How do you forgive?

BeautifulFlower · Apr 6, 2009

Amen! Thats the beauty of it. We break God's heart everyday and he's been so good to us. He didnt unleash his fury on us, blesses us daily and keeps us from harm, gave His only Son for us.... Who are we to not forgive others?

Imagine you sacrificed your child to save the lives of the united states. Someone had to die and your son was the only candidate. So you did it and the US lives. Then those same people you save dont thank you, dont care about you, disrepect you, steal from you, kill each other, kill themselves, drink and smoke their brains away... You would be furious right? Angry because you sacrificed your child for them. Angry because you suffered separation from your child for them. And they repay you by continuing in their ways...Imagine how God feels every single day.

And girl we are ALL learning but we learn because we love the Lord and we want to please him.

hairlove said:
Gotcha and this makes a lot of sense. This is EXACTLY what I do when those old feelings come up. You describe it as "changing the channel." I envision myself pushing a packed suitcase out the door where it belongs. And it does work.

Caught up in the details - You're right. I am. I am very analytical and I so I try to understand so that if asked to explain, I can!

Also, in my analyticalness, I looked up the word forgive/forgiveness and it really means to just give up retribution, forget an old debt, etc. I suppose I don't need another person for that. So, I have been forgiving at times that I didn't even know. Like that time someone borrowed money and never paid me back. I decided to let the debt go and just never do it again. I did not harbor resentment against the person.

Maybe the other side of the coin is that IF someone does come to me to ASK forgiveness, who am I to say no after all God did for me?

I'm learning and growing.

topsyturvy86 · Apr 6, 2009

hairlove said:
Those scriptures are helpful but at the same time, there are other people who lay out scriptures that describe it differently. Such as I was saying before Unconditional Forgiveness vs. Forgiving Heart. (in my post a few up)

I think we all interprete scripture differently, however, I don't think the Word contradicts itself. I personally believe in forgiving without being asked for frgiveness. our perferct example Jesus Christ forgave His tormentors and even asked God to forgive them without them asking/even wanting forgiveness of Him (Luke 23: 32-37). Unforgiveness is a sin and as I said earlier, forgiveness/unforgiveness is more about us than the other persn. If you wait for the person to ask for frogiveness befroe forgiving, in the meantime, your prayers will be hindered and God will not forgive you your sins - very serious issue.

I also think having a forgiving heart is key and should go alongside unconditinal forgiveness rather that either/or.

I've been learning about forgiveness lately, and am still learning. It's all easy to say but a bit hard when push comes to shove, especially when somene grieves your spirit and doesn't ask for forgiveness(i've been there). We just thank God for His grace and the Holy Spirit who helps us forgive in difficult situations.

blazingthru · Apr 6, 2009

I have been there with this forgiveness stuff before, I been stabbed in the back by the same person twice. I work with this person. As of today I smile and laugh with her and even braid her hair up if she asked me. she has never apologized or admitted any wrong doing. I had to confess my sins before God and I had to ask God to forgive me for whatever I did to lead us down in that direction and then I had to forgive her it was not easy I had to work on it. After a while the pain of the betrayal went away and I emerged my self in my relationship with the Lord then it was very easy for me to forgive and leave it alone. I forgot the pain it caused me. not what happend but the pain it caused me now I am more mindful of what I say and do around her and others. I want to be loving towards everyone and Thank God she did what she did because it drew me closer to God. There is a lesson in everything you just have to look for it, it was my opportunity to be forgiven and show that I really am a true Christian- I wasn't very good at first it took a short while.

BeautifulFlower · Apr 6, 2009

blazingthru said:
I have been there with this forgiveness stuff before, I been stabbed in the back by the same person twice. I work with this person. As of today I smile and laugh with her and even braid her hair up if she asked me. she has never apologized or admitted any wrong doing. I had to confess my sins before God and I had to ask God to forgive me for whatever I did to lead us down in that direction and then I had to forgive her it was not easy I had to work on it. After a while the pain of the betrayal went away and I emerged my self in my relationship with the Lord then it was very easy for me to forgive and leave it alone. I forgot the pain it caused me. not what happend but the pain it caused me now I am more mindful of what I say and do around her and others. I want to be loving towards everyone and Thank God she did what she did because it drew me closer to God. There is a lesson in everything you just have to look for it, it was my opportunity to be forgiven and show that I really am a true Christian- I wasn't very good at first it took a short while.

Everything is for the good and for the glory of God. When you can point your pain to Jesus and grow in Him from your situations, you're pleasing God. The Answer for EVERYTHING in Life is Jesus! :grin:

inthepink · Apr 6, 2009

Still thinking...

About someone I need to forgive. I realized that I have not forgiven this person b/c I still occasionally think about retribution but I know in my heart, I would never do anything purposely hurtful to someone. I know that I could not handle hearing from this person (we no longer speak). I don't trust the person b/c the only thing she has said since our disagreement have been nasty things - to which I did not respond b/c I know results from the past - just more anger from her. I do not argue. which sometimes translates into me not standing up for myself. I've apologized to her for what I've done. And I've forgiven myself for what I've done but I do not want to EVER put myself in that situation again.

I do have a forgiving heart about it but I guess I am just not quite there yet.

How then do you forgive? I don't want this person in my life ever. Can you still forgive while thinking that? Do I just continue to ask God to take away these thoughts? Which would then mean eventually I have "let it go" which is forgiveness?

BeautifulFlower · Apr 6, 2009

hairlove said:
How then do you forgive? I don't want this person in my life ever. Can you still forgive while thinking that? Do I just continue to ask God to take away these thoughts? Which would then mean eventually I have "let it go" which is forgiveness?

Think for a moment...

If someone sexually abuses you, God says to forgive which means they owe you nothing. Remember forgiveness is for you. However, would you want that person in your life? Would God want that person in your life? HECK NO! Forgiveness and reconciliation do not go hand and hand. Reconciliation is for the repentent.

Letting go isnt easy but you got to do it one day. The easiest way I've found to let go is to take on the cares of God. I read the bible and books and pray alot. I spend as much time thinking about God. Attend church, ministry, and other fun group activities. I surround myself with as much godly people as possible. I am blessed to be at the church I am at. I pray for others, listen to sermons. I just submerge myself with the Word of God and its cleanse my mind and purifies my heart.

And of course, I change mental channels wherever Satan wants to come and distract me.

inthepink · Apr 6, 2009

Ok - that makes a lot of sense!

I guess it is a process. I'll keep working on it.

prettyfaceANB said:
Think for a moment...

If someone sexually abuses you, God says to forgive which means they owe you nothing. Remember forgiveness is for you. However, would you want that person in your life? Would God want that person in your life? HECK NO! Forgiveness and reconciliation do not go hand and hand. Reconciliation is for the repentent.

Letting go isnt easy but you got to do it one day. The easiest way I've found to let go is to take on the cares of God. I read the bible and books and pray alot. I spend as much time thinking about God. I pray for others, listen to sermons. I just submerge myself with the Word of God and its cleanse my mind and purifies my heart.

And of course, I change mental channels wherever Satan wants to come and distract me.

inthepink · Apr 6, 2009

OP - Have you gotten your question answered out of all this??

topsyturvy86 · Apr 7, 2009

hairlove said:
Ok - that makes a lot of sense!

I guess it is a process. I'll keep working on it.

Yep, I find it to be a process in such situations. In addition to prettyface's great advice, i'd say pray on it consistently, handing the situatin over to God and asking Him to help u forgive. Confess it also and forgive as many times as u have negative feelings about the person.

gn1g · Apr 7, 2009

I did not send the letter, sending it was never my intention. It was the best thing I ever did. It was a long 2 page letter. I got upset all over again but by the end of the letter I forgave the person and felt a huge release.

I've grown from that situation and am going thru something similar, but I get more upset about the fact that a person I consider my enemy to be blessing blocker, oh naw. Away with that madness.

topsyturvy86 · Apr 7, 2009

*deleted* T [FONT=&quot]o[/FONT] [FONT=&quot]o much inf0rmati0n f0r a public part 0f the f0rum.
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TwistNMx · Apr 7, 2009

ocean74 said:
I have been holding a grudge against a relative for about 10 years and I just feel I need to forgive her. I've prayed about it but I just can't let it go and I really do feel it's holding me back in life...I speak to her but I just can't be around her for long bc I start having flashbacks and my entire attitude change for the worse...

I don't like that feeling... Any advice will be appreciated.

Thanks in advance...

Here's from a Spiritualist point of view.

This person in most cases disappointed ones "expectations" for the way you felt they should be.
Forgiving is not the same as agreeing that person is right or forgetting about it.
Forgiving is about letting go of whatever it is that is bothering you. In the beginning and end, it's truly all about you.
Forgiving is about letting go so that you can move on without having that extra baggage "renting space in your head".
It's about being in a space that makes you happy realizing that by forgiving others, you are truly liberated and free.
This frees up your energies to be channeled in a positive direction.
This takes practice, but remember that you are truly giving yourself a gift when forgiving others.

Let go and let God!

I hope this helps you.

Quote: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you" ~L.B. Smede

BlkHoneyLuv2U · Apr 7, 2009

I'm glad that you had to opportunity to forgive and let them know before it was too late. There is one person that I can only wish that I woulda said I forgive you but now its too late, he died on me....I miss him eventhough we did not get along at all, could hardly hold a decent conversation for 10 minutes, but I still miss talking to him even if only to argue with him......its better than not being able to talk to him at all.

inthepink · Apr 7, 2009

TwistNMx said:
Here's from a Spiritualist point of view.

This person in most cases disappointed ones "expectations" for the way you felt they should be.
Forgiving is not the same as agreeing that person is right or forgetting about it.
Forgiving is about letting go of whatever it is that is bothering you. In the beginning and end, it's truly all about you.
Forgiving is about letting go so that you can move on without having that extra baggage "renting space in your head".
It's about being in a space that makes you happy realizing that by forgiving others, you are truly liberated and free.
This frees up your energies to be channeled in a positive direction.
This takes practice, but remember that you are truly giving yourself a gift when forgiving others.

Let go and let God!

I hope this helps you.

Quote: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you" ~L.B. Smede

I love this. Letting go is really all forgiveness is. I don't know why my mind keeps trying to make it something more! It is not something I'm doing for the other person...it is something I am doing for me. Got it!

TwistNMx · Apr 7, 2009

hairlove said:
I love this. Letting go is really all forgiveness is. I don't know why my mind keeps trying to make it something more! It is not something I'm doing for the other person...it is something I am doing for me. Got it!

Right. I got it!
What I'm saying is that you "are" doing it (forgiving) for "you to be free"
I've gone through the same thing recently with an individual and when you can think about them or something triggers a memory about them and you are no longer angry, upset, etc....you are free from the chains that bind you.
There's a part of you that continues to re-play it over and over again and it just builds up...yes, I understand that perfectly.
We have to just realize that by holding on to the circumstance(s) that it will not serve our higher good. Do you understand this? I say it with love.

Renewed1 · Apr 7, 2009

It took me years to get to this point. I just forgive the person and let it go. I let it go mentally, spiritually and in my heart. Yes, the thought of the wrong that was done to me, creeps back up, but I just tell myself.......let it go, you're only hurting yourself.

inthepink · Apr 7, 2009

TwistNMx said:
Right. I got it!
What I'm saying is that you "are" doing it (forgiving) for "you to be free"
I've gone through the same thing recently with an individual and when you can think about them or something triggers a memory about them and you are no longer angry, upset, etc....you are free from the chains that bind you.
There's a part of you that continues to re-play it over and over again and it just builds up...yes, I understand that perfectly.
We have to just realize that by holding on to the circumstance(s) that it will not serve our higher good. Do you understand this? I say it with love.

Yep - I got it and am working on it. When the thoughts come up, I say "anyways..." and focus on something else. I am still not completely there b/c if my mind lets the thoughts wander, I start feeling that anger all over again. I sure wish it were a switch. I just need to keep praying on it.

How do you forgive?

BeautifulFlower

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