Hair Snobery: The Reverse Hair Hatas

[sugarose]

There is a lady at my church along with her daughter who will no longer speak to me since they've seen my hair down.
When I joined this board I was APL and bunned for 6 months straight. So they saw me at APL and then BSL, no in between.
They have always been the type to shake their hair in people's faces (literally). The mom's hair is APL and the daughters a full SL.
What's funny is before, if someone asked them what products they used or a regimen they would not tell for anything. Now the daughter will send our mutual friend to ask me what products I use.

 

[Brownie518]

There's a female at my job with BSL hair. She is always talking about how her mother and her daughter have such "bad hair, not good like mine." I never could figure out what she meant by that. So, one day, I asked her what products she uses on her hair (and body, apparently). She said, "F*** that, I only use Suave!! I'll be damned if I pay more than 99 cents on my hair or my body." So I said, "Oh, I always wondered why your hair always looks so dull and lifeless all the time. Maybe you should invest a few more cents and get a deep conditioner, a shine serum, or some flat iron protectant or something." I was actually trying to be helpful . She really did not appreciate my comments and said, "I don't need that crap. Not with this good hair."
I guess she doesn't see that her constant flat-ironing and dyeing are stripping her hair. If she didn't do regular trims her hair would be a hot mess. But it is dull and lifeless like an old black t-shirt that has been in the dryer too much.
Oh, and she has her eleven-year old daughter actually crying about her 'bad hair.' It's not 'bad', it's very tightly curled and thick like what. She has thick hair like her Dad (black) and curly like her Mom (Puerto Rican). It's also WSL, so it is a lot of hair to work with.
If she took care of her and her daughter's hair, they would both have gorgeous heads of hair. But she feels that as long as her hair is long and straight (flat-ironed), it is the ish! Ignorance is bliss, I hear.

 

[Aalize]

There's a female at my job with BSL hair. She is always talking about how her mother and her daughter have such "bad hair, not good like mine." I never could figure out what she meant by that. So, one day, I asked her what products she uses on her hair (and body, apparently). She said, "F*** that, I only use Suave!! I'll be damned if I pay more than 99 cents on my hair or my body." So I said, "Oh, I always wondered why your hair always looks so dull and lifeless all the time. Maybe you should invest a few more cents and get a deep conditioner, a shine serum, or some flat iron protectant or something." I was actually trying to be helpful . She really did not appreciate my comments and said, "I don't need that crap. Not with this good hair."
I guess she doesn't see that her constant flat-ironing and dyeing are stripping her hair. If she didn't do regular trims her hair would be a hot mess. But it is dull and lifeless like an old black t-shirt that has been in the dryer too much.
Oh, and she has her eleven-year old daughter actually crying about her 'bad hair.' It's not 'bad', it's very tightly curled and thick like what. She has thick hair like her Dad (black) and curly like her Mom (Puerto Rican). It's also WSL, so it is a lot of hair to work with.
If she took care of her and her daughter's hair, they would both have gorgeous heads of hair. But she feels that as long as her hair is long and straight (flat-ironed), it is the ish! Ignorance is bliss, I hear.

Wow.....that was incredibly rude of you to say that to her, especially when you were the one asking her the questions.

 

[Maynard]

Re: Hair Snobbery: The Reverse Hair Hatas

Do you think she may have taken your question the wrong way and actually saw it as a slight at her because she may get approached by folks who doubt it is her hair in the first place?

We really need to stop and think and try and put ourselves in the other person's shoes before judging them and automatically labelling them something negative just because we didn't get what we wanted out of them or they did not respond to our benefit.

IA with this statement. She's 17! That's what 17 year old's do.

*She might have been embarassed...
*She prob really didn't know and was embarassed cause she didnt know
*She might have thought that you were "messing with" her and trying to slight her by complementing her. People do this. I used to do this all the time trying to be the class clown in HS.

For example: I'd see a girl with a jacked up outfit on. I would (snobiilly) walk over and "complement" her on the outfit and ask her where she got it from the whole 9. Goodness, I was mean! Thank God for Jesus!

 

[hothair]

Actually a couple of years ago maybe 2001 I was on holiday at a friend's in Denver and we went to visit a friend of hers with some gorgeous LONG thick hair past BSL maybe waist (4a/b I think)she had a lot of NG but it still looked good and I remember we were talking and asking what she did and she started talking about not relaxing her hair more than twice a year (that didn't bug me - i had bleached natural hair); ALWAYS keeping her hair in a bun and washing and deep conditioning like 2 ce a week I remember distinctly going "Oh hell naw! why would I want to bun that pretty hair ALL the time and washing and conditioning twice a week? she crazy!" 5 years later I get here and you lot are saying the same thing

Hmm, maybe she IS Nikko's cousin?

 

[SleekandBouncy]

That's so obnoxious, did you give her the kissmah-arse look?
Some ppl don't understand that hair can fall right out of your head any minute so it's best not to get too uppity. When ppl ask about my hair I actually right now a mini breakdown of my routine, the address of this site and tell them to DP every week, avoid direct heat and find a good moisturizer. Some women feel that if they share tips they'll no longer be "special" so they can't share how they grew their hair or even where they purchased a shoe. I figure if my hair is the only thing defining me from other women than I have a much bigger problem.
I don't make a habit of asking IRL women about their hair, but once I chased a woman for 5 long blocks because she had the best haircut, it had the layers and swing that (typically) was/is done at White salons but her hair was relaxed. She was very nice, but it turned out she was just visiting from out of town

 

[lisana]

Weird encounter. You either touched her hair before she made the comment and in that situation I would have to side with the girl. Touching her hair without her permission is rude, an invasion of her personal space and I would have felt violated. You didn't mention that you asked first. OR, you touched her hair after she made the rude comment, which I don't know why you want to touch her hair after she was rude to you, Just interesting.

 

[pistachio]

If someone was a snob to me I'd direct them to this site so that they can see that they're not the only ones that can grow hair.

 

[pistachio]

That's so obnoxious, did you give her the kissmah-arse look?
Some ppl don't understand that hair can fall right out of your head any minute so it's best not to get too uppity. When ppl ask about my hair I actually right now a mini breakdown of my routine, the address of this site and tell them to DP every week, avoid direct heat and find a good moisturizer. Some women feel that if they share tips they'll no longer be "special" so they can't share how they grew their hair or even where they purchased a shoe. I figure if my hair is the only thing defining me from other women than I have a much bigger problem.
I don't make a habit of asking IRL women about their hair, but once I chased a woman for 5 long blocks because she had the best haircut, it had the layers and swing that (typically) was/is done at White salons but her hair was relaxed. She was very nice, but it turned out she was just visiting from out of town

exactly!!!! One bad relaxer application @ the salon, and it's over.

 

[locabouthair]

That's so obnoxious, did you give her the kissmah-arse look?
Some ppl don't understand that hair can fall right out of your head any minute so it's best not to get too uppity. When ppl ask about my hair I actually right now a mini breakdown of my routine, the address of this site and tell them to DP every week, avoid direct heat and find a good moisturizer. Some women feel that if they share tips they'll no longer be "special" so they can't share how they grew their hair or even where they purchased a shoe. I figure if my hair is the only thing defining me from other women than I have a much bigger problem.
I don't make a habit of asking IRL women about their hair, but once I chased a woman for 5 long blocks because she had the best haircut, it had the layers and swing that (typically) was/is done at White salons but her hair was relaxed. She was very nice, but it turned out she was just visiting from out of town

I dont understand people like this. I've never come across anyone like that but I just dont get it. as miseducated as we are (black women) about our hair we need all the help we can get. When I get to APL or beyond, i swear Im telling the whole world about this site I have struggled so much to get healthy growing hair and I would love to help another sista out. just like all of ya'll help me

 

[cocoberry10]

exactly!!!! One bad relaxer application @ the salon, and it's over.

This is true. I wouldn't mind sharing my regimen, but I wouldn't want someone putting their hands in my hair. I'm kind of a personal space schizo

 

[StrawberryQueen]

Wow.....that was incredibly rude of you to say that to her, especially when you were the one asking her the questions.

Yes, that was extremely rude.

Weird encounter. You either touched her hair before she made the comment and in that situation I would have to side with the girl. Touching her hair without her permission is rude, an invasion of her personal space and I would have felt violated. You didn't mention that you asked first. OR, you touched her hair after she made the rude comment, which I don't know why you want to touch her hair after she was rude to you, Just interesting.

I agree. The OP hasn't come back and said exactly what she did to the girl, so I'm leaning toward she walked up, touched the girls hair and the girl copped an attitude. Which is reasonable considering that she touched the girl w/o permission. I'd catch an attitude as well.

 

[MizAvalon]

Nope, because I feel the same way. I'm not a hair snob, but I feel like every rock that could be turned has been done so on LHCF so I seriously doubt anybody has a secret that I haven't heard. The heads on this board are all the insider info I need.

However, that was rude of her. Regardless of her past experiences, there's no need to be that way, even if she didn't want to tell you. People have accused me of being snobbish and evasive about my hair, but the problem is there isn't one magic potion that makes for long, healthy hair...it really is a combination of products and techniques that make it work and the first time I started trying to explain it to a girl, she accused me of lying and making all of that up! Since then, I've been hesitant to go in depth about my regimen. So like Kitten said, maybe she's had some sour experiences, but she could have politely declined you instead of being rude.

I agree with this entire post. People want you in *passing* to tell them all your "secrets" and it just doesn't work like that.

Also, when I was that age I just kept my hair in a ponytail or a bun. I knew nothing about products or techniques but my hair was still very nice. So when people would ask me what I did to my hair, the genuine answer was "nothing". Maybe they though I was being snobbish or hoarding "secrets" but I was just a kid that didn't do anything to her hair so what exactly was I supposed to tell them?

These days I do have techniques and products but I don't exactly have time to give a detailed regimen to a stranger that comes up to me in Target in 2 or 3 minutes. Especially since most women aren't interested in doing all that it takes anyway. I have seen it time and again. You start naming your products and all the things that you do for your hair and their eyes begin to glaze over. The looks of disappointment on their faces is priceless when they realize that there is no secret formula or magic potion for them to buy. Sorry, but I don't have time for that.

Now if I feel like the person has a sincere interest, then I am happy to take my time and explain things to them. There's never any reason to be rude though.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I dont understand people like this. I've never come across anyone like that but I just dont get it. as miseducated as we are (black women) about our hair we need all the help we can get. When I get to APL or beyond, i swear Im telling the whole world about this site I have struggled so much to get healthy growing hair and I would love to help another sista out. just like all of ya'll help me

I agree. I'm always happy to see another woman looking great especially a black woman with great looking hair, looking all sophisticated n' stuff

Someone mentioned that maybe she (girl in the OP) was embarressed, uncomfortable, nervous, etc., but that's no excuse. There's a respectful way to behave and 17 is old enough to know it. No body said she had to write down her whole routine, sometimes you can just give an encouraging word or recommend one item and then move on, but to role your eyes at someone? Especially in the house of the lord, she betta' hope she has that hair next year. I knew better than to act like that at 17 so her age is no excuse. On the flip side, if you run up to someone and touch their hair, ask at an awkward time or hit them with a million questions I could see why they would catch an attitude.

 

[Cleve_gryl]

I did have a woman at church that looked like this ask me about my hair once. I think I looked at her hair and gave her some funny looks (not on purpose, I swear!!), but knew I didn't have all day to tell her what to do!! So, I may have snobbed her a bit myself

 

[Nikki253]

Re: Hair Snobbery: The Reverse Hair Hatas

Yeap, I sure have.....right before I found LHCF, I'd had a bad experience w/ a stylist. So, I was shopping in Walmart (in the hair section) & I noticed a girl w/ really beautiful, shoulder length hair. So, I went up to her & said "hi, your hair is so pretty, who does it for you?" She rolled her eyes, popped her lips but didn't mum a word. I was shocked to say the least. So, I laughed out loud and walked away. She was not the prettiest person so this made her even more ugly.

Why some people are snobs about their hair, I'll never understand.......

Maybe it wasn't hers! and she thought you were tryin to be funny!?

 

[sunnydaze]

Re: Hair Snobbery: The Reverse Hair Hatas

Maybe it wasn't hers! and she thought you were tryin to be funny!?

LOL..now I have noticed that. Sometimes people with weaves want to go under the radar and think they are being called out if you complement them.

 

[natieya]

Nope, because I feel the same way. I'm not a hair snob, but I feel like every rock that could be turned has been done so on LHCF so I seriously doubt anybody has a secret that I haven't heard. The heads on this board are all the insider info I need.

However, that was rude of her. Regardless of her past experiences, there's no need to be that way, even if she didn't want to tell you. People have accused me of being snobbish and evasive about my hair, but the problem is there isn't one magic potion that makes for long, healthy hair...it really is a combination of products and techniques that make it work and the first time I started trying to explain it to a girl, she accused me of lying and making all of that up! Since then, I've been hesitant to go in depth about my regimen. So like Kitten said, maybe she's had some sour experiences, but she could have politely declined you instead of being rude.

It's interesting to me that someone would think you were lying (or making things up). I think people just don't want to put in the work that it takes to obtain healthy hair. Like you said, there is NO magic potion. It takes, hard work, patience, and persistence. I don't think that's the answer people want to hear. They want to hear something easy and quick.

There's a saying, "Anything worth having is worth working for..." People need to think about that. (I gently remind myself of this when I'm sleepy as heck and want to lay it down without tieing my hair up with a scarf first).

 

[Dandelion]

This has been an entertaining, shocking, and puzzling thread!

I use to work in a shop after school and I was at work one day when a white person (I'm black) marched up to me an put there hands all in my hair! I was shocked and the other person in the department said that people occasionally did it to her and one told her it was good-luck to touch a black person's hair! I also had a good friend who once touched my afro puff and exclaimed that it was "very soft...'jungle bunny' hair"! I am so not kidding.

Dandelion

 

[LeadingLady]

One of my cousins is a hair snob. When I was in high school my mother wanted me to have a nice hairdo for an event. She asked my cousin to make an appointment for me at the same salon she goes too. She made an appointment for me at a different salon that she had never been too.

Anyway, I can't wait to see my cousin again because my hair is longer than hers now w/o her help!