Relaxed->Natural->Relax? Feeling guilty?

My first post so it might as well be about my current issue

Do you have cycles where you relax then go natural then relax again?

After two years of transitioning to all natural, I am thinking about relaxing again. I want to be able to enjoy silky straight hair without having to fry it straight myself every time. [Not 'frizzy straight' that sistas love after like one pass with their flat irons on 200 degrees ] I don't do braidouts, twistouts, etc. because they are time consuming to do and maintain. I spend PLENTY of time just trying to keep my hair moisturized! Plus, I just like straight styles better. This is my first time transitioning since first getting a relaxer at the age of 14, so I feel a bit ......guilty...... to even think of relaxing again.

Sistas all over this country are going natural, everyone whipping up shea butter for Walmart shelves, relaxer sales are down, and here I am....trying to sneak in a long overdue touchup. Like I betrayed the sisterhood or something.

Is this a phase? Will I get over it once I relax? Will the feeling pass if I don't relax?

Help!

Holla, welcome to the board! I don't understand "feeling guilty" about a styling choice. Was your hair, scalp, temples unhealthy, before you transitioned? If the answer is no, and you prefer relaxed hair, relax it and KIM!

There's a lot of healthy relaxed heads on this forum!

Thanks, MileHighDiva! My hair was healthy before transitioning. I just transitioned to see my natural texture, but now I am quite familiar with it.

I feel like the initial movement was for natural hair but now we see women rocking healthy relaxed hair too! So now I feel the movement is towards healthy hair in general. Do you boo boo as long as it's healthy you're on top of your game

How about being a straightened natural. I'm natural and wear my hair straight 99.9% of the time

That's great! I only cringe when members insist on relaxing that have 50-11 edge, hair, nape and scalp issues.

I'll call EnExitStageLeft, divachyk, and Jewell to help you find the relaxed threads you need, so you have all the proper information and support you need, if you decide to relax again. They have a ton of them: buddy, bunning, etc. However, I'm too lazy right now to post the links for you,

Maybe, you should think about it for a week or two, if the feeling doesn't go away, then relax. I wouldn't continue to transition to natural because of the other "Sistahs", if your not "feeling it".

MixedGirl said:

How about being a straightened natural. I'm natural and wear my hair straight 99.9% of the time

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I tried that but I do have to wash my hair about every 4-5 days (otherwise my scalp itches like crazy). I also don't have the patience after every wash to then blow-dry or air dry to then spend more time flat ironing. That would be like an extra hour.

Now, I wash and airdry in a pony. If I were relaxed, my wash time would be the same but I could rollerset and sit under the dryer while checking email or reading a book. It'd be a more productive hour IMO.

Holla said:

My first post so it might as well be about my current issue

Do you have cycles where you relax then go natural then relax again?

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yes i have been back and forth relaxed and natural several times. i just bigchopped for the 3rd time. I keep thinking the relaxed life is easier but after being relaxed for a while i feel i want the ease of natural life and cut it off.I'm hoping this is my last big chop. i really want to grow it out not.

I want to be able to enjoy silky straight hair without having to fry it straight myself every time. [Not 'frizzy straight' that sistas love after like one pass with their flat irons on 200 degrees ]

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i feel you 100% about that! If i spend so much time flat ironing, that ish better be bone straight!

Sistas all over this country are going natural, everyone whipping up shea butter for Walmart shelves, relaxer sales are down, and here I am....trying to sneak in a long overdue touchup. Like I betrayed the sisterhood or something.

Is this a phase? Will I get over it once I relax? Will the feeling pass if I don't relax?

Help!

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it could be a phase or it could not be. I decided to relax because i wanted the straight styles without having to blowdry and flat iron. I got that but i still had to run from humidity or my hair would be a flop. I also didnt like how i could not wash and wear my hair in a decent style. i always had to set it. this got to be annoying over a period of time.

I went natural again because i felt like i could be more lazy with the upkeep and still keep my length. it was very difficult to retain length with my relaxed hair especially once the newgrowth came in.


then again i am one of those strange people who doesn't really like being natural or relaxed. so smoothing treatments/bkts are a middle ground that i personally love. i get the smoothness of a relaxer but get to keep my natural curls and hair integrity. its definitely not for everyone but this is why i am able to stay "natural" right now.

Holla said:

I tried that but I do have to wash my hair about every 4-5 days (otherwise my scalp itches like crazy). I also don't have the patience after every wash to then blow-dry or air dry to then spend more time flat ironing. That would be like an extra hour.

Now, I wash and airdry in a pony. If I were relaxed, my wash time would be the same but I could rollerset and sit under the dryer while checking email or reading a book. It'd be a more productive hour IMO.

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In that case, you shouldnt feel guilty about relaxing!
Just do what you want to do!

Holla

I agree with MileHighDiva, don't rush the idea of relaxing. Mentally and Physically prepare for it and then go for it.

Some threads I love and frequent

Relaxed Bunning Thread
Relaxed Buddy Thread

Well, if you truly feel like relaxed would work better for you then forget all this sisterhood stuff and feeling guilty.

I went back and forth once. I went natural back in 2009 and was doing fine until I screwed my hair up about 10 months later with heat. My hair wouldn't revert! Then after healing from that I still had problems of SSKs. I ended up getting it all cut and trying a texturizer. That worked for awhile until I went to the salon and lo and behold the stylist over processed my hair and I was back to a relaxer! And I started having all of this breakage, shedding and thinning. I did end up rectifying that though and probably could have continued relaxing because there were times in the past when I did have healthy relaxed hair...I mean so it seemed. But it was just too hit or miss for me.

Anyway, I did feel guilty then, but it was because I knew that I wasn't patient enough to learn what worked for my hair. And if I had been, I would have probably had healthier hair and reached my goal length a lot sooner. Instead of starting all over again in 2011. That's the ONLY reason I felt guilty.

So, natural hair works for me. I wear twists as a protective style, or I bun, tuck and roll it when wearing it out. Easy! When I want it straight on a regular basis I'll be a straight haired natural. I plan to just go to a good natural salon where they can get it straight and make it last. Heat training, and I know a lot of people say that's bad too. I believe no matter the choice you're going to have to deal with something. I say pick your poison. It's all about what YOU can deal with.

Its your decision. At the end of the day, you have to deal with your hair. If you think being relaxed would be better, research it and make a decision. If you are on here, you've probably made a decision already but want others input. People can give you whatever advice they want, but YOU ultimately have to deal with your hair.

My sister was recently natural and wanted to texlax. I gave her my advice as she was scared to go back to relaxed hair. I just told her what she needed to do to care for her hair if she decided to texlax. For her, it was about time and manageability. It was hard for her to devote time to being natural and she had some of the same reasons as you. Her limit was spending 5 hours on her hair that poofed up in 5 minutes due to GA heat. I told her not to do it, because I am relaxed myself and I know she put a lot of time into being natural, but her time invested in the transition was the only advise I could give her. Time on her journey was the least of her concerns as the time she had to put into her hair on a daily and weekly basis was the motivation for her texlaxing.

Im not going to lie, I toyed with the idea of becoming natural just to experience my natural hair. But there is nothing that says you have to stay natural once you do it, but so many people have so many opinions and its like "WHO CARES!" Why can't I just change my style to my liking. You are not betraying a sisterhood and it isn't a phase. Its simply your choice. There is nothing that says you have to wear a certain style and if you want to relax or texlax, its because your hair is becoming more of a chore than enjoyable.

If you texlax, you will keep a curl pattern, so if you decide to transition again, it won't be an uber huge difference in textures so you may not have to big chop. Relaxed hair thread will help you out tons and will never make you feel lost. Someone always has an answer there.

Ill be looking for your update. Good luck with your decision.

Holla welcome!

Don't feel guilty about relaxing. Join us in the relaxed threads and make a decision that suits you. The relaxed sticky thread is at the top of page. Check it out.

Holla said:

My first post so it might as well be about my current issue

Do you have cycles where you relax then go natural then relax again?

After two years of transitioning to all natural, I am thinking about relaxing again. I want to be able to enjoy silky straight hair without having to fry it straight myself every time. [Not 'frizzy straight' that sistas love after like one pass with their flat irons on 200 degrees ] I don't do braidouts, twistouts, etc. because they are time consuming to do and maintain. I spend PLENTY of time just trying to keep my hair moisturized! Plus, I just like straight styles better. This is my first time transitioning since first getting a relaxer at the age of 14, so I feel a bit ......guilty...... to even think of relaxing again.

Sistas all over this country are going natural, everyone whipping up shea butter for Walmart shelves, relaxer sales are down, and here I am....trying to sneak in a long overdue touchup. Like I betrayed the sisterhood or something.

Is this a phase? Will I get over it once I relax? Will the feeling pass if I don't relax?

Help!

Click to expand...

As someone who has gone through this cycle at least 10 times since 2002 (maybe more- not joking). Girl relax and let it grow. My hair would probably be waist length if
It wasn't for my guilty and indecisive. I accept that I prefer straight hair and styles, easy manageable hair.... It's ok to accept your preferences.

Thanks for all your comments ladies! I appreciate the encouragement.

Hey! Since, 2007, I have BC'ed and relaxed maybe 4 times. I am relaxed now and already I feel myself on the fence about going natural again! For me, it's just different hair styles. I personally prefer straight hair, hence being relaxed. But I also love wash and goes, hence being natural. It's about where I am in life and how much I care about my hairstyles at the time.

Don't feel guilty about anything. Black women have enough crap to deal with on a daily basis to put THIS MUCH OF IDENTITY into their hair texture or length. If you want to, relax your hair and go on with your life.

Holla, whatever you need by way of relaxed info, we got you. Let us know and we can either tell you ourselves from firsthand experience or help you figure it out. EnExitStageLeft pointed you to some great threads. sunnieb mentioned the sticky at the top of the page. If you navigate there, it's loaded with a bunch of threads for relaxed hair. That sticky is a one stop shop. Good luck and hit us up if you need anything.

Thanks for the mention MileHighDiva!