I'm So Tired Of Fake Hair

[AlexandriaKiera]

It's not as stressful as you might think. I'm built for this. I'm a Taurus, we work the hell out of accoutrements. SO thinks it's a lot of work on my behalf (and I encourage that belief ), but really, this is fun for me. He pays for my time, the least i can do is be pleasant to look upon.

I'm in NYC and have maintained an amazing decade+ relationship with an AA man who does everything right. My small amount of effort is worth it. I said all this to say, all weave ain't about low self esteem. Sometimes there's a bigger angle. I doubt that my situation is the norm, just wanted to put it out here as a data point.

I am LIVING for your comments! I'm not even in NYC but in a small town in Michigan. My man (although not AA, but white) was JUST complimenting me as to how well I keep myself up.

I'm the type of girl who wears make up even to the gym BUT my skin care is also on point! I may wear extensions however my natural hair is also on point.

I care about my appearance and men (and women) love that. My guy loves the constant attention that I receive and it makes him feel like he has a prize.

I wear make up if I'm leaving the house, period. I like the look of feeling polished. I'm naturally beautiful however make up and extensions don't negate my beauty.

I simply come off as a quality woman who cares about her looks and maintenance.

 

[Lucie]

I shaved my hair off last weekend and I work with several black female analysts and not a one of use fake hair. A few are relaxed with gorgeous hair and the others are natural. At Equinox most of us have natural hair. It's a nice feeling.

 

[kikisf]

I love a good weave, but those are few and far between in real life. I'm in Onyc 3c/4a, 14inch. No one knows it's a weave. Every time I want to wear straight weave I feel off, like it's wrong. Plus I don't have time to blend.
And people always want what they don't have. I want my sisters super thick resilient 4b/4c hair and she wants my fine 4a hair.

I got some ONYC based on your recommendation and, Wow! I went swimming twice a day for two weeks with no tangling or matting. I am getting so many compliments I feel guilty for not telling everyone. It blends perfectly, I don't even have to do a Denman or comb on my leave out. The shrinkage is for real though. I wish I had gotten 16 inches.

 

[Pygmy_puff]

I got some ONYC based on your recommendation and, Wow! I went swimming twice a day for two weeks with no tangling or matting. I am getting so many compliments I feel guilty for not telling everyone. It blends perfectly, I don't even have to do a Denman or comb on my leave out. The shrinkage is for real though. I wish I had gotten 16 inches.

Hi @kikisf I just wanted to say it's a relief to hear that someone else gets this awkward feeling too! I thought I was the only one. I've been wearing a kinky curly U-part wig every day that looks almost exactly like my own hair, except it's much thicker and less frizzy. Everyone seems to think it's mine and I get so many compliments. I can't help but feel like a fraud for not telling people it's extensions when they're gushing and asking questions like how long did it take me to grow it out, is that a twist out, etc. I also worry that maybe they have clocked me and they are just trying to see if I will spill the beans or not. Especially when there is like a pack of bw coming up to me with questions (this happens a lot at bible study haha). Idk maybe I'm being silly, but this is a constant struggle for me! I love wearing it and I wish I could tell everyone that asks but I don't want to be that weird lady that's always telling everyone about her wigs

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I got some ONYC based on your recommendation and, Wow! I went swimming twice a day for two weeks with no tangling or matting. I am getting so many compliments I feel guilty for not telling everyone. It blends perfectly, I don't even have to do a Denman or comb on my leave out. The shrinkage is for real though. I wish I had gotten 16 inches.

I have mine in again now- 4th install- I'm glad you like it! I just purchased a closure, I'm hoping it looks realistic enough.

 

[sandy100]

I say this sitting here with a sew-in and signed up for a weave challenge
yes yes I know, pot kettle black.

But for real tho I'm at an event and I think I can count on one hand the number of black women wearing our own hair. I think we've jumped the shark at this point. I honestly miss the days sometimes when we would have those basic wraps.

I can't just put it on all protective styling at this point. /rant over

Hello, I thought I was the only person thinking this. Black women look so much better showing their own God given hair.

 

[Smiley79]

I shaved my hair off last weekend and I work with several black female analysts and not a one of use fake hair. A few are relaxed with gorgeous hair and the others are natural. At Equinox most of us have natural hair. It's a nice feeling.

Lucieeeee! You cut your hair. I'm sure you look beautiful girlie. @Lucie

 

[gn1g]

Weave is highly addictive. should come with a warning label, especial if you have high maintenance hair.

 

[kikisf]

I have mine in again now- 4th install- I'm glad you like it! I just purchased a closure, I'm hoping it looks realistic enough.

Fourth install!!! I am going to have to wait a long time for the longer hair.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Fourth install!!! I am going to have to wait a long time for the longer hair.

I did buy a new bundle because I messed around and directly shampooed some of the hair but I still have 3/4 of the original hair. Just bought another so it wouldn't look thin.

 

[greight]

What's the link to ONYC? I think I missed it?

 

[Brwnbeauti]

What's the link to ONYC? I think I missed it?

https://www.onychair.com/by-category/category/69-tight-kinky-3c-4a

 

[Evolving78]

You took what I said out of context. Enhancing your natural beauty is very inexpensive. We live in the time of Groupon so it can be worked in one's budget. A woman that is forced not to be able to pamper herself because she saw potential in a man that hasn't manifested into anything is a form of struggle love. It would mean that she is footing most of the bills/responsibilities and taking on the household duties. Love doesn't pay bills, period. Nail polish and rhassoul clay are very inexpensive and so is eyebrow threading. I see too many black women who have comprised self-care working with negrums all while letting their beauty, figure and youth slip away. A man that is so needy or so selfish you can't fit in self care has you trapped in a struggle love situation. Struggle love is not just monetary. I brought up the male/ female dynamic because women within this thread think looking pretty is work or don't want to look nice for their partners. Men should want to do nice things for you whether you can do them for yourself or not. It is a way to express they care.

I agree. There are women that don't get the time or energy to take care of themselves. Husbands and SO that don't support that is struggle love. and don't let him dare make a comment about your looks, or hair and he doesn't support you to maintain that!

 

[SugarSweetCoco**]

Got a weave as my wig stopped behaving and started to bunch up in the back but I'm kinda sad about it all. I dont like this weave as I decided to get some leave out but now I'm worried about damaging my hair with the heat and scared of breakage underneath. I feel like im addicted to the fakery. I want to find the confidence to wear my own hair again especially as I've been taking care in trying to grow it Any suggestions ladies? Im really fed up with this. I know it doesnt have to be this difficult haha.

 

[pink gator]

i think making this thread has inspired me to take this damn sew-in out of my head for the summer. i will likely go back because i need to retain every inch this winter for my wedding next year, but i need the summer free.

the best hair that i've ever used comes from my stylist here in Chicago. She has a kinky curly and a kinky straight that both blend very well (I'm 4a/b) with minimal tangling and shedding. I reuse those bundles at least 3-4 installs. i'm wearing some hair now that i've already worn probably 3 times before. bleached, dyed, you name it, i've done it and this hair is still holding on strong. if you're really gungho about it, send me some $$ for the hair and shipping and i wouldn't mind sending it to you. she needs to set up an online store like yesterday.

Hairesthetic (sp?) used to do a decent cheap kinky straight, but the shelf life is limited.
Most of the other kinky curly hair from online that i've tried-the memory of trying to detangle them makes me shudder. they look really cute on the Youtubers but trust me after a week, most of them will form dreadlocks.

Sent you a PM.

 

[Pygmy_puff]

Got a weave as my wig stopped behaving and started to bunch up in the back but I'm kinda sad about it all. I dont like this weave as I decided to get some leave out but now I'm worried about damaging my hair with the heat and scared of breakage underneath. I feel like im addicted to the fakery. I want to find the confidence to wear my own hair again especially as I've been taking care in trying to grow it Any suggestions ladies? Im really fed up with this. I know it doesnt have to be this difficult haha.

Just start wearing it out! Honestly, you just have to get used to seeing your own hair in the mirror and eventually you will start to feel confident in it. No matter what your texture, type, or density, if you keep it moisturized and healthy it will look beautiful, I promise! If you still don't feel glamorous, focus on your makeup, outfit, and confident posture until you start loving your natural hair again. Fake it 'till you make it, as they say

 

[YvetteWithJoy]

Got a weave as my wig stopped behaving and started to bunch up in the back but I'm kinda sad about it all. I dont like this weave as I decided to get some leave out but now I'm worried about damaging my hair with the heat and scared of breakage underneath. I feel like im addicted to the fakery. I want to find the confidence to wear my own hair again especially as I've been taking care in trying to grow it Any suggestions ladies? Im really fed up with this. I know it doesnt have to be this difficult haha.

Bumping for you!

Clip ins? Check out YouTube videos. Clip-in hair can be straight or textured.

Braiding added hair into your own hair's braid to add volume and length? I saw a YouTube demo of this yielding a single long bread using textured-looking hair. Beautiful!

 

[VictoriousBrownFlower]

Just start wearing it out! Honestly, you just have to get used to seeing your own hair in the mirror and eventually you will start to feel confident in it. No matter what your texture, type, or density, if you keep it moisturized and healthy it will look beautiful, I promise! If you still don't feel glamorous, focus on your makeup, outfit, and confident posture until you start loving your natural hair again. Fake it 'till you make it, as they say

This... All I would add to this is hair accessories and nice earrings.

 

[cutiepiebabygirl]

I just want to put it out there that insecurity definitely goes both ways. A recent moment comes to mind when I was in the grocery store a couple days ago and a WW and her man passed me. They glanced at my hair (big, coily, natural looking wig) and this WW took her SL, low density, straight hair and did some kind of fluffing in the back with her hand while looking at my hair. I assume she was trying to put some volume in it. I was just thinking, girl...
I've gotten these type of incidents with my natural hair out as well.

Just thinking out loud here but I've always thought when we wear our natural texture out and healthy, that's when we really compete with other ethnicities when it comes to hair. I've never gotten hair envy from WW and Latinas over my straight weave but I have over my natural hair. Indian women don't seem to care enough either way to comment. I think they are solid in their own beauty standards.

This is true. I big chopped again and have been wearing a curly wig around this length and volume.

This makes these non-black women gag! I don't wear straight hair, it doesn't look good on me. I need texture.

 

[Evolving78]

My experience with Indian girlfriends is that they love love love to just talk and be silly and share funny stories, beauty tips, talk about all kinds of hair. Just easy to relate to, fun and feminine. The type of qualities you'd look for in any female friend.

Not my experience. They are really bold with the way that they feel about black women and it isn’t pleasant. Working in a spa in their area, going to college with them, and working as a makeup artist and for cosmetic company with them was quite interesting. They think we are peasants.

 

[Smiley79]

I say this sitting here with a sew-in and signed up for a weave challenge
yes yes I know, pot kettle black.

But for real tho I'm at an event and I think I can count on one hand the number of black women wearing our own hair. I think we've jumped the shark at this point. I honestly miss the days sometimes when we would have those basic wraps.

I can't just put it on all protective styling at this point. /rant over

My issue is that weave has become the new standard of beauty. If you could strip every "IG baddie" of their weave, I wonder what the reaction would be. Personally I think many of them would still be beautiful if they groomed their own hair accordingly, but I doubt that THEY would feel just as beautiful. That's a problem. And it's starting from middle/high school...these young girls don't know what their real hair looks like because they think 18" bundles of Cambodian Yaki is the definition of looking gorgeous. As a woman who used to be dependent on my weaves back in my 20's, I am very outspoken about encouraging (young) women to embrace their own hair (natural or relaxed). A protective style here and there is no biggie, but when it becomes a permanent fixture or the definition of beauty, that's when I begin to worry a bit.

 

[krissyhair]

Not my experience. They are really bold with the way that they feel about black women and it isn’t pleasant. Working in a spa in their area, going to college with them, and working as a makeup artist and for cosmetic company with them was quite interesting. They think we are peasants.

Interesting experience