Life after a broken heart ...

[topsyturvy86]

I got my heart severly broken at the very end on 2006. It was a very intense relationship and I didn't take the break up very well. It took over a year to heal and even throughout 2008, I found I just couldn't commit to anyone 'cos my heart was unwilling to even try to love again.

Beginning of 2009, my healing is complete . I'm dating properly again and feel like I am ready for a new start. I've learnt a lot from my previous relationship and would go into any new one older and wiser.

Now, what I would like to know is; is a fresh new start really possible? Has anyone moved from a broken heart to a beautiful new relationship without the shadow of the past one and paranoia creeping in?

 

[Allandra]

I'm glad you're doing better.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Glad you've healed, no matter how long it takes. My last heartbreak took me about a year to fully recover enough to move on and start seeing other people, and seeing new people also really helped the process along to begin to go days and weeks without even thinking about the person.

You've done great by taking all the time you need for you!

As far as paranoia creeping in, I believe it's always possible to find a new start and new happiness if you are open and willing to let it in, but after heartbreak experiences there may always be a little fear that may creep into your mind because of the past when you begin dating again and potentially handing your heart over to someone else. It's naturally scarier and you become smarter about who you do hand it to, but when dealing with another human with their own thoughts and emotions you can never be too sure.

The key is to not let your fears manifest itself in your present and it takes your heart and mind on one accord and the knowledge to recognize where your fear or paranoia is stemming from to make sure your outside actions and reactions to new prospects never come from that place. It's a lot of mental work and when those feelings do creep in, really take 24 hours at least to yourself to meditate and process why you are feeling the way you are. Keep faith and remain optimistic. The best thing is to know your worth and never let anyone have control over that, so that no matter how much they take you for granted or can't see the worth that is in you, YOU WILL ALWAYS KNOW. And with that knowledge, nothing will stop you from finding the love you deserve.

 

[topsyturvy86]

Glad you've healed, no matter how long it takes. My last heartbreak took me about a year to fully recover enough to move on and start seeing other people, and seeing new people also really helped the process along to begin to go days and weeks without even thinking about the person.

You've done great by taking all the time you need for you!

As far as paranoia creeping in, I believe it's always possible to find a new start and new happiness if you are open and willing to let it in, but after heartbreak experiences there may always be a little fear that may creep into your mind because of the past when you begin dating again and potentially handing your heart over to someone else. It's naturally scarier and you become smarter about who you do hand it to, but when dealing with another human with their own thoughts and emotions you can never be too sure.

The key is to not let your fears manifest itself in your present and it takes your heart and mind on one accord and the knowledge to recognize where your fear or paranoia is stemming from to make sure your outside actions and reactions to new prospects never come from that place. It's a lot of mental work and when those feelings do creep in, really take 24 hours at least to yourself to meditate and process why you are feeling the way you are. Keep faith and remain optimistic. The best thing is to know your worth and never let anyone have control over that, so that no matter how much they take you for granted or can't see the worth that is in you, YOU WILL ALWAYS KNOW. And with that knowledge, nothing will stop you from finding the love you deserve.

That's great advice SvelteVelvet. Thank you

 

[georgiagem]

My fiance' and I just ended things on new years day. It's been a tough road. We still remain friends although we rarely speak except for financial reasons and all that should be resolved in a few weeks. He was my best friend so that's been the hardest part. All my girlfriends are married and that's all they talk about is their husbands. I'm pretty much a homebody so I don't get out that much and I'm a little bored now. Any advice?

 

[SvelteVelvet]

My fiance' and I just ended things on new years day. It's been a tough road. We still remain friends although we rarely speak except for financial reasons and all that should be resolved in a few weeks. He was my best friend so that's been the hardest part. All my girlfriends are married and that's all they talk about is their husbands. I'm pretty much a homebody so I don't get out that much and I'm a little bored now. Any advice?

I believe these are the hardest types of breakups, to the man you once expected to spend the rest of your life with. My only advice not knowing much about you or the situation is allow time to do it's job, and I hope I'm not too out of line here as I don't know your religion or beliefs but what REALLY helped me when I went through this was nurturing my spirituality. Going to a church where the speaker truly knows the word and gives inspiring messages and reading the bible and praying on my own. I felt a void, much like you, losing my lover and my best friend and I knew the answer wasn't to replace that void with another flawed human being right away. I allowed the spirit and the knowledge of the word to fill me every week. I started eating better and working out, got into LHCF and into my haircare, picked up reading novels again, also journaling was a MAJOR help to process my thoughts and emotions. I also had another newly single girlfriend at the time and we became each others roll dawgs so that also helped me because we'd dress up and make ourselves look beautiful and go out and have fun, get hit on..(little ego strokes). I don't think I would have done too well with constantly being around nothing but other married ladies that did nothing but talk about their husbands. I was around a few married friends too but they were the type that also hung out and knew how to have a good time. Soon enough, I was feeling like my old sexy, sassy, flirty self and other men began to take notice. It was a process though.

All in all, you now have a void to fill and you may find other ways to fill it than the ways I mentioned above (that was me). Just make sure there are nothing but positive fillers and it's not dependent on another human. You need fall in love with yourself again, yourself now being a person that is not attached to another person. You being a homebody, I definately recommend to take up reading and journaling. I wish you the best!

 

[Country gal]

My fiance' and I just ended things on new years day. It's been a tough road. We still remain friends although we rarely speak except for financial reasons and all that should be resolved in a few weeks. He was my best friend so that's been the hardest part. All my girlfriends are married and that's all they talk about is their husbands. I'm pretty much a homebody so I don't get out that much and I'm a little bored now. Any advice?

1. Allow yourself to go through all the emotions, anger, sadness, etc.

2. I would start dating yourself. Take yourself out. Go to the bookstore and just chill in cafe area with a good book.

3. Hook up with some LHCF members and have a ladies night out. I started doing that when my girlfriends were so busy with their DHs and Sos. I made some really great friends.

It is hard getting over a break up. I just take it one day at a time. I also surround myself with positive people.

 

[weaveologist]

Moving on is definetly possible. I remember when I was going through a very bad break up a years ago. I thought I'd never stop crying. Now I can see him in passing and not even blink. Its funny how you never think you will get over something and then as time progresses, your heart vaguely remembers the pain. I never let what he did affect my present relationship(s) because I was so prayed up on letting him go that my heart does not remember and my mind laughs at the baggage.

Also I find that when you go through something soooo bad, you are able to shrug off the pain that doesn't come close to what you have already been through. So when you meet the next guy and he thinks he's hurting you, you know he ain't got sh#t on what you've been through already.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Moving on is definetly possible. I remember when I was going through a very bad break up a years ago. I thought I'd never stop crying. Now I can see him in passing and not even blink. Its funny how you never think you will get over something and then as time progresses, your heart vaguely remembers the pain. I never let what he did affect my present relationship(s) because I was so prayed up on letting him go that my heart does not remember and my mind laughs at the baggage.

Also I find that when you go through something soooo bad, you are able to shrug off the pain that doesn't come close to what you have already been through. So when you meet the next guy and he thinks he's hurting you, you know he ain't got sh#t on what you've been through already.

So true! That's one good thing about having your heartbroken, the resilience it builds for when and if you go through more break-ups. The dudes after him that didn't last were just dirt off my shoulder. I'd bounce back like rubber.

 

[topsyturvy86]

My fiance' and I just ended things on new years day. It's been a tough road. We still remain friends although we rarely speak except for financial reasons and all that should be resolved in a few weeks. He was my best friend so that's been the hardest part. All my girlfriends are married and that's all they talk about is their husbands. I'm pretty much a homebody so I don't get out that much and I'm a little bored now. Any advice?

I know that feeling only too well; serious relationship leading to something permanent and best friend.

I agree with all what's been said so far. As they say, 'time heals all wounds'. Whatever emotions you're going through right now will pass ... it might take a long time but it will. In the mean time, allow yourself to go through and feel all of your emotions and cry whenever u want to to get it out of your system rather than bottling it in. Writing it down could help you understand your emotions better (it helped me). people tend to express themselves better in writing (don't know why, I guess there's more clarity when your thoughts are organized).

Get busy! Write one list of everything you've always wanted to do, tick the realistic ones off, and then work towards doing them so you always have something positive to look forward to. Write another list of self development. This could include new hair goals, training at work, cooking, taking a language course, gym, diet, maybe even blogging/writing. This way, you use your spare time productively and you feel good about yourself as well.

Surround yourself with positive people. This is very important. Maybe spend a little less time with your married friends that always talk about their husbands. Try to make new (preferrably single) friends in your walk in life: at work, church, if you decide to take any classes or get involved in anything, or even on here! What actually helped me the most was my faith; my relationship with God. I don't know what faith you are but investing in your spiritual life is the best way to start.

Finally, healing is a process. It takes a short while for some, longer for others. Take your time - go at your own pace, keep busy, reflect and learn, and before you know it, you're where you wanna be!

 

[darlingdiva]

1. Allow yourself to go through all the emotions, anger, sadness, etc.

2. I would start dating yourself. Take yourself out. Go to the bookstore and just chill in cafe area with a good book.

3. Hook up with some LHCF members and have a ladies night out. I started doing that when my girlfriends were so busy with their DHs and Sos. I made some really great friends.

It is hard getting over a break up. I just take it one day at a time. I also surround myself with positive people.

I am so loving this idea. I do a modified version of this now, even though I'm married. There are times when I'll just go to Barnes & Noble, get a book, find a corner, and read away.