Single Christian Women's Support - THE REMIX!

I may be going through a phase. But I don't think I want to get married. I want male companionship, in every essence of the word, I just don't think I want to be married.

I do know being a wife, will provide a covering/protection and I know the word, etc. I'm just not interested in getting married anymore.

I would like a companion/ husband. No rush. Praying for one.

Hi sis.. I'm inclined to believe it to be a phase.. God's heart is always open to our pain and desires, yet His promises are sure. The "lonely" birthdays, the quiet holidays and the desire for something that seem forever elusive...these are all in-the-meantime emotions that are intended to get us off-track and to settle for whatever. Well, God is not a whatever God. He's a Whosoever will God. Keep trusting Him and don't give up! His timing is perfect, even at 11:59

movingforward said:

I may be going through a phase. But I don't think I want to get married. I want male companionship, in every essence of the word, I just don't think I want to be married.

I do know being a wife, will provide a covering/protection and I know the word, etc. I'm just not interested in getting married anymore.

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When Prince William finally asked Kate Middleton to be his bride it came as a delightful surprise to many since the prince and Kate had broken up in the past. The way that Kate handled herself during that breakup can be both encouragement and a lesson to many women that have been broken up with. If you’re one of these women, read on and pay close attention to how Kate dealt with the situation and still ended up with her man.

To begin with, independent women are much more attractive to men. Clever, confident women that have much to offer, or at least appear that way, are going to be more sought after than the clingy and needy types of women. These are women that lead their own lives without the need of a man to complete them.

Men don’t like to be with women that display neediness because they’ll start to feel smothered. Once this happens, they become distant and, eventually, leave. When Prince William ended the relationship with Kate she didn’t cling and beg. She went about her life and let him see that she was fine without him.

Next, a woman with her own circle of friends, interests and hobbies is much more alluring than a woman that builds her life around her man. When a man is with a woman that has her own life, he doesn’t feel smothered because he’s free to enjoy things on his own as well. In this type of relationship, the man doesn’t have to be there 24/7. He doesn’t have to constantly take care of and provide for her. He’s not her entire world.

A woman with her own life isn’t whiny, dramatic or constantly needing the attention of her man. She’s also not possessive and jealous and doesn’t have to know where he is every second of the day or what he’s doing. Not that Kate did any of those things when she and the prince were together, but she showed him following the breakup that she could just as easily be happy in her own world without him.

Finally, a woman’s independence makes it appear that she can happily live her life without the guy that walked away from her. The idea that she can be lost forever is a huge attractor when it comes to guys. The woman is notstanding around waiting for this guy to possibly change his mind and return to her.

It’s this very idea that she can walk away herself that makes him understand what a gift she is. When she’s not around, the guy gets to see what it feels like to miss her. Then he is the one that wants to be together. Feeling that something can be lost allows him to fully experience the miracle of what it’s like to have it.

When the prince walked away from Kate, it only took her a mere 10 weeks to get him back just by leading her own life and appearing independent.

http://mrtransitionguy.com/what-you-can-learn-from-kates-breakup-with-prince-william.htm

I don't know if I'd get my christian cues or dating/marriage advice from royals. They are not the best people to emulate at all. Case in point, these people were fornicating all throughout their dating relationship. They shacked up. The goal of marriage isn't to get our man, it's to live out the love of the Father through the sacrament of marriage and family which looks to Him for direction. All this trying to be the perfect one to attract a man, bleh. Just live and love your life.

kanozas said:

I don't know if I'd get my christian cues or dating/marriage advice from royals. They are not the best people to emulate at all. Case in point, these people were fornicating all throughout their dating relationship. They shacked up. The goal of marriage isn't to get our man, it's to live out the love of the Father through the sacrament of marriage and family which looks to Him for direction. All this trying to be the perfect one to attract a man, bleh. Just live and love your life.

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I have to agree. I can't really stand her...the media called her "Waity Katy" because she didn't even try to do anything substantive with her life while she waited for a ring. She actually targeted William by changing colleges to go to his once it was announced where he was going. She's the opposite of letting God write your love story, even though she seemingly got everything she wanted. Seemingly...is she really happy?

kanozas said:

I don't know if I'd get my christian cues or dating/marriage advice from royals. They are not the best people to emulate at all. Case in point, these people were fornicating all throughout their dating relationship. They shacked up. The goal of marriage isn't to get our man, it's to live out the love of the Father through the sacrament of marriage and family which looks to Him for direction. All this trying to be the perfect one to attract a man, bleh. Just live and love your life.

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What I found interesting is his is a guy encouraging this too.
Definitely not I'm totally against shaking up and when friends ask I tell them so, but this is the "shining example" being held up as the way to have a relationship. Kate is completely opposite of his mom Diana courtship wise as far as I know. I do read look,at some of these things because I think I have to know what's being tooted as the new normal out in the world so I can be prepared with the appropriate responses especially for potential suitors who also believe that this is the way things are done now.

Belle Du Jour said:

I have to agree. I can't really stand her...the media called her "Waity Katy" because she didn't even try to do anything substantive with her life while she waited for a ring. She actually targeted William by changing colleges to go to his once it was announced where he was going. She's the opposite of letting God write your love story, even though she seemingly got everything she wanted. Seemingly...is she really happy?

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She's a social climber for sure OT they dress her well.
And that's the message women in he western world are being bombarded with all the time movies tv books ex Twilight which has like a dozen or more things wrong with it. I won't even talk about 50 shades of grey (haven't seen or read it on purpose) Sex and the City (wander aimlessly around having sex and shaking up with who ever comes along until you follow "the Rules"book to get married, Scandal etc. I'm sure you've all heard this one I know a friend of a friend who got on a plane moved in with this guy for x months/years but they got married. These kinds of stories are always romanticized after the fact to justify the shaking up adultery fornication etc.
Good points do they truly love each other or is this just a marriage of convenience? Are they truly happy? Only time will reveal the truth.
They didn't have a Christ centered relationship and IMO don't receive Gods blessing on their marriage.

^ Both of them are aging at an alarming rate too

Back in my unsaved days, I found it much easier to get over a guy by getting a new one. It worked for me. Now that I'm trying to do this dating thing God's way, it's taking me twice as long to move on. Literally it's been 2 years and I still can't get over this man! I haven't dated anyone else since God told me to stop talking to him. I almost feel like I'm worse off.

I want to do things my way so badly, but maybe I'm being forced to go through this for a reason.

I thought men in the church were supposed to be different than secular men My God, what has happened to men?!?! Even if they are able to control their physical impulses and live a relatively holy and chaste life, the are so impotent and paralyzed by fear. They have lost all knowledge of how to choose a partner (I mean a GOOD woman) and how to pursue. There are SO MANY good women who are just languishing...I'm looking at these single men like, what's wrong with you??? They literally have the pick of the litter, so to speak, and they still choose to not choose. I believe God is going to hold some of these men accountable on judgement day, for not honoring their God-given mandate as men to be the head and not participating in the creation of children for the Kingdom.

OK, rant over

Belle Du Jour said:

I thought men in the church were supposed to be different than secular men My God, what has happened to men?!?! Even if they are able to control their physical impulses and live a relatively holy and chaste life, the are so impotent and paralyzed by fear. They have lost all knowledge of how to choose a partner (I mean a GOOD woman) and how to pursue. There are SO MANY good women who are just languishing...I'm looking at these single men like, what's wrong with you??? They literally have the pick of the litter, so to speak, and they still choose to not choose. I believe God is going to hold some of these men accountable on judgement day, for not honoring their God-given mandate as men to be the head and not participating in the creation of children for the Kingdom.

OK, rant over

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Just because a man is in church doesn't mean he is ripe for marriage. He may still have issues that God is delivering him from. A man choosing to remain single until God releases him to find a mate is in obedience and submission to God. I'm just as frustrated, but we should really pray for our men. I saved all those prayers from the pinned thread above praying for men. Those are so really good prayers to pray over our men.

lalah said:

Just because a man is in church doesn't mean he is ripe for marriage. He may still have issues that God is delivering him from. A man choosing to remain single until God releases him to find a mate is in obedience and submission to God. I'm just as frustrated, but we should really pray for our men. I saved all those prayers from the pinned thread above praying for men. Those are so really good prayers to pray over our men.

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I was super frustrated when I wrote my earlier post. I totally respect a man who has heard from God and is remaining single because God told him to. But I think most men are being disobedient to the call to marry. They are going through a prolonged adolescence and are afraid to "man up." Yes, we have to keep persisting in prayer.

Me and my SO met at this church two years ago, but started dating last October. Anyway the church we go to is more so a new believer, people who are tired of church type church. Frankly as I mature I'm realizing I need something more for where I am at now. I started going to this new just starting up church that my friend invited me to and I am thinking about joining soon. Now it's the figuring out how me and SO going to two different churches is going to work though I do plan to come and support what ever events and stuff he has.


I do think about how this is going to work in a marriage, but I feel like me and him are no where near that any time soon. He is ready for wedding planning, however I feel how can you plan a wedding before building a decent relationship first, which I have had this conversation with him before but it doesn't seem to be registering.

And while we are speaking of different churches, something rubbed me the wrong way. Last year I was visiting this church that one of his female friends that use to go to our church goes to now. And he told me that she texted him telling him I was worshipping at that particular church now. And he told her as long as I was worshipping somewhere he didn't have a problem with it, and she proceeded to tell him that he was a good guy. Mind you as this is happening me and him had only been dating for a month or two, so I was having a hard time seeing what the big deal was. In my eyes we are still getting to know each other and there is no need for all of that seeing as me and him weren't married, engaged, and have been dating for about two months.

Belle Du Jour said:

I was super frustrated when I wrote my earlier post. I totally respect a man who has heard from God and is remaining single because God told him to. But I think most men are being disobedient to the call to marry. They are going through a prolonged adolescence and are afraid to "man up." Yes, we have to keep persisting in prayer.

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Funny you say that, I saw this man (totally secular) on a variety show today and this guy was 50+ trying to brighten up his aging. Well, his minor plastic surgery came out well and I can't fault him for having refractive eye surgery in addition to it all but....as he was with his friend at the cafe', he saw this cute Italian lady and asked her to join them. Later on, they met at his birthday party and he was so boyish flirty-flirty, then this man was onto other women, trying to be a 20-something playboy. Like, dood, ...I dunno, seeing him leave his empty-ish apt. and pushing elder age and trying to be forever young, he just didn't get it. He's going to be old soon, and alone. Talk about prolonged adolescence. smh Just something about the way he was behaving. They don't want to grow up. Nobody said you have to be a certain way with age...boring-bored, dull, couch potato, style-less...but they don't want to grow up and do all that and still commit.

Lucia said:

What I found interesting is his is a guy encouraging this too.
Definitely not I'm totally against shaking up and when friends ask I tell them so, but this is the "shining example" being held up as the way to have a relationship. Kate is completely opposite of his mom Diana courtship wise as far as I know. I do read look,at some of these things because I think I have to know what's being tooted as the new normal out in the world so I can be prepared with the appropriate responses especially for potential suitors who also believe that this is the way things are done now.



She's a social climber for sure OT they dress her well.
And that's the message women in he western world are being bombarded with all the time movies tv books ex Twilight which has like a dozen or more things wrong with it. I won't even talk about 50 shades of grey (haven't seen or read it on purpose) Sex and the City (wander aimlessly around having sex and shaking up with who ever comes along until you follow "the Rules"book to get married, Scandal etc. I'm sure you've all heard this one I know a friend of a friend who got on a plane moved in with this guy for x months/years but they got married. These kinds of stories are always romanticized after the fact to justify the shaking up adultery fornication etc.
Good points do they truly love each other or is this just a marriage of convenience? Are they truly happy? Only time will reveal the truth.
They didn't have a Christ centered relationship and IMO don't receive Gods blessing on their marriage.

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I hear ya, though. I was thinking the other day that we women just give too much and get so little back. Used to be, marriage would unite families, unite money, power, influence, secure sides for posterity, raise social class etc. Now, women are the bread winners and men are aspiring to become housemen, raising the children. They still don't help with all that needs to be done so she's basically tuckered out daily. I don't want no scrubs and NO housemen. Is it too much to marry for money, position, prestige? And if you do, chances are he's not religious and wants to compromise your morals. I dunno, the state of things is horrible now. And yes, Kate was positioning herself as an aristocrat. That's what they do and I can't say it's wrong...but they way they live, they are purely secular. Are there any out there of high position who actually love G-d? I'm looking for phone numbers lol. At this rate, I'm hoping in fantasyland and that's so scary.

kanozas said:

I hear ya, though. I was thinking the other day that we women just give too much and get so little back. Used to be, marriage would unite families, unite money, power, influence, secure sides for posterity, raise social class etc. Now, women are the bread winners and men are aspiring to become housemen, raising the children. They still don't help with all that needs to be done so she's basically tuckered out daily. I don't want no scrubs and NO housemen. Is it too much to marry for money, position, prestige? And if you do, chances are he's not religious and wants to compromise your morals. I dunno, the state of things is horrible now. And yes, Kate was positioning herself as an aristocrat. That's what they do and I can't say it's wrong...but they way they live, they are purely secular. Are there any out there of high position who actually love G-d? I'm looking for phone numbers lol. At this rate, I'm hoping in fantasyland and that's so scary.

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I think there are those who are well off or rich and have kept godly values. It just seems like everyone's on the train to Sodom but in reality not everyone is. There's a lot of people in the world and sometimes I we all judge by appearances we don't really know what's going on inside only God knows and they'll have to reckon with that. But from what I gleen off some of these celebs public figures is a good number publically show they're not living in the word but there are those who don't live like that but they get less ink in the scandal sheets. JMO

I just came to realize that I complain so much about this guy to myself and others because he isn't my ex. Yes he does have a good amount of things I feel he needs to work on, but it's no excuse to be mean to him. I also feel like I'm making him pay for the role he played in the demise of my last relationship. I know this sounds really terrible.

mz.rae said:

I just came to realize that I complain so much about this guy to myself and others because he isn't my ex. Yes he does have a good amount of things I feel he needs to work on, but it's no excuse to be mean to him. I also feel like I'm making him pay for the role he played in the demise of my last relationship. I know this sounds really terrible.

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Just cause the last guy might have been a dog doesn't mean this guy is or deserves the backlash from it.
I think take things slow and work on yourself as in releasing whatever anger hurt pain disappointments dreams you had in your mind about your ex. If he's still on your mind there's probably a reason and you need to figure that out and ask Jesus to give you clarity and discernment. I pray every other day for discernment clarity and wisdom. Cause people will try you every dang day. So keep your head up sis and let Jesus and time show you what you need.

Lucia said:

Just cause the last guy might have been a dog doesn't mean this guy is or deserves the backlash from it.
I think take things slow and work on yourself as in releasing whatever anger hurt pain disappointments dreams you had in your mind about your ex. If he's still on your mind there's probably a reason and you need to figure that out and ask Jesus to give you clarity and discernment. I pray every other day for discernment clarity and wisdom. Cause people will try you every dang day. So keep your head up sis and let Jesus and time show you what you need.

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Thank you so much!!

Belle Du Jour said:

I thought men in the church were supposed to be different than secular men My God, what has happened to men?!?! Even if they are able to control their physical impulses and live a relatively holy and chaste life, the are so impotent and paralyzed by fear. They have lost all knowledge of how to choose a partner (I mean a GOOD woman) and how to pursue. There are SO MANY good women who are just languishing...I'm looking at these single men like, what's wrong with you??? They literally have the pick of the litter, so to speak, and they still choose to not choose. I believe God is going to hold some of these men accountable on judgement day, for not honoring their God-given mandate as men to be the head and not participating in the creation of children for the Kingdom.

OK, rant over

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@Belle Du Jour

Check this lecture out

Is it wrong of a woman to want a traditional role within a marriage BUT position herself to secure a high-ranking man? Nope.

kanozas said:

Is it wrong of a woman to want a traditional role within a marriage BUT position herself to secure a high-ranking man? Nope.

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TBH, a high ranking man would be more likely to make those traditional roles a reality.

Sooooo.......how are you ladies dealing with the celebate life?

I'm speaking Naturally

....I know and understand the spiritual side. I've been celebate for about 10 years now.

Thanks for bringing this up @movingforward as this is getting harder for me for some reason. I've been celebate most of my life and right now I'm also on medication that takes away the desire to be physically active in that manner, I have a mental illness so I have to take the medication. The plan is to wean myself off of it in two years . Also, this whole year I decided to take on a challenge that pastor Andy Stanley gave in one of his sermons, he challenged singles to not date anyone for 1-2 years; at first it was just gonna be one year but I've extended it to two years. It's not easy as the amount of interesting men I'm meeting is increasing, and just the way I like them too: intellectual, educated, chocolatey, wellspoken, spiritual,...you name it, they're all coming out the woodwork lol. But...I am trying to keep my promise to The Lord.

Sad world we live in. This girl clearly has a "jezebel" spirit and seems to b e intentionally going after celibate guys. So glad Tebow didn't cave! But I think he's not great at picking good women.

http://www.faithit.com/miss-univers...nt-have-sex-with-her-his-response-is-perfect/

Maracujá said:

Thanks for bringing this up @movingforward as this is getting harder for me for some reason. I've been celebate most of my life and right now I'm also on medication that takes away the desire to be physically active in that manner, I have a mental illness so I have to take the medication. The plan is to wean myself off of it in two years . Also, this whole year I decided to take on a challenge that pastor Andy Stanley gave in one of his sermons, he challenged singles to not date anyone for 1-2 years; at first it was just gonna be one year but I've extended it to two years. It's not easy as the amount of interesting men I'm meeting is increasing, and just the way I like them too: intellectual, educated, chocolatey, wellspoken, spiritual,...you name it, they're all coming out the woodwork lol. But...I am trying to keep my promise to The Lord.

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I said I wanted the next guy I get into a relationship with to be my husband. So because of that statement I haven't really dated in 10 years. Not that I recommend anyone go that long. But it was freeing I did me whatever that was. I was able to be selfish, etc. It was easier for me when I wasn't interested in dating.

Which puts me in a state of confusion that I would make such a declaration, now that I don't think I want to get married anymore.

But practicing celibacy has been extremely difficult. Especially this last year, I just don't know what to do.

"As I said, this is a list of symptoms of Confirmed Bachelor Syndrome. Many men who do have the syndrome are curable. So no ladies, all men are NOT pigs, nor are they purposely trying to hurt you. They do not need your anger, bashing, or condemnation. They need your prayers, kindness, gentleness, and understanding. And they need you to do your part to not enable them."

http://6stonejars.com/2011/06/04/confirmed-bachelor-why-good-men-stay-single/

movingforward said:

I said I wanted the next guy I get into a relationship with to be my husband. So because of that statement I haven't really dated in 10 years. Not that I recommend anyone go that long. But it was freeing I did me whatever that was. I was able to be selfish, etc. It was easier for me when I wasn't interested in dating.

Which puts me in a state of confusion that I would make such a declaration, now that I don't think I want to get married anymore.

But practicing celibacy has been extremely difficult. Especially this last year, I just don't know what to do.

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Hold on! I've been celibate for nearly a decade too but I was occasionally dating (no sex or anything, but my focus surely wasn't 100% on the Lord), now I've stopped that. I always think about what pastor Voddie Baucham said: if you want to know how tall a building is going to be, you don't have to wait for it to be built, you just look at the foundation and how deep they dig it. Same thing with marriage, if you want a sky scraper type of marriage, you've got to dig deep. There's also this minor detail about Sarah's life I read that hit me to my core and made me understand how deeply God cares about us. In the Bible, Sarah is abducted a number of times. I read somewhere that that is one of the reasons why God kept her childless as He did not want people to think that if she got pregnant it's because she had been unfaithful to Abraham with one of her abductors. God even cares about how a foul reputation will make us feel.

I look forward to long romantic walks with my husband one day, during those walks, I don't want to constantly run into men I used to date back in the days. If this means being celibate for another 10 years, so be it. I'm also currently reading 'Sacred Singleness' by Leslie Ludy, where she encourages single women to live a life poured out. And be an apostle wherever God has placed you at the moment. I'm using my gifts now to help people with their administration, school, writing, languages and I love it!

Belle Du Jour said:

Sad world we live in. This girl clearly has a "jezebel" spirit and seems to b e intentionally going after celibate guys. So glad Tebow didn't cave! But I think he's not great at picking good women.

http://www.faithit.com/miss-univers...nt-have-sex-with-her-his-response-is-perfect/

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@Belle Du Jour
Thanks for this post
I've been feeling kind of discouraged lately you know like I'm tired Lord where is he already.

So this was just the testimony I needed to not give up. I've been there with guys testing you left and right "joking" what's wrong with you? I just leave now I don't even entertain that mess anymore.
Even though they're "joking" they're really not and they meant that on some level and I just can't deal with that kind of guy.
The old standard don't you love me, if you loved me you'd show me your so sexy crazy pretty hot etc...
Then when nice doesn't work they get nasty and mean like trying the last ditch effort aren't you sick of it already, you must like girls, are you a lesbian? Your beliefs are so last century archaic and antiquated or I'm ignorant and primitive.

Then they act like I did something wrong to them and was out of pocket.
Then they flaunt some hoochie-ma in your face at a place they know you hang out at just to make you jealous just trifling. I've heard this from guy friends (had their own ideas on definition of friends ) and potential BFs.

It's hard to see good catches just walk on by but gods protected me and I've been up front honest and hardcore about my following Jesus.