I hate hair snobs!!!! rant

[BroadstreetBully]

Sorry I had to use such a powerful word, but I really mean it. Sometimes when I read about the rude treatment some of the long, healthy haired ladies on here endure I wonder why. Some people just give these women a bad name. Hair snobs. They think they are better than everyone else because they have long hair and didn't have to do anything special to obtain it. Case in point. This lady at my job. None of the black women on my job have hair that is significantly past shoulder length. 98% wear either phony-ponies or braids. However, there is a biracial woman working there with waistlength hair. She is such a hair snob! It makes me sick to my stomach. The other day I talked to her for the first time. I told her I thought her hair was beautiful. She smiled and thanked me for the compliment. Fair enough huh? wrong. She goes on to say that she never gets compliments from black women because most are jealous. Oh but she doesn't stop there. She says that sometimes women ask her how she keeps her hair looking so long and nice and when she responds that she does nothing to it they give her evil looks and storm off. I realized then that it was time for me to go. Her crap didn't stop there. One day while we were in the break room I noticed that she trimmed about 2 inches off of her hair and curled it. Some guy commented on how she shouldn't have cut her hair and she says, quite loud, in front of us "jealous black women"--"Oh it doesn't matter, it'll grow back in no time, I'm not like some of those women with long hair who are scared to go near scissors because they know it'll take them a year to grow back an inch." From then on I just didn't like her. I hoped to stay away from her and her hair comments. But lo and behold I gotta hear it all the time now. So...another break room incident. One of my coworkers whose hair is bleached to oblivion was talking to me about growing healthy hair. I was telling her to grow out her damaged hair and deep condition in the process. This turned into a whole discussion on how to keep our hair healthy. Miss Hair Snob chimes in and says "I'm glad I don't have to go through all that!" I just hate thinking about it now. Why are some women all funky about their hair? When I think about how rude black women can be towards other black women with long hair I realize that it might not be jealousy. They might just assume that every black woman with long hair is a hair snob. It's not good to assume, but when stuff like this happens sometimes you can't help it. If I am still working there in two years I can't wait to swing my midback hair all up in her face. Of course I wouldn't do that. I know she'll have something to say like "it took her 2 years and all that work to achieve what my genes gave me." I know that I will never be a hair snob, cause it gives other good hearted women a bad name.

 

[caligirl]

I know a girl who has every reason to be a hair snob, but she's not. Her hair is waistlength and must grow at least an inch a month. She wears her hair out EVERY single day. I know she must get compliments all the time but she's still very humble.

 

[klassykutie]

OMG. Hair is H-A-I-R......just that!!! Unfortunately, people are going to be people. Either your hair is too long or too short. Either you are too big or too skinny. I am just sick of everyone. I wish you could tell her that everyone isn't jealous of her hair, and as a matter of fact not everyone wants hair that long. People.....

 

[Healthb4Length]

Oh boy! Sounds like home girl has "issues" with "jealous Black women" besides hair...ignore her.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I think it's just her insecurity. When someone feels the need to brag so much about something so petty it's a sign of insecurity. But dealing with it is horrible. And it's not just from her, many of the male coworkers make it worse. I've heard some say that she is the only real attractive girl working their because she has light skin and long silky hair that belongs to her. I wish they could only see some of the beautiful sable skinned women here rocking long natural and relaxed locks. They'd fall to the floor.

 

[seeminglysweet]

She sounds insecure and clearly thinks her hair defines her based on the way she was raised or treated by others when she was growing up. It's too bad that she wasn't smart enough to realize that hair is hair like Klassykutie said. While some people may find inspiration or interest in her hair I highly doubt anyone is actually jealous of it.

 

[Silkycoils]

Hmmm . . . this is kind of tough. While I agree with you to an extent, I dunno . . . sometimes when we are insecure/sensitive about something and someone makes a comment . . . it registers all the more loudly. Example: Woman A is 15-20 lbs. overweight Woman B is 50-100 lbs. overweight. Woman A says she wants to lose a few lbs. It would be VERY easy for woman B to internalize her comments as being directed towards her or as being *****y. Yes, homegirl does seem like she's feeling herself a bit, but I'on know . . . "we" tend to put ppl. on pedestals and then are offended when they act every bit the part of the "queen". That's just my opinion and is not meant in any way to challenge/offend you. I just had this thought when I read your post and decided to comment. When ppl. "feel" themselves too much, I think to myself, "Go head gurl, get ya shine on!" but chuckle at the extra-ness. It doesn't bother me too much though. *shrugs shoulders*

 

[klassykutie]

There is a difference between finding those assets that you have are a blessing, and that that asset is something that makes you better than someone else though. I am light skinned with long hair, but I have never in one day thought that I was better than anyone because of either, but this is what people wanted me to think, men and women. I have rocked the shortest of short hair and women were still jealous. People will be more jealous cause they THINK YOU THINK you are better than them than anything else. The hair skin color and all else is just superficial. People will never like you regardless of you fitting the beauty standard, and they will say it is cause you are loud, stuck up, or whatever.

There is a way to show you got it going on without making others feel like you are better than them for having something they don't have. If someone likes me cause of my long hair and light skin than we do not need to be associated cause that is superficial. Those things should be seen as a plus, not a "you have to be this to be pretty".

If you cut her hair off and change her skin color, would she still behave the same way? Maybe, maybe not.

 

[dynamic1]

There is always 2 sides to a story. Maybe she has suffered one to many negative comments regarding her hair and has becomes defensive during discussions of this kind. Maybe she has taken so many licks, she automatically comes out swinging. I am not advocating the behavior, but based on some of the experiences I have had and read on this board, I can see both sides.

 

[sweetcashew]

There is always 2 sides to a story. Maybe she has suffered one to many negative comments regarding her hair and has becomes defensive during discussions of this kind. Maybe she has taken so many licks, she automatically comes out swinging. I am not advocating the behavior, but based on some of the experiences I have had and read on this board, I can see both sides.

These are exactly my thoughs too. I'm sure there are a lot of women out there who think I'm a hair snob too. Some of her responses are responses I give.
Like when someone comments on the fact that I shouldn't have cut my hair I just shrug and say " It's just hair, it'll grow back soon". I'm not throwing it in someone's face, I'm just simply stating a fact and also trying to say that it shouldn't be all that serious. It's just hair so get over the fact that I cut it.
Oh yeh and the fact that she said black women never give her hair compliments I can so totally see. The only black women who give me hair compliments are the ladies on LHCF.
It's usually women of other races and men who compliment me on my hair. So I totally understand her.
And yes, I do get the evil looks too! You'd be surprised how petty some women can be.

 

[~Nigeria~]

I feel your frustration girl. But I ain't gonna lie, when my hair reaches bra-srap to mid-back length, thick, healthy, and beautiful... I'm gonna be a hair snob too. At least for a while until I get used to it... c'mon, no harm no foul .

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Hey, thanks for all the replies and I'm very happy that there are different sides of the issue. It has helped me to get over some of my not so kind feelings towards her. I mean, what I posted is only the beginning of what this girl has said. She just doesn't seem like a nice person.

by nslewis
"we" tend to put ppl. on pedestals and then are offended when they act every bit the part of the "queen".

That makes a lot of sense. My job is 99% black and to be honest I have never worked anywhere where blacks made up the majority of workers. Therefore, I am bombarded with these sorts of comments and images everyday. It's just sad to think that black women in the outside world just can't seem to work together like we do here on LHCF. It's like you go outside, compliment someone on their hair, and they just confirm the ignorance that can exist in the black community when it comes to hair. The main reason I complimented her was because I read how some of the women here face negativity in regards to their hair. I thought I could start sending out a positive message instead of being negative. I am very sure what she said was true. However, I think at the time her saying that was uncalled for. Especially since this was my first time talking to her. Perhaps if we knew each other more it would be different.

by dynamic1
There is always 2 sides to a story. Maybe she has suffered one to many negative comments regarding her hair and has becomes defensive during discussions of this kind. Maybe she has taken so many licks, she automatically comes out swinging. I am not advocating the behavior, but based on some of the experiences I have had and read on this board, I can see both sides.

Thanks for bringing this up. I agree that she has probably been given some serious flack for her hair. I do know that she grew up in a predominately black setting, so no telling what kind of treatment she had to endure. However, I just feel like her attitude only confirms these stereotypes. The whole "she thinks she's cute just because she got a little bit of hair" stereotype makes some sense if the girl actually tries to belittle everyone who isn't as "cute" as she is. It's like the whole issue of hair is big at my job. If someone comes to work and their hair isn't done, everyone is talking about it. So you better believe the type of comments I get just because I wear my hair up all the time and stretch my relaxers like crazy. "You are so pretty, why don't you do your hair?" or "If you were ugly it would be alright for you to wear your hair like that." one guy even said "Do you need some money to get your hair done?" and proceeded to open his wallet!! So for a fellow sister to try to place herself above the rest of us just because she doesn't have to feel as much pressure or endure such comments just doesn't seem right. Why do some women feel the need to be hair snobs? Why do some women have to be jealous? There are so many answers to these questions. But hearing comments made by her and other co workers can really work on my nerves.

 

[FlowerHair]

Wow the guy who opened his wallet to you was very rude! Keep doing what you need to do for your hair to be healthy and grow.
The woman at your job with the waistlength hair may be one of those women who lives through her physical assets.
I hope most women on this board realize that hair is just hair and it doesn't define who we are. Being proud of having something to show for putting time and effort into one's physique is great, but not putting other people down...

 

[Candiss]

I think the guy at your job who told her she shouldn't have cut her hair is maybe one of the reasons she seems to be a "hair snob." I bet there are many black people who make it their life mission to be up in her hair, constantly watching and commenting and hoping she goes bald headed. I don't want to give a pass to her poor behavior. But people in her situation are sometimes "damned if they do, damned if they don't". I mean, you seem to be one of those people all up in homegirl's business concerning her hair. If she really is a 'hair snob", then stop GIVING her the power to make you feel bad, stop talking about the hair, We black women can talk about others things when we get together besides our hair.

 

[Candiss]

Even though I think what I said above is sound advice, I just wanted to add that if I sounded a little harsh, then I do apologize. Sometimes people want to just vent and get some love and I think that's what you wanted and deserve. So let me just say

 

[firecracker]

Chile you know folx and some men believe that hair is your glory. I consider it a coat in the cold. I don't know what to say about your co workers.

 

[Denim And Leather]

There is a difference between finding those assets that you have are a blessing, and that that asset is something that makes you better than someone else though. I am light skinned with long hair, but I have never in one day thought that I was better than anyone because of either, but this is what people wanted me to think, men and women. I have rocked the shortest of short hair and women were still jealous. People will be more jealous cause they THINK YOU THINK you are better than them than anything else. The hair skin color and all else is just superficial. People will never like you regardless of you fitting the beauty standard, and they will say it is cause you are loud, stuck up, or whatever.

There is a way to show you got it going on without making others feel like you are better than them for having something they don't have. If someone likes me cause of my long hair and light skin than we do not need to be associated cause that is superficial. Those things should be seen as a plus, not a "you have to be this to be pretty".

If you cut her hair off and change her skin color, would she still behave the same way? Maybe, maybe not.

I totally agree with klassykutie when she says this. You can show off without trying to make others feel bad, and I think your co-worker is indeed insecure. I've seen way too many people in L.A. who do the same thing, and it's all born of insecurity.

However, Sweet Cashew also has a point. There are black women out there who do shoot daggers at women with hair longer than theirs, lighter skin color, etc. There is some truth in some of the comments your co-worker has made.

Unfortunately, throughout my life, I've seen more jealousy coming from black women towards longer haired/light skinned women, than seeing black women who are actual hair snobs.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

RedRiot, I wouldv'e snatched that wallet and ran! What a dumb*** comment.

 

[klassykutie]

Man ,you have some dumb arse co-workers. I work with 95 percent whites and when I have my hair in blow outs and twist outs, they like it more than when I have it bone straight!!! My bosses tell me all the time how they like my hair like that and I should keep it that way whenever I wear it straight, and my bosses are white, middle aged men!!!! We have the Willie Lynch syndrome down between us blacks......

 

[ChasingBliss]

These are exactly my thoughs too. I'm sure there are a lot of women out there who think I'm a hair snob too. Some of her responses are responses I give.
Like when someone comments on the fact that I shouldn't have cut my hair I just shrug and say " It's just hair, it'll grow back soon". I'm not throwing it in someone's face, I'm just simply stating a fact and also trying to say that it shouldn't be all that serious. It's just hair so get over the fact that I cut it.
Oh yeh and the fact that she said black women never give her hair compliments I can so totally see. The only black women who give me hair compliments are the ladies on LHCF.
It's usually women of other races and men who compliment me on my hair. So I totally understand her.
And yes, I do get the evil looks too! You'd be surprised how petty some women can be.

Im so glad someone said this because I couldnt find the right words.

 

[cutiebe2]

I could see if someone (like many of us) had worked hard for their hair and was now so proud of it that she had to rub it in people's faces... but she didn't do jack squat to get that hair so she has nothing to be snobbish about.
Just my way of thinking

 

[CandiceC]

I could see if someone (like many of us) had worked hard for their hair and was now so proud of it that she had to rub it in people's faces... but she didn't do jack squat to get that hair so she has nothing to be snobbish about.
Just my way of thinking

I was thinking that too.

 

[Tee]

Man ,you have some dumb arse co-workers. I work with 95 percent whites and when I have my hair in blow outs and twist outs, they like it more than when I have it bone straight!!! My bosses tell me all the time how they like my hair like that and I should keep it that way whenever I wear it straight, and my bosses are white, middle aged men!!!! We have the Willie Lynch syndrome down between us blacks......

You just said a mouth full. This is so true for me!

 

[beyondcute]

Think of it from her point of view... She has long "good" hair and she gets attention for the slightest cut or curl. If shes part human at all she's gonna play into the "hair snob" mentality. Its probably gotten her attention all her life. So she probably loves it. Then to be conditioned that she normally doesnt get compliments from one group of people its easy to think they were jealous (most people seek to place blame on others) rather than to think she was too caught up in her hair or acted snobbishly about it. Either way I think being snobbish is so immature. To be stuck on anythign material is unreal. Material things can be taken away so easily...

 

[2cute2B4gotten]

I don't think it's her hair that they are jealous of, I think her nasty attitude is probably why they don't say much to her. How tacky of her to say something like that when you gave her a compliment...she obviously has no class. Some people don't receive compliments very well, which is why your co-workers have just decided not to give her any. I agree with the other post, it is insecurity that makes people act that way. They feel the need to boost themselves up by putting others down. What "us" black women feel for her and women who act that way is actually pity. NOT jealousy....

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Even though I think what I said above is sound advice, I just wanted to add that if I sounded a little harsh, then I do apologize. Sometimes people want to just vent and get some love and I think that's what you wanted and deserve. So let me just say

HEY! No offense taken. I don't want anyone to think that I just sit around thinking about that all day. I was reading how some women here are given dirty looks and such when they go out in public and therefore this came to mind. This came to mind while I was reading a thread here about a member who was given crap about her hair and she seems like a really sweet lady. I began to think about why people act like they do. When I was working with mostly whites, hair wasn't such a big deal. One of my coworkers at my old job had this beautiful, luscious red hair and was ALWAYS receiving compliments on her hair from children, older people, and even couples! Yet in our community, long haired women mostly get nasty stares. That just got me to thinking about some incidents at work. Mind you my red haired co worker NEVER talked about her hair unless asked. She was very modest about it. But this other black girl who worked with me always had something to say about MY hair. I know we've all had things like this happen, and it is so sad. Can't I have a bad hair week without someone feeling the need to comment on it? I have nothing against my co-worker, I just think that she needs not make such rude comments about everyone else's hair, I couldn't begin to count the amount of times she has made rude comments about hair that was directed at the other female coworkers with myself included. If someone was to compliment me on my hair I would smile and say thankyou. For anyone who has had a bad hair life as opposed to a bad hair day, criticism from your fellows brothers and sisters hurts the most. When a white girl calls you brillo head it doesn't hurt as much as when a fellow black classmate tells you to go and "brush that nappy head." So you begin to take care of your hair and it grows as a result. Now she is giving you evil stares and swearing up and down that it is a weave, while white girl compliments you on how nice your hair looks. So I agree with Candiss that sometimes you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. But if you think you're superior just because your kitchen is silk, keep it between yourself and friends. Don't go around commenting on how everyone else's kitchen is "nappy". Leave your rude comments at the door.

 

[renae226]

Then to be conditioned that she normally doesnt get compliments from one group of people its easy to think they were jealous (most people seek to place blame on others) rather than to think she was too caught up in her hair or acted snobbishly about it. Either way I think being snobbish is so immature.

ITA!!!!!!!!