Love/Hate relationship: Black ppl and their hair

Someone asked this question on Yahoo! Answers:African hair is attractive,don't you think?

"I like the way it has great volume and can be manipulated into so many hairstyles"

And someone answered this:

"personally i think it looks like gorilla hair, even blacks hate there hair"

(link: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061007201935AAkP3lN)

Although I find what he says very offensive, there is some truth in it: black people don't love their hair. I have to admit that lately I've been seeing alot of young women with natural hair. How do you feel this hate/love relationship between Black ppl and their hair has evolved? What is the most offensive/not very nice thing another Black person has ever said to you about your hair? Share your own love/hate relationship with the texture of your hair.

Unfortunately, this is true:

even blacks hate there (sic) hair

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Nothing makes me more annoyed than to hear black people speak disparingly of afro hair. While nobody has ever made negative remarks about my hair, I have found myself telling other black people that there is no such thing as "bad" hair.

I'm black and natural, love my hair, never hated it, just trying to keep it healthy.

When I was younger I had natural hair twice. When I would walk down the street black men everywhere would shout for me to get a perm. It made me sad, but white men where kind. A bit curious and said my hair was pretty.

Anyway, I am currently relaxed because I was not able to handle my hair natural, though I am considering transitioning. My husband (who is white) actually said, "why don't you stop relaxing your hair?"

But personally I love to see natural women walking down the street, and being able to style their hair.

That sounds like and ignorant man!! Or a very secluded woman. In my experience you ask ANY woman about her hair and there is something she will always hate about.

Too thin
Too thick
Too curly
Too straight
Unmanageable

Why is it that when a black woman says something negative about her hair it's taken as gospel instead of the vent for the moment?

We straighten our hair we are trying to be white. Then why do white women and men use flat irons??? If a white women gets a perm nobody accuses her of trying to be black.

Why in 2007 do we still have so many ignorant people? And that gorilla comment is so out of line I can't even address it .

I never loved my hair until I went natural. That's just my experience though. Everyday I see so many black women with gnarled, chewed up ends and they still keep chemically treating it and coloring it every 3 weeks. It's ridiculous. I am sisterlocing my hair now and I love it even more then when it was natural and out. I absolutely love my sisterlocs. My hair is full and hangs beautifully but when I was relaxed it was always thin, stringy and anorexic looking.

I think many women are unhappy because they are chasing other people's ideas of pretty hair. Naturals are unhappy with shrinkage, relaxed heads are unhappy with thickness...etc. Through this board I have seen beautiful relaxed hair but out on the street I don't see any. Although its sad that black women as a majority seem unhappy with their hair, I can understand it because I've been there before.

I just hate it is 'resolved' and I can't post a reply. lol. Yeah, I went over there. But we know the truth. Some people are just silly. I just wanted to ask (for the people who say it looks like pubic hair) How does their pubic hair look. Are they trying to say white people have "Nappy" pubic hair.

Oh well, we love it and that is all that matter! I love my hair and wouldn't trade it in.

Dijah said:

When I was younger I had natural hair twice. When I would walk down the street black men everywhere would shout for me to get a perm. It made me sad, but white men where kind. A bit curious and said my hair was pretty.

Anyway, I am currently relaxed because I was not able to handle my hair natural, though I am considering transitioning. My husband (who is white) actually said, "why don't you stop relaxing your hair?"

But personally I love to see natural women walking down the street, and being able to style their hair.

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I've experienced the same, I was talking to a black man on the train on my way to work and he kept staring at my hair, so I knew he was gonna make a remark, and he said: "you should relax your hair, this is no look" I've noticed that white people give me alot of compliments on my natural hair. A white date also told me to stop relaxing my hair.

thefineprint said:

I never loved my hair until I went natural. That's just my experience though. Everyday I see so many black women with gnarled, chewed up ends and they still keep chemically treating it and coloring it every 3 weeks. It's ridiculous. I am sisterlocing my hair now and I love it even more then when it was natural and out. I absolutely love my sisterlocs. My hair is full and hangs beautifully but when I was relaxed it was always thin, stringy and anorexic looking.

I think many women are unhappy because they are chasing other people's ideas of pretty hair. Naturals are unhappy with shrinkage, relaxed heads are unhappy with thickness...etc. Through this board I have seen beautiful relaxed hair but out on the street I don't see any. Although its sad that black women as a majority seem unhappy with their hair, I can understand it because I've been there before.

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You're absolutely right, I've seen women like that too, and it makes me sad. For so many years now we've only seen white women on every cover with blonde straight hair and blue eyes, that plays a big part.

I'm tired of apologizing for our hair . All races have bad hair days, bad cuts, fine hair or hard to manage, bed head, oil hair, too dry, over processed, use weaves or extensions . If we start touching, loving,caring for our hair in positive ways, we will change the way society thinks and speaks about our hair . We can be our own worst enemy by the negative words we use to describe our hairerplexed . Stop saying "bad hair " " good hair " , stop wising for other peoples hair. Stop endorsing mostly straight hair, use natural looking extensions as well as straight "if any at all", if your natural wear your hair proudly not defensively. All in all we send a message about feeling less than, or like God forgot to give us "good" hair. I once had the Holy Spirit say to me " the answers are in the problems". I think He meant, in me (us) seeking God to manage a problem of any kind "hair included" the answers would would be found while seeking God's will for what ever it was. For me the answer to my hair issues was to go natural, use some of the natural things God gave us, for someone else it may not. My hair has never been healthier, stronger, longer, thicker, more beautiful than since I started to seek God's wisdom for my hair.
I also realize until our minds are renewed in how we see ourselves, then how can we renew the minds of others.

ShaniKeys.....See, why you get me started on yahoo today. lol. I was just reading another Yahoo question from this lil chick that ask why dont black people just leave America and ruin someone else's country. smh. Just goes to show, there are still some really ignorant people out there.

Click Here

Letitia said:

ShaniKeys.....See, why you get me started on yahoo today. lol. I was just reading another Yahoo question from this lil chick that ask why dont black people just leave America and ruin someone else's country. smh. Just goes to show, there are still some really ignorant people out there.

Click Here

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I've read some of the most disturbing things about blacks on Yahoo! Answers, it doesn't surprise me, but indeed, it's sad to see that ignorant ppl like that still exist.

thefineprint said:

I never loved my hair until I went natural. That's just my experience though. Everyday I see so many black women with gnarled, chewed up ends and they still keep chemically treating it and coloring it every 3 weeks. It's ridiculous. I am sisterlocing my hair now and I love it even more then when it was natural and out. I absolutely love my sisterlocs. My hair is full and hangs beautifully but when I was relaxed it was always thin, stringy and anorexic looking.

I think many women are unhappy because they are chasing other people's ideas of pretty hair. Naturals are unhappy with shrinkage, relaxed heads are unhappy with thickness...etc. Through this board I have seen beautiful relaxed hair but out on the street I don't see any. Although its sad that black women as a majority seem unhappy with their hair, I can understand it because I've been there before.

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A woman after my own heart

ShaniKeys said:

I've experienced the same, I was talking to a black man on the train on my way to work and he kept staring at my hair, so I knew he was gonna make a remark, and he said: "you should relax your hair, this is no look" I've noticed that white people give me alot of compliments on my natural hair. A white date also told me to stop relaxing my hair.

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Sadly, the thing that keeps stereotypes alive is that there is usually just enough warped truth in them to keep it going. So many of us hate our hair. To the point where hairstylists attack it like its something that needs to be beat into submission instead of treating it like the delicate fiber that it is.

When I first started wearing puffs, some chicks would mean mug me something fierce. As for that guy on the train, I'd have told him to run to the store and pick up some business so he can stay out of mine. People just think they can say any old thing to you.

ShaniKeys said:

I've read some of the most disturbing things about blacks on Yahoo! Answers, it doesn't surprise me, but indeed, it's sad to see that ignorant ppl like that still exist.

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I think people leave their brain cells at the door over there.

I grew up HATING my hair. Everyone in my family has long and shiny 3 hair, and here I was with plain ol dry 4 hair. Now that I'm learning to take care of it, I love it. But I still have my days. I remember when my little sis was a baby, this white woman approached us at a store and commented on my sisters pretty hair. Then she asked "So when is it gonna curl up?" My mom said "Excuse me?!" the white woman said "You know, when's it gonna ball up?" my mom told me to go look at the toys and went off on her!

cocosweet said:

I think people leave their brain cells at the door over there.

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I am so tired of meeting ppl who leave their brain cells at the door or who are just to lazy to activate them, I've decided to give ppl like that the distance treatment

ShaniKeys said:

I've read some of the most disturbing things about blacks on Yahoo! Answers, it doesn't surprise me, but indeed, it's sad to see that ignorant ppl like that still exist.

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all i can say is wow! smh. I haven't been over there in a long long time. This just took the cake this morning.

tiffers said:

I grew up HATING my hair. Everyone in my family has long and shiny 3 hair, and here I was with plain ol dry 4 hair. Now that I'm learning to take care of it, I love it. But I still have my days. I remember when my little sis was a baby, this white woman approached us at a store and commented on my sisters pretty hair. Then she asked "So when is it gonna curl up?" My mom said "Excuse me?!" the white woman said "You know, when's it gonna ball up?" my mom told me to go look at the toys and went off on her!

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I think most Black people hate their hair b/c they don't know how to take care of it. Take my sister, she has 3b hair and is convinced that her hair is only manageable when she relaxes it someone needs to slap some sense into her

ShaniKeys said:

I am so tired of meeting ppl who leave their brain cells at the door or who are just to lazy to activate them, I've decided to give ppl like that the distance treatment

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I know! Whatever ignant belief someone has, theres tons of examples to contradict it but they still choose to believe the okey doke

I loved my hair when it was natural and I love my hair now. I only decided to relax because to get a manageable hair. Sometimes when I was natural (when I was 14), I enjoyed touching my hair, just to feel the texture. The reason I'm on this board his to learn how to take care of that hair that I love. I don't want it to be damaged by me.
But I don't think everyone is like me : when I go outside, I see so many people with unhealthy hair or weaves/braids to hide it. People should be more courageous and treat their hair with more respect. Also, some people think that relaxed hair bring them a neater look... But How to get that neat look with thin, over-processed, uneven hair ? People might think about what is the look that make them proud of their hair, natural or not.

Naphy said:

I loved my hair when it was natural and I love my hair now. I only decided to relax because to get a manageable hair. Sometimes when I was natural (when I was 14), I enjoyed touching my hair, just to feel the texture. The reason I'm on this board his to learn how to take care of that hair that I love. I don't want it to be damaged by me.
But I don't think everyone is like me : when I go outside, I see so many people with unhealthy hair or weaves/braids to hide it. People should be more courageous and treat their hair with more respect. Also, some people think that relaxed hair bring them a neater look... But How to get that neat look with thin, over-processed, uneven hair ? People might think about what is the look that make them proud of their hair, natural or not.

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Yes, I've heard that too, I work part time in an all white office wearing my natural hair, they've never comment on it. There's a Moroccan girl who works there too, and I remember she was looking at my hair like erplexed the first time I walked in. Last week I flat ironed my hair, and she was like: "Oh you relaxed your hair" (read: You finally relaxed your hair!) and I said: "No, I just flat ironed it", I remember the part disappointed part not understanding look that appeared on her face

ShaniKeys said:

Yes, I've heard that too, I work part time in an all white office wearing my natural hair, they've never comment on it. There's a Moroccan girl who works there too, and I remember she was looking at my hair like erplexed the first time I walked in. Last week I flat ironed my hair, and she was like: "Oh you relaxed your hair" (read: You finally relaxed your hair!) and I said: "No, I just flat ironed it", I remember the part disappointed part not understanding look that appeared on her face

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Too Sad, people are so ignorants and have some bad behaviour towards black ppl nowadays Why don't people like our natural hair ? I'm relaxed and think that natural hair is beautiful ! I have seen a lot of arabic women with 4a/4b hair ! and they are rejected the same way. I just don't understand O_O

Naphy said:

Too Sad, people are so ignorants and have some bad behaviour towards black ppl nowadays Why don't people like our natural hair ? I'm relaxed and think that natural hair is beautiful ! I have seen a lot of arabic women with 4a/4b hair ! and they are rejected the same way. I just don't understand O_O

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There are alot of people from North-Africa here in Belgium, I've seen some with 4a/4b hair, and indeed, they don't like it, and neither does their kin

Before I even get into my answer, let me say that you are about to read a lot of overgeneralizations and possibly self-hating statements. I apologize in advance!

I admit that I have a love/hate relationship with my hair . . . more often veering towards hate. For me, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I see very few images of beauty with regard to black hair. In music videos, movies, etc., we see alot of wigs and weaves. In real life, most of the women I see who wear relaxed hair don't do much with it -- we just pull it back into a bun or ponytail. How boring! When I made this realization I felt so embarassed . . . it's like I'm trying to play the white man's game (by making my hair straight) but can never win (because my hair isn't the same texture or length as most white folks). I wish I were brave enough to try and go natural, but I'm in a pretty conservative profession, so right now I think I'm better off having hair that white folks can be comfortable with . . . . Also, because of my weight, I fear that having natural hair will be an additional turn off to men. (My family is OLD SCHOOL and I've never heard my parents, grandparents, or my brother, who's a total "Ladies Man," say anything positive about natural hair. In fact, no matter how hooked up it might be, they always think natural hair is "bad hair" that's unattractive and ugly.) Also, my best friend wears her hair natural and she actually says that alot of women hit on her because they think she's a lesbian (what? straight women can't wear natural hair?)

Anyways, this is a totally politically charged issue and I'm really glad to hear others' perspectives. By being on this forum, I'm learning how to take better care of my hair so I won't be so embarassed and can wear it in my interesting styles.

I blogged about this issue a while back -- you can read about it here:

http://glibgurl.blogspot.com/2004/09/white-girl-hair.html

Glib Gurl said:

Before I even get into my answer, let me say that you are about to read a lot of overgeneralizations and possibly self-hating statements. I apologize in advance!

I admit that I have a love/hate relationship with my hair . . . more often veering towards hate. For me, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I see very few images of beauty with regard to black hair. In music videos, movies, etc., we see alot of wigs and weaves. In real life, most of the women I see who wear relaxed hair don't do much with it -- we just pull it back into a bun or ponytail. How boring! When I made this realization I felt so embarassed . . . it's like I'm trying to play the white man's game (by making my hair straight) but can never win (because my hair isn't the same texture or length as most white folks). I wish I were brave enough to try and go natural, but I'm in a pretty conservative profession, so right now I think I'm better off having hair that white folks can be comfortable with . . . . Also, because of my weight, I fear that having natural hair will be an additional turn off to men. (My family is OLD SCHOOL and I've never heard my parents, grandparents, or my brother, who's a total "Ladies Man," say anything positive about natural hair. In fact, no matter how hooked up it might be, they always think natural hair is "bad hair" that's unattractive and ugly.) Also, my best friend wears her hair natural and she actually says that alot of women hit on her because they think she's a lesbian (what? straight women can't wear natural hair?)

Anyways, this is a totally politically charged issue and I'm really glad to hear others' perspectives. By being on this forum, I'm learning how to take better care of my hair so I won't be so embarassed and can wear it in my interesting styles.

I blogged about this issue a while back -- you can read about it here:

http://glibgurl.blogspot.com/2004/09/white-girl-hair.html

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Everything you have just stated and then some I agree with!
Right now I'm in a very love/hate relationship with my hair right now! and supringly enough it isn't even because of the curl pattern?! its because of my length..

ShaniKeys said:

I think most Black people hate their hair b/c they don't know how to take care of it. Take my sister, she has 3b hair and is convinced that her hair is only manageable when she relaxes it someone needs to slap some sense into her

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This was me.
Because I thought 'managable' meant being able to run a comb/brush through it whenever I want. Just like straight haired people do
I had some sense slapped into me... by discovering hair forums

I was natural for 7 years, and I just went back into relaxers in 2005. I have had every style imaginable, and then some. When I first showed up at work with straight hair, all I heard was your hair looks so much better NOW, you should keep it like that. It made me mad, cuz it looked good natural too, I was just ready to do something different, you know? And relatives will call and the first thing they ask is, does your baby still have good hair? WTF? Let my bald headed dh tell it, any hair at all is good. Or I will hear, she won't need a perm for a long time. Whoa, she is two! Some folks don't see her adorable little face, all they see is the long hair. One friend says, you MUST have someone indian in your family, there is no way you and your dh could have a child with hair like that (the kids hair is just like mine was a child). I find that insulting, our african american dna is no good, there must be some other genetic factor in her dna makeup that would allow her to have hair that the 'masses' find acceptable. Everyone has beautiful hair, its just a lot of folks don't know how to take good care of their hair to make it look their best, that is my opinion. My MIL said my baby wouldn't have any friends in school, cuz the girls will be jealous of her hair. I thought that was insane, but we perpetuate so much self hatred throughout the generations, she may be right....There is so much ignorance out there, sometimes I feel we haven't progressed as a people much at all.

Uh uuuh...What kind of perception are we as a people giving others of our hair for them to say some mess like this. Gorilla hair...what?

Chayil

I have to say honestly, I would not be as upset with negative comments from white people, but having it come from black people is sad. Especially when it is done in a public way, to try and make a sista feel bad.

Also a lot of black men have long natural hair they keep braided. I wonder why some black men find black women in the natural hair state so offensive?

Well, as more women grow healthy, shiny hair, whether natural or relaxed many misperceptions will be dispelled.