Ladies, Would You Marry A Man That...

yodie · Apr 24, 2015

...is a Christian, but not on the same level you are? By that I mean, he says Jesus is his Lord and Savior, but he still cusses, goes to church occasionally, but isn't a member anywhere, doesn't readily talk about the things of God.

I'm having this discussion with my girlfriend and wanted to see what you all think or if any of you have walked this road. Dude is very good to her, is lovable, kind, willing to take care of her, always available and wants to spend time with her, but some things are missing, whereas the "church men" she's dated haven't been as good to her as the one that isn't in church/his word all the time.

Just curious to hear your thoughts?

mrselle · Apr 24, 2015

A word that was given to me years ago is "the wife can sanctify the husband". There are many facets to being a Christian. I know people who go to church every Sunday who still curse, drink to get drunk, cheat on their spouses, cheat on their taxes, etc... You name it. My point is that if he has confessed Jesus as his Lord and savior, if he is good to her and shows her that he will be a good husband and God is telling her he is the one then go for it. If she is consistent in her walk then in time he will want to catch up to where she is.

yodie · Apr 24, 2015

Thank you @mrselle for responding. This point of view isn't necessarily shared often.

dicapr · Apr 24, 2015

He is what I call culturally Christian. They agree with Christianity in theory but are not pressed to practice it in their daily lives. It can go either way. Is he seeking a closer walk with God or does he just believe there is one? Does he believe the bible or does he think it is full of stories that should be interpreted as parables rather than fact? There are plenty of non practicing Christians who are good people just like there are practicing Christians who fall very short of their goal.

What your friend needs to find out is what is his ultimate endgame for his spiritual life. Does he want a closer walk with God, does he believe God has requirements, is he ok with her continuing her spiritual journey or will he want her to make compromises?

yodie · Apr 24, 2015

@dicapr, I like how you phrased it culturally Christian. Makes sense.
I've personally heard him that Jesus didn't write the bible, so how am I sure if I can apply every word exactly to my life. I didn't want to get into that argument because most Christians know that Jesus didn't sit down and write the bible sod for word, but that it is the divinely inspired word of God.

Dude used to go to church, but I think he fell off when the preacher refused to baptize this woman's baby because she wasn't married. His daughter has a baby out of wedlock and so I think he took it personally.

I'll pose your questions to my friend. I know they've gone to church together. Not sure what his spiritual endgame is. I think he's okay as is, but she mentioned something about him suggesting they find a church together that they both like, a smaller, more intimate one. To my knowledge that hasn't happened. She goes to a larger church.

JudithO · Apr 24, 2015

I'll marry him. He believes in Christ, and questions some christian practices which shows that he can be an objective thinker... great to me.

Shimmie · Apr 24, 2015

Why settle? However, the bottomline is that if she chooses to 'settle' for a man who cannot control his behavior than she has to 'live' with the burden of it.

I'm being realistic. Yes, there are men who 'change'. But I know far too many 'Saved' wives who are suffering and are absolutely miserable because their husbands are not truly committed to living a full life in Jesus.

There's no excuse for cursing; it's immature. What does this say to the children whether they be his or someone else's. Be a man of God or a tool of the devil. God says there is not halfway with Him. God's Word does say that we be either 'hot or cold', if we are lukewarm, He will spew us out of His mouth. Who want's lukewarm soup, coffee or tea?

Why should God contend with lukewarm? If a man is lukewarm with God, he will also be lukewarm with his wife and family. A lukewarm person picks and chooses what they want to be loving and kind about and if it's not pleasing to them, they will not please others, let alone God.

'We' have to stop settling for half dead men of God. As Christians, we have way too much coming against us in the battle and a lukewarm soldier will quit and leave you in the midst of the flames.

yodie · Apr 24, 2015

I expected this response from you @Shimmie. :bighug:

Thanks for sharing your heart. Thank you to the rest of you ladies. I'm actually going to print all of this out and let her see it. If nothing else, these are heartfelt thoughts for her to ponder. At the end of the day its her decision. As a friend, I pray God's will in her life.

yodie · Apr 24, 2015

A little off topic here. Last night at bible study, the pastor said a female member stopped him and said, "Pastor, what's wrong with the men in church? They don't commit and my clock is ticking." His response to her was, buy a Timex so it ticks loudly. I just said ugh! I understood what this woman was thinking, but it was almost like a joke. I guess this is what made me post my friend's scenario.

Shimmie · Apr 24, 2015

yodie said:
A little off topic here. Last night at bible study, the pastor said a female member stopped him and said, "Pastor, what's wrong with the men in church? They don't commit and my clock is ticking." His response to her was, buy a Timex so it ticks loudly. I just said ugh! I understood what this woman was thinking, but it was almost like a joke. I guess this is what made me post my friend's scenario.

@yodie.... I learned from the best {i.e. 'You'} the following:

"I ain't that Chick" :blush2:

Love you, Precious Angel. :love3:

yodie · Apr 24, 2015

@Shimmie, you know how I say it, right! lol.
I have my first public speaking engagement this weekend.

Shimmie · Apr 24, 2015

yodie said:
@Shimmie, you know how I say it, right! lol.
I have my first public speaking engagement this weekend.

Yes I do... :yep:

AND.....

Congratulations @yodie. :dance7:

You will be amazing and hearts will be blessed and changed for the better during your speaking engagement. I'm happy for you. I remember my first one and it was such a humbling blessing.

Divine. · Apr 24, 2015

I wouldn't. I have entertained enough men who say they are Christians but their fruit says the complete opposite to know that it isn't for me. For me personally, marrying a man who was spiritually immature would be settling. I want to marry a man I can grow with, not someone who I have to push to go to church.

I'm no theologian, but I do know that the scripture is very specific about who it is addressing. In those verses about winning over the husband and sanctifying the husband, wives were being addressed. Not single women. Since divorce was not an option, one way a wife could potentially save her marriage was through her character. Her character could in turn win over her husband's heart. I don't believe this was a license to knowingly marry someone who you know isn't interested in a deeper relationship with God, but rather a means to save a marriage.

All marriages have their ups and downs, but I'd rather have a rocky marriage with a praying man than someone who doesn't have a relationship with God. At least I know I can fast for my marriage and I can come together with my husband when times get rough.

These are just my opinions! This is not the law. I just know what I want in my future spouse.

yodie · Apr 24, 2015

@Divine, awesome response. Thank you.

MrsHaseeb · Apr 25, 2015

Comment removed :look:

felic1 · Apr 25, 2015

yodie said:
A little off topic here. Last night at bible study, the pastor said a female member stopped him and said, "Pastor, what's wrong with the men in church? They don't commit and my clock is ticking." His response to her was, buy a Timex so it ticks loudly. I just said ugh! I understood what this woman was thinking, but it was almost like a joke. I guess this is what made me post my friend's scenario.

I was surprised at this. I have seen a lot of women believe that if a man is from God, he will come to YOUR church and find you there. I did not believe that. The pastor in this instance did not seem very concerned. I have never been attracted to any of the men at my church. I don't know them either but they are not interesting to me.

MrsHaseeb · Apr 25, 2015

JudithO said:
I'll marry him. He believes in Christ, and questions some christian practices which shows that he can be an objective thinker... great to me.

I agree with the bold phrase completely. Not in terms of this guy particularly but believing men who question some "Christian" practices.

yodie · Apr 25, 2015

@felic1, I believe my boo can find me anywhere. Doesn't have to be in church at all, but I understood that woman's frustration.

CoilyFields · May 1, 2015

Interesting question...

I have seen some reprehensible behavior from men who attend church every Sunday and lift up holy hands so that is no automatic plus. I would say that if he has accepted Jesus as savior then that is the determining factor of if I give him the time of day to begin with. The other things are about compatibility. I would want to know that even if we are not on the same level as far as spiritual maturity, there are some things that we should agree on to ensure a smooth relationship. The main one being-Does he agree with the principles laid out in the Bible (even if he doesn't live up to them)?

Personally, because I am extremely involved in my church I would want someone who is just as committed and involved. If not, then there WILL be problems because a married woman's first priority is home and husband and if she is somewhere else 3+ times a week for hours without her husband then that will interfere with her marriage (Bible says this). And if He wasn't as involved, and everything else was fine, I would still marry him, and then curtail my activities.

FYI-married people do not necessarily have the same spiritual maturity...and I don't think it's required. I'm sure it would be nice but it shouldn't stop them from marrying. That's not "being unequally yoked". We all grow and mature at different stages and times.

nlamr2013 · May 1, 2015

yodie said:
...is a Christian, but not on the same level you are? By that I mean, he says Jesus is his Lord and Savior, but he still cusses, goes to church occasionally, but isn't a member anywhere, doesn't readily talk about the things of God.

I'm having this discussion with my girlfriend and wanted to see what you all think or if any of you have walked this road. Dude is very good to her, is lovable, kind, willing to take care of her, always available and wants to spend time with her, but some things are missing, whereas the "church men" she's dated haven't been as good to her as the one that isn't in church/his word all the time.

Just curious to hear your thoughts?

Late to the party but no. I can say I'm a car but that didn't make me one. His fruit don't match his words and his fruit is more reliable than his words

nlamr2013 · May 1, 2015

mrselle said:
A word that was given to me years ago is "the wife can sanctify the husband". There are many facets to being a Christian. I know people who go to church every Sunday who still curse, drink to get drunk, cheat on their spouses, cheat on their taxes, etc... You name it. My point is that if he has confessed Jesus as his Lord and savior, if he is good to her and shows her that he will be a good husband and God is telling her he is the one then go for it. If she is consistent in her walk then in time he will want to catch up to where she is.

How can he lead her and their family if he's trying to'catch up to her' ya know? But I agree church attendance doesn't equate to a heart for The Father

LiftedUp · May 1, 2015

That's my boyfriend except that he belongs to his family church and lives in a strict Christian household. It's weird. He's not worldly and lives a Christian life except that he doesn't go to church.

ToyToy · May 8, 2015

It's definitely most important to me that my husband's first love is God, so I agree with everyone whose post alluded to that. The reason this is so important to me is twofold: 1) I love God with every fibre of my being and being in His will is of greatest importance to me; 2) If my husband loves God, he will submit to His will, and when we go through issues (as marriages do), I can trust in the fact that my husband's accountability to God (and possibly also a mentor) will make the process of getting out of these issues easier.

We may not be on the same level - hopefully we will draw and learn from another and grow together in God. But I cannot and will not settle for someone who doesn't have an active relationship with God.

I see so many men look the part and talk the talk. They sound all spiritual and 'discerning'. They're just an empty shell. They look Christian but are far from it. But what's worse is that they *think* that they are right. I don't know. Guess I needed to vent based on a recent experience.

But in short, I agree with all those who say not to settle. I'd rather wait a little bit longer for the right man than fight a lifetime trying to get the wrong man right. I don't like that kind of stress...

Supergirl · May 20, 2015

No, I would not, too many battles I would not want to fight. I always hear people say "Marriage is hard." It doesn't have to be, but if you walk into something like this knowing full well that you have these kinds of differences with someone, then I would expect it to be hard.

Belle Du Jour · May 21, 2015

No. The man is the spiritual head and should be leading me, not vice versa. I need a man to bring me closer to Christ.

Blackpearl1993 · May 21, 2015

Shimmie said:
Why settle? However, the bottomline is that if she chooses to 'settle' for a man who cannot control his behavior than she has to 'live' with the burden of it.

I'm being realistic. Yes, there are men who 'change'. But I know far too many 'Saved' wives who are suffering and are absolutely miserable because their husbands are not truly committed to living a full life in Jesus.

There's no excuse for cursing; it's immature. What does this say to the children whether they be his or someone else's. Be a man of God or a tool of the devil. God says there is not halfway with Him. God's Word does say that we be either 'hot or cold', if we are lukewarm, He will spew us out of His mouth. Who want's lukewarm soup, coffee or tea?

Why should God contend with lukewarm? If a man is lukewarm with God, he will also be lukewarm with his wife and family. A lukewarm person picks and chooses what they want to be loving and kind about and if it's not pleasing to them, they will not please others, let alone God.

'We' have to stop settling for half dead men of God. As Christians, we have way too much coming against us in the battle and a lukewarm soldier will quit and leave you in the midst of the flames.

Amen, amen!! I couldn't have said this any better. I was just going to say that "you know them by their fruit". Marriage is a beautiful ministry...when it is with the right one. It needs to be with the one God has for your friend. There's no need to settle-- I know too many people who have settled and are in the midst of unhappy marriages.

Shimmie · May 22, 2015

Blackpearl1993 said:
Amen, amen!! I couldn't have said this any better. I was just going to say that "you know them by their fruit". Marriage is a beautiful ministry...when it is with the right one. It needs to be with the one God has for your friend. There's no need to settle-- I know too many people who have settled and are in the midst of unhappy marriages.

So, so. so many wives are in Church in tears, torn between their unsaved husbands and honoring God.

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