Wives were you attracted to your husband when you first met him???

I posted a similar question in the Relationship forum but I wanted to get my sisters in Christ perspective as well.

I'm curious because I've recently come to the conclusion that in order to get married you have to settle, bend, or really compromise and let go of a quality you are looking for. Heather Lindsey recently did a blog post about it letting go of what you want in order for God to bless you with a husband. So should I give up hope that I will be attracted to my husband?

In my past experience the really good looking attractive guys want to be players or play games and don't feel the need to settle down.

So now I have opened myself up to dating men that I am not attracted to physically but are really nice personality wise and treat me much better.

I know as Christians we should be equally yoked with another believer. Before I always thought okay Lord can you send me a fine Christian man or at least someone I am attracted to because let's be real in marriage sex is allowed and I want to desire to have sex with my husband. How can you desire sex without an attraction?

Has anyone else let go of the physical attraction and just focused on the heart?

Please just be real don't quote some cliche about how if you really care about someone their looks just get better and better in your eyes.

I know looks aren't everything but should I just completely throw that away? I'm struggling because if this is something I have to do I'm really praying for the strength to let it go and just only focus on the man's heart for God.

My DH wasn't my physical type, but if he got to close to me the hairs would stand up on my back. That kind of chemistry is born out of desire, which is born out of all kinds of things.

You might look up and see him saying grace and get excited by that. Or the way that he prays for you or talks about being your covering can move you more than his build, or chiseled cheek bones.

You don't have to settle. If you feel like you can't be alone with him after a certain hour, you're all good.

Eta: we were in our early 20s and waited for marriage.

I have no doubts that the man of my dreams will not only have qualities of a Christian, but I will be attracted to him as well. Even if your future husband doesn't necessarily meet your ideal physical standards, you will be attracted to him in some way. There will be something that draws you to this man, even his heart.

If you have to force yourself like to someone, then to me that's a sign that person is not for you. Why would I want to willingly marry someone I'm not even sure I like? Why would I bring that kind of doubt into a marriage? Everyday I'm gonna be wondering if I made the wrong choice. God is not a God of confusion. If I'm not certain, then he ain't it

Heather's husband is handsome, so obviously God didn't just send her any ol' man. He may not have been her "ideal" type, but he still possessed all of the qualities that she prayed for. We may not always get what we perceive as ideal, but we will get God's best.

Whether I'm attracted to my husband physically or spiritually, I know that attraction will never have to be forced. I think that's what's key. If you're looking at their heart and coming up empty, then I wouldn't force myself to be attracted to them.

So to answer your question, no I have not given up hope that I will be attracted to my future husband.

If you are believing God to bless you with the one He has for you then you have to trust that your mate is the one for you in every single way. Meaning, you will be mentally, physically and emotionally attracted to him. When you let God work in your life you don't ever have to settle for less, relax your standards or bend. In the same token, you don't want to miss out on your blessing because of something small.

To answer your question, I was attracted to my husband when I first met him. However, there were little things about him that I didn't like. I didn't like the way he dressed, I didn't like his shoes and sometimes he sounded a bit geeky to me. With a college degree and a few extra dollars he updated his wardrobe a little bit at a time and his "geekiness"....well, now I think that is one of the cutest things about him.

Im soon-to-be a wife ,
YES I was attracted to my (future) husband but that was not the only determining factor in my reasons for wanting to court/ marry him. I do believe that you have to have some type of physical attraction and I do believe that God will grant you the desires of your heart.

Yes my husband is exactly my type. Jet black thick eyebrows, tight eyes, smooth chocolate skin 6'0 tall.

I do think that some things may have to tweak a bit because God knows what he is before us and after us. I find it interesting that the compromise that you are considering is physical attraction?

I was not physically attracted to my husband at all! Lol. But whew! That VOICE! :wow: Barry White, move over. And he can SANG!!! Lol. But he was such a skinny man with a receding hairline. Not my physical type. But the most important characteristics were there.
Since we've been married he has gained weight and I shave his head. Now I am lovin' the chocolate, shiny headed man I call my husband.

It's weird because my husband was everything I wanted physically but I wasn't physically attracted to him at first. I guess the Lord wanted me to see his heart. I am now very attracted to my husband and the attraction intensifies as the years pass by but his true beauty comes from who he is as a man and the physical beauty is just the icing on the cake.

mscurly

Good question, but I have one for you. Do you think that to be in a marriage blessed by God that your needs must be left unfulfilled? or that you must "settle" or someone you have to talk yourself into caring about, being attracted to, etc...?
I don't believe that's how God operates, He will send you someone that you can see a future with and easily attracted to because he wants us to be happy. Because no man on this earth is perfect he will have some shortcomings "the one" for you won't either but he will be perfect for you. Until then don't sell yourself short while you wait become the best version of you, and pray that God is working on your future husband correction your husband so he'll also be ready when you come together.

GodivaChocolate said:

It's weird because my husband was everything I wanted physically but I wasn't physically attracted to him at first. I guess the Lord wanted me to see his heart. I am now very attracted to my husband and the attraction intensifies as the years pass by but his true beauty comes from who he is as a man and the physical beauty is just the icing on the cake.

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GodivaChocolate

That sounds like an interesting and beautiful testimony.

mscurly said:

I'm curious because I've recently come to the conclusion that in order to get married you have to settle, bend, or really compromise and let go of a quality you are looking for. Heather Lindsey recently did a blog post about it letting go of what you want in order for God to bless you with a husband. So should I give up hope that I will be attracted to my husband?

.....
I know looks aren't everything but should I just completely throw that away? I'm struggling because if this is something I have to do I'm really praying for the strength to let it go and just only focus on the man's heart for God.

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You mentioned "quality," not just looks. Are you basically saying you want a handsome husband along with all the other good qualities in a decent husband or what? No one needs to "settle" from their values. Thing is, you need to know what a good value is. And physical attraction of some sort is a must in a marriage whether that be his voice, his eyes, stature, scent, or something.

Lucia said:

mscurly

Good question, but I have one for you. Do you think that to be in a marriage blessed by God that your needs must be left unfulfilled? or that you must "settle" or someone you have to talk yourself into caring about, being attracted to, etc...?

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I am starting to believe that maybe its not about what I want but what God wants. I've heard so many people talk about how the right guy may have passed you by because you didn't think he was good enough. I have also heard some people say that a someones personality makes them more attractive over time.

JaneBond007 said:

You mentioned "quality," not just looks. Are you basically saying you want a handsome husband along with all the other good qualities in a decent husband or what?

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Up until recently I thought I could get a man that I was really attracted to plus all the good qualities that make a husband. I haven't been able to find that yet. All the good looking ones were unfaithful, selfish or just didn't have a good heart, filled with drama.

I decided to be more open minded when it comes to a mate. I met this guy couple months ago and we've been out a few times and talk everyday now. He makes me laugh and someone I could see myself becoming really good friends with. He's really sweet and kind plus he's open to waiting for marriage and doesn't have an issue with my celibacy. Which was a really big deal because most guys are not willing to wait. I'm kind of starting to develop an attraction to him even though he is not my physical type at all.

I just don't like looking at pics of him (is that weird? erplexed) When we are together its easier to look at him because we have such a great time. I said I was going to continue dating him just to see where it goes

mscurly said:

I am starting to believe that maybe its not about what I want but what God wants. I've heard so many people talk about how the right guy may have passed you by because you didn't think he was good enough. I have also heard some people say that a someones personality makes them more attractive over time.

Up until recently I thought I could get a man that I was really attracted to plus all the good qualities that make a husband. I haven't been able to find that yet. All the good looking ones were unfaithful, selfish or just didn't have a good heart, filled with drama.

I decided to be more open minded when it comes to a mate. I met this guy couple months ago and we've been out a few times and talk everyday now. He makes me laugh and someone I could see myself becoming really good friends with. He's really sweet and kind plus he's open to waiting for marriage and doesn't have an issue with my celibacy. Which was a really big deal because most guys are not willing to wait. I'm kind of starting to develop an attraction to him even though he is not my physical type at all.

I just don't like looking at pics of him (is that weird? erplexed) When we are together its easier to look at him because we have such a great time. I said I was going to continue dating him just to see where it goes

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He seems like a great guy and it's awesome you're sticking with him to see where it goes. Who someone is matters more than what they look like, and by your description he seems like one who would truly treat you how you're supposed to. Character stays and beauty fades.

OP, you can't stand looking at him? He's not the one. That doesn't mean he's not a good guy and possesses some of the qualities you need in a husband. But you can't stand looking at him? I'm sorry but It's a:

JaneBond007 said:

OP, you can't stand looking at him? He's not the one. That doesn't mean he's not a good guy and possesses some of the qualities you need in a husband. But you can't stand looking at him?

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I didn't mean it like that. I can look at him while we are out together lol

I just don't like looking at pics of him. I feel like it reminds me of how he really looks. It's weird. When I see him in person he doesn't disgust me but am I like damn he is fine………….no

mscurly said:

I didn't mean it like that. I can look at him while we are out together lol I just don't like looking at pics of him. I feel like it reminds me of how he really looks. It's weird. When I see him in person he doesn't disgust me but am I like damn he is fine………….no

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Don't force the situation. When God has something for you, He will make it very evident. Stop looking and allow him to find you.

GodivaChocolate Thanks but thats the thing with this guy I'm dating now I wasn't looking. In fact I've never looked

I met him at a friends holiday party unexpectedly. He asked me out and he turned out to be a pretty nice guy. He's not my type physically but I could grow to be really attracted to him. I'm going to continue seeing him and see what happens.

GodivaChocolate said:

Don't force the situation. When God has something for you, He will make it very evident. Stop looking and allow him to find you.

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I have to agree with this you shouldn't have to talk yourself into it if God sent him you WILL be attracted to him in many ways including physically


mscurly

Continue to pray on this and ask God if he is the man HE sent to be your husband wait an watch him also ask yourself and him is he a true Christian god loving man does he practice what he preaches or is it just lip service.
Keep the courtship platonic friendly and caring learn about him what is his vision fir his life and where do you fit in.
but be careful and guard your heart
Very important
Also has he himself set and respected your physical boundaries for intimacy. Because you are Gods daughter and if this "dating"thing doesn't work out he should respect that you are potentially someone else's future wife
And he shouldn't let his hands and other body parts wander
Because if a man professes to love Jesus and follow his word he should keep your dating PG
Personifying God
Not to be to graphic but he shouldn't get to any bases with you or even try to after you've told him your a christian woman who follows Gods word and if he keeps trying he's not respecting himself you or God and that should tell you where he is on his spiritual journey.
Check out gathering oasis podcasts they're free

Lucia said:

I have to agree with this you shouldn't have to talk yourself into it if God sent him you WILL be attracted to him in many ways including physically


mscurly

Continue to pray on this and ask God if he is the man HE sent to be your husband wait an watch him also ask yourself and him is he a true Christian god loving man does he practice what he preaches or is it just lip service.
Keep the courtship platonic friendly and caring learn about him what is his vision fir his life and where do you fit in.
but be careful and guard your heart
Very important
Also has he himself set and respected your physical boundaries for intimacy. Because you are Gods daughter and if this "dating"thing doesn't work out he should respect that you are potentially someone else's future wife
And he shouldn't let his hands and other body parts wander
Because if a man professes to love Jesus and follow his word he should keep your dating PG
Personifying God
Not to be to graphic but he shouldn't get to any bases with you or even try to after you've told him your a christian woman who follows Gods word and if he keeps trying he's not respecting himself you or God and that should tell you where he is on his spiritual journey.
Check out gathering oasis podcasts they're free

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Lucia
He is very respectable to me and my values as a Christian woman. He knows about my celibacy until marriage and has no problem with it. We've only been dating a couple months but in that time he has not disrespected me or gone too far physically. Unlike most guys he doesn't even talk about sex or bring it up it's not even an issue with him. Which is really refreshing. He's not that type of person which is one of the reasons I like him. We had a discussion about waiting for marriage and he actually believes that is how it is supposed to go when you genuinely care about someone.

He has some really great qualities about him and respects me and I really can't think of any negatives about him except for the fact that he's not as cute as other guys that I've dated. I'm still praying about it and will continue to take it slow.

In the past I dated guys because they were cute and we had so called "chemistry" now I'm starting to believe that maybe I should try something different. So what if this guy isn't gorgeous he's a great person so far so I'm going to keep seeing him.

Is he the man I am supposed to marry? I don't know Only time and prayer will tell.