I totally understand God is not answering my prayer..

Kinkyhairlady said:

I see where you are coming from but the bible says if you cannot wait any longer to marry. I'm not feeling like growing old by myself and never having the love of a mate. No matter how great my relationship with God is I still have blood running through my veins and feelings. That theory of accepting it is a tough pill to swallow. How can you not be bitter or sad. Idk

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I understand how you feel Kinkyhairlady but you have to learn how to let go and surrender your desire for marriage to God. As I'm typing this I am saying this to myself also. I've been single and celibate for 2 years and now lately my desire for companionship is outweighing everything else. Some days I feel like I'm going crazy because I desire a husband and family that badly. But in those moments I pray and speak open and honestly to God about how I am feeling and instantly I feel peace. God desires a intimate relationship with us. I encourage you to pray when you have those feelings.

Believe me I am where you are. I've prayed, fasted, I read my bible EVERY single day. I've put myself out there, tried online dating, go to church, bible study, events, outings and I am still single. It gets discouraging when you feel like you have tried everything and still no results.

You don't want your desire to turn into idolatry and desperation. Trust me I've been there. Take heart in knowing that you are not the only woman out there who feels like this. You are not alone. I'm dealing with these same struggles daily. All I can do is trust God because he's always been there for me before so my desires for a relationship are no different. The enemy wants us to grow weary in waiting and begin to doubt. Marriage is ministry and a blessing from the Lord so of course the devil doesn't want that to take place. Start praying now about your feelings, pray about your husband (wherever he is), pray about your marriage. Start thanking God in advance.

As I'm saying all of this to you I'm also saying this to myself.

This is for you and other woman who is feeling like this right now

Kinkyhairlady said:

No matter how great my relationship with God is I still have blood running through my veins and feelings. That theory of accepting it is a tough pill to swallow. How can you not be bitter or sad. Idk

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We are also called to give thanks in all situations, even the messed up ones. And suffering is redemptive. Look at Jesus who endured the cross for the joy waiting forHim! There are a lot of people in more messed up situations than being single who have JOY.

Also, when I ask myself, "what's the alternative?" to accepting being single, the answers i come up with (settling, promiscuity, turning my back on God, bitterness, etc) can't even compare to what's waiting for us in eternity. Don't let Satan pull a mindtrick on you--life will go on if that spouse never comes. God is providing for you right now.

Belle Du Jour said:

We are also called to give thanks in all situations, even the messed up ones. And suffering is redemptive. Look at Jesus who endured the cross for the joy waiting forHim! There are a lot of people in more messed up situations than being single who have JOY. Also, when I ask myself, "what's the alternative?" to accepting being single, the answers i come up with (settling, promiscuity, turning my back on God, bitterness, etc) can't even compare to what's waiting for us in eternity. Don't let Satan pull a mindtrick on you--life will go on if that spouse never comes. God is providing for you right now.

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Life does go on but I don't think if someone ends up 70 yrs old never married no kids and grand kids can really look back with complete joy knowing they desired those things. I'm discouraged yes but I will not accept the fact that God may not have a mate for me. I want it and he says he will grant us our hearts desire. I'm not asking for riches just a husband and a chance to have my own family. I'm grateful for all I have and do thank him but I am becoming extremely sad and it's not healthy. I deal with it but inside my heart is in pain. I will take the advice I got in this thread but I honestly don't see me letting go of my desire for a husband just cause maybe that's not what God wants no way!

Kinkyhairlady said:

Life does go on but I don't think if someone ends up 70 yrs old never married no decide and grand kids can really look back with complete joy knowing they desired those things. I'm discouraged yes but I will not accept the fact that God may not have a mate for me. I want it and he says he will grant us our hearts desire. I'm not asking for riches just a husband and a chance to have my own family. I'm grateful for all I have and do thank him but I am becoming extremely sad and it's not healthy. I deal with it but inside my heart is in pain. I will take the advice I got in this thread but I honestly don't see me letting go of my desire for a husband just cause maybe that's not what God wants no way!

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I don't think you should give up hoping for a husband.---I haven't. However, you may feel more content if you simply decide to accept whatever comes day by day. Abandonment to Divine Providence is a great book on the subject. God bless you!

Kinkyhairlady said:

Life does go on but I don't think if someone ends up 70 yrs old never married no kids and grand kids can really look back with complete joy knowing they desired those things. I'm discouraged yes but I will not accept the fact that God may not have a mate for me. I want it and he says he will grant us our hearts desire. I'm not asking for riches just a husband and a chance to have my own family. I'm grateful for all I have and do thank him but I am becoming extremely sad and it's not healthy. I deal with it but inside my heart is in pain. I will take the advice I got in this thread but I honestly don't see me letting go of my desire for a husband just cause maybe that's not what God wants no way!

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@ the bolded.... This is very true... But it's conditional... We often neglect the first part of these verses where God makes promises to us.... IF you "delight yourself in the Lord" THEN "he will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalms 37:4)... IF you "commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him" THEN "He will do it" (Psalms 37:5).... IF you "seek first the Kingdom of God and all of His righteousness" THEN "all of these things will be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33)... HE "must increase" and I "must decrease" (John 3:30)... IF "I am the vine, ye [are] the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him," THEN "the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing"(John 15:5)... IF you"commit thy works unto the LORD," THEN "thy thoughts shall be established"(Proverbs 16:3)... IF you "acknowledge Him in all your ways" THEN "He shall direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:6)

We ultimately have to choose to serve God... We have to uphold our end of it by making a conscious choice to put Him first. He promised His best for us if only we would commit our ways and surrender our hearts to Him. Our first priority MUST be Him... Not a marriage or a spouse... Nor kids or finances. To me, it's all about order... IF we truly allow the Lord to be number one in our lives... THEN all the rest will fall into place. It gets tough... I'm in the same situation. But as a poster mentioned above... God didn't put us here for the sole purpose of being married and living the happily ever after... It sounds good but that's a fairytale. Our sole purpose is to serve God, bring glory to Him and the Kingdom and love Him with our whole heart... Not just serve Him for the benefits or because we want something but because we love Him. God can give you all that you need... There's no doubt about it... But commit to doing your part because He is worthy of that sacrifice from us at all times no matter what the situation is... God wants us to show ourselves approved while we are single so that He will know that when we are married He will still remain first in our lives. To me it seems like the proper order.

Kinkyhairlady said:

Thank you so much. You are right had I been reading my scriptures daily I would not have fallen pray to so many bad relationships. I will start reading frequently and pray. If anything comes out if it great if not at least I will get closer to God which is most important.

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bellatiamarie said:

blessedandfavoured Honey, you just stepped on my toes!! That was a word for me! Thank God!

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Poohbear said:

Great response blessedandfavoured!!!

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You're welcome ladies, thanks be to God. I don't post much, but I always hope that if I do, people will be edified, just as I have been by many of you ladies' posts. This board has really helped me get closer to God!

Belle Du Jour said:

We are also called to give thanks in all situations, even the messed up ones. And suffering is redemptive. Look at Jesus who endured the cross for the joy waiting forHim! There are a lot of people in more messed up situations than being single who have JOY.

Also, when I ask myself, "what's the alternative?" to accepting being single, the answers i come up with (settling, promiscuity, turning my back on God, bitterness, etc) can't even compare to what's waiting for us in eternity. Don't let Satan pull a mindtrick on you--life will go on if that spouse never comes. God is providing for you right now.

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bellatiamarie said:

@ the bolded.... This is very true... But it's conditional... We often neglect the first part of these verses where God makes promises to us.... IF you "delight yourself in the Lord" THEN "he will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalms 37:4)... IF you "commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him" THEN "He will do it" (Psalms 37:5).... IF you "seek first the Kingdom of God and all of His righteousness" THEN "all of these things will be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33)... HE "must increase" and I "must decrease" (John 3:30)... IF "I am the vine, ye [are] the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him," THEN "the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing"(John 15:5)... IF you"commit thy works unto the LORD," THEN "thy thoughts shall be established"(Proverbs 16:3)... IF you "acknowledge Him in all your ways" THEN "He shall direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:6)

We ultimately have to choose to serve God... We have to uphold our end of it by making a conscious choice to put Him first. He promised His best for us if only we would commit our ways and surrender our hearts to Him. Our first priority MUST be Him... Not a marriage or a spouse... Nor kids or finances. To me, it's all about order... IF we truly allow the Lord to be number one in our lives... THEN all the rest will fall into place. It gets tough... I'm in the same situation. But as a poster mentioned above... God didn't put us here for the sole purpose of being married and living the happily ever after... It sounds good but that's a fairytale. Our sole purpose is to serve God, bring glory to Him and the Kingdom and love Him with our whole heart... Not just serve Him for the benefits or because we want something but because we love Him. God can give you all that you need... There's no doubt about it... But commit to doing your part because He is worthy of that sacrifice from us at all times no matter what the situation is... God wants us to show ourselves approved while we are single so that He will know that when we are married He will still remain first in our lives. To me it seems like the proper order.

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Amazing! Thank you both so much, and may He reward you for your faithfulness to Him. After all He has done for us, He really is worthy. God bless us all, have a lovely day !

Kinkyhairlady, I really appreciate you for being open and honest about your feels. I would love to give you a hug.

Kinkyhairlady said:

Thanks for your encouraging words. I'm not sure how to prepare for my husband. Never got that concept. I can only be who I am what more can I do. I pray and attend church. I try to read occasionally as well.

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The way that you prepare is by being the best you that you can be, God will find someone that matches your traits and abilities. He only expects you to be the person He created you to be, when you do that you are honoring and glorifying Him.

Belle Du Jour said:

Great response.

It's true that while marriage is good and holy and God-ordained, He does NOT guarantee all of us who want it will marry. Unfortunately, some of us will be casualties of our sinful secular culture. (see http://www.theveilofchastity.com/a-missed-vocation-of-marriage)

I don't think that acknowledging that means that you don't trust God. It means that you are surrendered to Him and are will to take whatever situation He places you in or allows you to be in. I had to learn to humble myself about this desire. He owes me nothing. I still pray and hope for it, but I am actually becoming ok with it not happening for me.

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This has been happening to me lately and it is such a freeing experience. The more I get lost in God and His purpose for me the more marriage is not on my mind. It is almost as if there is no space for it in my thoughts.

Kinkyhairlady said:

I see where you are coming from but the bible says if you cannot wait any longer to marry. I'm not feeling like growing old by myself and never having the love of a mate. No matter how great my relationship with God is I still have blood running through my veins and feelings. That theory of accepting it is a tough pill to swallow. How can you not be bitter or sad. Idk

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What helped to me to get to this point is two things:
1. Focusing on the plans God has for my life.
2. Showing myself the type of love I would expect a man to show me.

Doing those two things helped me to get to the point where I am so busy, and I love myself so much it is going to be hard for a man to come along and pull me away from me. He is going to have to be truly amazing. In the end I am better off because it means that I will not settle for anything less but God's best.

(It took a lot of time and dedication for me to get to this point)


Thanks all the great advice ladies. Even though I maybe ok with the idea of not getting married, it is still a desire I have. Your words have helped me to be even more ok with that idea and to continue to have faith. You ladies are the best.

Kinkyhairlady ...

Just checking in on you, Angel.

"...for there is surely a future life, and what you hope for will not be cut off." ----------Proverbs 23:18




Be not afraid... 'Only Believe'.

Belle Du Jour said:

Great response.

It's true that while marriage is good and holy and God-ordained, He does NOT guarantee all of us who want it will marry. Unfortunately, some of us will be casualties of our sinful secular culture. (see http://www.theveilofchastity.com/a-missed-vocation-of-marriage)

I don't think that acknowledging that means that you don't trust God. It means that you are surrendered to Him and are will to take whatever situation He places you in or allows you to be in. I had to learn to humble myself about this desire. He owes me nothing. I still pray and hope for it, but I am actually becoming ok with it not happening for me.

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Are you sure about the above bolded. Where is the scriptural basis that says that? Remember it says at Proverbs 3: 5,6 to Trust in God with all your heart and do not lean upon your own understanding. In all your ways take notice of him and he himself will make your paths straight.

If you think God is not capable of doing something you so desire then he simply will not because you have a lack of faith. Always remember God can and will do anything.

You can also note Psalms 37:4 which mentions God will give you the desires of your heart so if your desire is to marry you will have that desire fulfilled.

Also 1 John 4:8 says God is love. So why wouldn't he want all us to have love as well if he is a God of love?

OP keep putting God first in your life and take delight in him and he will in his own time frame link you with that partner. Work on any emotional issues you have and get closer to God.

Best wishes.

VelvetRain said:

Are you sure about the above bolded. Where is the scriptural basis that says that? Remember it says at Proverbs 3: 5,6 to Trust in God with all your heart and do not lean upon your own understanding. In all your ways take notice of him and he himself will make your paths straight.

If you think God is not capable of doing something you so desire then he simpIts‘swill not because you have a lack of faith. Always remember God can and will do anything.

You can also note Psalms 37:4 which mentions God will give you the desires of your heart so if your desire is to marry you will have that desire fulfilled.

Also 1 John 4:8 says God is love. So why wouldn't he want all us to have love as well if he is a God of love?

OP keep putting God first in your life and take delight in him and he will in his own time frame link you with that partner. Work on any emotional issues you have and get closer to God.

Best wishes.

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Let's keep it real: The reality is that not all who want to marry will. The cause is sin. There are men who are caught up in the spirit of pornography or homosexuality who could have been a husband. They are not fulfilling their God-given biological design. All you have to do is look around at the available women without partners.

That scriptures you quote are not about God giving us what we want. It is about asking Him to align our will with His--He is not a vending machine. We should ask for what we desire but always end with "Thy will be done" and "be it done to me according to Your word." We are first called to strive for holiness, whether thats via marriage or not. Frustration comes from not accepting where you are today.

I remember thinking that way until I discovered that my focus was way off the main point of our existence. Yes I understand that we have desires and wants on this earth however Jesus is meant to be our main focus. When we will all die, we may have a husband or we may be single, but if we are idolizing being in a relationship/being married,etc, we may never be truly fulfilled (or whole.)

My story went like this...


For years I tried to get into that 'loving relationship' I so desired and sadly went out with men who didn't love Christ under the pretense that 'character is more valuable than faith.' After much cognitive dissonance, I lost my virginity to a guy who did not know how to love me (never mind himself) and was absolutely repulsed by the 'godly life.' From that point, I vowed to date only guys who were Christian. (I was in my late 20s)

A few months later I met someone new BUT this guy was 'searching' while also living his life by his 'Id.' (Psychology term) He liked to debate about Christianity but his walk was his own, so to speak. We also 'slept together' despite much struggle and difficulty breaking from each other. We were together only 4 months when it had to finish because I knew we were living in 'sin.'

I was actually relieved to be freed from him but equally felt numbed by what happened. My belief of dating men who were 'Christian' took on a deeper meaning and meant that this man had to be serious.

I recall saying to the Lord that I could not keep on like this (battling sexual desires, desires to be with gorgeous looking non believing men and also wanting Christ.) I was broken and oh, I was disappointed. I wanted to be with someone to avoid sin and to have company for me. With my job, I moved quite frequently and therefore didn't have very many girlfriends. Work took up most of my week and time...

Then one day I got a desire from the Holy Spirit to return to a church I used to visit while in College. I was somewhat ambivalent about going back as I had left the church previously and many took it offensively. There were many new faces so I was happy about it. A church conference was taking place and therefore I went for it. I got prayed for and had been delivered by some prophets. They prophezied that I'd meet my husband before they'd be back in the country. They also poke directly from the Holy Spirit and knew exactly what was wrong and the things I had been harboring.

To my ultimate surprise....

I met my husband 2 weeks later! My husband and I are very unique and don't fit into our cultural boxes.. Many would have stated that we should have stuck with 'our own' before we met each other however the desires in our hearts were for 'each other' despite having never met/seen each other. We are very happily married a number of years now and I say it's because we both decided to let go of our sins - idolatry was a major part of my life as well as the occult and sexual sins. Once I was bear open to Christ, this is when He blessed me with my husband.

My main encouragement and advice to you... is to be patient & to fall to your knees before Christ in order that He would show you spiritually where He wants you to be. Hebrews 12 is something you could read...

A man is a complement to your relationship in Christ. A man can not be the main focus, interest, desire. Once we all die, you would no longer be with your partner. It would all be about you and Him....Jesus HAS to be your main aim. Everything to be close to Jesus...

God bless you and remember He loves you very much. He placed those desires in you therefore let Him work on you..

Did you know that the music we listen to can also be a hindrance to our spiritual growth....We have to be so careful because little things can be the biggest reasons behind our separation from God...take a rain check...

Simply....


Matthew 7:7

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

Belle Du Jour said:

Great response. It's true that while marriage is good and holy and God-ordained, He does NOT guarantee all of us who want it will marry. Unfortunately, some of us will be casualties of our sinful secular culture. (see http://www.theveilofchastity.com/a-missed-vocation-of-marriage) I don't think that acknowledging that means that you don't trust God. It means that you are surrendered to Him and are will to take whatever situation He places you in or allows you to be in. I had to learn to humble myself about this desire. He owes me nothing. I still pray and hope for it, but I am actually becoming ok with it not happening for me.

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I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. (1 Corinthians 7:8, 9 KJV)

His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. (Matthew 19:10, 11 KJV)

Obviously everyone who wants to marry will do so. Otherwise they are already condemned according to scripture. Not everyone is called to be without a mate.

God is for marriage.

And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein. (Genesis 9:7 KJV)

Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. (1 Corinthians 6:13 KJV)

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18 KJV)

In order to procreate scripturally, one must marry. Some people want to have sex. The only way to do that scripturally is to marry. Not everyone can contain themselves or want to contain themselves. So evidently, since God doesn't wish any to perish and He designed the male and female body to fit together, He must guarantee everyone that wants to marry to marry. He is not a man to lie nor is he fickle. He says what He means.

A double minded man is evil in the sight of God and won't get anything. Shimmie made a good point about "faith". You either believe or you don't. If you don't, the lack of a mate is on you. Not God.

Leona28 said:

I remember thinking that way to discover that my focus was way off the main point. Yes we have desires and wants on this earth however Jesus is meant to be our main focus. When we will all die, we may have a husband or not, but the important thing is to not idolize being in a relationship/being married,etc.

My story went like this...

For years I tried to get into that 'loving relationship' I so desired and sadly went out with men who didn't love Christ under the pretense that 'character is more valuable than faith.' I did so and lost my virginity to a guy who definitely did not know how to love me and was absolutely repulsed by the 'godly life.' I vowed to date only guys who are Christian. Met someone new a few months later BUT this time, got with a guy who like to debate Christianity but his walk was his own so to speak. We also 'slept together' despite much struggle and difficulty breaking from each other. We were together only 4 months when it had to finish because we were living in 'sin.'
At that point, I felt numbed but really had a sense that Lord, I can't keep on like this and truly, I'd rather not even think about a man. I then realized that I was broken. I was disappointed. I wanted to be with someone to avoid sin and for company. I was very lonely.

I got prayed for and had deliverance at a Christian conference. They prophezied that I'd meet my husband before they'd be back in the country (they were South African), Miraculously I met my husband 2 weeks later!

My husband and I are very unique and would truly be unique in our cultures. Many would state that we should have stuck with 'our own' before we met each other however the desires in our hearts were for 'each other' despite not knowing the other. We are very happily married a number of years now and I say it's because we both decided to let go of our sins - idolatry was a major part of my life as well as the occult and sexual sins.

Once I was bear open to Christ, this is when He blessed me with my husband.

My point is to be patient but to fall to your knees to Christ to show you if you truly are spiritually where He wants you to be. Hebrews 12 is something you could read...

God bless you and remember He loves you very much. He placed those desires in you therefore let Him work on you..

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Leona28...

What a beautiful testimony of strength, courage and love, most of all letting God be God in your beautiful heart and life.

God bless you and your husband...'One Heart'.

Leona28 ..thank you for sharing your testimony here... it's edifying!

Hmmm I asked for scriptural basis and yet you couldn't provide it but gave me your own viewpoint. You need to look at relationships in a spiritual way and not a worldly way.

People forget what Gods original plan was for this earth. He created Adam and Eve to live perfect lives in a paradise earth. They sinned and we were born into sin. He saw that Adam was lonely in that short time on earth without Eve. Therefore he created Eve out of Adams rib as a partner for him. What makes you think Gods planned has changed? He can look down and see many people in this thread are lonely without mates.

Seriously I encourage everyone not to doubt or talk yourself out of your own blessing because you have a lack of faith.

VelvetRain said:

Hmmm I asked for scriptural basis and yet you couldn't provide it but gave me your own viewpoint. You need to look at relationships in a spiritual way and not a worldly way. People forget what Gods original plan was for this earth. He created Adam and Eve to live perfect lives in a paradise earth. They sinned and we were born into sin. He saw that Adam was lonely in that short time on earth without Eve. Therefore he created Eve out of Adams rib as a partner for him. What makes you think Gods planned has changed? He can look down and see many people in this thread are lonely without mates. Seriously I encourage everyone not to doubt or talk yourself out of your own blessing because you have a lack of faith.

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Thank you. This is a very profound message. Often people talk themselves out of their blessings unknowingly. It could be through lack of knowledge, discouragement, lack of focus etc.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. (Hebrews 11:6 NIV)

Preach girl! This is the same thing Shimmie was saying. It all boils down to faith.

Shimmie Laela Thank you for your responses. I've edited my writing as lack of sleep sure does color clear English writing
I hope you will be blessed and that your own relationships with Christ will thrive and grow. Everything in life we take on board should be a complement to our main relationship with Christ. Not a distraction or deterrent.

God bless you.

I love Matthew 7:7 however please read the whole chapter instead of one verse on its own...sometimes verses can be taken out of context. For example Jeremiah 29:11, If you read that chapter, it was in fact a verse directed to the Jews at the time. We are not the replacement Jews....
Please read: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/stop-taking-jeremiah-2911-out-context

Leigh said:

Obviously everyone who wants to marry will do so. Otherwise they are already condemned according to scripture. Not everyone is called to be without a mate.

God is for marriage.

And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein. (Genesis 9:7 KJV)

In order to procreate scripturally, one must marry. Some people want to have sex. The only way to do that scripturally is to marry. Not everyone can contain themselves or want to contain themselves. So evidently, since God doesn't wish any to perish and He designed the male and female body to fit together, He must guarantee everyone that wants to marry to marry. He is not a man to lie nor is he fickle. He says what He means.

A double minded man is evil in the sight of God and won't get anything. Shimmie made a good point about "faith". You either believe or you don't. If you don't, the lack of a mate is on you. Not God.

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This has nothing to do with being double minded. Absolutely God is 100% promarriage. However, His ways are above our own. Marriage is a gift and anyone who can 100% guarantee that God promises marriage to anyone and everyone who wants is does not understand how a gift is given. Show me where it says anywhere that everyone who wants to marry will do so?

The REALITY is there are many many singles who never get married despite wanting to get married. Can you explain this in light of your insistence that "everyone who wants to marry will marry?" Y'all are acting like I'm saying something new A generation of women after WWI simply died spinsters because there was a generation of men who were lost.

Also while you are speaking of literal fruitfulness, there is spiritual fruitfulness. Women, life-bearers, are able to "give life" in many ways, not just to children. Check out Isaiah What about barren women who can't procreate? Are they not fruitful in other ways?

Also, your last statement makes no sense. You are basically saying that if you want something and you didn't get it, it was your fault. Blame the victim much? Again, God is not a vending machine and God orchestrates marriage for His purpose. Unless you 100% know God's specific purpose for your life (beyond becoming holy) then you really can't say that. I'm not really sure why people are getting so up in arms about my views. erplexed

Marriage is a high and holy calling, not a default vocation if one if not called to religious life. It is a gift. It is a beautiful gift, but it is NOT a right. God owes us nothing. I suspect this attitude of "I desire this and it's good so I deserve it" is holding a lot of us back. We need to say just let go and say "THY WILL BE DONE, whether that's marriage or not." I'm not saying I'm perfect but I have had a lot of peace since I surrendered to God's perfect and holy will. If He blesses me with marriage and children, it will not be because I conjured it up It will be because He knows it is the best path for me to walk in holiness in this life. And on that note (since I'm stepping on some toes) I'll exit stage right.

May God bless all of us who desire marriage a spouse and the grace to accept his will for us in EVERY season. Amen.

VelvetRain said:

Hmmm I asked for scriptural basis and yet you couldn't provide it but gave me your own viewpoint. You need to look at relationships in a spiritual way and not a worldly way.

People forget what Gods original plan was for this earth. He created Adam and Eve to live perfect lives in a paradise earth. They sinned and we were born into sin. He saw that Adam was lonely in that short time on earth without Eve. Therefore he created Eve out of Adams rib as a partner for him. What makes you think Gods planned has changed? He can look down and see many people in this thread are lonely without mates.

Seriously I encourage everyone not to doubt or talk yourself out of your own blessing because you have a lack of faith.

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VelvetRain, your response is very condescending which you may or may not not be aware of. I'm VERY comfortable with the information that I've gleaned from the Bible and various scholars about marriage. I think there is a difference to surrendering our desires to God and lacking faith. I know that my faith is solid.

Belle Du Jour said:

This has nothing to do with being double minded. Absolutely God is 100% promarriage. However, His ways are above our own. Marriage is a gift and anyone who can 100% guarantee that God promises marriage to anyone and everyone who wants is does not understand how a gift is given. Show me where it says anywhere that everyone who wants to marry will do so? The REALITY is there are many many singles who never get married despite wanting to get married. Can you explain this in light of your insistence that "everyone who wants to marry will marry?" Y'all are acting like I'm saying something new A generation of women after WWI simply died spinsters because there was a generation of men who were lost. Also while you are speaking of literal fruitfulness, there is spiritual fruitfulness. Women, life-bearers, are able to "give life" in many ways, not just to children. Check out Isaiah What about barren women who can't procreate? Are they not fruitful in other ways? Also, your last statement makes no sense. You are basically saying that if you want something and you didn't get it, it was your fault. Blame the victim much? Again, God is not a vending machine and God orchestrates marriage for His purpose. Unless you 100% know God's specific purpose for your life (beyond becoming holy) then you really can't say that. I'm not really sure why people are getting so up in arms about my views. erplexed Marriage is a high and holy calling, not a default vocation if one if not called to religious life. It is a gift. It is a beautiful gift, but it is NOT a right. God owes us nothing. I suspect this attitude of "I desire this and it's good so I deserve it" is holding a lot of us back. We need to say just let go and say "THY WILL BE DONE, whether that's marriage or not." I'm not saying I'm perfect but I have had a lot of peace since I surrendered to God's perfect and holy will. If He blesses me with marriage and children, it will not be because I conjured it up It will be because He knows it is the best path for me to walk in holiness in this life. And on that note (since I'm stepping on some toes) I'll exit stage right. May God bless all of us who desire marriage a spouse and the grace to accept his will for us in EVERY season. Amen.

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I'm not up in arms. I'm just keeping it real. Some want to get married, I agree. There are those who aren't called to be single and that's fact. So since that's the case and the scriptures tell them to marry, obviously they can marry. Why would God tell someone to do something they can't do. Like He told the children of Israel to take the land. Not everybody did so right away. Joshua asked them what were they waiting for

So Joshua said to the Israelites: “How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the Lord, the God of your ancestors, has given you? (Joshua 18:3 NIV)

What I am saying, is that if you want something and it's God will you will get it if you have faith. Jesus said ain't everybody called to be a eunuch, so obviously those who aren't called to remain single, have the option if they believe. This is scripture not conjecture. God is not going to prevent anyone who isn't called to be single from marrying. Point blank.

He said it, so I believe it! As for my last statement it makes perfect sense. It's scripture.

I would certainly hope you aren't involved in witchcraft. That's definitely against scripture. If that's not what you mean, why use the term conjure.

It's really sly to put it out there people should burn in hell because it's the will of God instead of having "faith" in due season God will provide them with a suitable mate.

As far as barren women are concerned, what is your point? My point is simply that there are people who can and want to procreate. There are people who want a spouse, there are people who love making love. Scripturally they are instructed to do those things within the confines of marriage. They are instructed to marry. You say, they may not get married.

So do we believe you or do we believe God?

Let me say this:

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15 NIV)

To clarify, you didn't step on my toes. And, I skipped through your post so I may have missed something. Regardless, the message is the same. I stand on the Word of God not the belief of man.

@Kinkyhairlady I note you are now married

Aww, didn't even see that the OP was from 2013. Well, I guess my words can stand for anyone needing encouraging words

Kinkyhairlady said:

But why do I have to be constantly reminded that I'm single by seeing all these married couples everywhere I look. Sometimes even going to church is depressing cause I'll have this cute little family sitting in front of me and all I can do is focus on them. I feel like either I'm cursed or being punished for my past sins. Are there any prayers for feeling this way? Any bible versus I can read daily? I'm frustrated, hurt and angry at myself and sometimes even with God but I try to not be angry with him cause I know he knows best. I'm just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Am I not good enough for him to send me someone that is of good quality? I don't know how to pray for this anymore

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First of all,



There are some people that just *know* they were meant for marriage, and there's nothing wrong with that. Marriage is a beautiful blessing. I'm sorry you feel frustrated and let down, but also remember that a relationship, especially one leading to marriage, takes time and work.

I don't believe God necessarily picks out a specific, individual person that you just HAVE to meet, and if you miss him, then it's over. I think that there are several possibilities out there, and it's up to you and that SO/potential SO to make it work, with God being at the center of it all.

I might sound repetitive re-giving the general advice about meeting quality men through your church, community/civic activities, or through one of your hobbies. Sometimes as a woman looking for a good guy and knowing that she wants marriage, it's not always easy to navigate because it seems so many people in our culture are into non-commitment, hooking up, etc.

I'm sure some of the other ladies here can help chime in with some encouragement and advice. I'm confident that you WILL find what you're looking for, so in the mean time, just prepare yourself by being the best version of *you* that you can be