Does your hair make others insecure?

Discussion in 'Hair Care Tips & Product Review Discussion' started by PersuasiveBeauty, Apr 6, 2012.

  1. PersuasiveBeauty

    PersuasiveBeauty New Member

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    Do you ever hide your hair in puns or put it back in a ponytail in order to make sure that you don't make someone feel insecure about their own hair? My hair isn't even long yet, but I know I made my aunt feel insecure today. And I just feel awfully terrible. I didn't try to, but just my being there helping her take out her micro braids made her feel some type of way. She was taking out her micro braids and I offered to help her. She was complaining about her hairline receding and how her hair is too thin...

    I tried to gently offer her advice..I told her to stop the micro braids and maybe quit the relaxers, or at least get a milder strength. But all she did was look at my hair and say, "you're just lucky you're blessed with thick hair" It wasn't in a spiteful tone at all....She's a good woman. Very kind and always there for me. But I somewhat feel guilty... By just being there. And honestly. Much of her hair condition can be contributed to old age... Like the gray hairs and such. So she shouldn't be so hard on herself. I just wish she wouldn't feel bad. And I wish she'd take my advice.

    Anyway, my question to you all is.. Do you hide your hair with scarves, or buns, or whatever in order to make sure other people don't feel insecure? Have you been in a situation where your hair has made someone insecure? I may just start covering my hair with a bonnet or scarf whenever I am at her house. I don't want to make her feel any type of way. It's one thing to flaunt your hair in someone's face who has always doubted you and been negative.. But I would never want to make a family member feel inadequate.
     
  2. Nonie

    Nonie Well-Known Member

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    Awww...PersuasiveBeauty, you're so sweet and considerate.

    I must say I'm not aware of my hair having made anyone feel insecure. Maybe I'm insensitive but whenever someone has said something nice about my hair, I've just appreciated the compliment but never got the impression they felt insecure. The few times someone with my hair type has claimed that my hair was better than theirs, I've assured them that it isn't and if they care to know, I've clued them in on the few things I know about hair. Otherwise, the exchange always seems pleasant w/o anyone appearing to be uncomfortable.

    I'm sorry your aunt is unhappy about her hair. Did you see MsLizzia's mom's hair story? Very encouraging. Maybe you should share that with her. It may help to give her hope and cheer her up. Plus MsLizziA's mom did it herself...so maybe she'd feel more in control if she just read it herself and then took notes and applied them herself.
     
  3. 4bslbound

    4bslbound Well-Known Member

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    ................l......
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2012
  4. RocStar

    RocStar Well-Known Member

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    No, no and no. I have learned I cannot take on or worry about others insecurities. If they can't stand my shine, they just need to put on their hater blockers and KIM.
     
  5. silenttullip

    silenttullip Well-Known Member

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    I think she was more sad than insecure... You did nothing wrong. I'm only dancing at apl so I don't think I could make anyone feel any way. But if I did I'd rather help their hair than hide my own.
     
  6. itsallaboutattitude

    itsallaboutattitude Well-Known Member

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    @PersuasiveBeauty

    This past weekend I was enjoying the fact that my cousins and aunt were either 100% natural or in the process of transitioning to natural. Only 2 were permed and planned to stay permed.

    However, as we were sitting talking about our hair, I was singled out because my texture was different from theirs. My cousins started a litany of my hair doesn't do that. My hair doesn't look like that. I can't pull my hair back in one. My hair line is horrible.

    All I could say is I love your hair. Yes your hair is long. Pull on it. See you are at shoulder length or even longer. Did you try any of the things I either sent you or told you about?

    Anyway, I left feeling a little bad.

    I've heard people talk about family members saying they can't go natural and proceed to compare their own "unknown" natural hair to yours. In my case, they are natural, with beautiful heads of hair. Getting braid outs, that I would love to get. Afro's that I would love to get.

    I have come to realize, that even with the IMO slightly negative comparison comments, I believe that I have helped inspire my cousins to be natural. I will continue to send products and information to them.

    I am gonna stop sending pics of my hair though.
     
  7. lustrous

    lustrous Well-Known Member

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    I used to have this issue in nearly every arena of my life. Solution? - a Maryanne Williamson quote: (applies whether you are religious or not)

    " There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    How many times have you seen someone with something you thought you could never have and then been inspired to achieve it? I've witnessed the effect of the quote numerous times. Someone else's insecurity isn't your problem. Just continue to be grateful and kind and most of all to shine.
     
  8. Lucie

    Lucie Well-Known Member

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    No, I would not. Life does not stop for me because of someone's good fortune or blessing. It inspires me to do and be more. I appreciate your kindhearted ways but don't look at it as you making her insecure but are giving her hope that she too can have the health and length that you do.
     
  9. napbella

    napbella Well-Known Member

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    Yes, I have and I'm only just past bsl stretched. But some people will try to continuously find something wrong with my hair to make themselves feel better. I used to cover my hair or pin it up but now I just spin my shine (read: white girl flip) and let them worry about their own problem hair. If they ask I offer advice, if not I keep my pearls to myself.
     
  10. Relentless

    Relentless Reinventing Staff Member

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    I think offering her products that could help her is a fine gesture.

    RocStar, what does KIM mean? :)
     
  11. RocStar

    RocStar Well-Known Member

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    Keep it moving :grin::grin:
     
  12. Kn0ttyByNatur3

    Kn0ttyByNatur3 New Member

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    Nah...nobody has gave me that vibe about being insecure with their hair around me. If anything, they give me a compliment. Then, they would voice their negative opinion on their own hair being this, that and the fifth.


    But I don't think I bring them down when I am around them. :lol:
     
  13. LadyChe

    LadyChe Well-Known Member

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    Lol.. Only myself cuz it looks a hot mess...
     
  14. empressri

    empressri Well-Known Member

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    I have a tissue for everyone's issue.

    Some folks have chewed up looking hair, ask you for advice, then negate everything you tell them, but then continue making remarks about your hair.

    Story of my life. I'm not here to pacify ANYONE. If they want sympathy they'd better look in the dictionary between sh** and syphilis.
     
  15. naturalmanenyc

    naturalmanenyc https://www.youtube.com/user/NaturalManeNYC

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    I have not had to resort to that but can understand why you'd want to avoid that situation in the future. Just keep offering advice and maybe she will listen one day.
     
  16. aquajoyice

    aquajoyice Well-Known Member

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    I notice non AA women with shorter hair give me the side eye.
     

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