POLL: Why do YOU think Black Women Relax Their Hair??

for me it was.... and is..... the issue of maintainance. im learning now how to maintain my hair in it's natural state. I've had a relaxer since i was 19. now that I'm in my 40's... its time for it to GO........! for heath sake.

ManeStreet said:

But Why do they want relaxed hair? Thats the question. What is motivating them to want relaxed hair? People make choices for a reason.

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First of all, I don't have relaxed hair. Secondly, if I did, which I very well may be doing, it will be because of the ease of styling and the fact that I like the way I look with longer hair. With my hair texture straighter is longer. I do not look/feel more white. At all. I like the way my hair feels when smooth. Very simple. I hate ssk's that inhibit my growth. I do not hate myself and anyone implying such just may hate themselves and can't see why other women don't.

I believe black women may have the most diffulies with thier hair, but our hair straight (healthy and long)looks better than ANY other race... .one reason why long haired black ladies get so much attention from men of all races.

That's comparing apples to apples. Our hair natural is beautiful, too. Can't we all just......get along?
So there

Kindheart said:

Because indians and co Do not represent an ideal of beauty.

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Ummm.....really? I guess I don't pay attention to the fact that other folks may feel "white is right" I don't personally feel that white is the standard of beauty......maybe you do??

Either way, this is silly. Black and white women are the two most different races of women...opposite ends of the spectrum concerning eye color, features, AND hair. Relaxing in 2012 does not mean "I's tryin' ta look white".


Beautiful women come in all shades and only racism could inhibit one from admitting that.

4bslbound said:

Ummm.....really? I guess I don't pay attention to the fact that other folks may feel "white is right" I don't personally feel that white is the standard of beauty......maybe you do??

Either way, this is silly. Black and white women are the two most different races of women...opposite ends of the spectrum concerning eye color, features, AND hair. Relaxing in 2012 does not mean "I's tryin' ta look white".

Beautiful women come in all shades and only racism could inhibit one from admitting that.

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Of course we re all beautiful ,but white is the mainstream standard of beauty. It's undeniable ,it's all around us..Reason why asians love big eyes and go to the extent of having surgery to achieve that look ,reason why indians and people from other nationalities bleach their skin to the point of poisoning themselves, to them light skin is the epitome of beauty. Don't think it comes from a simple personal preference ,it's due to years of indoctrination,brainwashing to always feel inferior ,during colonization it was a subtle way to defeat any willingness to rebel against the colonialists .
Have you ever wondered why caucasians don't have an issue with tanning their skin? Because they were never repressed for it .

IMFOCSD said:

I agree...and for someome to keep insisting women who relax hate themselvs or wanna be white are expressing ignorance smh, those are very insulting statements. No matter how straight you relax your hair thats not gonna make you look any less black. Would i be wrong to say some women with natural hair think they are better than women who relax? From all the judgements..thats what I get out of it.

Its like racism...racists constantly attack other races but those races are not thinking about the racists....meaning women who relax dont go around insulting women whi are natural but some naturals are constantky talking down on women who relax..

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Not trying to argue or debate, just saying my innocent little 2 cents on this. Actually some (not all!!) relaxed women insult natural heads. Hasn't happened to me, cos I'm a boss like that but I can't tell you how many stories I read or hear where a relaxed woman said to a natural:
OMG what did you do to your head?
You need a perm! ASAP!
Do you want me to take you to get your hair done?
Quick! Let's go to Sally's and get a kit!
That ish does not look good.
And on and on. I don't have a stake in this topic, as I have love for everybody, and I loved and sometimes miss my relaxed hair, but I just wanted to point out that everything isn't as one-sided as it seems.

Kindheart said:

Of course we re all beautiful ,but white is the mainstream standard of beauty. It's undeniable ,it's all around us..Reason why asians love big eyes and go to the extent of having surgery to achieve that look ,reason why indians and people from other nationalities bleach their skin to the point of poisoning themselves, to them light skin is the epitome of beauty. Don't think it comes from a simple personal preference ,it's due to years of indoctrination,brainwashing to always feel inferior ,during colonization it was a subtle way to defeat any willingness to rebel against the colonialists .
Have you ever wondered why caucasians don't have an issue with tanning their skin? Because they were never repressed for it .

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I think Asians want bigger eyes because it would make them look like everyone else. So yea, some black women may relax to have hairstyles like other people, not necessarily white people

And white people (as well as pale ppl of other races) may tan for the same reasons. It may make some feel good by saying so but I HIGHLY doubt a white person trying to tan is trying to look black.

Generally speaking, most ppl (not just black people who relax their hair) have distinct racial characteristics. Those characteristics are usually not considered attractive (outside of their own race) because scientific studies have shown that more people find someone who resembles themselves as more attractive as compared to someone who does not. Since the majority of people have straight hair, big eyes, and a little color (olive skin tones count) people with those characteristics GENERALLY are perceived as most attractive.

Another theory is simply that some people want what they do not naturally have. For me, it it about having long hair. If I had besg retention natural, I would stay natural and just straigten when I want the long straight look. But that's not the case for me. So most likely, I'll be relaxin'

Kindheart said:

Because indians and co Do not represent an ideal of beauty.

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I'm not so sure I can agree on that. If I was to want to look like anyone else I'd want to be "exotic". European is played and even white people think so, they want darker tans, shapelier bodies (bigger butts), and fuller lips...and we're still believing in the "european standard of beauty" even though they don't?

^^^ I agree. I think white people mostly consider themselves the standard of beauty. And since they are the overwhelming majority in our population (US) then of course that translates in the media. But go to a black college, for ex and campus provided advertisements won't be of white guhls. Ppl try to appeal to the majority. That's just the way it is.

drmuffin said:

Not trying to argue or debate, just saying my innocent little 2 cents on this. Actually some (not all!!) relaxed women insult natural heads. Hasn't happened to me, cos I'm a boss like that but I can't tell you how many stories I read or hear where a relaxed woman said to a natural:
OMG what did you do to your head?
You need a perm! ASAP!
Do you want me to take you to get your hair done?
Quick! Let's go to Sally's and get a kit!
That ish does not look good.
And on and on. I don't have a stake in this topic, as I have love for everybody, and I loved and sometimes miss my relaxed hair, but I just wanted to point out that everything isn't as one-sided as it seems.

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Wow thats crazy and I would expect that kind of mess IRL but here on LHCF we should all know better and i have yet to read a relaxed woman being negative towards a natural woman. Relaed heads dont make threads with the intent to bash a natural. And as i said before....the naturals who compare relaxers to wanting to be another race or self hate are being foul and sarcastic...and need to stfu and gtfoh with that bs...ijs..

IMFOCSD said:

Wow thats crazy and I would expect that kind of mess IRL but here on LHCF we should all know better and i have yet to read a relaxed woman being negative towards a natural woman. Relaed heads dont make threads with the intent to bash a natural. And as i said before....the naturals who compare relaxers to wanting to be another race or self hate are being foul and sarcastic...and need to stfu and gtfoh with that bs...ijs..

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IMFOCSD lol I hear ya. I get so tired of seeing these types of threads. As members of LHCF we definitely should know better and it seems that these threads are kind of taking pot shots at relaxed heads. No shade to OP in any way and not saying that that was her intention at all, but we all know how these threads end up. There are many forms of self-hate out there, and boy have I seen it, but relaxed hair is not one. It's just not that serious!!

I relax my hair so it'll be easier to manage. Point blank period. Nothing more, nothing less.

Well, I was natural for most of my childhood; got my first relaxer one month after my 18th birthday for prom (there was a particular pixie cut I wanted to wear that I couldn't achieve with natural hair) and I proceeded to stay self-relaxed for six years, went natural for about two, relaxed and stayed relaxed for ten years, did another five years natural, and have been relaxed for the last three years. I am very familiar with both my natural and relaxed hair, and for me, it's easier to care for my relaxed hair. Plus it frames my big, round face much more flatteringly than afros, puffs, and twistouts do, unless I could grow it really long, which I haven't been able to achieve. I actually like my kinky hair, especially since I could dye it every color in the rainbow and back (something I won't do to my relaxed hair any more because of potential damage), but the work involved to show my length was more than I was willing to put up with, hence back to the creamy crack.

I know a lot of white and Hispanic women who relax. Does that mean self hatred as well? Relaxers are used on more than just our hair. If not, the hair and beauty business would not be so wealthy. All women and even some men of all races do things to change their hair texture. Black women just seem to get more flack for doing so. It is the ultimate double standard.

With some threads you can just read the title and....

This is an excellent question to ask. I honestly believe its just something we have conditioned ourselves to think was the norm. Even as kids we grew up listening to the "just for me" jingle. When i was relaxed, I can honestly say I did not think natural hair was attractive because i was ignorant about natural hair. I knew nothing about braid outs/twist outs, i didn't know that you detangle your hair when its wet because that contradicted what was "good" for relaxed hair. After doing my research and realizing the good out weighting the bad I bc'd and never looked back. All in all i believe it is more of a societal thing but I feel as though more people are educated about natural hair now.

DDTexlaxed said:

I know a lot of white and Hispanic women who relax. Does that mean self hatred as well? Relaxers are used on more than just our hair. If not, the hair and beauty business would not be so wealthy. All women and even some men of all races do things to change their hair texture. Black women just seem to get more flack for doing so. It is the ultimate double standard.

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Alot of white people with curly hair i know HATE their curls .

Kindheart said:

Alot of white people with curly hair i know HATE their curls .

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I'm going to assume you didn't read my whole post. I just stated that people of all races change their hair texture for one reason or another. It's just that black women get more flack for making the same choices. It's just seems to me that we are the only ones that are accused of self hate for doing so. Just my own opinion.

DDTexlaxed said:

I'm going to assume you didn't read my whole post. I just stated that people of all races change their hair texture for one reason or another. It's just that black women get more flack for making the same choices. It's just seems to me that we are the only ones that are accused of self hate for doing so. Just my own opinion.

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What i meant is that when it comes to caucasian women it stems from self hatred to an extend because they NEED /MUST straightened it in order to feel attractive .
Whenever that's the case is self hatred

Kindheart said:

What i meant is that when it comes to caucasian women it stems from self hatred to an extend because they NEED /MUST straightened it in order to feel attractive .
Whenever that's the case is self hatred

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I kinda think both you, and DDTexlaxed are right. After reading The Curly Girl Handbook, it's clear lots of CG's of all races either hate their curly hair, or are Made to hate their curly hair due to how people treat them because of it. They go through all kinds of mess to have straight hair, which they put a premium on. Black women catch more flack because of our history of dealing with racism, and because of the 70's "Black & Proud" movement where all things White were firmly rejected. Now, it could totally be a personal choice of preferring straight over curly, but it will always be viewed as being rooted in self hatred...cause if you love yourself, why wouldn't you love the hair that grows out of your head the way it is? But that doesn't leave a lot of room for the people who Don't have those hang-ups.

I don't think not liking something about yourself means that you hate yourself. I want to get my teeth bleached...that doesn't mean I hate myself. I just drink tons of coffee, and need to fix the stains. Same for someone that gets a nose job, or a boobie lift. Some do it cause they hate themselves, but I think they're just a mentally ill minority.

I didn't vote, but for me it makes it easier to manage my naturally thin hair and maintains a sleek look for my professional image. I couldn't do it with my natural 4b, c-z hair.

I'm transitioning again (probably for the LAST time; I don't see myself relaxing my hair again) and I think it's mostly because Black women have not been taught how to maintain our natural hair. Most Black women I know have had relaxed hair for the majority or a major part of their lives, so relaxed hair has become the norm for Black women. Up until recently, there were barely any hair products sold in stores for the maintenance for natural hair all that was available in most "ethnic" hair care aisles was box perms and hair grease. I also feel that relaxers are the main reason why most Black women do not have long hair outside of the hair forums/YT community. Most Black women I see on the street who are relaxed do not have hair past APL, while most women I know with natural hair their hair is growing like weeds. Growing long, "healthy", relaxed hair is not easier than maintaining and growing long healthy natural hair it's just different struggles. Also, not all natural hair is healthy and will be long by default you still have to take care of it!

Also, let's not act like Black men don't have some influence in this; these are the same men chasing and lusting after mixed/non-Black women with looser textured hair. I grew up in the Bronx, and throughout much of middle school I was teased for NOT having a relaxer and having braids, while the Black guys at my school were really only checking for the Hispanic girls with long, straight or wavy hair. Even now, men pay considerably more attention to me when I have a weave. I'm not saying all Black men are self hating and only like women with relaxed, straightened, or looser textured hair but in MY experience, more often than not most Black men are not checking for women with type 4 natural hair FIRST.

Sigh...one love peeps.

Smh....why do women keep saying women relax because of men? I know soooo many men who roc natural styles like locs and they make comments about loving natural hair so.....thats not an option for most.....and men mostly have a problem with hair that is not growing out your scalp....

MsSanz92 said:

Even now, men pay considerably more attention to me when I have a weave. I'm not saying all Black men are self hating and only like women with relaxed, straightened, or looser textured hair but in MY experience, more often than not most Black men are not checking for women with type 4 natural hair FIRST.

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I understand that this is your experience, but please know that this is not the typical experience.

If your decision to relax or go natural has anything to do with Black men (or any race for that matter) then there are deeper problems.

OK….why does everything have to be self-hate? It can be a "dislike" or a "preference" but I think we're taking the term self-hate way too far.

I have been a lurker here for some time but couldn't help but comment here...

I would not attempt to group all black women together. There are different reasons why women relax and/or choose to go natural. It's simply someone's personal preference/reasoning behind why they relax or go natural with their hair.

This to me is similar to asking why someone opts to arch their eyebrows or wear makeup. It depends on the person and I don't think it has anything to do with self-hate, just preference.

I (a 4b) have been both relaxed and natural. At each time it was for different reasons that made sense (for me) at the time. It had nothing to do with self hate, just that I like to change my style often. I see my hair as an accessory, not something that defines who I am.

To be truly honest, I relaxed at 18 to combat reversion. I was a heat trained natural before that. I chose to stop relaxing after 20 years because it simply never benefited my hair. I wanted length. I had difficulty achieving that relaxed. So I stopped relaxing my hair and my daughters' hair. My hair is now the longest it has been since I was a teen. Three of my daughters now have long heathly hair. Two wear their hair in natural styles. One is heat trained. One is relaxed after trying to go natural. The 6yo has always been natural. My 13yo loves being natural and wearing her twist-outs. My 17yo hated not getting her relaxers, so we heat trained her hair, which grew from choppy neck length to currently BSL. She thanks me now.

All that to say I made the choice for us in favor of our own hair health.

And to be honest, I could care less why other folks do what they do to their hair. Hell, it's theirs, not mine. It's about personal choice. Do you, boo. If it ain't broke, don't fix it...but if it is...finish that as you choose.

lovebug10 said:

@sunnieb
Just because that was their original purpose does not mean thats why we choose to have them now. A long time ago white slave owners slept with black slaves to satisfy their sexual desires. A lot of them would end up with mulatto (half white/ half black children) that the white wives were disgusted with their white husband would succumb to sleeping with the help.


So if we go by what you're saying, then today if we see a white guy dating a black girl then 1) he must not really love her and 2) he's only using her and taking advantage of her being weak just to fulfill his sexual desires.

Another example, a long time ago ties were used as a status indicator. Some prints/ designs on ties were representative of your societal rank, whether or not you attended an ivy league school, and were very indicative of how much money you had. Nowadays, ties are considered standard professional attire for men. Does this mean that all of a sudden that every man who wears a tie in 2012 is trying to show off his status and wealth. No it doesn't. Just because the tie was created for one reason today it is seen as something else. In the same way that a relaxer was created for one reason a long time ago however today it can be viewed as something else.

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They didnt sleep with their slaves, they raped them. Both men and women. They also raped and molested children. Again, both boys and girls.

It makes me wonder why so many white men had embedded desires to rape women, men and children.

My Friend said:

They didnt sleep with their slaves, they raped them. Both men and women. They also raped and molested children. Again, both boys and girls.

It makes me wonder why so many white men had embedded desires to rape women, men and children.

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Ouch.........