He Gave Birth. He Breastfed. Now, He Wants His Son To See Him As A Man

Leeda.the.Paladin

Well-Known Member


CNN)Like many new dads, Sabastion Sparks knew parenting would come with serious challenges.

But most new dads didn't give birth to their child. They didn't breastfeed them. And they don't endure glares from strangers when they go shopping with their wife and their toddler son.
Sabastion, 24, is a transgender man who lives with his wife Angel in suburban Atlanta. Assigned the female gender at birth, he began transitioning five years ago . It's a process that felt more complete last month when he had surgery to remove his breasts.


Sabastion Sparks gave birth to son Jaxen in October 2016.
With Father's Day approaching, Sabastion finds himself thinking about gender roles and what it means to be a dad. He wants Jaxen, their 20-month-old son, to have as normal a childhood as possible.
And for the first time, he now feels at ease inside his own body. He hopes Jaxen will see that difference.
"I'm going to be a better father being comfortable in myself and him seeing that confidence in me," he says.

Sabastion's journey to marriage, and manhood
As a teen growing up in Locust Grove, Georgia, Sabastion felt different.
Before he transitioned to become a man, he would sit on the school bus and think how much he hated having breasts.


Sabastion hoped that one day after saving enough money, a surgery could remove them.
By the time Sabastion met Angel five years ago at a convention for transgender people, he identified as a man. Angel, 33, was designated male at birth but had transitioned years earlier.


After breastfeeding his son, Sabastion Sparks had his breasts removed in May.
They both knew they wanted to be parents. After they were married in 2016, they agreed that Sabastion would carry their child -- a decision, Angel Sparks says, that wasn't taken lightly.
Like many transgender men and women, they had been taking medication to increase the testosterone or estrogen in their bodies. So to make a baby, they briefly stopped taking their hormone pills.
The couple conceived their son the conventional way, even though their biological roles at the time were not compatible with how they saw themselves.
"Getting pregnant was fine," Angel says. "Trying to stay pregnant was difficult."
The first time they tried, Sabastion miscarried. When he got pregnant with Jaxen, they worried another miscarriage could happen.


"Before Jaxen, Sabastion was my baby," Angel says. "I was worried about the baby, but I was also worried that I could lose Sabastion too."
When they went out in public, 'people would snicker'
The couple also faced the prejudice of others.
When Sabastion was pregnant, someone close to him threatened to take the baby away, saying his life at home would be unnatural. For security reasons, he and Angel were listed as anonymous at the hospital.


Sabastion plays with Jaxen in their suburban Atlanta home. "I'm going to be a better father being comfortable in myself."
Angel, a multi-faith minister, said this was a test of their faith. But as she sat there in the delivery room with Sabastion, teasing him "to be a man" while in labor, Angel's fears began to fade away.
"I always say the most beautiful thing in the world gave me the most beautiful thing in the world," she says.
After Jaxen was born, Sabastion sometimes had to breastfeed when he, Angel and their son were out in public. The three of them drew stares as they navigated the aisles of their neighborhood stores.
"People would snicker or call us 'f******,'" she says. "He'd try so hard to cover it up and hide what he was doing."


Sabastion, feeling self conscious, wore a chest binder -- a compression shirt used to flatten breasts.
"It's uncomfortable and sweaty and itchy," he says. "Imagine wearing that for 10, 12 hours at a time. I (was) always having to hide myself."


Angel Sparks, 33. She met Sabastion five years ago at a transgender convention.
Not all transgender people choose to have surgery as part of a gender transition, and Sabastion knows looks shouldn't matter.
But he worries that the scornful way some people treat him could get passed down to Jaxen. That's not what he wants for his son.
So last month's surgery wasn't just important for him, but for Jaxen too. Sabastion wants his son to see himself in him.
"My son won't see breasts on his dad," he says, watching Jaxen play with a ball. "He won't be as different from me."
Angel has noticed Sabastion seems more self-assured since his surgery.


"He's always running around with his shirt off," she says, playfully. "It's like he's looking for a reason to show the world his chest."
For their son, they want a future without limits
The Sparks try not to put too much stock into gender roles.
In their two-bedroom apartment, Jaxen has a mixture of toys in his room -- from little trucks to dolls to a play kitchen.


Sabastion says he hopes Jaxen always feels like he can find love wherever he turns.
Angel puts Jaxen to bed some nights, while other times it's Sabastion. They both can sense when Jaxen wants to be picked up or tossed playfully in the air.
But when it comes to lessons learned as a toddler, there are some things Sabastion wants to teach Jaxen, father to son. One of them is how to pee standing up -- something Sabastion does with the help of a detachable prosthetic.
"I can't wait to be there for my kid," says, Sabastion, who works as a security guard at a distribution center. "The more my body resembles his, the better he'll understand."
Although he's less than 2, Jaxen already shows signs of seeing his parents in terms of traditional gender roles.
"He looks to me for nurturing," Angel says. "He looks to dad to play ball."
The Sparks family has no plans for Father's Day this year. Sabastion says he'll most likely be working on Sunday. But he knows there will be plenty of future opportunities for him to spend quality time with their son.


Sabastion: "We're already subject to the ridicule of others. All we can do is teach (Jaxen) our values and hope for the best."
Sabastion wants Jaxen to travel around the world. He wants to help guide his son on his path to adulthood and make sure he never feels like he can't find love wherever he turns.
But even though the Sparks have created a safe and loving home for their son, Sabastion still worries about how cruel the outside world will be to a child with trans parents.
"We're thinking about homeschooling him because we don't what will happen when the kids find out his parents are trans. By being who we are, we're already subject to the ridicule of others," he says. "All we can do is teach him our values and hope for the best."
The couple are raising their son the best way they know how -- with love. They also realize that for many observers, that won't be enough.
"People think trans people can't be good parents, and that's not true," Sabastion adds. "Trans parents are just like any other parents."
 

TCatt86

Well-Known Member
hmmmm. you know I'm a live and let live person. So I don't really care what they do But it's interesting that it's un-pc to call these people mentally ill. If I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I would be treated. Saying I have a mental disease shouldn't take away my humanity.
 

Black Ambrosia

Well-Known Member
What’s confusing to me is that he’s (Sebastian) so adamant about the son seeing himself in his father (Sebastian) when the LGBTQ community is so outspoken about not confirming to gender roles. It feels like he’s actively trying to conform just not to the role he was born with. I’m sure I’m oversimplifying and probably missing something but this is what I’m picking up on.

Also, Sebastian would have a much easier experience if he weren’t with Angel. Sebastian could pass for a soft dude. Angel isn’t passing. I wonder what her church and sermons are like.
 

Goombay_Summer

Well-Known Member
Sadly I’m stuck with images of this very attractive couple conceiving their son the traditional way and Sebastian’s detachable prosthetic penis.

I also desperately need for Bastian to get/purchase/reconstruct/ play-doh nipples to his chest area (if he insist on being shirtless). Interesting factoid my furry son didn’t have any nipples either but he never brazenly flaunted the fact that he did not.
 
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ThirdEyeBeauty

Well-Known Member
Angel shocked me.

Happy Saturday
I'll be honest I was more surprised by Angel than anything. Cute kid. Sebastian seems like a caring, loving parent.
Why is Angel shocking or surprising you?
What’s confusing to me is that he’s (Sebastian) so adamant about the son seeing himself in his father (Sebastian) when the LGBTQ community is so outspoken about not confirming to gender roles. It feels like he’s actively trying to conform just not to the role he was born with. I’m sure I’m oversimplifying and probably missing something but this is what I’m picking up on.

Also, Sebastian would have a much easier experience if he weren’t with Angel. Sebastian could pass for a soft dude. Angel isn’t passing. I wonder what her church and sermons are like.
Wait a minute, Angel is a biological male? I didn't read the article to well.

Eta: I say Angel passed to me. I was thinking something else. I'm surprised by that. The obesity helped to me a lot.
 

Leeda.the.Paladin

Well-Known Member
I was intrigued by this article for several reasons.

1) I’m surprised that the person who birthed the child decided to breastfeed, especially since they hated their breasts so much. 2) I know they just gave birth but I think if they worked out and did some strength training, that it would help to look more masculine. They are taking testosterone so I’m assuming that would help to get a bulky build 3) I dont think the reason they get stared at is the fact that they are transgendered...between the hair styles, tattoos, piercings, clothes, and opposite body types, it would be more surprising if they were NOT stared at and 4) the son looks very loved and well cared for and I guess that’s all that matters. I do wonder if this will affect his own sexuality later on in life. I’m happy they are dressing him like a boy and letting him play with cars. I’ve noticed several couples like the ones in the OP who dont try to force gender neutrality on the children of their union. It’s a pleasant surprise.
 

YvetteWithJoy

On break
I was intrigued by this article for several reasons.

1) I’m surprised that the person who birthed the child decided to breastfeed, especially since they hated their breasts so much. 2) I know they just gave birth but I think if they worked out and did some strength training, that it would help to look more masculine. They are taking testosterone so I’m assuming that would help to get a bulky build 3) I dont think the reason they get stared at is the fact that they are transgendered...between the hair styles, tattoos, piercings, clothes, and opposite body types, it would be more surprising if they were NOT stared at and 4) the son looks very loved and well cared for and I guess that’s all that matters. I do wonder if this will affect his own sexuality later on in life. I’m happy they are dressing him like a boy and letting him play with cars. I’ve noticed several couples like the ones in the OP who dont try to force gender neutrality on the children of their union. It’s a pleasant surprise.

:yep:, particularly to the bolded.
 

nysister

Well-Known Member
Why is Angel shocking or surprising you?

Wait a minute, Angel is a biological male? I didn't read the article to well.

Eta: I say Angel passed to me. I was thinking something else. I'm surprised by that. The obesity helped to me a lot.

The fact that Angel is/was a man, their unusual size and that they are able to have sex. It all took me by surprise.
 
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