"What if I marry a man that doesn't satisfy me?"

Supergirl · Aug 20, 2009

Okay, so this is the common objection to waiting for marriage to be sexually intimate.

Today on Christian radio, I heard one of the best rebuttals for this objection that I have ever heard. The pastor said: "You weren't supposed to have anything to compare it with!"

So basically, if you waited like you were supposed to then you wouldn't really know what "good sex" and not-so-good sex is. :lol:

By the way, I'm not condemning. If you don't know my story, I was celibate 9 years before marriage, but before that I was no angel.

BlkHoneyLuv2U · Aug 20, 2009

It kinda like saying you cant miss what you never had.........

erplexed

Supergirl · Aug 21, 2009

^^That's exactly what it is saying. :yep:

In fact right after that, he was like "ya know, if you ain't never had chocolate cake before then..."

Shimmie · Aug 21, 2009

BlkHoneyLuv2U said:
It kinda like saying you cant miss what you never had.........erplexed

Off Topic: What a beautiful precious baby... So peaceful; having a sweet dream. :love3:

Shimmie · Aug 21, 2009

Supergirl said:
Okay, so this is the common objection to waiting for marriage to be sexually intimate.

Today on Christian radio, I heard one of the best rebuttals for this objection that I have ever heard. The pastor said: "You weren't supposed to have anything to compare it with!"

So basically, if you waited like you were supposed to then you wouldn't really know what "good sex" and not-so-good sex is.

By the way, I'm not condemning. If you don't know my story, I was celibate 9 years before marriage, but before that I was no angel.

Whoaaaa, his response is the Truth. And so hard hitting that it's like a pie hitting them in the face....

"You weren't supposed to have anything to compare it with!"

As the Deacons say... "Welllllllllllllllllllllllll

Crackers Phinn · Aug 21, 2009

Supergirl said:
So basically, if you waited like you were supposed to then you wouldn't really know what "good sex" and not-so-good sex is.

I realize what forum I'm in and still gotta say, that's really easy for a man to say.

If sex lasts 2 minutes, who is more likely to be satisfied vs who could have had a V8? You don't need previous experience to figure out that equation.

Just sayin

Supergirl · Aug 21, 2009

Shimmie said:
Off Topic: What a beautiful precious baby... So peaceful; having a sweet dream.

Well, it's not too far off topic. :giggle:

(considering how the baby got here and all

)

robot. · Aug 21, 2009

Even if you have nothing to compare it to, I think you would know what you do and don't like and whether you're satisfied or not.

I don't think it has much to do with comparing, IMO.

msa · Aug 21, 2009

Yeah umm that's probably the worst argument I've heard against it.

Jenibo · Aug 21, 2009

I have faith that God is preparing for me someone i will be compatible with in EVERY aspect.

Laela · Aug 21, 2009

The key word is "satisfaction" ... I remember losing my virginity and had nothing to compare it to. :laugh:

Amen and God bless you women who are praying for compatibility in all areas of your future marriages! :yep:

Shimmie · Aug 21, 2009

Supergirl said:
Well, it's not too far off topic. (considering how the baby got here and all )

OOOOOOOoooooo, :lol:

I just made the connection.... :spinning:

I'm slow; it's way past midnite. :sleep2:

username12 · Aug 21, 2009

Even if it's the worst case scenario, one can be taught how to be a better lover. If a man truly loves his wife, he will try his best to satisfy her.

runwaydream · Aug 21, 2009

Good question. i worry about this all the time.

I understand what the pastor is saying and i agree to a certain extent. but the body knows what feels good and what doesn't. if someone doesn't know what they're doing its going to show.

what if someone waits til their married and their husband is so awful that they can't bring them to orgasm. does that mean then the woman will never experience one in her whole entire life? how disappointing is that

Mamita · Aug 21, 2009

well if you love your husband you'll be willing to work with him on it if that's the case and vice versa

you don't marry for ever and ever someone you can't even communicate with, what's the point?

If you don't think you can go to him and say "ok we need to work at this" then don't marry him lol simple lol

Man these are such high expectations, every excuse to fornicate beforehand.

If you love each other you have your whole life to practice once married, is sex that important and essential you can't stand the idea of working on it? it's gotta be perfect right away?

missann · Aug 21, 2009

Juanita Bynum mentioned something similar in her "No More Sheets" sermon years ago. She said you shouldn't know "how you like it" enough to say "do it like this", "flip me like that", etc. It proves you still have other (mens') spirits inside you.

However, I think a wife can still be less than thrilled with a sexual experience, even if she hasn't been active before. Just as she can be disappointed with other things.

Spongie Bloom · Aug 21, 2009

I think people shoudlnt sugar coat or sweep the issue under the rug because it is something important and a real concern not an excuse.I hate that people are made to feel ashamed or guilty whenever they want to discuss sex. Sexual satisfaction is also important in a marriage the rebuttal for me was neither here nor there its like if you had chocolate for the first time in your life after craving it and hearing how good it is and it doesn't do anything for you should you feel bad for being disappointed by the chocolate? or maybe you just dont like milk chocolate and prefer dark chocolate, or chocolate with nuts or a different brand of chocolate I knw its a terrible analogy LOL but you get what I mean.

We want to know that the man we married willbe a great father, will be loyal, wont ever hurt us physically and emotionally so I think it is a natural progression for one to wonder if they will be sexually satisfied by the man.

BlkHoneyLuv2U · Aug 21, 2009

Shimmie said:
OOOOOOOoooooo,

I just made the connection.... I'm slow; it's way past midnite.

thanks Shimmie, when I see babies smiling in their sleep it make me wonder are they dreaming if so about what? are angels talking to them?...lol. But yep the po lil fella existence is because kids decided to go pass that hand holding stage theres no turning back now. No matter now cause he's here so all I can do is deal with it the best I can. and I will, I am. I dont like it but it wasnt my call. But baby boo is sweet though...to me anyway.....lol

music-bnatural-smile · Aug 21, 2009

runwaydream said:
Good question. i worry about this all the time.

I understand what the pastor is saying and i agree to a certain extent. but the body knows what feels good and what doesn't. if someone doesn't know what they're doing its going to show.

what if someone waits til their married and their husband is so awful that they can't bring them to orgasm. does that mean then the woman will never experience one in her whole entire life? how disappointing is that

was my biggest fear...
however...
I think that personal connections are way more important than orgasms... but then again sex is not a "happy" area for me

Aviah · Aug 21, 2009

I think its like anything else... (BTW I haven't been there so pardon my "naievity")
What if you two don't understand each other? What if he doesn't do any housework? What if he Lords submission over me? I think it takes work and communication alongside prayer to get it right. If you have a man that loves you and loves God, he will want to learn how to please you wouldn't he?

Ramya · Aug 21, 2009

Bad sex is one of the easiest things to fix with a willing partner. That's one thing I don't even worry about. If he's selfish in non intimate settings, he'll be selfish in bed. What man of integrity wouldn't want to satisfy his wife? :look:

music-bnatural-smile · Aug 21, 2009

Ramya said:
Bad sex is one of the easiest things to fix with a willing partner. That's one thing I don't even worry about. If he's selfish in non intimate settings, he'll be selfish in bed. What man of integrity wouldn't want to satisfy his wife?

so true... i can attest to this from some of my married friends...

mswoman · Aug 21, 2009

Here is the wedding advice my grandmother told me "close my eyes and hang on, he'll know what to do and will show you how to do it!!" I said okay! :lachen:

I think we were both kind of nervous and it didn't happen on the wedding night but maybe two days later. But I did just like my grandma said and it was all good.

From my story, I can look back and laugh, it was about a month before my husband said you can open your eyes now. He showed me how to make love to him and asked me how things felt and if I wanted to try this or that. I will say that it was very nice and I was able to get pleasure later.

Men are also kind of nervous. My male cousin got married about 3 weeks ago and they were going to LasVegas for their honeymoon. Someone said they are going to sincity. He said, "No, we are married now so it's not a sin." Goes to show where his mind was.... :look:

He looked pretty nervous and from what I understand it took 3 days before he wasn't too nervous to do it.

I agree with the person who says that sex should be discussed in a Christian environment. This allows for us to realize that it's not a dirty word or shameful in the sight of God in a marriage relationship.

Supergirl · Aug 21, 2009

^^good point MW--our society has made it such a nasty, unholy thing that we sometimes carry those associations into marriage and are hesitant to discuss it--although intimacy was created FOR marriage and nothing else

I did hear of this book called Naked and Unashamed or something like that. It's about intimacy for Christians. I would like to read it one day.

MrsHdrLe · Aug 21, 2009

I always beeved that the "excitement" really and truly comes from the expression of love. I'll be truthful and say that I've done "it" many times in my previous form and what made for the best experience was not the sex, but the love we felt for eachother. When you truly love your husband/mate, then your joy comes from within and that's all that's needed (IMO)

hopeful · Aug 21, 2009

God can work out anything. If your dh loves you and you love him, and you trust God to lead and protect your marriage, you will have nothing to worry about.

Over time sex within a holy union just gets better through the years.

GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I · Aug 21, 2009

Crackers Phinn said:
I realize what forum I'm in and still gotta say, that's really easy for a man to say.

If sex lasts 2 minutes, who is more likely to be satisfied vs who could have had a V8? You don't need previous experience to figure out that equation.

Just sayin

Crackers Phinn, I know of a girl who married a guy with 1 nut and no ability to have children. She didn't know this until the wedding night. He was lucky she loved him enough to stay...but she almost left and had every religious right to. He lied. I know of another who's guy had a medically documented micropenis. He could perform sex...but

erplexed...with blanks. :nono:

Most women by marriage these days have had sex so they know what they desire. But I do agree, we're not supposed to be fornicating. I just say, that if all the parts are there and functional, you can learn how to have sexual chocolate! But if he lies....it's gonna be una Lorena Bobbit meng!

:swordfigh

Crackers Phinn · Aug 21, 2009

missann said:
However, I think a wife can still be less than thrilled with a sexual experience, even if she hasn't been active before. Just as she can be disappointed with other things.

I agree and I think that the pastor in the OP basically blew off (no pun intended) the feelings of wives who find themselves dissapointed.

Experienced or not, if you're having a compatibility problem in any area of your marriage you shouldn't be laughed at or dismissed for asking for help or guidance about it.

runwaydream · Aug 21, 2009

music-bnatural-smile said:
was my biggest fear...
however...
I think that personal connections are way more important than orgasms... but then again sex is not a "happy" area for me

i do think personal connections are important but i think having a good sex life can bring someone even closer together.
i hear the more sex ppl have and the better it is, the more affection they will show each other in their everyday lives, and the more considerate they'll be towards each other.

what if he sucks so much the woman doesn't wanna do it anymore. what if he has ED or he ejaculates after 2 min. and then it'll be a domino effect and they won't be happy w. each other in their everyday lives no matter how much they care for each other. then the marriage will become cold and distant

i know alot of ppl wont agree w. what im saying, or see it my way at all. but its just how i feel.

Supergirl · Aug 21, 2009

GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I said:
Crackers Phinn, I know of a girl who married a guy with 1 nut and no ability to have children. She didn't know this until the wedding night. He was lucky she loved him enough to stay...but she almost left and had every religious right to. He lied. I know of another who's guy had a medically documented micropenis. He could perform sex...but erplexed...with blanks.

Most women by marriage these days have had sex so they know what they desire. But I do agree, we're not supposed to be fornicating. I just say, that if all the parts are there and functional, you can learn how to have sexual chocolate! But if he lies....it's gonna be una Lorena Bobbit meng!

:swordfigh

Well, it goes without saying that brothas need to be up front about any "issues." (and women of course do too)

"What if I marry a man that doesn't satisfy me?"

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