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NEGATIVE HAIR MESSAGES you have recieved

mahogany_horizons

Active Member
Okay Ladies,

I'm curious about what negative hair messages you have received about your hair or black hair in general growing up. I could right a freaking novel! First off, our parents do the best that they can. And they give us messages that they get from their parents, and others in their family. But bottom line, I grew up having a much more negative attitude toward my own hair, and black hair in general, than I have had over the past year, of learning what works for my hair, and learning to love my own hair.

#1. My mother relaxed me when I was 6. This she said would let me wear my hair straight without having to press it. She asked me did I want a perm. I was six. Of course I said yes.

#2. Getting my hair done was always a tortuous ordeal. If I did not sit straight as a pin, my mother would yell at me and shake me by my shoulders. My mother was not abusive, I need to stress that, but she was frustrated I think with doing my hair. She would ALWAYS tell me my hair was knotty as a sheeps butt. KNOTTY, KNOTTY, KNOTTY, she would call it. She would always also say things to let me know that her hair was better than mine. (hahahhah I know now, from my knowlege of my hair and the hairboards she was WRONG! grade for grade, my texture is "better" than hers if we are going by a good, vs. bad thing like she imparted to me as a youth) BUT MY MOTHER DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH CURLY HAIR, AND MY HAIR IS CURLY.

#3. Frying my edges with a pressing comb every other day because my hair was knotty as a sheeps butt.

#4. RIPPING COMBS THROUGH MY HAIR even if it hurt. Because my hair was curly if it would tangle around a rubber band, she would CUT IT OUT OF MY HAIR!! (YIKES)

#5. I overheard her one night saying to my father that she couldn't stand doing my hair anymore, it was knotty and unruly and she was sick of doing 2 heads, especially mine. (I cried myself to sleep that night) and for a few months I did go to a hairdresser. She wasn't harsh (hairdresser) but my scalp was also flaky, and because she used lie, it ate my scalp alive. My hair because it was curly also reverted. Mom wasn't happy so she decided to style my hair.

THINGS GOT BETTER AS A TEENAGER. My mother and I are thick as theives, and she continued to style my hair every two weeks until I was 27. When I got older, she didn't call my hair nappy so much, and no more pulling through it until it hurt. However, I still loathed wash day, because I knew if my edges weren't straight she'd still be burning me with a pressing comb.

I had enough sense to see that when my hair was wet, it would wave up, and suggested that couldn't I airdry sometimes in a ponytail. She told me my hair was too nappy for that, it wouldn't be smooth blah, blah, blah....so every week with the tortous heating instruments!

I grew up thinking everyone's hair was better than mine and my hair was disgraceful LOL. I also grew up thinking I could never manage my own wild unruly hair. It was not until I started doing my own hair last year that I learned so many things!

#1....the reason she had so much trouble with my hair is because it was curly. Now I know many of us relax, and that means we are all curlys, but I am saying that, my hair is much more curly, fine than hers, and it requires different things. She would always talk about how dry and thirsty my hair was, and how hers never was like that. All the while putting grease on my scalp which irritated the hair and the flakes. When I learned that I needed a leave in, it was like my thirsty hair was quenched.

I also learned that I can air dry my hair, and my hair behaves nicely. It waves and curls up with a heap of leave in and a quarter sized amount of gel. Not only is it presentable, but it is soft, fine and curly. I have gotten MANY COMPLIMENTS.

Then lets move onto my father. He is quick to talk about someone with knotty hair. He has that good "wavy hair". He would tease my mother and I sometimes because we didn't want to get our hair wet, b/c we knew it would frizz up.....talking about how he didn't have to worry about that.

He once made a comment regarding interracial marriages, a silly thing he said, about the reason that some young black men may be so prone to date outside their race is that other race women can let their hair go, (or not pay good attention to it), while it will still look a lot better than sisters who let their hair go. My mother and I argued hard with him about that one, and he came correct (white women look a hot mess with frumpy hair too)

His latest terrible comment, I was discussing the first lady Michelle Obama, and how nice her hair looked and how healthy, and I said to my husband, NOT MY FATHER, I heard she was natural and I think it's great....she's doing what's good for her hair, and she always looks on point, hair, shoes, clothes, so forth. Tell me why my father said "I've seen her sometimes and she looks like she could stand a relaxer in her hair. And those little girls too, when they looked like they just came out of the yard, hair looking like a bees nest, they need perms too,"

There was a tense moment in the car. My husband looked a little angry, b/c although fair, he's not big about the hair typing thing, as long as my hair doesn't look a nappy mess, he doesn't care if it's slicked back in a bun, or braid, or flat ironed and silky :) He's good like that...anyway I said..

"Well I have yet to see Michelle Looking ragedy, and even if she was, bottom line, her hair is going to be a lot healthier than women who relax their hair within a inch of it's life, and the problem with comments like this, are that they encouraged people to damage their hair, to forever live up to some impossible standard of "straightness"....like this friend of mine who is like 40 and her edges are bald, ate up, and her sl hair is stringy and lifeless...but at least it's straight right.

We ended up having to get out of the car, but I was mad at my father for his callousness....there is nothing wrong with Michelle's hair and her daughter's have GORGEOUS HAIR. And I said that they don't need to relax it, and if my daughters had hair like that I would never relax it like mine was relaxed, and I would learn to deal with their texture, and style it appropriately according to what they need.

NOW I'M SORRY TO GO OFF AND LEAVE SUCH A LONG POST AND SUCH ALONG RANT, BUT I REALLY WANTED TO GET ALL THAT STUFF OF OF MY CHEST!

I received so many negative hair messages growing up regarding my thick, healthy hair that has always been between sl and bsl, which ironically enough, they constantly praised me for having long hair (sick and twisted)....that I am sure if I ever go natural, even if they smile in my face they will be dogging me out behind my back along with the rest of my family......

I was taught to really HATE MY HAIR, fear hair styling, and wish my hair was like my friends who may have 3b, or 3a hair....


NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

that I know how to care for my OWN 3c hair with 4a edges, that's scraping bsl (that's what inspired this thread).....I am fully confident in my hair, in myself, and I no longer think that my hair is bad, or nappy, etc. I have even learned that my hair was "better" than some people who told me my hair was nappy.

But most of all I've learned that there's no such thing as good hair or bad hair, just DIFFERENT HAIR, and we all have different textures, and there is a variety of reasons for this! But hair should be loved, nurtured, and positive values should be imparted to each little girl regarding her hair..

wow..

that's enough...

Any of you ladies have any negative messages that were drilled into your head regarding your hair. Let it all go :) Purge them out here :)
 

mahogany_horizons

Active Member
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ADD, THAT I LOVE MY PARENTS WITH ALL MY HEART, and my mother faithfully relaxes my hair every 12 weeks because I trust her, and only her with my hair, but i keep her hands out of my hair the other 11 weeks, and now that I am on my own and live with hubby, I have stopped her from relaxing my KNOTTY EDGES, every 3 weeks, and wondered why my edges were so overprocessed. They are doing SOOOOO MUCH BETTER now only being relaxed every 12 weeks, like the rest of my hair and tying them down.

and guess why she called the knotty?? they are really curly, not "kinky"!

they are curly...i CAN PULL OUT THE LITTLE CURLY Q'S RIGHT HERE AT THE DESK....they are adorable!!

I think I never needed a relaxer anyway. My butt length 6 year old hair tells the whole story..which then was broken up to my shoulders after relaxing!
 
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Evolving78

Well-Known Member
all of my negative hair messages were directed from my mother. when i finally got a clue and found out she didn't know what she was talking about, my hair just flourished. she was the main one that lead me to believe that since i had hair like my dad's side of the family that it wouldn't grow. she is so caught up on nappy hair looking, ugly, ungroomed, unprofessional, not sexy, etc... she made me feel really bad about my hair sometimes. she had me thinking i couldn't wash my hair daily. she doesn't have good hair practices at all. i'm sorry i'm ranting and ragging on my mother, but mothers really need to be careful about what they say to the kids.
 

SignatureBeauty

New Member
Honestly I don't remember any negative comments about my hair, only my brothers because they never wanted to get a haircut, My Mom never complained about my hair, she just done the best she could with it and then I go outside and mess it up playing, I never got any good comments either about my hair, If mothers had the Knowledge that we have now about our hair, I am sure things would be different, so I don't fault my mom for greasing me down and relaxing etc. she was only doing what she knew how to do which seemed like the Norm.
 

mahogany_horizons

Active Member
Honestly I don't remember any negative comments about my hair...If mothers had the Knowledge that we have now about our hair, I am sure things would be different, so I don't fault my mom for greasing me down and relaxing etc. she was only doing what she knew how to do which seemed like the Norm.

I agree with this. Mothers are always doing what they feel is best for their children. Because I don't have children, I don't know what it feels like to be a mother. But be glad your mother didn't make NEGATIVE COMMENTS about your hair. Because it's sort of painful. I mean, when you get older, you forget, but you hear that voice whispering in the back of your head from time to time.

Because I didn't have knowledge of my own hair, I believed the comments. And now that I do have knowledge, I KNOW BETTER! That's all I'm saying.

I don't fault my mother at all. I love her with all my heart. But still as little girls we hear these things and we take them into our souls!
 

SignatureBeauty

New Member
I understand what you mean, I have heard other mothers talk like that and it takes a toll on the girls, It can really wreck their self esteem about their hair, My daughter has a friend that is 13 and only feel good about herself when she has weave in her hair because she say her hair is too Nappy and how she hates her hair and wish she had....... Ya'll know the rest! She hates her skin color too, and she will tell you that in a minute.
 

mahogany_horizons

Active Member
I understand what you mean, I have heard other mothers talk like that and it takes a toll on the girls, It can really wreck their self esteem about their hair, My daughter has a friend that is 13 and only feel good about herself when she has weave in her hair because she say her hair is too Nappy and how she hates her hair and wish she had....... Ya'll know the rest! She hates her skin color too, and she will tell you that in a minute.



YESS!! THIS IS WHAT I AM SAYING SIGNATURE. Ironically enough, b/c my mother is my complexion and my father is chocolate hued, THEY are quick to shout down someone for thinking they are good because they are light, dark, or whatever, SKIN prejudice was strictly forbidden growing up, teasing someone because they were dark, or light.

No skin color predjudice allowed. But ironically enough, they were the exact opposite regarding the hair thing.

I really hope things get better for your daughter's friend. I wish I could hug her!
 

Tamrin

unapologetic
I never had anything bad said about my hair even though my mom was a 3A hair type and my sister is a 3B. My mom always encouraged deep conditioning and use of moisturizer and protein treatments but never really knew there was a balance between them. She washes every day to every other day and air dries. Never uses heat unless she presses and thats for special occasions. She would always be in a bun, but her failure was she never protected her hair at nights, and use cotton scarves which did cause her breakage.

My mom was and still against me getting a relaxer. She has been natural all her life. She did not want me to have a relaxer ever. It was until 18 and against her wishes I had her cousin a hair dresser in Haiti relax my hair and cut it into a Toni Braxton short style :wallbash:. Boy was she pissed at me. She still says I touch my hair too much and I should go back to natural. I remember her being happy when I BCed in 2001, she thought I was going to stay natural.

My negative message about my hair came from hair dressers and outsiders . When you are young and you think you know it all these and these fools' advice sound like God cause they are the professionals :rolleyes:. Now I know better than that. I know how to take care of my hair relaxed and natural. I'm now texlaxed/relaxed and stretch my touch up for 6 months plus at a times now. I now tell the professionals ( when I lose my mind and go to them) :rolleyes: how to do my hair. Thanks LHCF :yep:
 
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tatiana

Well-Known Member
Wow I didn't get any negative from my family growing regarding my hair to the point an ex-boyfriend of mine had to explain "nappy" and "kinky" was to me.

I did get the message my hair was different when I was in high school. I went to school with very few blacks and I was one of the very few that had fine 3c hair. The girls with thick 4a/b would say they like my hair because it was soft but I wanted my hair to be thick 4a/b so I could wear all of the latest hair styles like they could. My hair reverted a lot and the wind will blow my curls all over the place.

As a natural, i am slowly making peace with my hair.

 

DMJ's Mom

Well-Known Member
Nobody ever gave me negative comments about my hair. My mom relaxed our hair but not many times a year. Our hair was always healthy. Even now she tells me that natural hair suits me. My friends all relax their hair and some have even started to transition since meeting me. :)
 

LeadingLady

New Member
I started styling and combing my hair around the 6th grade. I never felt bad about my hair, I just wished people would mind their own business. Even though I was mostly clueless about my hair, I managed to keep it almost shoulder length unrelaxed without pressing it. My biggest problem was that I didn't know anything about moisturing and my hair was too dry.

But not, being relaxed and/or going to the salon on a regular basis in the late 80s and early 90s seemed to bother most of my family. I think about it sometimes now and it so stupid. Instead of asking me about my hair, someone should have been asking me about math or science.

My mom gave me my first relaxer in the 9th grade after going to my Aunt's house. My Aunt (whose hair was and still is about an inch long all over) asked my mother what had happened to my hair and suggested a kiddie perm. My mother, who had never even used a relaxer on her own head, experimented on mine. After the relaxer she cut off all the "bad" hair. I had about a dozen scalp burns and the greasiest curls you've ever seen. I looked so bad, I don't know how I made it to school the next day. My hair got less manageable after that.

It weird because a lot of the people that made negative comments about my hair are now asking me what I'm doing to it now because it almost APL and I don't go to salons like they do. I really want to say go fug yourself for all the grief they caused me.
 

ShaniKeys

New Member
I only remember my uncle saying: You'll never have long hair, you're not mixed! (Flash forward @ today: he has two children with a white woman:rolleyes:).

No negative messages from my parents whatsoever, my mom would always do my hair when I was little, before I had a relaxer. She used threads, which is very common in Africa. Then my eldest sister started doing it (from the age of 8).
 

LisaLisa1908

What 40 looks like.
I was blessed; my mother took very good care of my hair as a child, even though she slapped a relaxer in my head at age four (yes four). Any damage done to me, I did it with overuse of heat as a teenager and in college. I've maintained a length between SL and APL for the past six/seven years (growing out of a short bob), but I want BSL, so that's why I'm here. I have heard it ALL over the years from other people regarding my thick hair and why I should relax more, but I'm happy with my 12 week touch ups.
 

Junebug D

Well-Known Member
I got it almost the same way as the OP. I don't know what texture my mom's hair is (never seen it without a perm), but she hated doing my hair. She would always complain about it being nappy and thick and coarse and wiry (as if thick hair was the epitome of bad). She always told me my hair was too nappy to wear down like the other girls, even when I had a fresh perm or press. I felt like I had the worse hair in the world for a long time. I didn't think hair got any more nappy and unruly and unmanageable than mine.
 

BostonMaria

Well-Known Member
My mom always had my hair in protective styles. All I remember was that I had a huge bun that I wasn't allowed to touch and from judging how my hair is now I would imagine I was probably waist length as a kid. I loved the Pokahontas and French braids my mom would do on me. She hardly washed my hair and slapped vaseline on it LOL I think she relaxed my hair when I was 10 for two reasons - she had 2 babies and my brother had a heart condition so doing my hair every day was too much for her. The other reason is because everybody else did it to their child so she did it to me.

As a child I was always happy with my mom. Nobody ever said anything negative. After I got the relaxer was when the torture began. I was told I always had the same hairstyle, that my hair never grew, that my hair was short and would always be short. My mom put a relaxer in my hair but didn't really do the upkeep so my hair always looked crazy.

Fast forward to 1991 I started doing my own relaxers, rollerset once a week, I always stretched 16 weeks and my hair went from nape length to almost BSL in 2 years. All of a sudden I decide to go to salons instead of doing my hair hair. Well after that I had shoulder length hair for about 10 years and never anything longer than that. After joining LHCF I now want to slap myself for going to a salon in the first place. I could've saved myself alot of grief! But I'm natural now and I'm very happy with my hair and my hair is growing like a weed.
 

peppers01

New Member
Although I have 4a/b type hair, my hair (for my type) was fairly long. I must've had some determined hair, because as much torture as my hair went through, its still stayed at least shoulder length, and the longest was midback.

I started out as many getting presses, but then my mom got tired of that b/c of my big head and thick hair. I think I was like 7 when my hair was permed. I absolutely hated getting my hair washed (I was scared of the water going in my ears). She would comb it wet, and I would just hear dozens of strands snapping. Up until the age of 20, I thought when you relaxed your hair, you were suppose to put the perm all over your hair because that's how my mom did it.

I started doing my own hair in elementary, cause if not I went to school with the same two ponytails for a week. Since then I have done my own hair styles. I can count on one hand how many hair stylist I let into my hair. They get scissor-happy, when they're only suppose to trimming the ends.

I was always told, "Dang you got some thick hair!" or "Your hair is so tangled!", but nothing too harsh, I guess maybe because it had a bit of length to it.
 

mahogany_horizons

Active Member
I got it almost the same way as the OP. I don't know what texture my mom's hair is (never seen it without a perm), but she hated doing my hair. She would always complain about it being nappy and thick and coarse and wiry (as if thick hair was the epitome of bad). She always told me my hair was too nappy to wear down like the other girls, even when I had a fresh perm or press. I felt like I had the worse hair in the world for a long time. I didn't think hair got any more nappy and unruly and unmanageable than mine.


Shan, thank you so much for your words!!! I feel like i have a kindred spirit in you! That was exactly the way I was driven to feel about my hair.
 

Juliagizzle

New Member
I would always get you should press your hair more often. Or poofy crazy hair comments from peers. I used to think the only time my hair could look nice is with a press. I started using natural products and wearing it curly more and honestly the texture always looks different but I like it. I also hate when someone say oh you got hair like so and so but hers is longer smh:wallbash: what a kick in the head. I don't wanna be compared to some other person's hair.
 
In one week I've heard; "You might want to get a perm" and "I see you got your Buckwheat on". First comment from chick with the driest, fried up, chewed, neck length permed hair. Second comment from homegirl with plastic weave and an inch of permed hair sticking out at random places.

Itches need to stop haitin' on my fabulous fro, I know they jealous lol.
Seriously, I love my hair like my first child, I don't let anything get to me regarding my hair. People can say what they want, I'm the one wearing it. I don't understand why they even bother :rolleyes:
 
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mahogany_horizons

Active Member
In one week I've heard; "You might want to get a perm" First comment from chick with the dryesy, fried up, chewed, neck length permed hair. :rolleyes:


THIS KILLS ME WITH ANGER AS WELL!! someone with unhealthy disgusting looking hair, ragging on you because you are into natural, healthy hair practices!
 

mahogany_horizons

Active Member
I was always told, "Dang you got some thick hair!" or "Your hair is so tangled!", but nothing too harsh, I guess maybe because it had a bit of length to it.


I had very long hair too growing up. Never shorter than SL, never longer than BSL....only had breakage once when she first relaxed me. Butt length hair broken up to my shoulder blades.

Anyway my hair was long, people always told me it was long. And mommy and daddy did too...

But EVERYTIME it came time to do my hair, I guess from age maybe 6-12ish, 13...those horrible comments would come! That's what I don't understand...I had "nice" hair, I suppose....but I suppose it wasn't nice enough to make the 3 hour chore of doing my hair a little easier :D
 

IrisDaVirus

New Member
all of my negative hair messages were directed from my mother. when i finally got a clue and found out she didn't know what she was talking about, my hair just flourished. she was the main one that lead me to believe that since i had hair like my dad's side of the family that it wouldn't grow. she is so caught up on nappy hair looking, ugly, ungroomed, unprofessional, not sexy, etc... she made me feel really bad about my hair sometimes. she had me thinking i couldn't wash my hair daily. she doesn't have good hair practices at all. i'm sorry i'm ranting and ragging on my mother, but mothers really need to be careful about what they say to the kids.
Hey, don't feel bad. Your mother and my mother could be sisters. Her views on natural hair are just as bad. Yet with her all of her non-exisitent hairline and bald spot glory, she expects me to give a damn about her views on what a black's woman should look like.
 

mahogany_horizons

Active Member
My mom always had my hair in protective styles. All I remember was that I had a huge bun that I wasn't allowed to touch and from judging how my hair is now I would imagine I was probably waist length as a kid. I loved the Pokahontas and French braids my mom would do on me. She hardly washed my hair and slapped vaseline on it LOL I think she relaxed my hair when I was 10 for two reasons - she had 2 babies and my brother had a heart condition so doing my hair every day was too much for her. The other reason is because everybody else did it to their child so she did it to me.

As a child I was always happy with my mom. Nobody ever said anything negative. After I got the relaxer was when the torture began. I was told I always had the same hairstyle, that my hair never grew, that my hair was short and would always be short. My mom put a relaxer in my hair but didn't really do the upkeep so my hair always looked crazy.

Fast forward to 1991 I started doing my own relaxers, rollerset once a week, I always stretched 16 weeks and my hair went from nape length to almost BSL in 2 years. All of a sudden I decide to go to salons instead of doing my hair hair. Well after that I had shoulder length hair for about 10 years and never anything longer than that. After joining LHCF I now want to slap myself for going to a salon in the first place. I could've saved myself alot of grief! But I'm natural now and I'm very happy with my hair and my hair is growing like a weed.


Boston maria, i appreciate this post!! And I really appreciate it because you've given me insight to the busy lives that mothers leave, and the decisions that lead them to relax hair that could have probably gone unrelaxed if willing to treat it with a little more patience...but being a parent is a busy task, and there are many more factors at play than meets the eye.

Bottom line, i don't think she meant any harm, I love her with all my heart. i would give my life for her and I don't trust anyone else with my chemical processes, as with her, my hair has never been shorter than SL, even though never longer than BSL, but now with the tactics I know, my hair is thriving, and thicker than ever before!!
 

kblc06

Well-Known Member
Okay Ladies,

I'm curious about what negative hair messages you have received about your hair or black hair in general growing up. I could right a freaking novel! First off, our parents do the best that they can. And they give us messages that they get from their parents, and others in their family. But bottom line, I grew up having a much more negative attitude toward my own hair, and black hair in general, than I have had over the past year, of learning what works for my hair, and learning to love my own hair.

#1. My mother relaxed me when I was 6. This she said would let me wear my hair straight without having to press it. She asked me did I want a perm. I was six. Of course I said yes.

#2. Getting my hair done was always a tortuous ordeal. If I did not sit straight as a pin, my mother would yell at me and shake me by my shoulders. My mother was not abusive, I need to stress that, but she was frustrated I think with doing my hair. She would ALWAYS tell me my hair was knotty as a sheeps butt. KNOTTY, KNOTTY, KNOTTY, she would call it. She would always also say things to let me know that her hair was better than mine. (hahahhah I know now, from my knowlege of my hair and the hairboards she was WRONG! grade for grade, my texture is "better" than hers if we are going by a good, vs. bad thing like she imparted to me as a youth) BUT MY MOTHER DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH CURLY HAIR, AND MY HAIR IS CURLY.

#3. Frying my edges with a pressing comb every other day because my hair was knotty as a sheeps butt.

#4. RIPPING COMBS THROUGH MY HAIR even if it hurt. Because my hair was curly if it would tangle around a rubber band, she would CUT IT OUT OF MY HAIR!! (YIKES)

#5. I overheard her one night saying to my father that she couldn't stand doing my hair anymore, it was knotty and unruly and she was sick of doing 2 heads, especially mine. (I cried myself to sleep that night) and for a few months I did go to a hairdresser. She wasn't harsh (hairdresser) but my scalp was also flaky, and because she used lie, it ate my scalp alive. My hair because it was curly also reverted. Mom wasn't happy so she decided to style my hair.

THINGS GOT BETTER AS A TEENAGER. My mother and I are thick as theives, and she continued to style my hair every two weeks until I was 27. When I got older, she didn't call my hair nappy so much, and no more pulling through it until it hurt. However, I still loathed wash day, because I knew if my edges weren't straight she'd still be burning me with a pressing comb.

I had enough sense to see that when my hair was wet, it would wave up, and suggested that couldn't I airdry sometimes in a ponytail. She told me my hair was too nappy for that, it wouldn't be smooth blah, blah, blah....so every week with the tortous heating instruments!

I grew up thinking everyone's hair was better than mine and my hair was disgraceful LOL. I also grew up thinking I could never manage my own wild unruly hair. It was not until I started doing my own hair last year that I learned so many things!

#1....the reason she had so much trouble with my hair is because it was curly. Now I know many of us relax, and that means we are all curlys, but I am saying that, my hair is much more curly, fine than hers, and it requires different things. She would always talk about how dry and thirsty my hair was, and how hers never was like that. All the while putting grease on my scalp which irritated the hair and the flakes. When I learned that I needed a leave in, it was like my thirsty hair was quenched.

I also learned that I can air dry my hair, and my hair behaves nicely. It waves and curls up with a heap of leave in and a quarter sized amount of gel. Not only is it presentable, but it is soft, fine and curly. I have gotten MANY COMPLIMENTS.

Then lets move onto my father. He is quick to talk about someone with knotty hair. He has that good "wavy hair". He would tease my mother and I sometimes because we didn't want to get our hair wet, b/c we knew it would frizz up.....talking about how he didn't have to worry about that.

He once made a comment regarding interracial marriages, a silly thing he said, about the reason that some young black men may be so prone to date outside their race is that other race women can let their hair go, (or not pay good attention to it), while it will still look a lot better than sisters who let their hair go. My mother and I argued hard with him about that one, and he came correct (white women look a hot mess with frumpy hair too)

His latest terrible comment, I was discussing the first lady Michelle Obama, and how nice her hair looked and how healthy, and I said to my husband, NOT MY FATHER, I heard she was natural and I think it's great....she's doing what's good for her hair, and she always looks on point, hair, shoes, clothes, so forth. Tell me why my father said "I've seen her sometimes and she looks like she could stand a relaxer in her hair. And those little girls too, when they looked like they just came out of the yard, hair looking like a bees nest, they need perms too,"

There was a tense moment in the car. My husband looked a little angry, b/c although fair, he's not big about the hair typing thing, as long as my hair doesn't look a nappy mess, he doesn't care if it's slicked back in a bun, or braid, or flat ironed and silky :) He's good like that...anyway I said..

"Well I have yet to see Michelle Looking ragedy, and even if she was, bottom line, her hair is going to be a lot healthier than women who relax their hair within a inch of it's life, and the problem with comments like this, are that they encouraged people to damage their hair, to forever live up to some impossible standard of "straightness"....like this friend of mine who is like 40 and her edges are bald, ate up, and her sl hair is stringy and lifeless...but at least it's straight right.

We ended up having to get out of the car, but I was mad at my father for his callousness....there is nothing wrong with Michelle's hair and her daughter's have GORGEOUS HAIR. And I said that they don't need to relax it, and if my daughters had hair like that I would never relax it like mine was relaxed, and I would learn to deal with their texture, and style it appropriately according to what they need.

NOW I'M SORRY TO GO OFF AND LEAVE SUCH A LONG POST AND SUCH ALONG RANT, BUT I REALLY WANTED TO GET ALL THAT STUFF OF OF MY CHEST!

I received so many negative hair messages growing up regarding my thick, healthy hair that has always been between sl and bsl, which ironically enough, they constantly praised me for having long hair (sick and twisted)....that I am sure if I ever go natural, even if they smile in my face they will be dogging me out behind my back along with the rest of my family......

I was taught to really HATE MY HAIR, fear hair styling, and wish my hair was like my friends who may have 3b, or 3a hair....


NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

that I know how to care for my OWN 3c hair with 4a edges, that's scraping bsl (that's what inspired this thread).....I am fully confident in my hair, in myself, and I no longer think that my hair is bad, or nappy, etc. I have even learned that my hair was "better" than some people who told me my hair was nappy.

But most of all I've learned that there's no such thing as good hair or bad hair, just DIFFERENT HAIR, and we all have different textures, and there is a variety of reasons for this! But hair should be loved, nurtured, and positive values should be imparted to each little girl regarding her hair..

wow..

that's enough...

Any of you ladies have any negative messages that were drilled into your head regarding your hair. Let it all go :) Purge them out here :)


Wow...that is some major mental conditioning. I can't really say that I received any negative messages regarding my hair because it was constantly praised for being long. But after reading your posts I have come to realize that I have evolved, as you are now, regarding my thoughts about hair textures and etc. I think one important thing you need to realize is that even if your hair were "nappy" instead of curly...it's OK that you have tightly coiled kinky hair. There's nothing wrong with having have like sheep's wool or having beedeebees-it's your God-given texture and a part of the most unique hair type in the world. I think this what is meant when people state that you have to "transition your mind" before you can transition to natural hair-which is something I've only come to realize after becoming natural . I had never really thought about it that deeply until your insightful post...and quite frankly I'm glad you talked so candidly about your experiences :yep:
 

mahogany_horizons

Active Member
Wow...that is some major mental conditioning. I can't really say that I received any negative messages regarding my hair because it was constantly praised for being long. But after reading your posts I have come to realize that I have evolved, as you are now, regarding my thoughts about hair textures and etc. I think one important thing you need to realize is that even if your hair were "nappy" instead of curly...it's OK that you have tightly coiled kinky hair. There's nothing wrong with having have like sheep's wool or having beedeebees-it's your God-given texture and a part of the most unique hair type in the world. I think this what is meant when people state that you have to "transition your mind" before you can transition to natural hair-which is something I've only come to realize after becoming natural . I had never really thought about it that deeply until your insightful post...and quite frankly I'm glad you talked so candidly about your experiences :yep:

Hey there Lady, thank you so much for reading what I was saying :) I know it sounded convoluted and crazy, but there was a lot of emotion behind that post. I agree with you on what you are saying....about transitioning your mind as well. I think the 4a, and 4b heads I see on here are BEAUTIFUL!! But you are very right, there is nothing wrong with sheeps wool or bedeebees........as we do have one of the most unique textures in the world....one that is beautiful. I did chuckle when you said bedeebees, only because I heard Martin Lawerence in my mind's eye.

I hate the ignorant comments that people make that I know about natural hair. Many of the friends I have, since I've grown up and lived on my own in fact are natural and I love it! They have REALLY influenced me. But you are right, I need to have more self awareness that not only is kinky cool, but kinky for me would be cool, and there is no such thing as good and bad hair. I agree. And if I ever have a daughter, I will do differently!!

And as I said, when I got older, my mother got much "better" regarding her comments and handling of my hair. I would NEVER trust her to do my relaxer ever 3 months if she didnt ;-)

M.
 

MoniintheMiddle

Well-Known Member
My mom who I loved dearly, asked me when I was 11 if I wanted a curl:nono:
I told mom that I did not but she continued to badger me about it...curls were the new revolution:yep:
So I let mom's friend put a curl in my hair....what did I know. My hair did ok with the curl, it grew and it didn't break and I didn't mess up too many pillowcases with my greasy curl bag and hair:spinning:

HOWEVER, when I it was time to get rid of the curl (did not want a curl goign into high school), my shoulder length hair broke something awful:blush:

Years later when I recovered I had a mid chin length bob that I was trying to grow out. A stylist told me "not everyone is meant to have long hair:ohwell:
Mind you, I went to her salon in Buckhead FAITHFULLY every week.

Today, I am so thankful for LHCF because I have a healthy head of hair that is growing nicely.:grin:
 
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