2 lead or not 2 lead......

[tyte curlz]

Okay so the other day a good friend @ school was going to take out her braids. So I had some extra time, well not really just wanted to avoid A LOT of HW so I came by her room and went to work. A few minutes later another friend came in and we all were going at it. Mind u she had obvious new growth bc her braids have been in for 4 months. But this is the scariest thing I have ever seen. I have never seen her hair w/o braids bc this is my first semester @ my new school so I had no idea. But it’s obvious that it was DAMAGED. I was just in a daze as I worked my way through the back of her head. ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS LHCF and all the great things I learned about taking care of hair. Her hair was ALL different lengths and broken off, I was extra gentle while taking' them down. But I am just so confused about what could be her problem, I mean I have weighed all the options that could be wrong I can’t pin point it. Although licensed hair braiders are the devil, I couldn’t imagine that they did all this damage. Her hair is completely a mess... but I know through personal experience with my own hair and some of the ladies here that her hair WILL grow.

But as we were taking the down the braids I could see that she was very sad about her hair, and all I could do was assure that it would grow but I think it was goin in one ear and out the other. She looked so sad like there was just no hope but there is. But another problem we had was the girl that was helping take down the braids just kept saying how damaged her hair is. And every time I said that her hair would grow the girl would be like no it won’t... Her hair is coarse and no it won’t grow. My hair is NAPPIEST of the Nappiest and I told them this, my hair grows slowly but surly (a lil faster now that I have BT ) but it will grow. I really want to get her off on the right track and give her a good shampoo, condition and clip and braid her hair just to get her through the summer but I just cant right now, I am really busy with school work and finals are right around the corner…

I just don’t know where to start should I let her know about you all? Her relaxer grew out while in braids and she said that she doesn’t want to relax any time soon so maybe that’s a sign for me to help her regrow... but the problem is that she didn’t ask me to help and its not like we are best friends or even really close, she’s real cool. I mean not everyone appreciates this site and I know that it can be difficult to find a regime that works and the growth process can been tedious. And honestly you have to be a real patient to get to know your hair, and I don’t now if she is. As selfish as it seems this is MY SECRET and I really don’t want others to know about this board. I have hipped her on a few products and she is really enjoying the ORS line and I just want her to be excited about her hair. As much as I don’t want to admit I think we all want to have beautiful hair at least in my case healthy hair.

I guess the question is should I lead her to this sight or not?

 

[shelli4018]

yes!! Tell her to come on over. Sounds like she needs the help and support.

 

[delecie]

Try asking her some open ended questions, e.g.:

How do you feel about your hair?
What do you like about it?
What do you dislike about it?
Are you willing to commit yourself to making positive changes in your hair?
Do you believe that you can improve your hair? (or other questions in this vein)

If she seems to want to make positive changes, ask her if she'd like some input from you. If she's feeling negative and has a can't do attitude, ask her if she'd like to see some before and after photographs of women who have improved their hair quality. If she says, "yes", show her some of the photos from this site. If she says, "no", leave it at that.

 

[Kimberly]

This is tough. Sometimes the main peple we think could use LHCF are the main ones thast turn their nose up to the idea. Most of us ended up here as a result of a personal journey...our own search for help BUT this could be a bonding experience for the two of you to get comfortable. She must feel comfortable with you to ask you to help take out her braids knowing how she already felt about it (imo, hair does not experience that kind of damage while in braids...I'm sure it was damaged before she got the braids....may have even be why she got the braids).

I have the super stassh of poos, cons, protein treatments/reconstructors, leave-ins and oils. I would invite her to my room one evening I didn't have as much to do and see if we could get together a combo that could help the condition of her hair and start to turn it around. You could study for finals/work on papers while she's doing the work and deep conditioning. In between and down time would be good times to ease into a more in depth conversation about what she would like to do with her hair.

Good luck to you.

 

[tnorenberg]

I would tell her about it...for healthy hair tips not for the purpose of growing it long per se,but I would also not mention how active I am in it. It would be her choice then to look thru the info on the site if she had enough interest. Its like the old "You can lead a horse to water..." saying. Just see what happens.

 

[Lady Esquire]

when you approach her, make sure that other negative chick is not around. then start off by showing her some fotkis of women who have journalled their progress, epsecially women who started off with damaged ends, balding, etc. plenty women on the boards have coarse hair. and once one gets to know one's hair, you realize that your hair is really not nearly as coarse as you thought it was. the hair just needs some tender loving care.

please help this girl. start with showing her some:

• fotkis,
• this website, and some other hair boards
• growafrolonghair.com,
• growyourownhair.com,
• motowngirl.com,

and a helpful book or two (i like to have a hard copy of the info and a book helped me a lot, 'cause i read and reread the info until it sunk it)

i started off reading Carolyn Gray's book. i hear catherine howse's book is good too. reading books gives you a regimen starting point and she can follow step by step. as she learns along the way, she will tweak it.

 

[bLackButtaFly]

I know what you mean. It's hard to not want to keep it a secret especially b/c you don't know how she'll react. But i think you should at least mention it to her. I mean you don't have run to her room and just start talking about it, if you guys aren't cool like that, but the next time you see her, bring it up her hair. Maybe start by telling her that other girl was real critical, so she knows someone sympathsizes with her, and then move the conversation from there. Then just doing what the other ladies have talked about showing her fotki's, different sites for growing hair, and tell her you do it too, so she doesn't feel alone. Imagine if she really likes it, and then you've got a hair buddy for life.

 

[***Toy-Pisces***]

when you approach her, make sure that other negative chick is not around. then start off by showing her some fotkis of women who have journalled their progress, epsecially women who started off with damaged ends, balding, etc. plenty women on the boards have coarse hair. and once one gets to know one's hair, you realize that your hair is really not nearly as coarse as you thought it was. the hair just needs some tender loving care.

please help this girl. start with showing her some:

• fotkis,
• this website, and some other hair boards
• growafrolonghair.com,
• growyourownhair.com,
• motowngirl.com,

and a helpful book or two (i like to have a hard copy of the info and a book helped me a lot, 'cause i read and reread the info until it sunk it)

i started off reading Carolyn Gray's book. i hear catherine howse's book is good too. reading books gives you a regimen starting point and she can follow step by step. as she learns along the way, she will tweak it.

Co-signing o n this idea. I think you should show her as well as telling her at the same time. If you just tell her with out showing her she might not get it. Show her the proof that there is hope. Let her know that you are just trying to help. HTH

 

[klb120475]

Please keep us posted on her response.....

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

This is tough. Sometimes the main peple we think could use LHCF are the main ones thast turn their nose up to the idea. Most of us ended up here as a result of a personal journey...our own search for help BUT this could be a bonding experience for the two of you to get comfortable. She must feel comfortable with you to ask you to help take out her braids knowing how she already felt about it (imo, hair does not experience that kind of damage while in braids...I'm sure it was damaged before she got the braids....may have even be why she got the braids).

I have the super stassh of poos, cons, protein treatments/reconstructors, leave-ins and oils. I would invite her to my room one evening I didn't have as much to do and see if we could get together a combo that could help the condition of her hair and start to turn it around. You could study for finals/work on papers while she's doing the work and deep conditioning. In between and down time would be good times to ease into a more in depth conversation about what she would like to do with her hair.

Good luck to you.

Co-signing on this response...this is a wonderful idea and great bonding time!

 

[glamazon386]

How do you know her hair wasn't damaged before she put the braids in? And 4 months is too long to keep them in. 12 weeks is the max I believe. But anyway, I mean you can tell her about it. And hopefully she'll join and make use of all the wonderful resources we have here at LHCF. Some people let hair advice go in one ear and out the other. Hopefully that won't be the case with your friend. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

 

[baby42]

i would tell her when you are alone i wish some body had told me? you can tell when a person really need help and beside you like her she could be come your life long pal

 

[tyte curlz]

thanks ladies i know i was having a selfish moment but will keep you all posted on my approach and her response.

BMORE- i believe her hair was damaged, before she got it braided. thats what i was saying, when i said that i dont think a hair braider could have caused this much damage. And she has mentioned before thatshe recieved a bad perm a while back and her hair hasnt recovered yet.