Hey India08,
I love Joel Olsteen he is so inspiring and when he talks as if he is talking only to you.
I am sorry you feel you are falling apart, I will pray that God bring or put you back together again you have to believe really believe from your heart that it can be done.
India08 you don't have to be in a church setting to receive God you may talk to him anytime, anywhere, but it feels really good to be in Church.
I know someone here will help you find a minister that will inspire you just like Joel Olsteen.