Christians and Affairs

Miosy

New Member
I haven't posted on the forum for a bit but I've had this on my mind and I like to hear everyones honest input.

I'm very "disappointed" in life by the amount of good practicing Chrisitans that get caught up in affairs :( It becomes very discourging to me as a wife.

My good friend has been married for 20+ years and her & hubby are practicing Christian who attend church regularly, work in the ministry, have group fellowship in their house, etc. I always looked up to them because they to me made the ideal christan marriage. I would always go to her for advice. They even held something called "marriage builder" in their home where they helped other struggling couples.

To make a LONG story short-he got caught up in an affair :nono: which I personally felt hurt for my friend and let down but it just is so discouraging that even some of the most Godliest people fall to that deception especially people who have been walking with the Lord for so long and know Him personally and intimately.

Another person I knew was not married but he as a practicing Christian too and he was worse! He got entangled in an affair with a non-practing Christian, got her pregnant, and kept on going to the next women.

What are your thoughts on this? I just don't get it-it's very discouraging to me...:ohwell:
 
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MizzBrown

Well-Known Member
That's why we go to church and continue to practice Christianity so we can be Christ-like. We aren't perfect. You aren't perfect...And having affairs is not the only sin.

Every one does something that is discouraging to someone else. Yours is cheating, someone elses may be cursing, another could be lying. I'm sure someone finds what you do to be discouraging as well and you don't even know it.

Let God worry about "getting it". That's really not your problem. Give it to God to worry about.
 

He_Leads_I_follow

New Member
Blessings -

This is just speculation without knowing their personal details but the problem with the married couple is that they weren't discerning. First they both should have relaized that once you take a stand for kingdom marriages you have made your marriage a prime target. They should have been making their own marriage a prayer target every week , if not everyday. They should have had open discussions about accountability. Like meeting alone with someone of the opposite sex too often is an open door. That is OFF LIMITS!

Or even going to your mate and admitting you feel drawn to someone, and have them pray for you. Of course we may find people attractive but there is a HUGE difference between thinking someone is attractive and being attracted to them. If you feel your self being pulled into an emotional affair, tell your spouse . Don't make excuses about how they "don't understand you". That's a lie! This is your lifemate.

Now the single guy has not subjected himself to the work of the Holy Spirit. He's merely a "church guy". Like my ex used to say , "the biggest tramps go to church!". Don't be impressed or even disppointed by the so-called "practising Christian". Once they make a decision to turn away from sin, they won't have to practise anymore, they can just be! heehee :peace:

Continue in the Faith!
 

tmichelle

New Member
I know what you mean. It's like God told Cain when he became jealous of Able because Able gave a better sacrifice, "sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you, but you must master it". Men are so easily distracted and flattered by any kind of positive attention women might throw their way. If she's remotely attractive to him, he becomes all the more stupid.

In our marriage, we've had to diligently work so that we would not fall into this trap. We've even made some rules to help with this. Things like

dh doesn't have private conversations with women (he can make plans for us on the phone but that's about it).

If one of us feels uncomfortable about a relationship our spouse is having with someone, we bring it up and we are not allowed to "punish" the other person for bringing it up. By "punish" I mean become irrate, or irritated with them.

I was told once by an older woman not to "invite" others into your marriage. She was right because I have seen where it can possibly lead to trouble. By that she meant, don't start going out to dinner, movies, etc. you and your husband and asking along a single woman friend. If you want to do things with your single friends than fine and good but don't do it with husband in tow.

That was good advice because a situation with a good friend of mine happened where a young woman started acting inappropriately toward my friend's husband and he toward her as well, this all took place because the wife opened her marriage up to her friend by having her over all the time and the dh and the young woman would interact to the point where feelings started to emerge. Of course the man should have checked himself, but since we're talking to ladies on this board, this is advice for them.

If you feel like you are not being listened to I think women shouldn't try to suck it up and keep a good face on things so dh "won't be embarassed", they should go to the elders at church and express their concern. I have also found going to my dh's father who is a godly man and who loves dh and can talk to him is a great resource as well.

I guess to put all these ramblings a little more succinctly is

Keep others out of your marriage

Don't encourage in depth communication with the opposite sex.

If someone of the opposite sex (say a woman) needs help or advice (esp. advice), you as the wife representing your family should be the one to dispense it, not him. Keep him from having her rely on him for advice and him getting his jollies from being "needed".

Encourage him to read "Every Man's Battle" so he'll learn and hopefully practice learning how to "bounce" his eyes away from tempting women.
 
Satan is going to attack marriages like these the most because he can try to get other Christian couples to fall by looking at the failing of this husband. Of course they can move past this (with the Lord's help) and perhaps be a better example of recovering inspite of what happened... We're not perfect and when we're striving to be Christ-like we're bound to be attacked by the enemy in some way. Some might fall in this area while others won't.
 

Nice & Wavy

Well-Known Member
I haven't posted on the forum for a bit but I've had this on my mind and I like to hear everyones honest input.

I'm very "disappointed" in life by the amount of good practicing Chrisitans that get caught up in affairs :( It becomes very discourging to me as a wife. Don't become discourage. satan will use discouragement to change your thinking from Kingdom thinking to stinking thinking for sure, and you can find yourself in a worse situation than before that disappointment set in:nono: As a man/woman thinketh, so is he/she!

My good friend has been married for 20+ years and her & hubby are practicing Christian who attend church regularly, work in the ministry, have group fellowship in their house, etc. I always looked up to them because they to me made the ideal christan marriage. I would always go to her for advice. They even held something called "marriage builder" in their home where they helped other struggling couples.
Sis, there are people who attend church, in ministry, etc. and it doesn't make them exempt from temptations. I know you know this, but here me out, ok?

Jesus knew that mankind would be tempted, that's why He prayed for us. As a person who also teaches marriage workshops along with my husband, just as you mentioned about "marriage builder" for stuggling couples, this is where all the more a couple must be thinking on things that are good and pure, lovely and of a good report. People must be sold out for Jesus...totally. If not, we fall into sin "acts" because of the sin nature.

To make a LONG story short-he got caught up in an affair :nono: which I personally felt hurt for my friend and let down but it just is so discouraging that even some of the most Godliest people fall to that deception especially people who have been walking with the Lord for so long and know Him personally and intimately.
I'm sure your friend is hurt very much..I will be praying for her, her husband, their children and yes, you. I do have to say it really doesn't matter how long people have served the Lord....sin is at the door waiting. If we choose to open the door, he will come in and his desire is to steal, kill and to destroy. But, God has given us life and life more abundantly....hallelujah!

As her friend, begin intercession for her and WITH her. She is going to need to be in the face of the Father and she will need to hear His voice, so that the voice of the stranger she will not follow. You can help her in this...be there for her, which I believe that you are and will be.

Another person I knew was not married but he as a practicing Christian too and he was worse! He got entangled in an affair with a non-practing Christian, got her pregnant, and kept on going to the next women. Remember, there isn't a human being on this earth that is exempt from sin. Sin is there...period.

What are your thoughts on this? I just don't get it-it's very discouraging to me...:ohwell:
As I said in the beginning of this post...don't be discouraged. Turn that discouragement into intercession and pray for your friend and her family and also, pray for you and your family, that you will be able to overcome the temptations that are always lurking at your door.

satan is a liar and is the father of all lies. he knows how to attack and to disrupt families...especially through the eye gates. Men, unfortunately, fall into this trap more often than not. Women do as well, but because men are visual...satan places pictures in their minds (on tv, magazines, movies, etc.) of women and their body parts. satan also will bring these people to church and hurt people, hurt people!

It's so sad, I know...but you can reverse the curse by staying in the presence of God and not allowing satan any strongholds over your thoughts....JESUS MUST BE LORD OVER ALL YOUR THOUGHTS!!!

Tear down those imaginations that are trying to exalt itself against the knowledge of God, and bring every thought captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ!!!

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray for this family, that you Father, will bring healing and that she will get a righteous anger and come against the enemy who is trying to destroy her through the actions of another. I pray that everything that she has ever learned from the Holy Spirit, be activated within her spirit and that she will BE RESTORED TO BE EMPOWERED to continue to do the work of the ministry. I pray that the doors of adultery be closed, not only in her own marriage, but in the marriages of all those that have been apart of their lives through the classes that were taught. I also pray that it will have no effect, even in the lives of her friends, that all the familiar spirits that is associated with adultery, cease its functions, now...in the Name of Jesus!

I pray that the Holy Spirit will comfort her and bring her peace!

In Jesus Name...Amen.

Be encouraged. Discouragement has no place in the life of a believer. Stand, and after you have done ALL to stand...STAND and put on the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand in the evil day.

Overcome the enemy by having the joy of the Lord, which is and shall always be your strength.

Blessings and I will be praying for you all.

Loving you with the love of the Lord!

N&W

:giveheart::bighug::hug2::theteam:
 
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Ms.Honey

New Member
Sometimes Christians won't allow the Lord to cleanse them and deliver them of their sins. He didn't just accidently have an affair. He's ALLOWED his mind to wander and think about commiting adultery probably from the beginning of his walk. We tend to think, "Well there's no harm fantasizing about other women, I'm strong enough not to fall." BIG MISTAKE:wallbash:. We have to wash our minds with the Word of God and stop letting these stupid thoughts entertain us. If we don't plant the seed, it can't grow right?

I know some folks think role playing with their spouses spices up their love lives and causes no harm:nono:. It is not healthy and it's very dangerous to imagine your spouse as someone else. When I'm with DH, I'm with DH. I don't imagine him being anyone other than DH because even to pretend he's someone else means I would enjoy someone other than him and I sure as heck don't want DH to feel the need to pretend that he's having sex with someone else while making love to me:nono:. We don't expose each other with alternatives that they may meet in real life. We don't even plant that seed of temptation.

We as married couples need to stop fantasizing about what's not true and start enjoying what God has blessed us with.
 

Highly Favored8

Well-Known Member
That's why we go to church and continue to practice Christianity so we can be Christ-like. We aren't perfect. You aren't perfect...And having affairs is not the only sin.

Every one does something that is discouraging to someone else. Yours is cheating, someone elses may be cursing, another could be lying. I'm sure someone finds what you do to be discouraging as well and you don't even know it.

Let God worry about "getting it". That's really not your problem. Give it to God to worry about.


Very Good Post as always:yep: AMEN!
 

Highly Favored8

Well-Known Member
I know what you mean. It's like God told Cain when he became jealous of Able because Able gave a better sacrifice, "sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you, but you must master it". Men are so easily distracted and flattered by any kind of positive attention women might throw their way. If she's remotely attractive to him, he becomes all the more stupid.

In our marriage, we've had to diligently work so that we would not fall into this trap. We've even made some rules to help with this. Things like

dh doesn't have private conversations with women (he can make plans for us on the phone but that's about it).

If one of us feels uncomfortable about a relationship our spouse is having with someone, we bring it up and we are not allowed to "punish" the other person for bringing it up. By "punish" I mean become irrate, or irritated with them.

I was told once by an older woman not to "invite" others into your marriage. She was right because I have seen where it can possibly lead to trouble. By that she meant, don't start going out to dinner, movies, etc. you and your husband and asking along a single woman friend. If you want to do things with your single friends than fine and good but don't do it with husband in tow.

That was good advice because a situation with a good friend of mine happened where a young woman started acting inappropriately toward my friend's husband and he toward her as well, this all took place because the wife opened her marriage up to her friend by having her over all the time and the dh and the young woman would interact to the point where feelings started to emerge. Of course the man should have checked himself, but since we're talking to ladies on this board, this is advice for them.

If you feel like you are not being listened to I think women shouldn't try to suck it up and keep a good face on things so dh "won't be embarassed", they should go to the elders at church and express their concern. I have also found going to my dh's father who is a godly man and who loves dh and can talk to him is a great resource as well.

I guess to put all these ramblings a little more succinctly is

Keep others out of your marriage

Don't encourage in depth communication with the opposite sex.

If someone of the opposite sex (say a woman) needs help or advice (esp. advice), you as the wife representing your family should be the one to dispense it, not him. Keep him from having her rely on him for advice and him getting his jollies from being "needed".

Encourage him to read "Every Man's Battle" so he'll learn and hopefully practice learning how to "bounce" his eyes away from tempting women.

Very Good post as well! I like the part what you said I feel that this is so true!
 

Highly Favored8

Well-Known Member
Sometimes Christians won't allow the Lord to cleanse them and deliver them of their sins. He didn't just accidently have an affair. He's ALLOWED his mind to wander and think about commiting adultery probably from the beginning of his walk. We tend to think, "Well there's no harm fantasizing about other women, I'm strong enough not to fall." BIG MISTAKE:wallbash:. We have to wash our minds with the Word of God and stop letting these stupid thoughts entertain us. If we don't plant the seed, it can't grow right?

I know some folks think role playing with their spouses spices up their love lives and causes no harm:nono:. It is not healthy and it's very dangerous to imagine your spouse as someone else. When I'm with DH, I'm with DH. I don't imagine him being anyone other than DH because even to pretend he's someone else means I would enjoy someone other than him and I sure as heck don't want DH to feel the need to pretend that he's having sex with someone else while making love to me:nono:. We don't expose each other with alternatives that they may meet in real life. We don't even plant that seed of temptation.

We as married couples need to stop fantasizing about what's not true and start enjoying what God has blessed us with.


Amen. I am not even married yet and I feel very blessed to have read everyone's advice! In this sensitive matter!
 

cocoberry10

New Member
That's why we go to church and continue to practice Christianity so we can be Christ-like. We aren't perfect. You aren't perfect...And having affairs is not the only sin.

Every one does something that is discouraging to someone else. Yours is cheating, someone elses may be cursing, another could be lying. I'm sure someone finds what you do to be discouraging as well and you don't even know it.

Let God worry about "getting it". That's really not your problem. Give it to God to worry about.

I completely agree with this. To add, I think it's really important that we remember WHO we are supposed to always look at and that is GOD.

God has truly shown me that my relationship and admiration and WALK is with HIM. Yes, He uses His children to do His will, and as Christians we should lovingly hold one another accountable when we fall. But it's the Lord who picks up the pieces.

What I'm really saying is that IMO, too many of us as Christians start to look at HUMANS the way we should be looking at GOD. I'm not saying that you can't admire people, but NEVER forget that they are people, NOT GOD. There is no such thing as an ideal marriage, b/c there's no such thing as ideal people, IMO. The only thing that's ideal is God. And only He can make an ideal marriage. There are many couples in this world that others would look at and outwardly assume their marriage is strange or wouldn't work (i.e. b/c they are from different cultures, they are different ages, different educations, etc.) and they may have the better marriage. ON the other hand, there are couples who people look at and assume that they have an "ideal" marriage and their marriage may truly be the one suffering. As I always say, only God knows the hearts of HIS children inside and out. Only God and your friend's husband truly knows what lead to this affair (besides the obvious temptation). That is between her, her husband and God to work through. As her friend, you should be there for her to pray and support.
 

LadyPaniolo

New Member
There is no such thing as an ideal marriage, b/c there's no such thing as ideal people, IMO. The only thing that's ideal is God.

My goodness, this is so true. I remember when I was living in an apartment complex with a couple living on the top floor, and DH, baby and me living on the bottom floor. I used to look at the wife with jealousy b/c her husband was always home, and she lost her baby weight so quickly, while my husband was working all the hours in the world to support us, and I was looking pregnant still!

I would see her husband walking around with his shirt off pushing thier baby stroller around. I was not yet a Christian. Sinful thoughts did enter my mind about how he looked better than my DH and how he was such an involved father.

One night the police came because our neighbors had a huge fight. He had gotten drunk and become abusive. Apparently he had a past of doing this but had been doing well before he relapsed. She poured his booze down the drain, and he pinned her to the ground and tried to kill her by wrapping his leather belt around her throat and tightening it. She passed out and almost died. Luckily she came to later and called the police. Come to find out, he was married to someone else, not the woman he lived with, and he was always with the baby because he had no job.

So basically I had been thinking these people had it all, I was turning against my husband and feeling attracted to this man. I thought they were so ideal, and it was all a lie.

Now I know that I need to focus on MY marriage, and on MY walk with Christ. I can't even know the truth about what's going on with someone else, not really. So I just have to cling to what I know is true, the word of God.
 

Highly Favored8

Well-Known Member
My goodness, this is so true. I remember when I was living in an apartment complex with a couple living on the top floor, and DH, baby and me living on the bottom floor. I used to look at the wife with jealousy b/c her husband was always home, and she lost her baby weight so quickly, while my husband was working all the hours in the world to support us, and I was looking pregnant still!

I would see her husband walking around with his shirt off pushing thier baby stroller around. I was not yet a Christian. Sinful thoughts did enter my mind about how he looked better than my DH and how he was such an involved father.

One night the police came because our neighbors had a huge fight. He had gotten drunk and become abusive. Apparently he had a past of doing this but had been doing well before he relapsed. She poured his booze down the drain, and he pinned her to the ground and tried to kill her by wrapping his leather belt around her throat and tightening it. She passed out and almost died. Luckily she came to later and called the police. Come to find out, he was married to someone else, not the woman he lived with, and he was always with the baby because he had no job.

So basically I had been thinking these people had it all, I was turning against my husband and feeling attracted to this man. I thought they were so ideal, and it was all a lie.

Now I know that I need to focus on MY marriage, and on MY walk with Christ. I can't even know the truth about what's going on with someone else, not really. So I just have to cling to what I know is true, the word of God.


This is so true what you said thank you for this post.
 

cocoberry10

New Member
My goodness, this is so true. I remember when I was living in an apartment complex with a couple living on the top floor, and DH, baby and me living on the bottom floor. I used to look at the wife with jealousy b/c her husband was always home, and she lost her baby weight so quickly, while my husband was working all the hours in the world to support us, and I was looking pregnant still!

I would see her husband walking around with his shirt off pushing thier baby stroller around. I was not yet a Christian. Sinful thoughts did enter my mind about how he looked better than my DH and how he was such an involved father.

One night the police came because our neighbors had a huge fight. He had gotten drunk and become abusive. Apparently he had a past of doing this but had been doing well before he relapsed. She poured his booze down the drain, and he pinned her to the ground and tried to kill her by wrapping his leather belt around her throat and tightening it. She passed out and almost died. Luckily she came to later and called the police. Come to find out, he was married to someone else, not the woman he lived with, and he was always with the baby because he had no job.

So basically I had been thinking these people had it all, I was turning against my husband and feeling attracted to this man. I thought they were so ideal, and it was all a lie.

Now I know that I need to focus on MY marriage, and on MY walk with Christ. I can't even know the truth about what's going on with someone else, not really. So I just have to cling to what I know is true, the word of God.

This truly is a testimony! I had written a post on another topic, and I will just post this part, b/c I think it's relevant here!

You don't know what goes on in anyone's life but your own, that's why it says "don't worry." You may look at someone who you think never suffers, but you don't really know. Maybe they have a lot of money, maybe they are really mean, but only God knows the full story. Maybe they aren't mean, but maybe they are a hurting human being who suffered abuse or something like that, so now they are very guarded with people, to the point that they seem mean. You may believe they DESERVE to "get theirs," but only God knows the full story. OR, maybe they are really evil/mean, and God is dealing with them in a different way. ONLY GOD KNOWS! Some people that seem like everything is going their way are TRULY suffering in silence. Some people you think are just going along w/no consequences have illnesses no one knows about, they are severely depressed, their business will collapse in the future, their family hates them, they want to commit suicide, they are secretly in debt, they get death threats. There are a plethora of things that "could be." Or, maybe worse. Maybe life does seem to be going along perfectly, and they continue to be mean/evil to others, not having any idea what lies ahead. What you must realize is that we never see more than a glimpse or what I call a "snapshot" into someone else's life. You will never know the full picture of anyone's life but your own. Even when someone seems evil or disrespectful, only GOD SEES ALL!
 

envybeauty

New Member
What are your thoughts on this? I just don't get it-it's very discouraging to me...:ohwell:

My thoughts? Don't look to them. Keep your eyes on Him and He will help you when you get married. There are plenty of faithful married couples in the world. Focusing on (and keeping watch over) those bad apples is what should be discouraged.
 
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