Enough is enough!

[crwnandglory]

Man meets woman. They begin to date. Woman is steadfast in prayer, asking God to voice His approval or disapproval over the relationship. Her spirit answers with a "Yes!"

...But everything that can go wrong...goes wrong. She walks by faith, seeing what the relationship (and the man) can be, believing in God's divine plan. She prays for God to give her strength if the relationship ought to continue and He does.

...But the relationship still isn't matching up to God's promise. She is anxious, confused and frustrated. He is waiting for a word from God. She is ready to walk away but can't, not because she is too in love but walking away just doesn't sit well in her spirit, but neither does the relationship (in its current state). He thinks time is the answer, she feels like time may just add to the heart ache.
--------------------

I am the "she" in this dilemma...I thought that taking it out of first person may help me to see the situation clearer...

I've prayed, fasted, meditated and did everything that I am big enough to do for over a year. I have not been able to find peace in parting from this relationship and I do not have peace with the state of our relationship. I'm stuck in between a promise and reality.

I'm sure we've had an experience in our lives that made us question God's promise/plan because our reality was so distant from it. Faith is believing in what you cannot see but can it ever become a hindrance? I can acknowledge that I may have wasted over a year of my life in a relationship that is "stuck" and may never get to the altar like God said. However, I can also recognize that this trouble may just be an incubator, a test designed by God to make us stronger so that we can fulfill a greater promise (ie, Abraham and Sarah) .... but LORD not knowing is beginning to be a bit too much.

God isn't the author of confusion, so what am I doing wrong?

Can anyone relate?

 

[aribell]

I can relate, romantically and in other areas. It's very difficult to walk away from some things, especially after a lot of time has been invested. But I want to ask, when you say that you're looking for "peace" and he's looking for a "word" what does that mean? What would it look like to receive it? Is it looking for a feeling to come, or outside parties to confirm what you're supposed to do?

I ask because more often than not the Lord wants us to be able to look at a situation and discern through biblical wisdom and insight what is most sensible and glorifying to Him--not necessarily "without" hearing from Him, but with our own spiritually mature ability to perceive what is best in a situation (in accordance with Scripture) and make a judgment about what has to be done. Some times (a lot of times, actually) waiting for a certain feeling or word to come and resolve the decision only leaves us unwilling and unable to sit down, figure it out, and make the hard decision that has to be made. And it can even mislead us if we end up following a certain feeling, but it wasn't of the Spirit. (There's an excellent book on this topic by a theologian I know well called Good News for Anxious Christians, by Phillip Cary--sooo worth checking out!)

It's not at all easy! And of course, it is wonderful that both of you are seeking the Lord's will in all things and hoping in Him. The Lord will bless you for your faithfulness.

You said that the relationship is not matching up to God's promise. I am guessing that you mean that the Spirit seemed to say "Yes!" when you asked and prayed about it. And yet, nothing has worked out as you would think that it would. Definitely been there! But here's the thing. In whatever situation we find ourselves in, we are to always be acting in wisdom, godliness, understanding and following the fruit of the Spirit. If there is a situation that is not producting the fruit of the Spirit, we can work to produce such fruit, or if it's clear that nothing good is coming from it, then we release it. (all within God's commands, of course. A woman who is married shouldn't "release" her husband because he isn't godly)

Ultimately, you and this man have a choice and a decision to make. Can your relationship become a reflection of Christ and the Church or can it not? Are you both willing to work to make it such? You already know that the Lord approves of godly marriages. If this relationship can become one, you shouldn't fear that you are outside of His will. And if it cannot, then it may not have been the Spirit that was leading in the beginning. I've found an indispensable rule of thumb to be that where the Spirit genuinely is, His fruit follows. That's not to say that the Lord does not do a great work in relationships or that sometimes promises are delayed. It's just to say that the only thing we have to be concerned about is being faithfully obedient in living our lives. The Lord doesn't need our assistance in fulfilling His promises, kwim? What is genuinely of Him will come to pass. Abraham received the promise, and then the Lord told him to kill the promise. Had Abraham been attempting to hold onto Isaac as God's promise instead of being obedient to where the word of the Lord guided him, he would not have been regarded as "faithful Abraham." So, I think that you all should pray about whether your relationship is or can become a godly marriage in accordance with God's word. And since the man is the pursuer, to some extent you *may* want to try and see if his spiritual concerns are masking other hesitations, or if your relationship really just needs more time to develop.

Father, I thank you for Your lovingkindness and faithfulness. Your will and ways are sometimes a mystery to us, but we thank You that You hold everything in Your hand and that even though we can't see beyond the bend in the road, You know it clearly and are preparing us even today to face what lies ahead. Please sharpen crwnandglory's spiritual insight, discernment, practical wisdom so that when she prays and meditates on this situation, she may see it as You see it. Please do likewise for the man in her life. Bring them godly counselors that they may see how best they can love You and love one another. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

PM me if you'd like to talk. I can share more about what I've experienced in this regard. And I hope all the best for you all.

 

[luthiengirlie]

I was in the same situation with my boyfriend. I knew from YHWH we were meant to be.. but it didn't look like he wanted to be there and there wer eseveral times I almost left... so I just decided to let go and let YHWH and work on me.. really all ic an do and love him.

 

[PinkPebbles]

I can relate, romantically and in other areas. It's very difficult to walk away from some things, especially after a lot of time has been invested. But I want to ask, when you say that you're looking for "peace" and he's looking for a "word" what does that mean? What would it look like to receive it? Is it looking for a feeling to come, or outside parties to confirm what you're supposed to do?

I ask because more often than not the Lord wants us to be able to look at a situation and discern through biblical wisdom and insight what is most sensible and glorifying to Him--not necessarily "without" hearing from Him, but with our own spiritually mature ability to perceive what is best in a situation (in accordance with Scripture) and make a judgment about what has to be done. Some times (a lot of times, actually) waiting for a certain feeling or word to come and resolve the decision only leaves us unwilling and unable to sit down, figure it out, and make the hard decision that has to be made. And it can even mislead us if we end up following a certain feeling, but it wasn't of the Spirit. (There's an excellent book on this topic by a theologian I know well called Good News for Anxious Christians, by Phillip Cary--sooo worth checking out!)

It's not at all easy! And of course, it is wonderful that both of you are seeking the Lord's will in all things and hoping in Him. The Lord will bless you for your faithfulness.

You said that the relationship is not matching up to God's promise. I am guessing that you mean that the Spirit seemed to say "Yes!" when you asked and prayed about it. And yet, nothing has worked out as you would think that it would. Definitely been there! But here's the thing. In whatever situation we find ourselves in, we are to always be acting in wisdom, godliness, understanding and following the fruit of the Spirit. If there is a situation that is not producting the fruit of the Spirit, we can work to produce such fruit, or if it's clear that nothing good is coming from it, then we release it. (all within God's commands, of course. A woman who is married shouldn't "release" her husband because he isn't godly)

Ultimately, you and this man have a choice and a decision to make. Can your relationship become a reflection of Christ and the Church or can it not? Are you both willing to work to make it such? You already know that the Lord approves of godly marriages. If this relationship can become one, you shouldn't fear that you are outside of His will. And if it cannot, then it may not have been the Spirit that was leading in the beginning. I've found an indispensable rule of thumb to be that where the Spirit genuinely is, His fruit follows. That's not to say that the Lord does not do a great work in relationships or that sometimes promises are delayed. It's just to say that the only thing we have to be concerned about is being faithfully obedient in living our lives. The Lord doesn't need our assistance in fulfilling His promises, kwim? What is genuinely of Him will come to pass. Abraham received the promise, and then the Lord told him to kill the promise. Had Abraham been attempting to hold onto Isaac as God's promise instead of being obedient to where the word of the Lord guided him, he would not have been regarded as "faithful Abraham." So, I think that you all should pray about whether your relationship is or can become a godly marriage in accordance with God's word. And since the man is the pursuer, to some extent you *may* want to try and see if his spiritual concerns are masking other hesitations, or if your relationship really just needs more time to develop.

Father, I thank you for Your lovingkindness and faithfulness. Your will and ways are sometimes a mystery to us, but we thank You that You hold everything in Your hand and that even though we can't see beyond the bend in the road, You know it clearly and are preparing us even today to face what lies ahead. Please sharpen crwnandglory's spiritual insight, discernment, practical wisdom so that when she prays and meditates on this situation, she may see it as You see it. Please do likewise for the man in her life. Bring them godly counselors that they may see how best they can love You and love one another. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

PM me if you'd like to talk. I can share more about what I've experienced in this regard. And I hope all the best for you all.

Nicola - thank you for sharing!

I co-sign on your post and the bolded really stood out for me. It made me think of the scripture -the heart can be deceitful. So you are absolutely right how we need to be able to look at a situation and discern through biblical wisdom....

 

[Shimmie]

Man meets woman. They begin to date. Woman is steadfast in prayer, asking God to voice His approval or disapproval over the relationship. Her spirit answers with a "Yes!"

...But everything that can go wrong...goes wrong. She walks by faith, seeing what the relationship (and the man) can be, believing in God's divine plan. She prays for God to give her strength if the relationship ought to continue and He does.

...But the relationship still isn't matching up to God's promise. She is anxious, confused and frustrated. He is waiting for a word from God. She is ready to walk away but can't, not because she is too in love but walking away just doesn't sit well in her spirit, but neither does the relationship (in its current state). He thinks time is the answer, she feels like time may just add to the heart ache.
--------------------

I am the "she" in this dilemma...I thought that taking it out of first person may help me to see the situation clearer...

I've prayed, fasted, meditated and did everything that I am big enough to do for over a year. I have not been able to find peace in parting from this relationship and I do not have peace with the state of our relationship. I'm stuck in between a promise and reality.

I'm sure we've had an experience in our lives that made us question God's promise/plan because our reality was so distant from it. Faith is believing in what you cannot see but can it ever become a hindrance? I can acknowledge that I may have wasted over a year of my life in a relationship that is "stuck" and may never get to the altar like God said. However, I can also recognize that this trouble may just be an incubator, a test designed by God to make us stronger so that we can fulfill a greater promise (ie, Abraham and Sarah) .... but LORD not knowing is beginning to be a bit too much.

God isn't the author of confusion, so what am I doing wrong?

Can anyone relate?

I can surely relate...time and again; and the 'Church' will surely jump and shout

Yes precious one, I CAN indeed relate.

This is what I have learned.

The Word of God tells us to 'try the spirits' and to see if they be of God.' God's Word also says that there are many voices, however, Jesus has proclaimed that 'My Sheep KNOW my voice and the voice of a stranger, they will not follow."

Babygirl, satan knows how to disguise the voice of God... ESPECIALLY when it comes to our emotions and desires. Especially!

This is where we 'try' the spirit (the voice we hear) and we will LEARN if it is of God or not.

In the book of I Kings 19, God's speaks about His voice. It was not in the whirlwind, nor was it in the earthquake, nor was it in the fire ; it was 'AFTER' the fire that God's voice was heard... it was in a 'Still' Small Voice...'

Sweetheart, you've been through the whirlwind, the earthquake, and lo and behold, you are now in the fire.

Sweet Babygirl, now listen...what do you hear? Whose voice is it now? Be still, and breathe in the quiet of the stillness, listen to what's been inside of you all along. God's voice, that 'still small voice', which says what... ?

The still small voice is where peace abides and you know, that you know, that you know, that' it is God speaking, to you. It's not in the whirlwind, it's not in the earthquake, it's not in the fire... it's in your heart. You KNOW the answer and the answer is God's peace abides when He is in something and when that something is for you.



God has ordained peace for you. Live it, Breathe it, Keep it.

 

[crwnandglory]

Nicola - Thank you for your post...your words really ignited something in my spirit!
The situation has not produced the fruit of the spirit (fully and consistently) but I really can't say that we have genuinely tried to produce the fruit. I've prayed for God to lead me to scriptures and I've consistently been led to scriptures that focus on developing the fruit of the spirit...esp in relationships with others.
Sounds like I haven't done my part yet.

 

[Guitarhero]

Man meets woman. They begin to date. Woman is steadfast in prayer, asking God to voice His approval or disapproval over the relationship. Her spirit answers with a "Yes!"

...But everything that can go wrong...goes wrong. She walks by faith, seeing what the relationship (and the man) can be, believing in God's divine plan. She prays for God to give her strength if the relationship ought to continue and He does.

...But the relationship still isn't matching up to God's promise. ,,,,
--------------------

God isn't the author of confusion, so what am I doing wrong?

Can anyone relate?

Is it your spirit that said "yes" or G-d's? Ask yourself this very important question then ask Him again to reveal the answer Wait patiently and do not push the answer. Try to take the emotion, expectation and desire out of the question when you ask Him. Expect He will reveal...but do not expect that the answer is "yes" because He has to reveal it to you.

Sometimes, couples go through hard times as a proof and hardening of that love...making it more bullet-proof. But sometimes, it might be evidence that the relationship can go no further. You have to look to G-d and to the reality of life. How does he treat you? How do you treat him? Is there respect etc.?

I wish you well.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I'm just offering an opinion, based on things from my past.

You should really consider whether you heard a yes from the Lord or if YOU were saying that yes. I definitely know that there is difficulty sometimes knowing when the trials we are experiencing in a situation are meant to test and make our faith stronger, or when it really is God's way of saying let go.

Just from what you have written, it sounds like you were willing this to happen and using Biblical techniques to make it work and make it fit with God. I think you know the truth but you ARE stuck in this based on emotions and love. I know you said you weren't, but I think you are. But part of the reason you are stuck is because you are unwilling to consider that God DIDN'T make this promise to you.

You need to let it go. And give yourself time. When your desires are so loud and clamoring in your ears, you can't truly hear what God is saying. take a step back from the situation so you can hear. And be ready to hear something that you may not want to hear.

 

[crwnandglory]

I can surely relate...time and again; and the 'Church' will surely jump and shout

Yes precious one, I CAN indeed relate.

This is what I have learned.

The Word of God tells us to 'try the spirits' and to see if they be of God.' God's Word also says that there are many voices, however, Jesus has proclaimed that 'My Sheep KNOW my voice and the voice of a stranger, they will not follow."

Babygirl, satan knows how to disguise the voice of God... ESPECIALLY when it comes to our emotions and desires. Especially!

This is where we 'try' the spirit (the voice we hear) and we will LEARN if it is of God or not.

In the book of I Kings 19, God's speaks about His voice. It was not in the whirlwind, nor was it in the earthquake, nor was it in the fire ; it was 'AFTER' the fire that God's voice was heard... it was in a 'Still' Small Voice...'

Sweetheart, you've been through the whirlwind, the earthquake, and lo and behold, you are now in the fire.

AMEN!

I've grown to know God's voice and I'm so sure that it was Him. Over time I've just wondered not if I heard God correctly but if we blocked our blessing through our free will...

 

[nathansgirl1908]

AMEN!

I've grown to know God's voice and I'm so sure that it was Him. Over time I've just wondered not if I heard God correctly but if we blocked our blessing through our free will...

If it was God, then would you be experiencing these issues?

 

[crwnandglory]

Nathansgirl1908- Great question. I'm not saying that the relationship is not a blessing, I just wonder if we (Christians) could sabotage our blessings.

To answer the question...
Yes, I do believe that blessings can and do come following trials. Genesis is laced with promises made to great men but they came after slip ups, set ups, failures and trouble. Genesis 12:1-3 and Genesis 16 is a quick example of the problems Abram faced after God's promise but his promised child (Isaac) did come.

I think sometimes we believe that trouble comes for the enemy and we neglect that God will send trouble our way. The story of Job is a great example. In fact, most of the great people in the bible that God showered with blessings had to first walk through many storms. So yes, sometimes our trouble is an incubator to a great blessing, not a furnace.

Thanks

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Nathansgirl1908- Great question. I'm not saying that the relationship is not a blessing, I just wonder if we (Christians) could sabotage our blessings.

To answer the question...
Yes, I do believe that blessings can and do come following trials. Genesis is laced with promises made to great men but they came after slip ups, set ups, failures and trouble. Genesis 12:1-3 and Genesis 16 is a quick example of the problems Abram faced after God's promise but his promised child (Isaac) did come.

I think sometimes we believe that trouble comes for the enemy and we neglect that God will send trouble our way. The story of Job is a great example. In fact, most of the great people in the bible that God showered with blessings had to first walk through many storms. So yes, sometimes our trouble is an incubator to a great blessing, not a furnace.

Thanks

Did God send the trouble or did he allow Satan to do it?

and yes, God allows trials into our lives, but as I was saying, we have to be able to discern the difference. From your posts I am still gathering the idea that you are not willing to consider that all of this may be a sign that this is not the one for you. All relationships are not perfect and free of issues, but from what I have seen, when God is bringing two people together, it doesn't really involve the same trials that we see when someone is being set up for a blessing. it is hard for me to articulate what I mean here.


But when you talk about ruining the blessing, I am a bit confused. We can delay it, but if it was for us in the first place, it will be ours. I think the key is that in the midst of true trials and tests of faith, there will still be an inner peace. It doesn't sound like you have that.

Not to mention that you keep talking about a promise. What exactly was the promise from God? That this man would be your husband? I couldn't glean from your post what you were referring to.

 

[aribell]

I think that something that's also important to remember is that the majority of people--Christians included--grow in their relationships and get married without having a supernatural "word" from God about it. But even if God hasn't spoken in that particular way doesn't mean that the relationship is necessarily wrong or can't be improved. Sometimes emphasizing God's voice can make us hold onto something that's clearly wrong for us, or walk away from something that calls for more time, effort, and perseverance on our part.

Really, judging the worth of a relationship involves answering some very practical questions, and some emotional ones, in addition to understanding what the man's intentions for the relationship are and whether he is seriously intending to propose marriage.

 

[Shimmie]

I think that something that's also important to remember is that the majority of people--Christians included--grow in their relationships and get married without having a supernatural "word" from God about it. But even if God hasn't spoken in that particular way doesn't mean that the relationship is necessarily wrong or can't be improved. Sometimes emphasizing God's voice can make us hold onto something that's clearly wrong for us, or walk away from something that calls for more time, effort, and perseverance on our part.

Really, judging the worth of a relationship involves answering some very practical questions, and some emotional ones, in addition to understanding what the man's intentions for the relationship are and whether he is seriously intending to propose marriage.

Excellent Point...

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Really, judging the worth of a relationship involves answering some very practical questions, and some emotional ones, in addition to understanding what the man's intentions for the relationship are and whether he is seriously intending to propose marriage.

Amen.

OP, is he indicating that he intends to propose marriage? Or is he still waiting on a word from God?

Just saw the below quote in my inbox from Joel Osteen Ministries, and I thought about you OP.

"If you are doing something that always seems hard, always seems heavy and drains the energy out of you, you might want to spend some time in prayer before God and see if that’s really what He has for you. Just because it’s a “good” thing doesn’t mean it’s a “God” thing."

 

[makeupgirl]

I did go through what you're going through. I just met up with a boyfriend that I went with when I was 13 and we got back together. He was saying basically everything I wanted or at least what I thought I wanted to hear. He stated that he believe the Lord sent me into his life and vice versa and we were meant to be together. He even started picturing our wedding in this park we went to. However, we weren't on the same page together as believers in Christ. I also went against God's word to embrace my own canal desires. Point being, I haven't heard or saw the guy again.

Now I have a friend in CA and we have been talking for almost a year now, however as friends with the intent of possible going forward as more. With this guy, I hope it's according to God's plan because I don't want to go against him anymore. But I also believe that when the time comes, if this is his will, all things will work together according to his will, word, and purpose for our lives.

The verse that states "What God has put together, let no man put asunder" comes to mind. If it's his will that we are to met our mate that he has designed us for, then no man, element, anything will be able to stop the will of God from happening. In other words, It may not be soap opera romance but it will be perfect in the eyes of God because he will be in the center of it, ordering our steps along the way. He knows the desires of our very heart when it comes to marriage and motherhood but it's up to us to give those desires to him and let him continue the lead.

**side note** when I got back with the ex, red flags started coming up but my heart was so into the fact that I met the guy that I didn't listen to the Father. When I started to listen, I knew that this newfound lust wasn't of God and what he wanted for my life.