SERIOUS QUESTION-MOLESTATION/FORGIVENESS

Yes, I would forgive him. Of course I would have to work through that forgiveness and I would hope that he is punished for what he did but I would make sure my child gets the help he/she needed and thats pretty much it. When you forgive someone they cannot become public enemy number 1- you have to forgive and love them. Would I remain married no I would not, I would never put my child in that situation. This is the thing, this is the hard part. We have to put our complete and total trust in the lord when we choose a mate, if we did so we would never experience these kinds of things. When you forgive you have to forgive 100% like God forgives us and keeps no record. its hard harder then anything you have to go through but its really what you have to do. My ex abused my son. Not sexually but physically - it changed my son but I had to not change to much because I did not want my son to become a bitter and angry person. I still kept in contact with his father and let my son make a decision of whether he wanted to --now that he is grown and he has decided that does not want to. But he is not bitter or angry about it. He can talk about his father without getting upset. Thank God he forgives me for my sin.

No...I'd remove my child and focus on healing both of us and asking forgiviness from God of me and then learning to forgive myself for allowing such a huge error that affected a helpless innocent in my having some sort of lapse in discerning character and ethics in the man who was to be my lifepartner

Forgiveness....I'd have to pray VERY hard first ....... to not to kill the person..NOT JOKING

I too am a survivor and the hardest part of being one was not the abuse I suffered but being the witness of it to someone else...a beloved sibling,an older brother and as a child being absolutely powerless..to protect that person ..it still haunts me..it haunts my little sister now a grown woman and mother of three children.... my other sibling..the one it happened to ..he's never spoken of it... but he has major health problems

I had no idea my sister too was traumatized until she said one day recently ...I remember and she named the incident and I couldn't believe she brought it up as an adult
but then she said ..I remember like yesterday.... I can't forget...

I'd have to work on overcoming my indifference to being imprisoned or be given a dealth penalty before forgiveness..even though I have as best as I can forgiven my own abusers

I'd have to 'kill' him first, then I'd be able to forgive him.

How dare he!!! How dare he even 'think' about such a horror!

honestly i would have to do a lot of praying and ask God to give me
the strength and the grace and mercy because me/ my flesh would really
truly would want to k**l him and i mean that .

but i do know what God says and it would take a lot of prayer and healing
for both me and my child.......then i still would not want him near my child
or me ever again.....

In time, I know God would give me the strength to forgive him. But to be honest onced I threw him out the window my concentration would be on my child. I would have to deal with him and forgiveness at a later date.

rondie54 said:

So the mother stayed with the molester and he gets to raise a child and be near children? That is scary. Does this child have major health issues since it is a product of incest?

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I'd like to know this... just thinking about that situations made me feel depressed and need to pray.

How does a woman go back to a man that is capable of doing this... how do they together raise a child that she knows was created by him molesting his daughter How does a man look someone in the eye and carry on as normal knowing what he has done?

My heart, soul and prayers go with the babies biological mother

pretty08 said:

I'm doing research on this topic and I have a question for you all and I want to see how some of you would answer it, particularly from a christian standpoint....If you found out that your husband had molested your daughter or son 1) Would you stay with him?,if yes=why? and 2) Would you forgive him?... Even if you are not married, I'd still like to hear how you might react to this if you found yourself in this situation.

Thanks for your responses!

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That Fu@ker would be died. Pun intended. He knows my pass he may as well kill himself for fear of me getting to him first.
He would never be forgiven.
He would be died
On the real i would kill him.

As Christians we have not choice but to forgive for God command us to forgive one another.

Not sure if I would stay with him it depends on the root of problem. If this was his first offense and he get counseloring maybe. I would want to know why if he has no history.

If he has history of molestation still have to forgive but may seperate until he get long period of counseloring than maybe we could try again. For me if I married someone is because I LOVE them and leaving would not be easy. However, after this act my main concern would be my CHILD and me and then him. So, as my child heals and he get CHRISTIAN and PROFESSIONAL counseloring and meets ALL my reasonable demands maybe we can get back or stay together. BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT as Christian we must ASK God what to do he may tell us to STAY. But we must always forgive people there is no such thing as little and big sins BUT I really DO NOT like anybody who moleses a child but hurting people, hurt people. GOD MUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO BEFORE I DO ANYTHING.

joyousnerd said:

I'm a survivor of molestation myself. I have educated myself pretty thoroughly on the subject, and sadly I have to say that from what I've learned, it's very very common for the mother to 1. accuse the child of lying about the abuse 2. choose to stay with the molester.

It's so sad that the Christian mandate to forgive has been perverted (in my view) and twisted into badgering survivors into "forgiving" thier molestors.

For instance, a survivor who won't allow the molestor access to her children is told she is supposed to forgive and forget. The thinking is "Hey, he promised he wouldn't rape your daughter like he raped you! Isn't that good enough?"

God forgives me, why can't you? so much evil in this world.

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I agree. Evil doesn't deserve forgiveness. I do believe that God forgives, so I'll let Him do that. Chalk my lack of forgiveness under my many failings as a Christian. If folks can forgive a predator then they can give me a pass on not being capable of following in their footsteps.

Laginappe said:

I agree. Evil doesn't deserve forgiveness. I do believe that God forgives, so I'll let Him do that. Chalk my lack of forgiveness under my many failings as a Christian. If folks can forgive a predator then they can give me a pass on not being capable of following in their footsteps.

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i'd have to say that i agree.

Forgiving and restoration are two totally different things. We forgive so that bitterness doesn't settle in our hearts and block out the Word of God. It's to retain the relationship between us and God. Forgiveness is for our sakes not the offenders. He tells us that we must forgive in order for Him to forgive us but He doesn't tell us that we are to have the person over for dinner or some other foolishness!!! He wants us to dwell in safety. We don't have the right to endanger our children. Just because we forgive a person doesn't mean that that person has changed or even cares to change their ways. Our job is to protect the innocent not the offender. Forgiveness doesn't mean that we're supposed to trust the person again or have any kind of relationship with them. The Lord says that He doesn't trust us to do the right thing that's why He put His spirit in us to make us keep His commandments. Why would we think that He would expect us to trust the offender?