I'm So Tired Of Fake Hair

Black Ambrosia · Jun 12, 2017

I guess it depends on who you interact with on a day to day basis. I'm around mostly white and black professionals. I don't think white people think about our hair unless it's extra long or we show up with different looks on the regular. Having said that it's never crossed my mind what a Brazilian woman would think of my hair even when I was wearing Brazilian hair.

My experience really makes me want to go back to wearing my own hair again but I've not found a stylist I really like in my area and I want to keep it braided while working out. I don't even like dealing with the leave out on my sew in. Blending and stressing over my edges is not for me. I've already mentioned that I haven't found a texture and brand I like but I feel stuck. Wearing my own hair and working out puts me in that old school salon routine where I feel trapped into going every couple of weeks. Yes I could do it myself but not with the same results. Braids and weaves offer ease and a consistent look.

ETA: This why I started wearing tree braids and transitioned to crochet braids. I only did the sew in to switch up my look as straight hair isn't recommended for crochet braids and I'd been curly for awhile. I preferred the tree braids but never attained length with them. To this day I'm not sure if it was too hard on my hair or if it was the braider's technique - I realized too late that she was using glue and that travels up the length of the braid so it gets in your hair even when they think it's not.

sgold04 · Jun 13, 2017

I'm a "do you" kinda person, but I do feel a bit sad when I'm out and about and 95% of the BW are wearing NOTICEABLE weaves or wigs. I have two BW coworkers who are ashamed of their real hair, in their own words. It's been a looooong time since Ive met grown a** college-educated BW who were ashamed of what grew from their scalps. I've worked with them for a year and I've only seen their real hair once. Once when coworker #1 came to work in a bun between installs (she passed up on happy hour because she didn't want to be seen, and she's gorgeous), the other when she took her wig off at my house after a run in the park.

I know not all BW who wear wigs and weaves hate their hair, but I do believe "protective styling" is used as a front for many. For MEEE, my 4a hair is not a burden; I didn't always feel this way though. I used to think every strand had to be uniform and I dreaded the elements so I spent A LOT more time on it. Now? Sheeeeeit. My hair is gonna do what it does, I work with it instead of fighting it. I still straighten periodically when traveling to non-humid places, and I'll wear crochet braids to give myself a break or when I'm lazy, but I wear my own hair 9-10 months out of the year.

nysister · Jun 13, 2017

What other people do with their hair I don't have much of an opinion on, and though there aren't many black people in my area most (90%) of the Black women I know where their natural hair either regular or straight.

I wore a weave for a few weeks back in 2001. It was an interesting experience but it didn't suit my personality or desire. I feel best with my own hair, I might actually feel insecure if I had a weave or wig on.

LushLox · Jun 13, 2017

Rastafarai said:
On the real, we really do over do it with the makeup and contouring. Layer upon layer of makeup. Just give me a compact powder and I'm good. Our mamas and grannies didn't need all that to get and keep a good man. That and butt implants. The Kim K effect is making us look like brown plastic dolls.

Because thanks wasn't enough.

I have never been a fan of the 'trowel it on' look, apart from looking unnatural there seems to be a general consensus among men that they really don't go for that sort of look.

I love the simple understated look.

LadyChe · Jun 13, 2017

sgold04 said:
I'm a "do you" kinda person, but I do feel a bit sad when I'm out and about and 95% of the BW are wearing NOTICEABLE weaves or wigs. I have two BW coworkers who are ashamed of their real hair, in their own words. It's been a looooong time since Ive met grown a** college-educated BW who were ashamed of what grew from their scalps. I've worked with them for a year and I've only seen their real hair once. Once when coworker #1 came to work in a bun between installs (she passed up on happy hour because she didn't want to be seen, and she's gorgeous), the other when she took her wig off at my house after a run in the park.

Wait. She ran in the wig?

Look, I'm all for switching up styles, but wigs/weaves are clearly a crutch for too many of us. It would be different if we were talking about a 50 -50 mix, but it's quite rare nowadays. I have worn weaves myself periodically, but if you are looking back at the last 5 years of your life and your own hair has been hidden away like Quasimodo for most of that time then it is time for some introspection.

Femmefatal1981 · Jun 13, 2017

It depends on your environment... most, if not all of the black women I work with are natural. Most of us wear WNG, twist outs and buns. My boss is a bw and she wears either a curly sew in or an afro with a headband. She is a very busy working wife and mother so even straight weave is too much work for her. My hair is almost always in a WNG because 1. I'm busy 2. I'm lazy 3. I live in the south and the hair style in my avi didn't even last 4 hrs before it was a puffy mess. I live in a world where the vast majority of the BW i interact with are natural and if I wore a 22 inch Brazilian sew in I would stand out and not in a good way. I associate that look with a certain type of black woman that frankly I do not want to be mistaken for. ( LAHH, RHOA, wanna be bougie but you really a trap queen, probably a stripper)

Evolving78 · Jun 13, 2017

LadyChe said:
Wait. She ran in the wig?

Look, I'm all for switching up styles, but wigs/weaves are clearly a crutch for too many of us. It would be different if we were talking about a 50 -50 mix, but it's quite rare nowadays. I have worn weaves myself periodically, but if you are looking back at the last 5 years of your life and your own hair has been hidden away like Quasimodo for most of that time then it is time for some introspection.

A lot of us have gone natural, but still haven't embraced wearing our hair out. Either they are ashamed, or really haven't taken the time to figure out how to care for it.

FoxxyLocs · Jun 13, 2017

I don't mind natural looking hair, but these wigs and weaves that look like hats are a no go. I see a lot of that and it looks terrible. I personally only wear my real hair. I have a lot of it and trying to get it to fit under a wig is more trouble than it's worth.

sgold04 · Jun 13, 2017

LadyChe said:
Wait. She ran in the wig?

Look, I'm all for switching up styles, but wigs/weaves are clearly a crutch for too many of us. It would be different if we were talking about a 50 -50 mix, but it's quite rare nowadays. I have worn weaves myself periodically, but if you are looking back at the last 5 years of your life and your own hair has been hidden away like Quasimodo for most of that time then it is time for some introspection.

Yes! She has a specific wig for working out lol. She's always posting gym selfies with it.

locabouthair · Jun 13, 2017

I don't knock others for wearing it but a lot of us do. I just don't like seeing the same style all the time and I don't like seeing teens with it. I've wore a weave three times and I just didn't like it. It's not me.

Honey Bee · Jun 13, 2017

Rastafarai said:
On the real, we really do over do it with the makeup and contouring. Layer upon layer of makeup. Just give me a compact powder and I'm good. Our mamas and grannies didn't need all that to get and keep a good man. That and butt implants. The Kim K effect is making us look like brown plastic dolls.

Femmefatal1981 said:
It depends on your environment... most, if not all of the black women I work with are natural. Most of us wear WNG, twist outs and buns. My boss is a bw and she wears either a curly sew in or an afro with a headband. She is a very busy working wife and mother so even straight weave is too much work for her. My hair is almost always in a WNG because 1. I'm busy 2. I'm lazy 3. I live in the south and the hair style in my avi didn't even last 4 hrs before it was a puffy mess. I live in a world where the vast majority of the BW i interact with are natural and if I wore a 22 inch Brazilian sew in I would stand out and not in a good way. I associate that look with a certain type of black woman that frankly I do not want to be mistaken for. ( LAHH, RHOA, wanna be bougie but you really a trap queen, probably a stripper)

So.... reading your posts, I realize I live a very proscribed life. :look:

I don't go out regularly, I don't work. When I do go out, it's for random k cup runs, or to slay. A or B. So I'm always at least verging on fleeky. It's helpful, both in the gentrified hood we currently inhabit and in the finance world where bad chicks add to ones social capital. Funny how they're so similar.

I understand that in some venues, 22" silky might communicate a message you don't intend to communicate. :look:

I have SC cousins, former waist length relaxed beauty queens, who now rock mommy bobs. I understand. :lol:

But different terrain requires different responses. Nyc is the land of slayage. We got Russian models walking around here, just chilling waiting for the train. That's five minutes with your man, and them chicks don't play. :lol:

We must stay all the way on point. I have 'house makeup', a bit of Mac tinted moisturizer and liner/ mascara that keeps me 'interesting'. He, of course, claims it's unnecessary but... ehhhh, I'd rather be safe than sorry. I do all this to stay competitive, given my lack of income. My physical (and culinary) efforts serve to not only offset my lack of income, but to encourage him to do better, working harder on my behalf. Hence, my weave is worth it. :look:

I'm not trying to encourage 'bad behavior', I'm simply elucidating the pro black portion of the equation. When I get to my farm in Vermont, I'll rock my natural hair with no thought as to how it affects my social capital. :doingdishes:

Dee-Licious · Jun 13, 2017

Honey Bee said:
We must stay all the way on point. I have 'house makeup', a bit of Mac tinted moisturizer and liner/ mascara that keeps me 'interesting'. He, of course, claims it's unnecessary but... ehhhh, I'd rather be safe than sorry. I do all this to stay competitive, given my lack of income. My physical (and culinary) efforts serve to not only offset my lack of income, but to encourage him to do better, working harder on my behalf. Hence, my weave is worth it.

awwwww maaaannn... you feel you always have to have on some sort of makeup on even at home to be competitive for your man?

That sounds like a lot of work. That feeling of constant competition would have me :abducted:

.

Dee-Licious · Jun 13, 2017

I've worn sew-ins maybe 4 times in my life. Except for the very first one that was a little before bra strap and too thick for me and my head, I had them to be the density and length of my real hair. I've been thinking about using one my old frontal and bundles to make me a natural looking wig that I can wear if I want which prolly wouldn't be often.

Evolving78 · Jun 13, 2017

Dee-Licious said:
awwwww maaaannn... you feel you always have to have on some sort of makeup on even at home to be competitive for your man? That sounds like a lot of work. That feeling of constant competition would have me .

Not to get off topic, but aren't we always encouraging this here? I know it's a delicate balance to stay on point, and not allow yourself to fall completely off. I know I have my moments when I'm just tired, and don't care. Men have it so easy. How many women do you hear complain about their man not looking put together at home?

Other thing, we have had this conversation before, but does weave equal status? It cost a lot to maintain. I invest my money in my actual hair, instead of buying someone else's. Even going to the salon weekly was still an investment into self. Black women don't invest in skincare, we don't invest enough in our health, etc..we invest in adorements.

Bunnyhaslonghair · Jun 13, 2017

I just want to put it out there that insecurity definitely goes both ways. A recent moment comes to mind when I was in the grocery store a couple days ago and a WW and her man passed me. They glanced at my hair (big, coily, natural looking wig) and this WW took her SL, low density, straight hair and did some kind of fluffing in the back with her hand while looking at my hair. I assume she was trying to put some volume in it. I was just thinking, girl...
I've gotten these type of incidents with my natural hair out as well.

Just thinking out loud here but I've always thought when we wear our natural texture out and healthy, that's when we really compete with other ethnicities when it comes to hair. I've never gotten hair envy from WW and Latinas over my straight weave but I have over my natural hair. Indian women don't seem to care enough either way to comment. I think they are solid in their own beauty standards.

Dee-Licious · Jun 13, 2017

shortdub78 said:
Not to get off topic, but aren't we always encouraging this here? I know it's a delicate balance to stay on point, and not allow yourself to fall completely off. I know I have my moments when I'm just tired, and don't care. Men have it so easy. How many women do you hear complain about their man not looking put together at home?

Other thing, we have had this conversation before, but does weave equal status? It cost a lot to maintain. I invest my money in my actual hair, instead of buying someone else's. Even going to the salon weekly was still an investment into self. Black women don't invest in skincare, we don't invest enough in our health, etc..we invest in adorements.

Maybe some encourage that but never I. I do encourage to do some minimum when leaving the house. On a Saturday morning, I'll look presentable or naky, but I won't put makeup on to fix breakfast.

Honey Bee · Jun 13, 2017

Dee-Licious said:
awwwww maaaannn... you feel you always have to have on some sort of makeup on even at home to be competitive for your man? That sounds like a lot of work. That feeling of constant competition would have me .

It's not as stressful as you might think. I'm built for this. I'm a Taurus, we work the hell out of accoutrements. :lol:

SO thinks it's a lot of work on my behalf (and I encourage that belief :look:

), but really, this is fun for me. He pays for my time, the least i can do is be pleasant to look upon.

I'm in NYC and have maintained an amazing decade+ relationship with an AA man who does everything right. My small amount of effort is worth it. I said all this to say, all weave ain't about low self esteem. Sometimes there's a bigger angle. I doubt that my situation is the norm, just wanted to put it out here as a data point.

FemmeFatale · Jun 13, 2017

Bunnyhaslonghair said:
I just want to put it out there that insecurity definitely goes both ways. A recent moment comes to mind when I was in the grocery store a couple days ago and a WW and her man passed me. They glanced at my hair (big, coily, natural looking wig) and this WW took her SL, low density, straight hair and did some kind of fluffing in the back with her hand while looking at my hair. I assume she was trying to put some volume in it. I was just thinking, girl...
I've gotten these type of incidents with my natural hair out as well.

Just thinking out loud here but I've always thought when we wear our natural texture out and healthy, that's when we really compete with other ethnicities when it comes to hair. I've never gotten hair envy from WW and Latinas over my straight weave but I have over my natural hair. Indian women don't seem to care enough either way to comment. I think they are solid in their own beauty standards.

This. I think we can actually bask in our melanin and be SERIOUS competition. I've been thinking about this for a while now and you're right.

I purposely wear colors that specifically compliments my melanin that I know most ww or non blk ww can't pull off. I have big almond shaped eyes, full lips with s beauty mark, prominent cheekbones, all which I emphasize.

I have the quintessential curvy bw figure and wear clothes that really flatter my shape. Plus I workout religiously

As for my hair..I never wear straight weaves, wavy or curly and I know it's not much but it's a start. Once I'm full BSL, it's on.

Autumn~Tint~Of~Gold · Jun 13, 2017

Sumra said:
Im just truly lazy.

I wore a twa for years then got into braids for a long while and now wigs. I became acustomed to only needing to put my make up on and pick out an outfit in the morning. I loved the TWA days too because it was so quick.

Only really had the experience of longer hair as an adult and I cant stand it. I don't like styling, I dont like prep, I don't like weird **** like static and flyaways etc... I'm used to starting the day with a particular style and looking the same at midnight, so wind/rain/heat messing up my real hair or even human hair extensions drives me crazy. I tried somma dat indian hair back in the day and hated the feel and the way it behaves - much prefer black hair to that crap.

I know this laziness is a direct result of not having long hair previously and wearing fixed styles. Im growing my hair to a reasonable shrinkage length so I can wear twistouts etc ..

This is why I HATE wearing my hair curly. I need to be able to wake up with it looking neat and not need to add water and have that gross wet hair feeling. This is one of my main reasons for flat ironing my hair so much and it's really worth it :lol:

. I don't mind taking 20 mins on my makeup or even 30 mins with a curling iron but I am not standing there dousing my hair to walk around with soaked shoulders, frizz and sinus issues from the wet hair :cry3:

Rocky91 · Jun 13, 2017

FemmeFatale said:
This. I think we can actually bask in our melanin and be SERIOUS competition. I've been thinking about this for a while now and you're right.

I purposely wear colors that specifically compliments my melanin that I know most ww or non blk ww can't pull off. I have big almond shaped eyes, full lips with s beauty mark, prominent cheekbones, all which I emphasize.

I have the quintessential curvy bw figure and wear clothes that really flatter my shape. Plus I workout religiously

As for my hair..I never wear straight weaves, wavy or curly and I know it's not much but it's a start. Once I'm full BSL, it's on.

THIS.
honestly, i feel kinda frumpy right now in my weaves. i know the outside eye wouldn't think so because i mean, they look good. i wouldn't go out otherwise :lol:

but i feel like i truly, truly SLAY when i have a bomb twistout or some big curly style that involves my own hair.

when a black woman is slaying with body on point + beat but not drag looking face + her own hair, there's just no competition at all.

Rocky91 · Jun 13, 2017

i'm gonna just post some random inspo pics, because hell, it's my thread.
black women wearing fabulous hair that i assume is theirs.

teyonah parris is just the current prototype for black beauty IMO.

FemmeFatale · Jun 13, 2017

Rocky91 said:
THIS.
honestly, i feel kinda frumpy right now in my weaves. i know the outside eye wouldn't think so because i mean, they look good. i wouldn't go out otherwise but i feel like i truly, truly SLAY when i have a bomb twistout or some big curly style that involves my own hair.

when a black woman is slaying with body on point + beat but not drag looking face + her own hair, there's just no competition at all.

Yep. Black beauty matters, our representation matters so I don't only do it for myself, I do it for the culture.

Our look is a very unique and valuable commodity.

Bunnyhaslonghair · Jun 13, 2017

Rocky91 said:
THIS.
honestly, i feel kinda frumpy right now in my weaves. i know the outside eye wouldn't think so because i mean, they look good. i wouldn't go out otherwise but i feel like i truly, truly SLAY when i have a bomb twistout or some big curly style that involves my own hair.

when a black woman is slaying with body on point + beat but not drag looking face + her own hair, there's just no competition at all.

And this is really the moral of this whole thread.

sithembile · Jun 13, 2017

Yesterday, my 6 year old asked me why I had to put on a wig to leave the house. I didn't have a good answer. It's bothering me that I have taught her not to celebrate our hair so I am taking out my cornrows tonight and going to my stylist tomorrow for a cut and style. Problem is that I don't have much time in the morning for hair so I have to come up with styles I can easily do for work. I want her to love her hair.

Alta Angel · Jun 13, 2017

Isn't it amazing how our daughters hold a mirror up to us teach us more about ourselves? I transitioned to natural hair because my oldest daughter who was 4 at the time desperately wanted straight hair. I read "I Love My Hair" to her almost every night and she had every Black doll known to man...but she still wanted straight hair. When I told her about the beauty of coiled hair she cut me off and asked "If curly hair is so great, why do you wear your hair straight? I want my hair to look like YOURS!" I was running around trying to find outside representations of natural hair love, but never embraced it for myself. Nine years and hundreds of crazy hair days later we both love our hair!

sithembile said:
Yesterday, my 6 year old asked me why I had to put on a wig to leave the house. I didn't have a good answer. It's bothering me that I have taught her not to celebrate our hair so I am taking out my cornrows tonight and going to my stylist tomorrow for a cut and style. Problem is that I don't have much time in the morning for hair so I have to come up with styles I can easily do for work. I want her to love her hair.

SugarSweetCoco** · Jun 13, 2017

I definitely get this.. and hate to admit I am a slave to the fakery too :cry3:

Growing up in the UK, I found my white friends and their mums were in awe of the different styles and versatility of my natural hair where I'd feel proud but it was my fellow black friends who would be like..."what are you doing with your hair? when are you getting your hair done?" when id have ny hair in a sleek bun. Its comments like that from your own community that sow the seed that your natural aesthetic is not good enough. I currently wear my own hand made wig that is straight, low density and shoulder length. Although there is probably a psychological dependence to it... I try to view it as a placebo for what my hair may be when it grows longer as even though my wig takes 2 seconds to put on it is higher maintenance than my own hair...

boudoir · Jun 13, 2017

when I wear my real hair out nice and fluffy in a twist out and braid out you can feel WW and wypipo boring their eyes into our scalp, its the lush thickness of our hair, it is in FACT hair envy!!!

Now my weave looks natural, because I don't wear a full weave, I always have my hair out in the front and my hair is pretty thick and blends well, but also I wear a texture that is not silky more textured relaxed
I don't think Silky weaves look good on us, its just not believable and I feel like it takes away from our beauty

others wear weaves but their blending is undetectable, making it appear that they are wearing their own hair
fusion, clip ins or hsn/qvc hair still looks impeccable on others rocking it, on us it would look atrocious

Bunnyhaslonghair said:
I just want to put it out there that insecurity definitely goes both ways. A recent moment comes to mind when I was in the grocery store a couple days ago and a WW and her man passed me. They glanced at my hair (big, coily, natural looking wig) and this WW took her SL, low density, straight hair and did some kind of fluffing in the back with her hand while looking at my hair. I assume she was trying to put some volume in it. I was just thinking, girl...
I've gotten these type of incidents with my natural hair out as well.

Just thinking out loud here but I've always thought when we wear our natural texture out and healthy, that's when we really compete with other ethnicities when it comes to hair. I've never gotten hair envy from WW and Latinas over my straight weave but I have over my natural hair. Indian women don't seem to care enough either way to comment. I think they are solid in their own beauty standards.

Ditto I'm team slay or nothing at all. Home slay, take a walk slay and keep it cute for DH slay, also if you have a great canvas (body/face) to work with your slay requires very little effort :gorgeous:

Honey Bee said:
It's not as stressful as you might think. I'm built for this. I'm a Taurus, we work the hell out of accoutrements. SO thinks it's a lot of work on my behalf (and I encourage that belief ), but really, this is fun for me. He pays for my time, the least i can do is be pleasant to look upon.

I'm in NYC and have maintained an amazing decade+ relationship with an AA man who does everything right. My small amount of effort is worth it. I said all this to say, all weave ain't about low self esteem. Sometimes there's a bigger angle. I doubt that my situation is the norm, just wanted to put it out here as a data point.

Evolving78 · Jun 13, 2017

sithembile said:
Yesterday, my 6 year old asked me why I had to put on a wig to leave the house. I didn't have a good answer. It's bothering me that I have taught her not to celebrate our hair so I am taking out my cornrows tonight and going to my stylist tomorrow for a cut and style. Problem is that I don't have much time in the morning for hair so I have to come up with styles I can easily do for work. I want her to love her hair.

About 4 years ago, I had so much shedding from Post partum, it caused some serious knots in my hair, like I thought somebody put gum in it! lol I wack all of my hair in the bathroom, then I got it shaped at the salon. I loved my bob! It was so easy to maintain, dealing with an infant, and two small kids. If your hair is natural, get a cut you can go straight, or natural. Ask your stylist to show you how to flat twist your hair, or how to maintain it in between salon visits. Tell her you need a style that function and not time consuming.

Good luck on your cut, and I hope it turns out cute!

sithembile · Jun 13, 2017

shortdub78 said:
About 4 years ago, I had so much shedding from Post partum, it caused some serious knots in my hair, like I thought somebody put gum in it! lol I wack all of my hair in the bathroom, then I got it shaped at the salon. I loved my bob! It was so easy to maintain, dealing with an infant, and two small kids. If your hair is natural, get a cut you can go straight, or natural. Ask your stylist to show you how to flat twist your hair, or how to maintain it in between salon visits. Tell her you need a style that function and not time consuming.

Good luck on your cut, and I hope it turns out cute!

Thanks for the advice!

nysister · Jun 13, 2017

Bunnyhaslonghair said:
Just thinking out loud here but I've always thought when we wear our natural texture out and healthy, that's when we really compete with other ethnicities when it comes to hair. I've never gotten hair envy from WW and Latinas over my straight weave but I have over my natural hair. Indian women don't seem to care enough either way to comment. I think they are solid in their own beauty standards.

Yup! I had this sweet Latina woman tell me the other day that she wishes she had my hair because it was thick and her beautiful and curly, and her hair is what many want, long and straight. I had another today say that I was "very pretty" and I was wearing my standard natural hair 2 crown braids. WW have done it as well. I agree regarding Indians.

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