How do Christian women find husbands?

CatSuga

New Member
At church?
At the club?
At Wal-mart?
Or just sit at home and pray?
Biblical men and women didn't just sit at home and pray. Of course they prayed first, but afterwards there was some kind of action.

I've noticed in other cultures there is a system set up to encourage, promote, and "hook up" marriages. I have friends from African, Muslim, and Hindu cultures and it all appears to be the same.
The man or woman announces that he/she are ready for marriage.
He/she, their parents, religious leaders spread the word.
They get a bunch of pics in the mail.
They pick out the ones they like. The families get together and have dinner.
If they are interested, they continue communication for however long (3-4-6 months, my Hindu friend just announced marriage 2yrs after meeting his girl).
And then get married.

Now, many of us westerners have been conditioned into thinking people that participate in these types of arrangements don't have a choice but in fact they have 100% control and have a better chance at getting what they want.

From the beginning, when a woman states that the only relationship she is interested in is marriage (not dating, not playing the field, not hooking up), that choice is respected and honored.
Now.......if I told every man that tried to holla at me that the only relationship that I was interested in was marriage they would look at me crazy (even the virgins).

For some reason in our culture, dating, hooking up, and playing the field are encouraged more instead of applying time looking for a life partner.

From my *past* experience, looking for men at church is like she-wolves fighting over a fresh kill. As soon a fine single brotha enters the church every single woman is all up in his grill. Majority of the time this brotha will use all of these sistas desperateness for a man to his advantage.
What about the club? We all know that good Christian women don't hang out at clubs.
And I don't care about who you ask, a sista ain't buying that sit at home and God will drop him out the sky route.
And then there is Wal-mart. I challenge you right now, go to any Christian forum and where there is a thread about finding men somebody mentions Wal-mart.

Basically from what I see there isn’t a system is set up to promote marriages in the Christian community.
Do you think that it would be permissible for churches to promote some kind of singles program to help marriage minded singles meet in a Christian environment?
 

Koffie

New Member
At various churches that I have went to, including the one I am an active member right now, there is a "singles ministry"

I don't know EXACTLY what it entails, but I do know they have stuff like work-shops and retreats, and conferences and gatherings.

When the the pastor or some one on a committee announces these events, there he always announces "For those who are single Christians and looking to fellowship w/ other single Christians, then this weekend we will be having our______ for singles this weekend"
 

Stormy

Well-Known Member
Same here CatSuga, Single's Ministries in the churches. For years! :) It's so wide spread, I thought it was in most churches throughout the nation. But I guess not.
 

BLESSED1

New Member
I'm glad you posted this CS I was just thinking about this, for when I'm ready to date again. I've been praying for my Christian king but I wasn't sure how I'd "find" him. Also, what do you look for to know that the guy is really the one, and a legit Christian? I remember someone posting about a friend marrying a supposedly christian man but they wound up divorcing a few weeks later, he only married her to have sex w/ her or something like that.

My church also has a singles ministry where they host christian singles parties. I haven't worked up the nerve to go to one yet though :look:
 

sugaplum

Star Shooter
I think there are Singles Ministries at our church I'm not sure. I think it is a good idea. :up:

You brought up some really good points CatSuga. :) I do believe that I can't go find the "one" that is meant for me, God will send the "one" to me when the time is right. :)
 

Sweet C

Well-Known Member
Well, in general, its not the women's job to find a husband, but the man's job to find a wife (Proverbs 18:22) , but you did bring up some very interesting points about how our society lifts up dating, etc. I just recently had a discussion with a Muslim colleague from Egypt who had broken off his engagement about a year ago. He said that when he came here, he was shocked at how women were exploited, b/c they were not being protected. He said that they aren't even allowed to date a woman until they are engaged. You are first friends with the young lady, and only really see her in settings where there is a large group of people. You then must talk to her family and neighbors to get an better idea of what kind of person she is (outside of what she tells you) and then decided if you will ask for her father's permission to marry her. After you get the father's permission, you ask the girl for her permission. If she says yes, then you have an engagement party, where everyone gets together and celebrate. Only then are you allowed to go out, but even then, you must be chaperoned at all times until you get married.

Now even though many of us might think this is extreme, this makes perfect sense. It allows you to get to know someone without adding the additional pressures that dating entails. This is more or less what we would call courtship, b/c your decision of marriage is based on interactions b/t family, friends, neighbors, etc. and not just you and that person initially.

LOL...at the Walmart. This guy name Dr. Elmore was on Paula White a few weeks back and he said that the Christian woman should put herself in an atmosphere where she is more likely to have a better advantage of male prospects (and he said the Single's social at church aint it). He suggested Home Depot or Lowe's over Walmart.

I believe that God will bring the one for you in the picture in a place where you might least expect it. I met DH in hs on the way to a college football game. We became friends and didn't actually go out to much later. When we did go out, we did a lot of activities with both of our churches as well as our families and friends, not only just your typical dinner and a movie.
 

Belle Du Jour

Well-Known Member
Sweet C said:
Well, in general, its not the women's job to find a husband, but the man's job to find a wife (Proverbs 18:22)

What she said.

I don't think it's a passive stance to let the man do the work. That's the way it should be. I think that in just going about your business and being you, the right man will spot you at the right time.

I also agree with the friendship-courtship-marriage model for relationships. :up:
 
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Stormy

Well-Known Member
Sweet C said:
You are first friends with the young lady, and only really see her in settings where there is a large group of people. You then must talk to her family and neighbors to get an better idea of what kind of person she is (outside of what she tells you) and then decided if you will ask for her father's permission to marry her. After you get the father's permission, you ask the girl for her permission. If she says yes, then you have an engagement party, where everyone gets together and celebrate.

Interesting... I kinda like that. :)
 

phynestone

Well-Known Member
I think one may find them in various places, whether it's the church, skating rink, grocery store, etc. I do not think the club, bars, or similar places are good areas to find Christian men.
 

BLESSED1

New Member
You guys raised good points. I went through the whole friendship/courtship/dating thing w/my ex though & thought he was the one, but apparently he wasn't (he bounced after I announced I was becoming celibate to help deepen my relationship w/God). How do y'all feel about christian online dating services? I'm thinking about joining one :sekret:
 

Honeyhips

Lovely
BLESSED1 said:
I'm glad you posted this CS I was just thinking about this, for when I'm ready to date again. I've been praying for my Christian king but I wasn't sure how I'd "find" him. Also, what do you look for to know that the guy is really the one, and a legit Christian? I remember someone posting about a friend marrying a supposedly christian man but they wound up divorcing a few weeks later, he only married her to have sex w/ her or something like that.

My church also has a singles ministry where they host christian singles parties. I haven't worked up the nerve to go to one yet though :look:
Did they get counseling?
 

Honeyhips

Lovely
I like this too. The model that we have in America, date whomever you want, sleep around and etc.. is not what God had in mind. I wouldn't eve use this as an example of how to be found.


I do happen to know a lady whose husband dropped out of the sky. :lol: He worked for the cable, phone, eletric (one of those) company and he came by for a service call. The rest is history. I really think we women need to elarn how to wait on God. If he isn't coming it could be b/c we are not ready, or God has you hidden because he is preparing you and doesn't want you to get distracted. What is this rush to be married. What do we think is on the otherside of marriage?


I think this protection piece is so key. I think this verse in solomon speaks on that:

8 We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for? 9 If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver: and if she be a door, we will inclose her with boards of cedar.

Tell me what you all think, but I don't think I have to position myself anywhere to "find" a man. I think God will lead me and direct me and in that he will see me. I don't have to purposely plant myself anywhere. If I'm doing this, doesn't it mean I don't trust God to do his job or that I'm doing the looking for the man? How is that any different than going to a club putting on my slinkiest outfit and catching him. To me it is all baiting. We don't have to do that, right?

Like you SweetC, I will be doing a lot of group activities with my future husband. I don't want to get caught up in that one on one. That is a danger zone.


Sweet C said:
Well, in general, its not the women's job to find a husband, but the man's job to find a wife (Proverbs 18:22) , but you did bring up some very interesting points about how our society lifts up dating, etc. I just recently had a discussion with a Muslim colleague from Egypt who had broken off his engagement about a year ago. He said that when he came here, he was shocked at how women were exploited, b/c they were not being protected. He said that they aren't even allowed to date a woman until they are engaged. You are first friends with the young lady, and only really see her in settings where there is a large group of people. You then must talk to her family and neighbors to get an better idea of what kind of person she is (outside of what she tells you) and then decided if you will ask for her father's permission to marry her. After you get the father's permission, you ask the girl for her permission. If she says yes, then you have an engagement party, where everyone gets together and celebrate. Only then are you allowed to go out, but even then, you must be chaperoned at all times until you get married.

Now even though many of us might think this is extreme, this makes perfect sense. It allows you to get to know someone without adding the additional pressures that dating entails. This is more or less what we would call courtship, b/c your decision of marriage is based on interactions b/t family, friends, neighbors, etc. and not just you and that person initially.

LOL...at the Walmart. This guy name Dr. Elmore was on Paula White a few weeks back and he said that the Christian woman should put herself in an atmosphere where she is more likely to have a better advantage of male prospects (and he said the Single's social at church aint it). He suggested Home Depot or Lowe's over Walmart.

I believe that God will bring the one for you in the picture in a place where you might least expect it. I met DH in hs on the way to a college football game. We became friends and didn't actually go out to much later. When we did go out, we did a lot of activities with both of our churches as well as our families and friends, not only just your typical dinner and a movie.
 

Honeyhips

Lovely
Well you really didn't have the right foundation.
BLESSED1 said:
You guys raised good points. I went through the whole friendship/courtship/dating thing w/my ex though & thought he was the one, but apparently he wasn't (he bounced after I announced I was becoming celibate to help deepen my relationship w/God). How do y'all feel about christian online dating services? I'm thinking about joining one :sekret:
 

BLESSED1

New Member
Honeyhips said:
Well you really didn't have the right foundation.
What, as in me personally or as in us not going in the "right" order? We were friends for like 6mos. before we dated, but it doesn't matter I think it was destiny that I chose to stop engaging in premarital sex. He would pray occasionaly but I don't know if he considered himself a true christian, but I see him leaving as a sign that God has something better for me, a real Christian man who can prob. teach me things, help me enhance my spiritual walk you know? My ex, I had to practically beg him to come to church w/ me once a month, now I see how unequally yoked we were :(
 

Honeyhips

Lovely
BLESSED1 said:
What, as in me personally or as in us not going in the "right" order? We were friends for like 6mos. before we dated, but it doesn't matter I think it was destiny that I chose to stop engaging in premarital sex. He would pray occasionaly but I don't know if he considered himself a true christian, but I see him leaving as a sign that God has something better for me, a real Christian man who can prob. teach me things, help me enhance my spiritual walk you know? My ex, I had to practically beg him to come to church w/ me once a month, now I see how unequally yoked we were :(
this is all I meant.
 

GodsPromises

The Credit Countess
I agree with everything that has been said, I just wanted to say to the single ladies here, by all means join your singles ministry at your chruch. Don't be afraid to fellowship with other singles. Joining the singles ministry was the best thing that I could have done at my church. We had a wonderful time: trips, BBQ's, movie night, a harvest fevistal right before Thanksgiving with the spoken word. It was just a wonderful time. I wasn't about meeting your mate, but about encourgement and having a wonderful time in the Lord with people who are single like yourself.
 

Supergirl

With Love & Silk
CS,

You have some good points, especially about our culture.

HH,

Good point about just trusting in God. This is the hard part. But He will just have people in the right place at the right time.

I don't see anything wrong with trying Christian dating services. The challenge there is the #'s of black men are alot less than others. If you're open for any race, then there are plenty.

One to try:

www.christiancafe.com
 

sexylonglegs

New Member
Well I have been in church pretty much my whole life and I have seen some things. Let me enlighten you ladies for just a moment. When I was in church I dated a couple of guys and come to find out they were dating other woman in the church as well. I have heard things about the pastors and brothers on the pators board and etc. The point that I am making is some of biggest whores are in the church. They come to church praise the lord and then go home and smoke a joint or sleep around or even grab a beer. I know I am being blunt about what I am saying but not everyone that says they are saved is. There was this one guy in my church that was sleeping with this one girl forever and everyone in the church knew about it. He was really cute but she was like 5 ft taller than he was :lol: so he was not going to marry her. The pastor knew they were sleeping together and then one sunday he was preaching the word,,, now come on :eek: She was so in love with him and I don't know there story today cause I don't attend that church anymore but ladies, stuff happens in the church that you would not believe. The best weapon that you have is the pray and tell the lord that if this man does not mean you any good to remove him from your life. If your heart is sincere with god he will remove any wrong doing out of your path.( NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME WILL PROSPER). The singles ministry is great just keep your eyes open and don't believe everything you here, God did not give us scenses for nothing :)

Good Luck
 

Koffie

New Member
As far as the Christian on-line dating services go, we need to be just as careful with those as we would match.com, 'cause there might be so some wolves in sheeps chlothing. ;)
 

meka

Well-Known Member
Sweet C said:
Well, in general, its not the women's job to find a husband, but the man's job to find a wife (Proverbs 18:22) , but you did bring up some very interesting points about how our society lifts up dating, etc. I just recently had a discussion with a Muslim colleague from Egypt who had broken off his engagement about a year ago. He said that when he came here, he was shocked at how women were exploited, b/c they were not being protected. He said that they aren't even allowed to date a woman until they are engaged. You are first friends with the young lady, and only really see her in settings where there is a large group of people. You then must talk to her family and neighbors to get an better idea of what kind of person she is (outside of what she tells you) and then decided if you will ask for her father's permission to marry her. After you get the father's permission, you ask the girl for her permission. If she says yes, then you have an engagement party, where everyone gets together and celebrate. Only then are you allowed to go out, but even then, you must be chaperoned at all times until you get married.

Now even though many of us might think this is extreme, this makes perfect sense. It allows you to get to know someone without adding the additional pressures that dating entails. This is more or less what we would call courtship, b/c your decision of marriage is based on interactions b/t family, friends, neighbors, etc. and not just you and that person initially.

LOL...at the Walmart. This guy name Dr. Elmore was on Paula White a few weeks back and he said that the Christian woman should put herself in an atmosphere where she is more likely to have a better advantage of male prospects (and he said the Single's social at church aint it). He suggested Home Depot or Lowe's over Walmart.

I believe that God will bring the one for you in the picture in a place where you might least expect it. I met DH in hs on the way to a college football game. We became friends and didn't actually go out to much later. When we did go out, we did a lot of activities with both of our churches as well as our families and friends, not only just your typical dinner and a movie.
I wholeheartedly agree with everything you just said. I was watching Lift Every Voice this morning and Donnie McClurkin was on and he said that same thing about a man who findeth a wife findeth a good thing. He said that men are hunters by nature so therefore, let him get you. Don't go after a man or make yourself available.
 

Honeyhips

Lovely
I don't think you are bursting any bubbles on my end. I could tell stories for days. :lol: ;)
Black Sista said:
Well I have been in church pretty much my whole life and I have seen some things. Let me enlighten you ladies for just a moment. When I was in church I dated a couple of guys and come to find out they were dating other woman in the church as well. I have heard things about the pastors and brothers on the pators board and etc. The point that I am making is some of biggest whores are in the church. They come to church praise the lord and then go home and smoke a joint or sleep around or even grab a beer. I know I am being blunt about what I am saying but not everyone that says they are saved is. There was this one guy in my church that was sleeping with this one girl forever and everyone in the church knew about it. He was really cute but she was like 5 ft taller than he was :lol: so he was not going to marry her. The pastor knew they were sleeping together and then one sunday he was preaching the word,,, now come on :eek: She was so in love with him and I don't know there story today cause I don't attend that church anymore but ladies, stuff happens in the church that you would not believe. The best weapon that you have is the pray and tell the lord that if this man does not mean you any good to remove him from your life. If your heart is sincere with god he will remove any wrong doing out of your path.( NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME WILL PROSPER). The singles ministry is great just keep your eyes open and don't believe everything you here, God did not give us scenses for nothing :)

Good Luck
 

PaperClip

New Member
This thread is two years old and only 24 responses? Wow! LOL! Hopefully there will be some updated stories/insights to share....
 
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