Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natural

Good morning ladies,

So I am sitting here with my hair in six fat plaits (request of my stylist) in anticipation of a 1:00 pm appointment to get my hair relaxed. I got my first, and up to this point, only, relaxer the summer before 8th grade. I remember the date so clearly because I was BEGGING my mother for a relaxer before school started because I was so tired of the kids teasing me about my natural hair, and after all, I was going into the EIGHTH GRADE (I felt SO grown at the time
). My hair looked great for about two months- so much so that different people would want to "style" my hair every morning during homeroom. But over time the lack of knowledge and care lead to extreme breakage- I would always have these little pieces of hair all over my shoulders. My hair went from midback to just brushing on my shoulders.

After an unintentional transition (I just flat-ironed the new growth and never got another relaxer), I estimate that all the relaxed ends had fallen off by the time I was a junior in high school. Now, almost ten years later, I am "ready" to relax again.

...or maybe I am not. I have learned so much from this board, but I still have so much anxiety and apprehension about adding the chemicals. Last night my heart was literally racing as I thought about all the things that could potentially go wrong. I really thought I was going crazy a couple of days ago at work because I was thinking about the appointment and I felt like my hair was crying
. Yes, I know that is ridiculous, but it was "saying", "WHY are you doing this to us? What have we done to you? We have been growing so healthy and strong all this time."

My two reasons:

I am so tired of shrinkage. So, so, so, so, so tired of shrinkage. I like long hair. I like to SEE long hair. I HATE the way it starts off well below shoulder and then curls up into a non-moving, above-shoulder tent-like fro
. To make matters worse, it does not shrink evenly. It looks like a tent because the hair on top is much looser and will only shrink about 50%, and the hair on the back will shrink about 75%. The only way to show even a little more length is to twistout, braidout, or blowout. All of these are time consuming, and if I want the hair to stay stretched than I cannot get it wet. This is not cool with me because I like to keep my hair well-moisutrized and I also work out frequently. I DON'T want straight hair, but I do want to show some length after all these years of growing.

I am so tired of the detangling time. So, so, so, so, so, so, SO, SO tired of taking an hour plus to detangle fully. I know that one solution- suggested by friends who do not want me to perm- is to cut my hair. But this defeats the whole purpose of growing it long. I do miss the days when it took only five minutes to comb through in the shower and pull it back into a gorgeous puff. No more
. It is way too long and does not maintain shape.

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I am sorry for this long post. I guess I just need to see my thoughts in writing so they can stop swirling around in my head
. The crazy thing is my hair feels sooooooo soft and supple right now since I have been prepping it with extra moisture for the past few weeks in anticipation of my appointment. And now I am going to get it relaxed.

I pray this turns out well. Support please (or discouragement if you feel so inclined
).
 

jainygirl

New Member
.....texturized or a relaxer RELAXER??? would you consider possibly trying a texturizer first???? your hair is so gorgeous Oshun...i just cant imagine all that beauty smoothed away... sorry...i know i sound biased...but i'm just shocked
i know it'll look great whatever you decide
please keep us updated. -- jainygirl
 

aqualung

New Member
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

It may not turn out to be that big of a deal. With your hair knowledge and the help of the forum, you might turn into one of those people who relaxes 2 or 3 times a year (as opposed to every 6 weeks). *shrug*
 

MoezThunder

New Member
Oshun, if a little more manageability is all you're really looking for; then I agree with jainygirl. Don't rob yourself of the versatility of a texturizer. I think you just wantthe best of both worlds AND you can have it. If you texturize then the curls relax to show more length and its more manageable AND if you wanna roller set or blow dry.....VOILA! you got silky straight hair. It'll be beautiful no matter what. You've loved that hair and taken care of it for 10 yrs, now it's time for you to enjoy it! Good luck.
 

skegeesmb

New Member
Wow. I can understand your frustration, quite a few members have cried out due to frustration. I'm not here to change your mind, but I say good luck for whatever you do. If you decide to relax, or if you have, I hope this board can help you keep that beautiful formal natural, newly relaxed length, because I know you don't want cut off all that progress.

Good luck and tell us how it turns out.
 
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

Hey Jainy:)

Well, I told my stylist that I wanted the hair to have some curl and body, but I am not sure just how long he plans to leave the relaxer in
. I definitely do not want it to be bone straight when it is wet, but I don't want more than 35% shrinkage. I guess that is a relaxer, relaxer? I will keep you updated and you know I'll be harassing you for tips since you have such wonderfully thick and long hair!!

@ Megon: I wish I could be that chill about it
. But it is definitely a big change and departure from what I know. I think the 2-3 touch-ups a year will definitely be part of the regimen. The best looking relaxed hair seems to be touched up very infrequently.
 

inthepink

New Member
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

Good luck on your decision. I hope that you get the level of straightness (or lackthereof) that you're after!
 
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

Thanks for the feedback ladies!

I have definitely thought about texturizing, but my fear is that that the curl will not be loosened to my satisfaction, and then I will have to go back and get a corrective. I would love to be able to wash-and-go and not have to worry about what my hair will look like five hours later after it has finished shrinking.
 

GodMadeMePretty

Well-Known Member
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

I understand how you feel, OshunCurls. It would be great to have the best of both worlds. I like the way you just *sprung* this on us at the last possible moment. Looks like you have your mind made up.

Do you!
 
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

Skegeesmb,

How frequently do you touch up your hair? Are you happy with the texturizer? Your natural hair was absolutely gorgeous and it looks like it is still thriving with the texturizer.

Thanks hairlove! I really made a conscious effort to AVOID looking at your album because it makes me want to stay natural...your hair is beautiful...
 

Tai

New Member
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

Good luck on your relaxer. Do you know what type and strength you're going to use?
 
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

Hey GMMP,

Yes, I have held out for the longest!!! You are on to me!! I definitely feel like I am going to get SOME sort of chemical process today. I didn't want to come to you all being very indecisive because I tend to be indecisive when it comes to important decisions. I would have just felt like there were so many different options to choose from if I had not set my mind in one direction or another. I am just not enjoying my hair at the moment, and I cannot deal with that any longer.

Are you transitioning? I see your last relaxer was almost a year ago???
 
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

Thanks, Tai!

I am pretty sure my stylist uses Affirm Fiberguard Mild. I think the lye formula will be best. I have never seen him apply a relaxer, but several of my girls with very nice hair go to him regularly for their touch-ups. What type of relaxer did you use for your texturizer? Any particular reason you are transitioning?
 

cutebajangirl

New Member
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

Please don't do it. At the very least don't do it today. It seems you haven't interviewd the stylist properly. What is curl and body? Are you sure that your definition of curl and body equals his? Are you any where new york? If so I would wait and go to curves. If not I would still wait and hunt down a Ouidad trained salon.
 

zoya_j

Well-Known Member
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

OshunCurls, I know exactly how you feel. I was in that same boat three weeks ago when I decided to texturize my natural hair after 2 years. Shrinkage and time were major factors in my decision to do something with my hair, I just couldn't deal with it anymore. My hair was sooo thick. Good luck to you!!
 

aqualung

New Member
[ QUOTE ]
OshunCurls said:
But over time the lack of knowledge and care lead to extreme breakage- I would always have these little pieces of hair all over my shoulders. My hair went from midback to just brushing on my shoulders.

[/ QUOTE ]

Do you have a game plan/hair routine to prevent this from happening? Don't wanna repeat those 8th grade mistakes if you relax at 6 month intervals.
 
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

@ CBG: I know what you mean about having the same definition as the stylist. I have a couple of pictures that I hope will put us on the same page. He has worked with my hair several times before (the best presses I have ever had) so I am hoping that he knows what he needs to do. I am in Boston, which is not so far from NY, but there is actually an Ouidad salon up here. I know wone girl who goes there and her hair is very nice...hmmmmmmm.

Thanks, Zoya J! How do you like the texturizer? What is your main style? Have you noticed increased breakage/shedding?
 

cutebajangirl

New Member
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

Well I am a get and go kinda person so to me that is close.LOL. I would take the acela train or shoot take Grayhound early in the morning and come to NY and get my hair done.
 

zoya_j

Well-Known Member
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

I have been wearing rod sets ever since. My hair has been soft, thick but manageable. Breakage so far is the same as when I was natural at a minimum (basically only when I'm rough with my hair). What I like is that it is not bone straight, not even when it's wet. Everyone keeps asking if I have a weave or what I did I do to my hair it looks great.
 
Very good point, Megon.

I think I am going to "steal" Hiza's regimen
She has stunning hair and her regimen is very simple and straightforward. All bases (moisture, protein, styling) are covered, and I definitely need that type of "all inclusive" package right now. I am honestly hoping that, with the exception of needing to do more protein treatments, the regimen will not be too much different than what it is now (i.e., conditioner washes, oils to seal in moisture, minimal heat).

I know you have been playing around with it, but did your regimen change that much after you relaxed?
 

aqualung

New Member
[ QUOTE ]
OshunCurls said:
Very good point, Megon.
...
I know you have been playing around with it, but did your regimen change that much after you relaxed?

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh, I wore braided extensions for 2-3 month stretches before I relaxed! It's radically different now.

ADVERTISEMENT:
If you're thinking that you'd like to texturize for x minutes with a mild lye relaxer, you mught check out Todd at Hair, Body, and Soul. He lives and dies by the timer during chemical services, and he only ever rollersets to style. Todd is also HONEST in his assessment of how your hair will react to various treatments (chemicals, colors, cuts). He could probably tell you how many minutes you'd need to relax to match the styles in your demo pictures based on your curl pattern and how coarse/fine your hair is. I did several consultations around town before I settled there.
 

sengschick

The Bun Master
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

I had a similar tale before deciding to texturize. I was wrought w/fear and the knowledge that I 'couldn't go back' which was really igging me. But I am so, so, so happy I texturized, aftering being natural for 8 years, I feel so light and free. I felt like I was betraying my hair too at the time, but now she's so happy b/c I stopped straightening the dear life out of her. So we're a happy duo. I plan to texturize 2-3 times per year.

Very, very best wishes! Please let us know how it goes
!
 

jainygirl

New Member
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

She's probably getting rinsed by the shampoo girl as we read this post... i hope it turns out the way she likes ..i'm nervous for her-- i mean 10 years
please post pics soon
-- jainygirl
 

silvergirl

Well-Known Member
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

oshun i feel ur pain.

good luck an ill be prayin that it turns out to ur likin:)
 

Donda

New Member
Re: Relaxing After Almost a Decade of Being Natura

I think a texturizer would be your best bet also. They could do a patch test to see how long they need to leave it on. If then you decided to text and don't like it you still have a choice either 1) Go for the relaxer in a few months or 2) transition back to a natural, with a text it should be much easier then if you would have relaxed from the start.

Best Wishes!
 

blue_flower

Well-Known Member
[ QUOTE ]
jainygirl said:
.....texturized or a relaxer RELAXER??? would you consider possibly trying a texturizer first???? your hair is so gorgeous Oshun...i just cant imagine all that beauty smoothed away... sorry...i know i sound biased...but i'm just shocked
i know it'll look great whatever you decide
please keep us updated. -- jainygirl

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. You should consider a texturizer. At least if you change your mind about using chemicals, the two textures won't be drastically different. If you're texturized, you can use the same regimen that you're using now.
 

CurlyCrly

To each his own. :)
I wonder what she did? I hope she has pictures taken soon if she did something. Ten years and a lot of natural hair.....we all wait....
 
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