How Do I Broach This Subject?

Discussion in 'Christian Fellowship' started by janiebaby, Aug 16, 2017.

  1. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Do you feel that the church does a good job with building families? I was having a discussion with another single christian woman and I had started formulating questions in my head about why the church isn't meeting this need. I also wanted to stay away from making the church a place that people come to from the wrong reasons. So, when I mention "families", I mean all aspects of family life. The person I was speaking with mentioned that there really isn't anything out there besides pre-marital counseling for people who have decided to get married and marriage counseling.

    I don't hear a ton about,

    1) Being a good child.
    2) Being a good parent.
    3) Being a good spouse.
    4) With regard to marriage (the family unit), the importance of seeking a partner, what to look for in a partner, how to be the right partner, romantic love, dating, etc.

    Now, within a sermon, I may hear a line or two but I don't feel that I've heard an entire sermon focused on any of these aspects. I have heard sexual immorality sermons which I think are great but, as 1 Cor 7:2 points out, "But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband." I feel that there should be more focus on building families from the ground up and encouraging people to create families thoughtfully instead of families merely being a by-product of haphazard decision making.

    I'd like to hear other people's opinions about what they see, why the church may be or may not be meeting this need, and what improvements can be made.
     
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  2. CoilyFields

    CoilyFields Well-Known Member

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    Well, at my church they actually talk about marriage to the point where I used to wonder how the single folks felt about it being discussed so much. Now that I'm single I think it's good because it prepares you for marriage (if that's your desire). We also have youth church and men's/women's ministries and I assume most churches do as well.

    That's where I would expect those topics to be discussed. It would be nice to have a bunch of classes or seminars to participate in regularly, but you find those mostly in mega churches. Because most probably want to offer that but what's stopping them is having qualified people to plan and teach them.

    I believe that the Churches central job is to save sinners and equip believers. And a changed heart is the only thing that will enable you to do 1-4 anyway. So even if a church doesn't offer those topics, learning to produce the Fruit of the Spirit will give you the needed foundation.

    And for real, these things are supposed to be passed down within families and social relationships, not as classes. The Bible says for the older women to teach the younger ones how to love their husbands etc. The breakdown of the family in america has us wanting/needing to be taught things that we should learn through osmosis in the home.
     
  3. Maracujá

    Maracujá November 2019 --> 13 years natural!!!

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    From what I can tell, attending a church with mostly African people, there is a revival going on in this aspect. But...many people hear a few sermons and decide: yup, I'm ready. Instead of letting God till at their heart.

    Also, African people tend to be family oriented, so it's not hard to convince them to build a better family unit. But, as you've mentioned and I alluded to above: it may seem like the Church isn't doing anything about it, but let's not forget that all of the Bible is about a love story / marriage. We've become so worldly that we want to hear things like do x, y and z (human effort) and things in your family will go well, instead of really letting God do 99.9% of the work with little effort from us.

    To give an example: I was baffled when I heard that the most important thing you need to be able to do in a marriage is to forgive. In fact, most of the qualities needed in a marriage are virtues (=fruits of the spirit). If they weren't, then non-believers would have a leg up on us.

    In regards to point #4: there is a dilemma going on in my opinion. In the sense that it falls in deaf people's ears to those who hear it and those who need to hear this the most don't even come to church. The result is that we are witnessing so many people in bizarre relationships, with little to no love whatsoever and it's beyond sad. When we try to have a serious conversation about it here, people just brush it off but we cannot keep ignoring the amount of 30+ singles and single moms.
     
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  4. YvetteWithJoy

    YvetteWithJoy On break

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    The bolded! :yep:

    It really did a number on me. :nono: I never had the concept/vision of a "normal" single life. I think that did me a GREAT disservice all my life. I really do.
     
  5. Maracujá

    Maracujá November 2019 --> 13 years natural!!!

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    The way I see it: sometimes people have really never seen that example either, so they preach from that standpoint. It's kinda like being black, people assume we're all destitute when it's not the case. Sometimes it's upon us to showcase another side of being single. The amount of times I've had to hear from co-workers: ummm, you don't seem to mind being single :lol: *rolls eyes*.
     
  6. CoilyFields

    CoilyFields Well-Known Member

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    That is very true.
    The whole concept of being single and satisfied is very much overlooked. It assumes all women are "waiting for their husband" and keeps them in a state of unfulfilled anticipation rather than teaching them how to be happy and holy without a spouse.
     
  7. YvetteWithJoy

    YvetteWithJoy On break

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    Say it again. :nono:

    Yes.

    Just . . . no. I wish things had been DIFFERENT regarding that. I need things to have been DIFFERENT regarding that. I want things to be DIFFERENT regarding that for the young generation.
     
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  8. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Responses in bold.
     
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  9. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    I think it's a slippery slope. How do you tell someone to put off their need for intimacy without coming across as patronizing especially as it gets more difficult as people around them start families of their own and priorities change? Just a one off example of a discussion a friend and I had today......we were talking about her doc pressuring her to do something now that she's of a certain age and she's like "ok so you're saying I should've done this 10 years ago but you've been here all this time too"....I brought up the example to her that it's like when you're in college and when someone asks you what you want to do and you don't have a clue then the next thing they say is, "well you have time to figure it out"....until that imaginary time is up. No one is really gonna push you beyond what you're comfortable with because I guess they figure if you don't already know or see the need then you won't with them telling you. It's important to know that we reap what we sow.....so start sowing for your future asap instead of dealing with things as they come.
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2017
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  10. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Interesting perspective...I agree with you.
     
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  11. Maracujá

    Maracujá November 2019 --> 13 years natural!!!

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    I know this is the Christian forum but...there's a Busta Rhymes song that goes like this: If I'm not gonna be part of the greatest, then I have to be the greatest myself. For so long I kept looking for what I wanted to see in others and I hardly ever found it. So I am being the change I want to see in the world. With simple things really, for example: many women, subconsciously sometimes, are afraid of taking care of themselves. They think being single means struggling financially. So every once in a while I'll get questions like: oh, so the government supplements your income right? And I'm like...ummm no. I make due with what I make and in the meantime God is making me discover other gifts I can hone (I don' tell them this last part lol).

    I enjoy myself, stay read up on the Word, visit family members, am very active in my church and help people wherever I can. It's not easy being single in this society, if only by the amount of likes that couples garner on FB compared to us singletons :lol:. But I'm living life on my own terms now, not everything is about what is seen on the outside. As He said: it is His glory to do things in secret.
     
  12. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    @Maracujá you really have me meditating on the fruits of the Spirit. Thank you for your post.
     
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  13. ItsMeLilLucky

    ItsMeLilLucky Aka Giveme D’Monee

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    Agreed.
     
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  14. Maracujá

    Maracujá November 2019 --> 13 years natural!!!

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    Can we continue on with this conversation? What are some things you ladies see today, that are working to the detriment of Godly families/couples/children/spouses? And how can we improve on it?
     
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  15. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    I've been meaning to come back here to tell y'all about how my church has been doing a series on the family since January. It started with men and now women. I was like wow I literally made a thread about this last year.

    Imo I think patriarchy is working to the detriment of Godly families/couples/children/spouses.........and if I can get down to the bottom (no pun intended) of why there are so many gay black men in the church then maybe I could piece together some things.
     
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  16. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    @Maracujá Bible study tonight was about the call to motherhood. The men and women were separated so the men got a different talk. It was so good that I hope it's done again. The study leader really did a great job breaking down how we can mother (disciple) others, be a mentor/mentee/friend, and really prepare children to leave and cleave. I wish there was more time to really focus more on this because it was truly well done in a thoughtful way. The Q&A brought the men and women together and some of the questions about placing boundaries on family members was just great. I know the women were loving the parts about the inlaws. Many of the women expressed how they appreciated not feeling like they were left out because they were single and childless.

    Some of the women we spoke about were: Dorcas, Priscilla, Eve (as a motherless child), Mary, and Hagar.
     
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  17. Maracujá

    Maracujá November 2019 --> 13 years natural!!!

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    More on this please:yep:
     
  18. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    I wish I recorded the whole talk because at that point we were rushing to wrap up before the men returned. I know a couple of people took pictures of the slides so I'll check to see if I can get that one.
     
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  19. Sharpened

    Sharpened A fleck on His Sword

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    A topic rarely addressed - family worship or worshipping alone. I cannot see a decent pastor being offended at that suggestion. The Puritans had a problem back then with teenagers and young adults falling away. Though careful interviews and prayers, the leaders discovered families were not worshipping at home as they should, being dependent on church to do that for them.
     
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  20. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    I haven't thought of this. There has been something that's been on my mind that I've been thinking about posting in off topic.
     
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  21. newgrowth15

    newgrowth15 Well-Known Member

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    This is the key. For too long, many believers have relied on the Pastor and other leaders in the church to do what they need to do for themselves. I am a strong proponent of reading scripture for yourself. There are far too many, who call themselves Christians, yet they don't read God's Word to get to know Him. Several scriptures in Deuteronomy chapter 6 admonish us to teach our children on a daily basis to meditate on His word, so that we don't forget Him and where and how far He has brought us.
     
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