It's 4:00am and I cannot sleep because I am wondering what is going on in my life, I have a two year old whose father left me to move out of state, doesnt even care to call, no christmas gifts or birthday gifts --nothing. I have this extreme guilt that is festering inside of me because children deserve both parents, my son has no father to look up to. It kills me and is eating me alive, to add insult to injury, I am still trying to find my purpose in life, I suffer from extremly low self esteem, I feel like things will be better if I wear certain clothes or if i look a certain way or if my hair was longer, etc. I making all the wrong choices (sex)with men who I know dont give a damn about let alone my child. I constantly worry about what others think about me seeking everyones approval, I am so depressed, I sit home all day long ignoring my son who needs me because I am lost dreaming about this so called life that I will have when I get myself "together". I have tried praying maybe not hard enough, I know I want to submit myself to the Lord but I dont know where to begin, I just want to be strong and happy and a good mother and everything else that God intended for me to be. I feel like I hit rock bottom, as I type this I am looking at my son sleeping, there is got to be a way out, I cant be like this forever God has to come save me, my son needs me to be both parents, to be happy and active, strong and there for him. Im soory this is so long.