Helping Someone Fornicate

futureapl · Jul 27, 2015

About a year ago I decided that I wanted to abstain from having sex prior to marriage. I moved in with my best friend in Sept 2014. Since then, she's had at least six guys come to our apartment and has had sex with every one of them. I'm the last one to judge. She knows how I feel about premarital sex and more importantly she knows the bible. In June she started dating this guy. My name is the only name at the gate which means that her boyfriend either has to call me at the gate to let him in or she has to step outside and use her clicker to let him in. Well one day he called my number at the gate and I opened it so he could enter our complex. I was at my sister's house at the time. I came home and as soon as I walked through the door I heard loud moaning. They were obviously having sex. I instantly felt guilty. I felt as though I helped her fornicate by letting him in through the gate. I know it may sound silly but that's truly how I felt. Since then, whenever he calls at the gate I always ignore the call. She uses her clicker to let him in the apartment. My question is if I allow him into the apartment complex am I in the wrong if they are going to have premarital sex anyways? Should I have a conversation about this with her? Please help.

ladylibra_30 · Jul 27, 2015

She's paying her portion and on time
She's respecting you, your things, and the common living area
She's living her life and she's grown

You might need to think about moving...in with a cat...or alone...at a nunnery...
I don't know...IJS

PS - Now *my* issue would be the random dudes and my safety...and them leaving when she does.

Galadriel · Jul 27, 2015

Aww, it's tough in such a situation because you and roomie are on two different paths. There is such a thing as giving material aid (money, supplies, means) and moral aid (encouragement, approval) to evil, so we must be careful of that. If you are not comfortable buzzing him in through the gate, he is your roommate's "guest" after all, so she can let him in and leave you out of it.

Does she always invite her boyfriends in or does she ever go to their place? (I'm thinking just out of consideration for you while you're at home). It's sort of awkward for you to be minding your business at the apartment and to have to hear them! Perhaps some of this can be brought up with her in a tactful manner, and maybe some guidelines could be established so that you're not feeling awkward in your own home (or as if you're aiding sin).

futureapl · Jul 27, 2015

Thank you so much @Galadriel This new guy is the only one that she's given the title of boyfriend. I've had conversations with her about hearing her have sex twice already. We are fairly open with each other in that way. I have a feeling if I bring up this gate thing she'll assume that either being petty or jealous.
Lately I've been uncomfortable at the apartment. Normally I'm out in the living room during the day but lately I've been avoiding it since her room is right next to the living room. I'm trying to decide if I want to move once the lease ends (Sept.).

futureapl · Jul 27, 2015

@ladylibra_30 I've actually been thinking about moving into an apartment on my own. I'm not a fan of cats but thank you for the suggestion. Have a great night.

ladylibra_30 · Jul 27, 2015

I just realized this is posted in the 'Christian' forum. Nevertheless, my opinion still stands but edited to respect your beliefs:

You aren't equally yoked with her as a roomie/spiritual path and your thoughts about moving are good.

Good luck!

Galadriel · Jul 27, 2015

futureapl said:
Thank you so much @Galadriel This new guy is the only one that she's given the title of boyfriend. I've had conversations with her about hearing her have sex twice already. We are fairly open with each other in that way. I have a feeling if I bring up this gate thing she'll assume that either being petty or jealous.
Lately I've been uncomfortable at the apartment. Normally I'm out in the living room during the day but lately I've been avoiding it since her room is right next to the living room. I'm trying to decide if I want to move once the lease ends (Sept.).

@futureapl it may come to that (having to move), but I wish both you and your roomie the best, and God bless you.

kanozas · Jul 27, 2015

OP, you are right to be concerned about your spiritual life. When you're surrounded by bad things, they can affect your walk. I'd have a talk with her and let her know that she's not guarding privacy. Even if you weren't trying to live a righteous and moral life, she would be wrong for allowing her lifestyle to spill over into another's space. Who wants to let everyone else know what's going on behind a closed door? Your roommate is tacky, christian or not. Find a new arrangement. This path to heaven is a tough road filled with toads, rocks and thorns. Keep on it and do your best. I hope you can find a like-minded, moral, upright roommate or be able to make it alone financially.

Shimmie · Jul 27, 2015

Hosea 2:7

She shall pursue her lovers but not overtake them, and she shall seek them but shall not find them. Then she shall say, ‘I will go and return to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now.’

"Her lovers shall reject her.."

bellatiamarie · Jul 28, 2015

Helping??? No ma'am no ham... what they do is their sin and they are responsible for their sin. If you didn't let him in that day trust he would've found another way in... now if you feel guilty about letting him in then that's your conviction and I would advise you to repent and never do it again. If she is your friend and she knows the Word of God you should definitely pray for her AND remind her that what she's doing is wrong. More importantly you need to guard your own heart. What type of seeds are being planted??? You're exposed to sin through your roommate and as someone else mentioned... that can affect your walk. Peace and blessings.

Blackpearl1993 · Jul 30, 2015

Many of the ladies have already offered good advice that is in line with God's truth. Here's my two cents:

2 Corinthians 6:17-- Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, "I WILL DWELL IN THEM AND WALK AMONG THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE.17"Therefore, COME OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE," says the Lord. "AND DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN; And I will welcome you.18"And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me," Says the Lord Almighty.

I suggest that you pray for your roommate/friend. She needs prayer. You have already told her that you feel it is wrong and she knows the truth,she just chooses to do otherwise. When your lease ends (or even now if you can manage to do so, and I pray that God makes a way financially) you should move. Your roommate's behavior is exposing you to sin in your own home, and she's not using good judgement in who she is inviting into your home. Everyone should be able to feel safe at home. Your roommate's practices are as unsafe as they are sinful.

nlamr2013 · Jul 30, 2015

Imo you're being convicted and feeling uncomfortable for a reason it may be time to separate from your friend. I agree too to pray for her.

Iwanthealthyhair67 · Jul 30, 2015

having had a roommate before I completely understand what you are saying...Sounds like you've made up your mind, alert your roommate as to your moving, praying that you find somewhere affordable and in a good location.

Shimmie · Jul 30, 2015

Blackpearl1993 said:
Many of the ladies have already offered good advice that is in line with God's truth. Here's my two cents:

2 Corinthians 6:17-- Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, "I WILL DWELL IN THEM AND WALK AMONG THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE.17"Therefore, COME OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE," says the Lord. "AND DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN; And I will welcome you.18"And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me," Says the Lord Almighty.

I suggest that you pray for your roommate/friend. She needs prayer. You have already told her that you feel it is wrong and she knows the truth,she just chooses to do otherwise. When your lease ends (or even now if you can manage to do so, and I pray that God makes a way financially) you should move. Your roommate's behavior is exposing you to sin in your own home, and she's not using good judgement in who she is inviting into your home. Everyone should be able to feel safe at home. Your roommate's practices are as unsafe as they are sinful.

@Blackpearl1993

Total agreement... Your post also reminded me that the OP's covering has been over her roommate. As long as the OP is there, her roommate is being shielded (piggybacked) by her covering. When OP leaves, the covering will leave with her. This is why her roommate is not inclined to stop this behavior, she is being protected.

Same principle as Exodus, those who were under cover by the Blood of the Lamb upon the door posts of each home were protected by God

movingforward · Aug 1, 2015

Yes, girl leave! She's bringing random dudes to YOUR home and that's a safety issue.

Blackpearl1993 · Aug 3, 2015

@futureapl....is there an update?

futureapl · Aug 4, 2015

@Blackpearl1993 I think they've made arrangements so that he comes over when I'm not home. He called my number at the gate twice early last week (while I was at work) and I pressed ignore each time. I haven't seen or heard anything since the week before last. We haven't discussed the lease renewal yet. I've already talked to my sister who said she'd allow me to stay at her place a few months while I save up to move into my own place.

Blackpearl1993 · Aug 4, 2015

futureapl said:
@Blackpearl1993 I think they've made arrangements so that he comes over when I'm not home. He called my number at the gate twice early last week (while I was at work) and I pressed ignore each time. I haven't seen or heard anything since the week before last. We haven't discussed the lease renewal yet. I've already talked to my sister who said she'd allow me to stay at her place a few months while I save up to move into my own place.

I am happy to hear that you are making other living arrangements for after this lease ends. I also think it is wise not to say anything to your roommate about your other future plans. At least not just yet. You need to know that you are protected and safe because God is your covering. I am praying for you. Please keep us updated.

Choclatcotton · Aug 9, 2015

I would move into a single apartment that is affordable and leave her with her lifestyle. You lifestyle and values are conflicting and this type of arrangement cant end well. Your putting your life, conscience and belongings at risk. What if you are expecting a nice quiet evening after work and you walk in on an argument or worse, like you mentioned her in the act of sex? Just my 2 cents.

NICOLETHENUMBERONE · Aug 15, 2015

futureapl said:
About a year ago I decided that I wanted to abstain from having sex prior to marriage. I moved in with my best friend in Sept 2014. Since then, she's had at least six guys come to our apartment and has had sex with every one of them. I'm the last one to judge. She knows how I feel about premarital sex and more importantly she knows the bible. In June she started dating this guy. My name is the only name at the gate which means that her boyfriend either has to call me at the gate to let him in or she has to step outside and use her clicker to let him in. Well one day he called my number at the gate and I opened it so he could enter our complex. I was at my sister's house at the time. I came home and as soon as I walked through the door I heard loud moaning. They were obviously having sex. I instantly felt guilty. I felt as though I helped her fornicate by letting him in through the gate. I know it may sound silly but that's truly how I felt. Since then, whenever he calls at the gate I always ignore the call. She uses her clicker to let him in the apartment. My question is if I allow him into the apartment complex am I in the wrong if they are going to have premarital sex anyways? Should I have a conversation about this with her? Please help.

@futureapl

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
-John 13:34.

I definitely feel where you are coming from...regardless of who understands or not, it doesn't even matter. It's not for "them" to understand your convictions. You are responsible to God's command first and foremost, period.

I remember when my friend was having a fourth abortion in college and she didn't have any money. I love you but my conviction is that there would be blood on my hands for killing this life. I believe it's life...period and there's no reason even trying to argue with me on that.
So, at the end of the day, I know we can't sometimes see "the way" but as humans we can't see a lot. I have to use what God has given me, his Word, discernment, etc and make the best decisions with what I have. I'm responsible for myself at the end of the day and also for dissuading my brother as stated in Ezekiel 3.

felic1 · Aug 20, 2015

This is a sticky situation. The roommate has sin in her life and is affecting the OP. It would be good if the OP can move and maintain the sanctity of a Christian home. Come out from among them is right. We should not pay rent and have turmoil. It defeats the purpose. You are not helping someone fornicate. Are both of your names on the lease? I see you say that your name is the one at the gate. It is not an easy task to live with either backslidden or unsaved people. You need your privacy and your Christian space. Best wishes.

futureapl · Aug 20, 2015

@felic1 yes both of our names on the lease

Blackpearl1993 · Sep 1, 2015

futureapl said:
@felic1 yes both of our names on the lease

Update?? Any news? Have you moved yet, or has your roommate moved out?

felic1 · Sep 2, 2015

bumping....... :look:

futureapl · Sep 2, 2015

I ended up staying. My sister and her husband are thinking about moving to another state and I'm planning on staying in this state for at least another 8 years. I can't afford to live on my own right now. As far as things in the apartment they've gotten better. I haven't seen or heard him in the apartment for several weeks. I informed her that I will be spending the year saving money to move into my own place next year. I've been keeping to myself lately. For the most part, I go straight to my room when I get home and come out to the common living area to cook. We say hi and bye.

momi · Sep 3, 2015

Glad to hear everything has worked out op. Sounds like you are using wisdom - keeping things cordial and working your plan.

Helping Someone Fornicate

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se ven las caras pero nunca el corazón

"God is the Only Truth -- Period"

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"God is the Only Truth -- Period"

Moving forward and onward

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