I hate my hair! Natural is not for me

[MissFallon]

I've been natural 2 months and I regret doing the BC. I haven't been able to wear my hair out in a decent style since I cut it. It was past bsl when I chopped it off and its never been shorter than almost APL in my life. I hate the texture of my hair, the inconsistent curls, the frizz and most of all the length. I can't do anything with it and I'm so mad! My hair isn't hard to deal with but it is impossible to style in a nice looking style. I'm already self-conscious when I go out with it short and straightened but today I went outside (not even outside, just got in the elevator and went downstairs) and I asked 3 ppl in the elevator if my hair looked "funny" or "strange". 2/3 ppl said yes

My hair just hangs and there is a whole side that does not curl but barely waves with the right products and it looks strange. My face is too fat for short curly hair and its driving me absolutely nuts. I regret cutting it, I should have transitioned longer but I was so hyped to wear it curly. Now I can't wear it out and phony ponies look funny, and i cant find weave hair to match my texture and full head weaves look odd to me. I don't know what to do. I'm sick of my lf plus I ran out of supplies so I'm stuck with nothing. I just had braids and hated those also. I need my hair to grow back asap. Plus I refuse to relax it cuz I had long relaxed hair 2 months ago and transitioned for all this time and cut all my hair off. Relaxing just seems stupid IMO. I'm incredibly fustrated and it doesn't help that I got 3 ouchless bands stuck in my hair and had to cut 3 small sections of my hair out to get them out.

Sorry I know this is long but I just had to vent!

 

[hOnii]

Aw, my sis did the big chop months ago, and she went through that as well. She started wearing a lot of protective styling until it got long enough to look cute. Sometimes she would have do full weaves where i would braid up the front with the weave, then put it everywhere else. They have textures like afro kinky hair that should match yours somewhat.. Other times she would just leave the front of her hair out, then I'd put weave everywhere else, and she would wear a headband to separate the sections. They have cute fro ponies, which I've never tried, but perhaps they would look be cute. Well, she now is rocking her fro full swing, and loving it! Time is key. Hang in there

 

[honeycomb719]

Aww.. I feel ya pain sista. I went through that crazy stages too. Now 3yrs natural I still rarely wear my own hair out, but I agree with Honi, only time will help at this point. You have to compromise on some of your styling optins at this point until you get to a length you can style your hair to your liking.
Although I dont wear my natuarl hair out that much I still dont regret doing the BC. My hair is alot full (still thin tho) but holds up to the stress I do to it better than when I was relaxed.

Browse a few natural members pics for inspiration and styling ideas. Keep ya head up sista. This feeling will pass.

 

[Windsy]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I hope things get better for you. Just hang in there it will grow and look cute again.

 

[Whimsy]

I hope you grow to like it when you start experimenting more with it, maybe different techniques/products. braidouts and twistouts will give you consistent curls....

PS - I suggest not asking people if your hair looks funny. Just style it and keep your head up and be confident that you look like a sexy mama

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Natural hair is for some people and not for others. Indeed, it takes time and persistence to re-discover your natural hair which isn't easy to deal with. With that said, I almost feel like some people are going natural because there's a present trend but they fail to realize that you have to put time and work into maintaining this unfamiliar hair texture. I find that I like to wear my natural hair straight when not protected because its much better and less time consuming for me and my hair is only a bit past shoulder length. Just fid out what your hair likes or either go back to relaxing.

And oh, short hair isn't a bad thing, its all about the health then length.

 

[EMJazzy]

If my memory serves me correctly your hair grows pretty fast so you should be ok 'length-wise' by the end of the year. Hold on it'll be alright.

 

[Tee]

I feel like the others have said everything, I just wanted to give you a

 

[WhipEffectz1]

I feel like the others have said everything, I just wanted to give you a

I love that freaking smiley!!!!! Here ya go

 

[Bint Yusef]

Give yourself more than 2 months MsFallon. It does take some time and persistence to get your hair natural down if you havent dealt with it in a long time.

 

[Cichelle]

My hair was something close to bsl when I did the b/c. It truly was a shock for me to have short hair, since I'd never had it before. I didn't regret cutting the relaxer out but I felt very impatient for my hair to grow. I transitioned for 14 months with the intention of at least being able to pull it back into a little ponytail after I chopped. While I experimented a great deal with different cute hairstyles to wear, my hair was quite unpredictable in how it would look. So I mostly keep it back in that little puff/ponytail. I thought it would NEVER stop being short. I complained to my husband how I just wanted my hair back to the length it was before.

So, I can so relate to what you are going through. All I can say is that it will grow. I know....I really know it's hard to get through some of the awkward stages (there was one stage where my hair always took the shape of a diamond or triangle). But two years later I have found it to be so worth it.

Now, of course, it's up to you if you want to relax again. Maybe that will ultimately be your decision. But I'd give it a while longer if you possibly can. You will learn what to do with your hair and how to handle it over time.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way and hope you find solutions soon.

 

[cicilypayne]

Thank you for posting how after the transition can be difficult. You sharing your updates, regrets and gains is what its all about. Your hair does seem to grow fast and I also suggest a more extensive investigation of the Afro textured and z curl falls and half wigs until your hair grows out some more but I did check your fotki natural pics and I really like your curl pattern just give your self some time

 

[vangrey]

I felt the same way as you did
when I bc'ed
i didnt feel like my face fit my texture
and i was regretting the whole decision to go natural
but after a month or so of being natural
i began accepting what I had
and started working with it
instead of against it
and some days are harder than others
especially when my hair won't act right
maybe you can do different styles like twists
or braidouts to help you get through this stage

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

awww, i'm sorry to hear it. but u need to take all of that frustration and energy and direct it at finding the BEST products for your hair. It's only been 2mos so you dont know what works for you. I believe you will find it. I wish you luck! and no dont go back to relaxing, but maybe if things dont change in the next year...there are other options like a mild texturizer, or a silkener, or even some of the texture altering products.... good luck!

 

[kellie7777]

Fallon - i completely understand. I transitioned for a while and i lurked your FOTKI all the while. when you big chopped i felt inspired, so i thought. hmm. and i big chopped, then i thought what are you thinking . talk about shrinkage and no control.
i have been feeling this way you described in your post. some days i want to cry because i can't seem to make my hair do what i want. however, i never ask anyone what they think about my hair. i just rock my fro however it is feeling that day.
i blow dried it for the 1st time in a year 2 days ago and everyone told me how great it looked. but today i went back to the fro and was told they preferred it blow dried. ah well. I am not my hair...
Well i am at the point where i am determined not to let my hair rule my life - all the time....
so i bought a sedu. i will try that next Just to give me comfort of straight hair without the chemical..
i find i have more options with my natural hair. so i am willing to stick it out i hope you will too.

 

[Evolving78]

Girl get a grip. (I mean that in a loving way!) First of all you need to stop going back to the past about the long hair you once had. It is gone now. It is time that you embrace your short hair and your new natural lifestyle. This is a learning process. Have you tried any natural hairstyles instead just straightening your hair? Try some twists, braids, wash n gos. There are a lot of styling options out there. You just have to find out what works for you. Did you BC your own hair or did you go to a salon or barber? What products are you using right now? I haven't read all of the posts, but I just feel like I need to reach out to you. Your hair will grow back and it will be healthy and beautiful (if that is what you want) I normally wouldn't recommend this but if your are really stressin over this, than go get a wig and call that it a day until you can reach a length that you feel more comfortable with. Being natural is more than just hair. It is loving and embracing the real, true you! Hugs and Kisses Sista!

 

[MissFallon]

thanks every1. After going and rewashing my hair (2nd time today) and doing some bantu knots I realize that its not the texture that I don't like it is just the length. Plus I have that diamond shape thing going on in the front that Cichelle was talking about. My hair is easy to deal with and I love the texture but I can't seem to find any products that work and I have been buying and buying everything there is for curly hair. I hope my bantu knots come out okay and hopefully I will feel better. Plus it sux that my hair naturally grows in layers and is very flat at the top. I was admiring a lady with a twist style like the one on miss jessies website (twistout 101) and I want to try that but keep the twists in instead of separating. I think bc'ing in the summertime was my biggest mistake because the only reason I went natural was because the relaxers were making my hair too thin and nothing was making it as thick as I wanted it so I mainly want to wear straight styles until I get longer lengths. I just think curly hair looks good when it is short and close to the head like a twa or long and atleast to the shoulders unstretched. This isn't true for every1 tho cuz I've seen a lot of women on here with hair in between those who have beautiful heads of hair. I just think my main downfall is that I am not great at styles that don't consist of rollersets or straightening. I wasn't the best at styling my relaxed hair but since it was long I could throw it in a bun and keep it moving. I just feel stuck now. I was aiming for apl by September but I have 2-3" to go so I have to wait until atleast November for that.

I keep looking for short hair styles and can't find any that would work with the length I have. Everything is either for the very short cut or a bob. I have no problem finding 1 style and sticking to it for a long time so all I need is one good style that I like. Hopefully I can find one this month. I also plan on going to a natural hair salon that can style my hair to my liking. But after considering everything my main point isn't that I don't like being natural it is just that I don't like this in between length and the weird way my hair falls.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way...especially since I ADORE your hair. What you're feeling is normal, I feel the same way as well and I haven't completely BC'ed yet. However, when I feel in the dumps about my hair, I go stalk some fotkis of naturals with long, thick, luscious hair, and I feel better.

Now, how about a sew-in with some braids in place of the leave out hair? I think it'd look cute on you and would be an awesome protective style. In a few weeks or so, you'll be loving your hair all over again!

I wish you the best of luck on the rest of our journey. You'll be happy you did it!

 

[MissFallon]

Girl get a grip. (I mean that in a loving way!) First of all you need to stop going back to the past about the long hair you once had. It is gone now. It is time that you embrace your short hair and your new natural lifestyle. This is a learning process. Have you tried any natural hairstyles instead just straightening your hair? Try some twists, braids, wash n gos. There are a lot of styling options out there. You just have to find out what works for you. Did you BC your own hair or did you go to a salon or barber? What products are you using right now? I haven't read all of the posts, but I just feel like I need to reach out to you. Your hair will grow back and it will be healthy and beautiful (if that is what you want) I normally wouldn't recommend this but if your are really stressin over this, than go get a wig and call that it a day until you can reach a length that you feel more comfortable with. Being natural is more than just hair. It is loving and embracing the real, true you! Hugs and Kisses Sista!

lol , I'm ok now. I think that the blatant "your hair looks off, I don't like it" and the "yeah it does look kinda funny" comments threw me off.
I'm over what I had cuz I know its gonna be a long time b4 I get it back. Plus the actual length isn't bad it is just that I don't know how to style it right. I've done plenty of wash n go's (only 2 made it out the door) and I just had braids that I took out today. I bc'ed myself but went to a salon to get it cut evenly and correctly. I don't know much about natural styles. All I ever see is wash n go's, twists/twistouts, and braids/braidouts. Is that all of my choices? I'm open to different things but I don't know what other styles there are out there to look into. I was thinking about going to the salon and just getting flat twists and a bang in the front and having it natural in the back. I also just washed my hair and picked it out into some sort of afro but it wouldn't stay up (round) and kept falling. I was mad cuz I actually liked the afro style on me. I like the big hair but my hair won't stay that way. What products do u recommend? I have the miss jessies (all), the kinky curly custard, btz noodlehead, and some other stuff. I think for my wash n go I am going to not use a curl product and put a headband on and use a little conditioner as a leave in. I'm going to figure it out, I have no choice plus I like my natural hair I just wish it would not do the diamond/pyramid shape thing.

 

[Naturallong81]

Don't feel bad if you do decided to relax again. just do whats right for you. And it takes awhile to get used to natural hair. i also don't like my face with short curly hair either and never wore it that way, so i feel u every style dont suit every face. i like big hair! and braids get anoying. maybe you can get a phony pony in one of those curly styles, or get some funky scarfs ot ties so your har isnt falling on you face pull it back get some hops, maybe try creative head ties depending on your style. youll look great

 

[glamazon386]

Calm down... I think all of us go through this stage. You're obviously not used to styling hair at that length so it will take you some time to get used to it. I kept my hair covered up for a while after I first BCed because I was not comfortable with it. I felt the same way you felt, that it was too short, it looked funny, didn't look good on me, etc. All of us pretty much went through a trial and error period (and some bad hair days) with products and styles as new naturals. What you're experiencing is normal. Just hang in there... What are you doing to your hair now? What's your regimen? What kind of products are you using?

 

[MissFallon]

I'm in the process of looking for nice scarves and accessories. My regimen is pretty simple. I co-wash every day or every other day then I put it in a french braid and put my lacefront on. I just came out of braids that I had for two weeks but b4 that I was wearing my lacefront everyday. Actually thinking about it now I have some rods that I used on my lf that I think would make nice curls on my natural hair, I may try that sometime this week. I have an appt with Aveda Institute next week but if I find something to do with my hair I may cancel. I was only going to get a color and a flat ironing.

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

Natural hair is for some people and not for others. Indeed, it takes time and persistence to re-discover your natural hair which isn't easy to deal with. With that said, I almost feel like some people are going natural because there's a present trend but they fail to realize that you have to put time and work into maintaining this unfamiliar hair texture. I find that I like to wear my natural hair straight when not protected because its much better and less time consuming for me and my hair is only a bit past shoulder length. Just fid out what your hair likes or either go back to relaxing.

And oh, short hair isn't a bad thing, its all about the health then length.

In total agree-ance with this post....I just wrote a blog last night about it taking time to fall in love with my hair again. I miss my length but I wouldn't wish for relaxed hair for the world, not because its stupid or what others would think, but because I don't want it. Miss Fallon in the end it has to be about what you want and if you don't know that then that is where the problem lies. I don't necessarily love my hair length right now but I love my hair texture. As I was twisting my hair today, I noticed how silky, shiny and soft it was. I guess what I am trying to say is that you have to take time to love your hair, no matter if it is relaxed or natural. My hair is healthier now then it has been for a while...I hope things get better for you!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

thanks every1. After going and rewashing my hair (2nd time today) and doing some bantu knots I realize that its not the texture that I don't like it is just the length. Plus I have that diamond shape thing going on in the front that Cichelle was talking about. My hair is easy to deal with and I love the texture but I can't seem to find any products that work and I have been buying and buying everything there is for curly hair. I hope my bantu knots come out okay and hopefully I will feel better. Plus it sux that my hair naturally grows in layers and is very flat at the top. I was admiring a lady with a twist style like the one on miss jessies website (twistout 101) and I want to try that but keep the twists in instead of separating. I think bc'ing in the summertime was my biggest mistake because the only reason I went natural was because the relaxers were making my hair too thin and nothing was making it as thick as I wanted it so I mainly want to wear straight styles until I get longer lengths. I just think curly hair looks good when it is short and close to the head like a twa or long and atleast to the shoulders unstretched. This isn't true for every1 tho cuz I've seen a lot of women on here with hair in between those who have beautiful heads of hair. I just think my main downfall is that I am not great at styles that don't consist of rollersets or straightening. I wasn't the best at styling my relaxed hair but since it was long I could throw it in a bun and keep it moving. I just feel stuck now. I was aiming for apl by September but I have 2-3" to go so I have to wait until atleast November for that.

I keep looking for short hair styles and can't find any that would work with the length I have. Everything is either for the very short cut or a bob. I have no problem finding 1 style and sticking to it for a long time so all I need is one good style that I like. Hopefully I can find one this month. I also plan on going to a natural hair salon that can style my hair to my liking. But after considering everything my main point isn't that I don't like being natural it is just that I don't like this in between length and the weird way my hair falls.

I can understand the awkward phase of length. I wish I had a cute little head to rock a TWA, but I don't. I have a rounder head and a prominent forehead so I'm not wearing my hair short, won't look right.

Your hair is gorgeous though, and glad you feel better.

 

[glamazon386]

I'm in the process of looking for nice scarves and accessories. My regimen is pretty simple. I co-wash every day or every other day then I put it in a french braid and put my lacefront on. I just came out of braids that I had for two weeks but b4 that I was wearing my lacefront everyday. Actually thinking about it now I have some rods that I used on my lf that I think would make nice curls on my natural hair, I may try that sometime this week. I have an appt with Aveda Institute next week but if I find something to do with my hair I may cancel. I was only going to get a color and a flat ironing.

You'll figure it out. Just hang in there and work with your hair. It'll be alright. I keep saying I'm going to try and rod my hair too but I havent' gotten around to it yet. Maybe this weekend.

 

[balisi]

I'm in the process of looking for nice scarves and accessories. My regimen is pretty simple. I co-wash every day or every other day then I put it in a french braid and put my lacefront on. I just came out of braids that I had for two weeks but b4 that I was wearing my lacefront everyday. Actually thinking about it now I have some rods that I used on my lf that I think would make nice curls on my natural hair, I may try that sometime this week. I have an appt with Aveda Institute next week but if I find something to do with my hair I may cancel. I was only going to get a color and a flat ironing.

MissFallon, I know it's the length that you're having the biggest issue with, but have you considered getting your hair reshaped with the right cut? This can be done without taking a lot of length and can really make a positive difference.

 

[sareca]

Hang in there.

 

[Hair Iam]

Give yourself more than 2 months MsFallon. It does take some time and persistence to get your hair natural down if you havent dealt with it in a long time.

...did you know there is a roach on your post.....

All kidding aside..love, buy a fall / wig/ scarves/jell your hair back with aloe Vera jell, put a part to the side if your hair, in 2 -3 months you will forget this hump.

 

[Connie]

Natural hair is for some people and not for others. Indeed, it takes time and persistence to re-discover your natural hair which isn't easy to deal with. With that said, I almost feel like some people are going natural because there's a present trend but they fail to realize that you have to put time and work into maintaining this unfamiliar hair texture. I find that I like to wear my natural hair straight when not protected because its much better and less time consuming for me and my hair is only a bit past shoulder length. Just fid out what your hair likes or either go back to relaxing.

And oh, short hair isn't a bad thing, its all about the health then length.

This is so true. When I was a little girl, sisters either wore their natural hair in an afro or puffs, neither of which takes much time to style and maintain. Even when cornrows came years later, it still took less time and effort than the various natural styles sisters are wearing nowadays.

Also, a lot of the younger sisters are discovering their natural texture for the first time and have never had the experience of handling it, which is something I myself was surprised to learn. I didn't start relaxing my own hair until I was in my early 20s, so I know what my natural texture is and how to handle it. In fact, I know it well enough to know that should I go there, it will most likely be a short afro or flat twists because I truly don't have the patience for any style that takes a significant amount of time and effort. And if I want length, it will always be straight. I'd chop my hair off if I had to style and maintain it at SL in its natural texture. Patience with hair is not something I was born with..LOL!

Now, the one peeve I do admit to having about sisters wearing their natural hair these days is the sense of not knowing--or being somewhat in denial of--what natural styles actually compliment them. I see too many sisters wearing locs who would look better wearing a 'fro or twists and vice versa. Relaxed or natural, your hair should accentuate your overall beauty, not diminish it. our hair texture is too unique and (truth be told) envied by others to be worn in any other way than what makes OUR beauty shine stronger. I hope saying this doesn't offend any of the natural-haired sisters here, because that truly wasn't my intention. I just know that nobody can rock our kind of hair like WE can, and I saw more of that back in the 70s than I do now. Sort of missing it, too. :-(

 

[bLackButtaFly]

I agree with what everyone has said. It takes time to get used to that new texture. Here's a little one on one love a little two on two love and a group hug. Hope you feel better!