Christian men in the club…

[Renewed1]

I'm enjoying everyone's opinions.

But let me clarify my stance on clubs/lounges. I don't think Christians should go to clubs (maybe special events) on the regular. Constant exposure to that environment is not ideal. Every blue moon for an event, I feel, for myself is fine. YMMV.

There are so many different ways to meet your FH. Don't every limit what God can do, he will allow the meetup to happen in a place where BOTH parties are comfortable.

 

[LucieLoo12]

So what is considered a lounge?

 

[aribell]

So what is considered a lounge?

Someone else might give their perspective, but is it the label that really matters? In the end, whatever the place is called, believers should just participate in activities that are good, true, noble, pure, lovely, etc.

 

[Shimmie]

you must be trying hard ...lol

Very.... I had 'tape' on my fingers to keep from typing. My face was pulsing like this... :blush3:

 

[Shimmie]

I'm having my coffee break

Stop making fun of my siggy....

 

[MonPetite]

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[LoveisYou]

Alicialynn86

We tend to see eye to eye on most everything, even to a degree that regular posters in this forum don't, so know that I come from a similar mindset.

I do hear what others are saying in regards to to the "lounge" vs. "da club" issue.

This is a REAL Lounge:

A place where skilled musicians play live music (classical is more my taste or very eclectic nu jazz), if alcohol is served it tends to be expensive wine that requires some actual education to know how to pronounce them let alone enjoy (I don't drink, personally, because I can't hold it, even wine).

You do NOT go to "shake a tail feather". The point isn't even to go dance. Many, "hard-core", classic lounges don't even have dance floors. You can even do business deals in this kind of place.

Smoking is no longer okay, in general these days and is distracting (and smelly!).

Men wear nice suits, women are COVERED, because to show you have style, you must wear clothes --classic after five attire. Too much skin = cheap, trashy and means you DON'T get a good seat, if you're even allowed in.

You go to sit, enjoy a bit of wine (in moderation because if you're drunk you can't enough intelligent conversation, the music, and will be thrown OUT), conversation, and good music.

The music is not bass-driven, auto-tune-frenzied noise, it's often slow and pleasant or may be true fast jazz, played by REAL jazz artists. You speak and critique the music between sets. Or classical or new classic music depending on the lounge. Some are artsy intelligentsia or down-tempo lounges.

THAT is a lounge. Many are attached to art galleries or have showings. I have friends who have displayed/sold art at lounges.

The above is NOT anything like the average "club" mentioned already in this thread.

I'm neither for or against lounges.

Personally...I think we could do without "da club".


As for the OP --husband at "da club"? No.

Husband at an art gallery, nice lounge (see above for what I mean by lounge), whole foods, church, a soccer game, dog park, etc.? ABSOLUTELY!

Only attending church functions (and let's face it, most churches are not having "functions" every night and every weekend that are young-people-meet-up-and-get-married-friendly) and doing NOTHING else throughout the week and weekend is not the best way to be found by your future Boaz.

Participating in church is an absolutely GREAT thing to do --don't get me wrong-- we're SUPPOSED to, quite frankly,you should be participating in a ministry anyway.

There are definitely lounges like the above, but as a former heavy partier, there are also lounges that are like mini clubs. These are where the folks who claim to be "grown and sexy" go, but skimpy clothing are worn, ppl are their to snag a hot man or woman, alcohol flows openly, music is highly sexualized etc. There is not as much dancing, but there can be, and I'm not talking about the two step . Of course ppl "dress up" what a lounge is or isn't, but if we're being honest there are lounges where the spirit of lust runs rampant.
Now a place like what you described is different from the typical lounge, but for the most part I see lounges as mini clubs.

Though I do think clubs tend to be more rowdy.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Man in this society one can't do crap really but stay at home and pray and read your bible.Most entertainment means are so warped now. I have never been a clubber or partier bc of several reasons-size,money,etc and I'm also way deep so I can't enjoy a setting where folks blew their whole 12.00hr cust service job check to be in..I know that some Christians go to these places but I never felt I could meet anyone worth while there bc if we were to get married I would be embarrassed to say where we met..I can't fix my lips to say oh we met at the club..not.

We are all charged to not make others stumble.So things that aren't your stumbling block may be for others who are watching you so even though things may be permit-table doesn't mean you can so you don't make others stumble..

 

[Renewed1]

LittleGoldenLamb I agree with your entire post about what a true lounge is really about. But I've been to the UE lounges and the "da club" lounges. Every place is different, it really depends on your taste.

NOW for the bold. If you catch a quality man's attention at whole foods, you may want to consider him. He cares about his health and he can afford the groceries.

I will admit there are some handsome SINGLE men that shop/work at Whole Foods, I saw a few tonight, that made me stop DEAD IN MY TRACKS!!! I had to thank God for my eyes and the ability to see.

Husband at an art gallery, nice lounge (see above for what I mean by lounge), whole foods, church, a soccer game, dog park, etc.? ABSOLUTELY!

Only attending church functions (and let's face it, most churches are not having "functions" every night and every weekend that are young-people-meet-up-and-get-married-friendly) and doing NOTHING else throughout the week and weekend is not the best way to be found by your future Boaz.

Participating in church is an absolutely GREAT thing to do --don't get me wrong-- we're SUPPOSED to, quite frankly,you should be participating in a ministry anyway.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

MarriageMaterial why can I see you doing the holy shuffle or something at Whole Foods praising for the fine men..yes I try to go to Whole Foods cute bc I have had one come up on me and I was like dang you fine special dark chocolate man with white blinding smile I would look like who did it and why..never again..

 

[Renewed1]

@MarriageMaterial why can I see you doing the holy shuffle or something at Whole Foods praising for the fine men..yes I try to go to Whole Foods cute bc I have had one come up on me and I was like dang you fine special dark chocolate man with white blinding smile I would look like who did it and why..never again..

GoddessMaker Actually, I gave them my "come hither smile'. But I may do the holy shuffle, if one of them had approach me.

Yeah, I need to remind myself to look cute when I go out as well. Tonight wasn't one of my cute moments...

But it's a good reminder that men are EVERYWHERE and I don't need to do anything extra to get a guy's attention or go where the men are. Ruth didn't she just went to work everyday and got Boaz.

 

[LoveisYou]

GoddessMaker Actually, I gave them my "come hither smile'. But I may do the holy shuffle, if one of them had approach me.

Yeah, I need to remind myself to look cute when I go out as well. Tonight wasn't one of my cute moments...

But it's a good reminder that men are EVERYWHERE and I don't need to do anything extra to get a guy's attention or go where the men are. Ruth didn't she just went to work everyday and got Boaz.

Amen! Such a different message from what society tells us to do.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

I appreciate all the advice in this thread. I won't go to a club but I will go ti a lounge/ restaurant cause I see many around here. I don't think that should hurt. It's no secret I am looking for a FH I don't deny that so yes I want to position myself in places I'll get noticed and easily approached. I'm not saying I'm going to approach anyone but if I make sure I look nice and presentable then I have a better chance. It's my theory and I want to try it out. It may not work or it may work. Only God knows.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

GoddessMaker Actually, I gave them my "come hither smile'. But I may do the holy shuffle, if one of them had approach me.

Yeah, I need to remind myself to look cute when I go out as well. Tonight wasn't one of my cute moments...

But it's a good reminder that men are EVERYWHERE and I don't need to do anything extra to get a guy's attention or go where the men are. Ruth didn't she just went to work everyday and got Boaz.

Though Ruth was just working in the fields she would not be there had she declined the offer to move to another town with her Mil right? She took a chance and changed her atmosphere. Had she stayed where she was after her DH died she would not have met Boaz IMO. Sometimes one must change their atmosphere. I have not been approached on the street in a few years. When I was younger it would happen but now I just get the occasional stare. I just feel if I'm somewhere fun and relaxing that i will appear more open to be approached.

 

[LucieLoo12]

Well I was trying to get a understanding because to me a lounge and a club is quite similar on different levels. A lounge usually consists of drinking and music...IMO

Personally you wont find me in a secular lounge nor club. Now if this was a Christian lounge, with no alcohol or secular music, but with priase and worship music....I would be there. But other than that....no

Someone else might give their perspective, but is it the label that really matters? In the end, whatever the place is called, believers should just participate in activities that are good, true, noble, pure, lovely, etc.

 

[LucieLoo12]

Well Ruth moved with her MIL because of obedience. A husband was not on her mind. She was just in the will of God and everything fell into place. Ruth didnt position herself, God positioned her.

Though Ruth was just working in the fields she would not be there had she declined the offer to move to another town with her Mil right? She took a chance and changed her atmosphere. Had she stayed where she was after her DH died she would not have met Boaz IMO. Sometimes one must change their atmosphere. I have not been approached on the street in a few years. When I was younger it would happen but now I just get the occasional stare. I just feel if I'm somewhere fun and relaxing that i will appear more open to be approached.

 

[LucieLoo12]

Kinkyhairlady


Why do you want to be married at this time? If you dont mind me asking

I appreciate all the advice in this thread. I won't go to a club but I will go ti a lounge/ restaurant cause I see many around here. I don't think that should hurt. It's no secret I am looking for a FH I don't deny that so yes I want to position myself in places I'll get noticed and easily approached. I'm not saying I'm going to approach anyone but if I make sure I look nice and presentable then I have a better chance. It's my theory and I want to try it out. It may not work or it may work. Only God knows.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Kinkyhairlady

Why do you want to be married at this time? If you dont mind me asking

I'm in my 30s and I want companionship and children. I don't want to be trying to conceive in my late 30s early 40s. That may work for some but I'm not interested in that. The older I get the more depressing it is to be alone. If God knows the desires of my heart than why is he making me wait so long. If I never marry or have kids I will be a very sad and bitter lady so why would God want me to be sad and bitter? I ask this questions in prayer but I've yet to get a response. Ah well

 

[aribell]

Maybe I'm just UE, but I've never felt like the 'club' scene was for me.

If I never marry or have kids I will be a very sad and bitter lady so why would God want me to be sad and bitter? I ask this questions in prayer but I've yet to get a response. Ah well

God doesn't want you to be sad and bitter. But He also knows that the source of your joy is not a husband or children. Paul said that he knew how to be content in all circumstances--but that was because he was rooted in Christ such that he looked to Christ as his all in all. Marriage is well and good, but I'm positive that you will find joy, peace, love and all the other good stuff the Holy Spirit brings if you delve deeply into Him. I don't mean going to church more often or praying more to receive x, y, or z. (many women fall into the religious trap) I mean seeking HIM for His own sake.

Besides seeking His face, He also promises good things to those who pour themselves out for others, especially the needy and oppressed. Isaiah 58:10-11; Psalm 112:4-9

 

[MonPetite]

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[Shimmie]

I have something 'Nice' to share. Really

May I share it sometime tomorrow? It's our prayer night and I need to keep my focus for tonight's prayer session.

 

[BostonMaria]

OP I am 41, but used to go clubbing in my 20's. I can tell you right now there are no husbands in the club. A boyfriend maybe.

Most of my non-saved friends are having a hard time finding a husband. This isn't just a Christian girl problem or black woman problem. Would you consider a Christian dating site instead? At least you can pick and choose who you like and sorting out any weirdos.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[LoveisYou]

What is typical for one is not typical for another, in many cases.

I've never been exposed to lounges that are like mini-clubs or "da club" as a whole.

For me, what I described is a lounge. Period. Anything else is just borrowing the name for the associated UE connotations. I don't discount your experiences --we've just had different ones.

I think we've all reached a consensus in this thread that you can find your husband in other places, other than church, and are very likely to do just that --however, going into places that are obviously going to be a problem for your walk with Christ (lounges that are more like clubs, clubs in general, etc.) is NOT worth it.

ETA: Aside is offtopic.

Yes, we definitely did lol. If you ask any New Yorker or "D.C.-er" to describe a lounge, that description would most likely not fit your definition. When ppl talk about going to a lounge it's typically not to go see an art show - it's to go have drinks and socialize, i.e., meet a "cutie." It's basically considered an upscale bar.

Thus based on my understanding of and experiences with lounges (clearly influenced by location I believe), I don't see them as a location to meet Christian men.

 

[shenitab]

I think I may have some interesting things to say.

I once met a nice young man when I was in college. He invited me to church and I accepted. I ended up going there for a few years.

I met my husband at a club when I was in college. We have been married for ten years and have three kids.

I think that where you should go and the things that you should do depend on you. There are different types of people everywhere. You can go to a college class and be surrounded by people of different faiths, upbringing, morals, religions, and dress. It is up to you to be strong in who you are - your faith, upbringing, morals - and let the light that you have within you be seen by others.

Before I was married I met men in church who were not husband material. I met men at school who were not husband material. I met men at restaurants, at sports events, and at the gas station who were not marriage material. Those are not places I would keep myself from going due to those people not having the same values, morals, upbringing, etc. that I had.

I have no problem telling anyone that I met my husband at a club. None, nada. I have no problem telling anyone why I chose him and why he says that he chose me (even though the woman chooses). I think that you have to be aware of who you allow to come into your life - male and female - regardless of where you meet them.

I could see Jesus in a club. Talking to people and listening to what was going on in their lives. Telling the ones who were there searching for the wrong thing that they needed to seek him to find what they were missing. I don't think Jesus gives people the side eye for listening to some secular music.

Now I'm not telling everybody to run out to the club in order to find a husband. I think that you can meet nice guys at random places and you can meet bad guys at random places. You are not going to meet many people at home on your couch but that is another story. I think the important thing is being able to decipher who is who when you meet them. It is also important that you know who you are, what you want, and act accordingly no matter where you are.

 

[MonPetite]

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[Iwanthealthyhair67]

so where is it...or did I miss something

I have something 'Nice' to share. Really

May I share it sometime tomorrow? It's our prayer night and I need to keep my focus for tonight's prayer session.

 

[makeupgirl]

I'm in my 30s and I want companionship and children. I don't want to be trying to conceive in my late 30s early 40s. That may work for some but I'm not interested in that. The older I get the more depressing it is to be alone. If God knows the desires of my heart than why is he making me wait so long. If I never marry or have kids I will be a very sad and bitter lady so why would God want me to be sad and bitter? I ask this questions in prayer but I've yet to get a response. Ah well

I understand because sometimes I get the same way, especially since (Lord willing) I'm about to turn 31 in April. I believe that the time for marriage is coming but it hasn't happened yet because the Lord is still preparing us. That's all it is. He knows everything about us before the foundation of this earth but all he ask us to do as his children is obey and trust him. He also wants us to continue to seek him first in everything we do.

He really had to wake me up hard when it came to dating online sites. I was a member of the main ones and met some characters and even then I would ignore the Lord's warning to back off but the desperation got the best of me. So, one day, I tried out Christiancafe.com. Suppose to be pretty safe and no nuts right? Wrong, the Lord allowed me to meet a couple of guys that was not who he wanted me to be with to teach me that 1) he don't need my help in the selection 2) just because the title of christian is besides one's name on a Christian type dating site doesn't mean they have an actual relationship with Christ 3) not all insane people aint locked up. The final guy, wanted sex and asked me point blank if I was interested on the first date (we haven't even met yet and this was on his mind). Well, I never spoke with him again and promptly listened to the Lord and deleted the entire acct (that's 24.95 I'll never see again)

My last and final guy was my ex from my teenage years (who I still can't remember dating, interesting) and I gave it another shot. Dummy me slept with him and I never heard, saw him again.

After that and the begging that I wasn't pregnant scare, I gave up and gave the wheel to the Lord. Last year, a whole year went by without me even thinking about dating. I had a few prospects but no was always the answer the Lord gave me. He always let me know that he's still preparing me for this step. Which includes being tested to see if my trust and faith is completely in him.

Didn't mean to share my life story but the point is God is still preparing you for that step. When you completely let go and keep being busy for the Lord, you never know when he's going to say "Hey it's time" But also be careful because Satan knows our desires as well (that fraudster) he's a tricky dude that will place each type of temptations and will let say what's seems right to man and to our desires, he brings it like clockwork knowing that it's against God's will for us.

Don't worry girlie, Hubby is coming. Remember the Lord our Heavenly Father is still preparing you and the guy.

 

[Shimmie]

so where is it...or did I miss something

I'm still trying to think of something that's nice.

I do having something and it's from last night's prayer that God was preparing me for.

Kinkyhairlady, your post touched my heart when you shared your feelings that you are no longer getting 'the looks' or the ''hollas' that you used to get. I was moved by you sharing that you would be a bitter person if you went through life without having someone to share it with in marriage and to not have children [family] some day.

It was time for me to leave work, go home and prepare for our prayer line.

I carried what you shared in my heart after I logged off yesterday evening; during my entire ride home on the train, listening to the music on my MP3, looking out the window. Then, as I walked to the shuttle that takes me home and when I woke up this morning, I thought of you and how deeply this affects you.

God has shown me your heart; which is tender and you are hurting. Nothing that you have shared here is in vain and neither are you in rebellion to submiting the the will of God. It's not about the 'club', you are simply hurting. And this is why I was not able to respond as I normally would.

When I laughed at Alicia's post above, it was not about you and if it seems so, I apologize. For I do have a word of encouragment for you.

Angel, the 'club scene' is not God's best for you. Not just because of the obvious reasons. The husband that God has for you is not one who likes that scene nor style of life. He's above that type of atmosphere... and so are you. He's worked hard to come out of where he was as a child growing up; he is educated and he is prosperous... quite prosperous.

How do I know this?

Here's my heartfelt prayer for you:

This is the man that you have been asking God for and the man of your dreams that you've been talking about for a long time. He's a lot like you. You've both chosen to take a different path in your lives than that of many of your family and friends. You've both witnessed the consequences many of them have suffered and have had to endure. You both have even extended help to family members who had reached their bottom and needed help to get back up.

This I know...

He is also a lot like you with his growth in the Lord...growing strong. He's faithful in his worship yet careful in his commitment to just any Church, and even more careful in making a commitment to just any woman. He's been looking for you, for almost all of his life. It won't be at the club where he'll find you.

Please be encouraged, Little 'K'... God is simply answering your prayers.

As for the guys who used to look and holla'... well at some point you became offended when some man gave you a 'look' and a 'holla', that you felt was not so nice. God settled the matter for you, for the only man who can holla and look at you right, is your future hubbie.

Last night on our prayer line we shared this scripture. It is for you, too.. .

Zephaniah 3:14-20

Sing, O daughter of Zion; shout, O Israel; be glad and rejoice with all the heart, O daughter of Jerusalem.

The LORD hath taken away thy judgments, he hath cast out thine enemy: the King of Israel, even the LORD, is in the midst of thee: thou shalt not see evil any more.

In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem, Fear thou not: and to Zion, Let not thine hands be slack.

The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

I will gather them that are sorrowful for the solemn assembly, who are of thee, to whom the reproach of it was a burden.

Behold, at that time I will undo all that afflict thee: and I will save her that halteth, and gather her that was driven out; and I will get them praise and fame in every land where they have been put to shame.

At that time will I bring you again, even in the time that I gather you: for I will make you a name and a praise among all people of the earth, when I turn back your captivity before your eyes, saith the LORD.


Blessings Little 'K'.... Please take all of this to the Lord in fasting and prayer. Let God confirm.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Thank you Shimmie. Reading this post almost brought tears to my eyes. I'm at work so I can't cry. You decribed exactly what I'm looking for. I want someone similar to me in many ways. I have my struggles in my Christian walk but I want someone that can help me and I can help him with our relationship with God. So funny you brought up the family thing because this is my life. I have not agreed with the choices family members have made which has made me an outcast and caused some loneliness as well. To be honest I want a good husband and to create a family of my own. I will raise my children to love one another and praise God. Sometimes I feel there is a generational curse in my family and I want to break that cycle. I know I can be a good wife and mother I just want God to give me that chance.

 

[Shimmie]

Thank you Shimmie. Reading this post almost brought tears to my eyes. I'm at work so I can't cry.

You decribed exactly what I'm looking for. I want someone similar to me in many ways. I have my struggles in my Christian walk but I want someone that can help me and I can help him with our relationship with God.

So funny you brought up the family thing because this is my life. I have not agreed with the choices family members have made which has made me an outcast and caused some loneliness as well.

To be honest I want a good husband and to create a family of my own. I will raise my children to love one another and praise God. Sometimes I feel there is a generational curse in my family and I want to break that cycle. I know I can be a good wife and mother I just want God to give me that chance.

Good Morning 'Little 'K'...

My initial response to a 'Club question' was not what you needed to 'hear'. You know by now how I can 'jump' on a subject and kill it

However, when I read your post the other evening, it stayed with me.

Little 'K'... God is right there with you and He totally understands and He has also heard your prayers. 'Close your eyes and listen...

John 5:14-15 (NIV)

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

Little 'K'... You asked God, and nothing and no one else. You asked God for your husband. He heard you, whatever you ask, you shall have what you have asked of Him.

Close your eyes again and listen...

“Let not your heart be troubled; neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)

Jesus also says in verse 1 of John 14...

"If you believe in God...believe also in me"...

Little 'K'... who above anyone else believes in marriage?

God does; marriage is according to His will. If we ask anything according to His will....... He will do it.

Praise God forever... Amen.

God bless you Little 'K'...