25, 2012

I need to see video of fingers running through 4 b hair I have 3b 3 c hair and what it in its natural state I can't really run anything through it. Help me!

gforceroy · Jul 25, 2012

diadall said:
I need to see video of fingers running through 4 b hair I have 3b 3 c hair and what it in its natural state I can't really run anything through it. Help me!

ME TOO! Well.. I probably shouldn't touch my hair anyways....only frizz and tangles will come from that.. :ohwell:

BonBon · Jul 25, 2012

Yeah, SO obviously prefers real hair, but since he wants to spend the rest of his life with me 1, or 2 years of protective styling aint going to hurt him in the long run. :lol:

Never fusses about it.

vmerie · Jul 25, 2012

diadall said:
I need to see video of fingers running through 4 b hair I have 3b 3 c hair and what it in its natural state I can't really run anything through it. Help me!

Hey according to them "running fingers through your hair" also meant patting, touching, and playing in the hair. You can find several videos on that. I know I could never literally run my fingers through my hair in its natural state but I'd love to see others who can.

itismehmmkay · Jul 25, 2012

Awww; I like how he sat you down and talked to you about it forreal. Yall are cute.

NeauxOneCurr · Jul 25, 2012

It's so funny. Because I've been thinking about getting a weave for fall semester (probably won't since I can't find reasonably priced hair or everyone has PV) for pretty much the same reasons.

What about natural looking removable units? It would be the best of both worlds.

BillsBackerz67 · Jul 25, 2012

Now if he said hed prefer her weave to her natural hair this thread would be 2000 replies long. I think its refreshing that he actually was open and honest about his opinion. If there was something about my SOs style that I didnt particulary care for, id let him know. Doesnt mean i expect for him to change but ill still make my opinion known :look:

LongLeggedLife · Jul 25, 2012

I def wouldnt date a man wearing a toupee, + if I were a guy, I dont think I'd be interested in women who wore wigs and weaves either, sooooo I understand where he's coming from.
Not only do I not think most popular wig/weave looks are not flattering to black women, but it'd be a lack of intimacy if I couldnt touch his hair, he couldn't touch mine, me being insecure about him running his hands over a wig, me removing my hair nightly, it'd be too weird.

I do wear briads however and I love them, so from your perspective...if he asked me not to wear braids, we might have a problem!

NaturalfienD · Jul 25, 2012

My husband allows me to wear whatever I want, behave however I choose, and supports me in any/everything I do. However, he asked me to not wear wigs because he didn't like the concept of them ... I pointed out women on television (who are self-proclaimed wig wearers with awesome wigs) but he still hated them. He asked me the same thing another lady pointed out: Would you like it if I wore a toupee?

So, I felt some kinda way because I wore wigs for PSing, to aid in retention, etc. and explained where I was coming from. He shared that he thought my hair was beautiful and that my natural hair just fit me. I took that as the biggest compliment because he preferred me without the bells and whistles. I am still PSing (because he gets what my goal is) but I do extension braids instead; he is happy with it.

OP- I don't think you are odd for feeling some kinda way about wearing your hair out minus the weaves/wigs ... when I have that type of style I become used to seeing myself with the extensions and feel awkward without them until I get used to it (about a day to two after.) Be patient with yourself and don't judge yourself for the space you are in. Trust your man that HE likes you without the weaves/wigs ... regardless of your texture, if he intends to run, caress, and yank your hair- he will find a way to get 'er done. Give him a big kiss for being so great and loving you without the bells and whistles.

camilla · Jul 25, 2012

stephshe said:
Try explaining to him that you wearing wigs is helping you to get to where you want to be growth-wise. Let him know that eventually you will be wearing your natural hair more often once you get to the length that you are comfortable with. Maybe a few weekends a month take your wig off and wear your natural hair for him(if you're comfortable of course).

I'm sooo glad that my bf doesn't care either way. I told him from the beginning that I wore wigs, clip ins and also my natural hair and he was fine with it. I recently told him that I cut my hair down to about 3" because I wanted to go natural and he told me that he though it would look great on me. I love the fact that i don't have to worry about that part of it. I do plan on wearing my hair out when its about bob length but I can never say that I just won't wear wigs at all after that. I like the fact of being able to change up my style.

^^this now i am mid back i try to wear my hair for two to three weeks between installs so he is happy and seeing progress PS YOU NEED AN INTERVENTION SO IF YOU CHOOSE TO GET RID OF YOUR STASH LET ME KNOW

LunaGorgeous · Jul 25, 2012

Ultimately, do what YOU are most comfortable with. Some people truly do love their own hair as it is, but just want to wear wigs for whatever reason. Definitely explain that to him if he presses the issue, although I do understand him just wanting to let you know his opinion. If the wigs were detrimental to you i.e., digging into your scalp, tugging at your edges, giving you bald spots, etc. then yeah I'd see the concern there. But really it just sounds like he's imposing his personal preferences on you.

On a side note the "I love you, and you're beautiful...BUT..." thing can be applied to almost any situation, and may not always soften the blow.."I love you and you're beautiful...BUT...can you stop exercising? I'm not liking it when you sweat." "I love you and you're beautiful...BUT...can you stop shaving? I like hairy legs."

Aviah · Jul 25, 2012

Hmmm..... I say give the man what he wants.
But then again I like your hair. I'm biased.

sckri23 · Jul 25, 2012

I know its your hair, your decision but its your hair that he loves. Its not like he wants you to relax or go bald. He wants to see the beautiful natural you and really you guys I joined lhcf so I could have long beautiful hair thats not store or internet bought. I never liked weaves so I say give them up but keep the wigs for quick styles on lazy hair days.

Honey01 · Jul 25, 2012

reeko43 said:
I don't understand why people get their panties in a bunch over compromise. That is what makes relationships work. When I decided to go natural, DH wasn't feeling it. He expressed his opinion but said that I should do what makes me happy. I took the time to explain to him why I was going natural. I gave him options for compromise. DH preferred that I didn't chop all of my hair off at once. As a compromise, I transitioned. DH prefers my hair to wigs. I still wear them but not all the time. Now he loves me natural and didn't like the one time I straightened it!

Compromise is a two way street. DH had to change some things that he liked that I hated. He really liked wearing beards which I hated on him. He compromised and now just has a well trimmed goatee.

Seems like your SO is doing you a favor. You really should try to get over yoru insecurities about your hair. You will never do that if you keep hiding it. Being willing to compromise is a sign of love and respect. As long as you are both willing to do it, what is the problem?

ITA:

For me, I have no problem taking into consideration my husband's likes and dislikes when it comes to my appearance. It goes both ways. I like for him to keep a low fade with a straight line with little facial hair. He honors my request.

I have asked him to let go some of the bigger clothing and try what he calls "Kanye clothes". He has obliged me.

sckri23 · Jul 25, 2012

Favorite words of wisdom

reeko43 said:
I don't understand why people get their panties in a bunch over compromise. That is what makes relationships work.....

Compromise is a two way street......

Seems like your SO is doing you a favor. You really should try to get over yoru insecurities about your hair. You will never do that if you keep hiding it. Being willing to compromise is a sign of love and respect. As long as you are both willing to do it, what is the problem?

Sooo true quote

Kindheart said:
Some man" who loves her . See, alot of people don't understand that when you enter a relationship with another person it's never only about You and what You want or need,it's a fine balance between your needs and respect of your partners wishes /needs.
Imo wearing wigs is not a serious enough cause to even ponder threatening a partner to leave .It's not and shouldn t be a need but only an accessory.

Tough love Quote

LightEyedMami said:
I agree i compromise is needed in a good relationship, its not like your being "bossed around" if you give them the consideraton that you would expect, i think some people get in a real relationship BUT their mentality stays single....you will be BACK single that way

Yep i agree, its a two-street he has to do the same for you!

I agree its her hair, but a relationship (married or non) is about sitting down and talking about opinions and making unified decisions.

The boyfriend weave lecture...

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