mahogany_horizons
Active Member
Okay Ladies,
I'm curious about what negative hair messages you have received about your hair or black hair in general growing up. I could right a freaking novel! First off, our parents do the best that they can. And they give us messages that they get from their parents, and others in their family. But bottom line, I grew up having a much more negative attitude toward my own hair, and black hair in general, than I have had over the past year, of learning what works for my hair, and learning to love my own hair.
#1. My mother relaxed me when I was 6. This she said would let me wear my hair straight without having to press it. She asked me did I want a perm. I was six. Of course I said yes.
#2. Getting my hair done was always a tortuous ordeal. If I did not sit straight as a pin, my mother would yell at me and shake me by my shoulders. My mother was not abusive, I need to stress that, but she was frustrated I think with doing my hair. She would ALWAYS tell me my hair was knotty as a sheeps butt. KNOTTY, KNOTTY, KNOTTY, she would call it. She would always also say things to let me know that her hair was better than mine. (hahahhah I know now, from my knowlege of my hair and the hairboards she was WRONG! grade for grade, my texture is "better" than hers if we are going by a good, vs. bad thing like she imparted to me as a youth) BUT MY MOTHER DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH CURLY HAIR, AND MY HAIR IS CURLY.
#3. Frying my edges with a pressing comb every other day because my hair was knotty as a sheeps butt.
#4. RIPPING COMBS THROUGH MY HAIR even if it hurt. Because my hair was curly if it would tangle around a rubber band, she would CUT IT OUT OF MY HAIR!! (YIKES)
#5. I overheard her one night saying to my father that she couldn't stand doing my hair anymore, it was knotty and unruly and she was sick of doing 2 heads, especially mine. (I cried myself to sleep that night) and for a few months I did go to a hairdresser. She wasn't harsh (hairdresser) but my scalp was also flaky, and because she used lie, it ate my scalp alive. My hair because it was curly also reverted. Mom wasn't happy so she decided to style my hair.
THINGS GOT BETTER AS A TEENAGER. My mother and I are thick as theives, and she continued to style my hair every two weeks until I was 27. When I got older, she didn't call my hair nappy so much, and no more pulling through it until it hurt. However, I still loathed wash day, because I knew if my edges weren't straight she'd still be burning me with a pressing comb.
I had enough sense to see that when my hair was wet, it would wave up, and suggested that couldn't I airdry sometimes in a ponytail. She told me my hair was too nappy for that, it wouldn't be smooth blah, blah, blah....so every week with the tortous heating instruments!
I grew up thinking everyone's hair was better than mine and my hair was disgraceful LOL. I also grew up thinking I could never manage my own wild unruly hair. It was not until I started doing my own hair last year that I learned so many things!
#1....the reason she had so much trouble with my hair is because it was curly. Now I know many of us relax, and that means we are all curlys, but I am saying that, my hair is much more curly, fine than hers, and it requires different things. She would always talk about how dry and thirsty my hair was, and how hers never was like that. All the while putting grease on my scalp which irritated the hair and the flakes. When I learned that I needed a leave in, it was like my thirsty hair was quenched.
I also learned that I can air dry my hair, and my hair behaves nicely. It waves and curls up with a heap of leave in and a quarter sized amount of gel. Not only is it presentable, but it is soft, fine and curly. I have gotten MANY COMPLIMENTS.
Then lets move onto my father. He is quick to talk about someone with knotty hair. He has that good "wavy hair". He would tease my mother and I sometimes because we didn't want to get our hair wet, b/c we knew it would frizz up.....talking about how he didn't have to worry about that.
He once made a comment regarding interracial marriages, a silly thing he said, about the reason that some young black men may be so prone to date outside their race is that other race women can let their hair go, (or not pay good attention to it), while it will still look a lot better than sisters who let their hair go. My mother and I argued hard with him about that one, and he came correct (white women look a hot mess with frumpy hair too)
His latest terrible comment, I was discussing the first lady Michelle Obama, and how nice her hair looked and how healthy, and I said to my husband, NOT MY FATHER, I heard she was natural and I think it's great....she's doing what's good for her hair, and she always looks on point, hair, shoes, clothes, so forth. Tell me why my father said "I've seen her sometimes and she looks like she could stand a relaxer in her hair. And those little girls too, when they looked like they just came out of the yard, hair looking like a bees nest, they need perms too,"
There was a tense moment in the car. My husband looked a little angry, b/c although fair, he's not big about the hair typing thing, as long as my hair doesn't look a nappy mess, he doesn't care if it's slicked back in a bun, or braid, or flat ironed and silky He's good like that...anyway I said..
"Well I have yet to see Michelle Looking ragedy, and even if she was, bottom line, her hair is going to be a lot healthier than women who relax their hair within a inch of it's life, and the problem with comments like this, are that they encouraged people to damage their hair, to forever live up to some impossible standard of "straightness"....like this friend of mine who is like 40 and her edges are bald, ate up, and her sl hair is stringy and lifeless...but at least it's straight right.
We ended up having to get out of the car, but I was mad at my father for his callousness....there is nothing wrong with Michelle's hair and her daughter's have GORGEOUS HAIR. And I said that they don't need to relax it, and if my daughters had hair like that I would never relax it like mine was relaxed, and I would learn to deal with their texture, and style it appropriately according to what they need.
NOW I'M SORRY TO GO OFF AND LEAVE SUCH A LONG POST AND SUCH ALONG RANT, BUT I REALLY WANTED TO GET ALL THAT STUFF OF OF MY CHEST!
I received so many negative hair messages growing up regarding my thick, healthy hair that has always been between sl and bsl, which ironically enough, they constantly praised me for having long hair (sick and twisted)....that I am sure if I ever go natural, even if they smile in my face they will be dogging me out behind my back along with the rest of my family......
I was taught to really HATE MY HAIR, fear hair styling, and wish my hair was like my friends who may have 3b, or 3a hair....
NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
that I know how to care for my OWN 3c hair with 4a edges, that's scraping bsl (that's what inspired this thread).....I am fully confident in my hair, in myself, and I no longer think that my hair is bad, or nappy, etc. I have even learned that my hair was "better" than some people who told me my hair was nappy.
But most of all I've learned that there's no such thing as good hair or bad hair, just DIFFERENT HAIR, and we all have different textures, and there is a variety of reasons for this! But hair should be loved, nurtured, and positive values should be imparted to each little girl regarding her hair..
wow..
that's enough...
Any of you ladies have any negative messages that were drilled into your head regarding your hair. Let it all go Purge them out here
I'm curious about what negative hair messages you have received about your hair or black hair in general growing up. I could right a freaking novel! First off, our parents do the best that they can. And they give us messages that they get from their parents, and others in their family. But bottom line, I grew up having a much more negative attitude toward my own hair, and black hair in general, than I have had over the past year, of learning what works for my hair, and learning to love my own hair.
#1. My mother relaxed me when I was 6. This she said would let me wear my hair straight without having to press it. She asked me did I want a perm. I was six. Of course I said yes.
#2. Getting my hair done was always a tortuous ordeal. If I did not sit straight as a pin, my mother would yell at me and shake me by my shoulders. My mother was not abusive, I need to stress that, but she was frustrated I think with doing my hair. She would ALWAYS tell me my hair was knotty as a sheeps butt. KNOTTY, KNOTTY, KNOTTY, she would call it. She would always also say things to let me know that her hair was better than mine. (hahahhah I know now, from my knowlege of my hair and the hairboards she was WRONG! grade for grade, my texture is "better" than hers if we are going by a good, vs. bad thing like she imparted to me as a youth) BUT MY MOTHER DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH CURLY HAIR, AND MY HAIR IS CURLY.
#3. Frying my edges with a pressing comb every other day because my hair was knotty as a sheeps butt.
#4. RIPPING COMBS THROUGH MY HAIR even if it hurt. Because my hair was curly if it would tangle around a rubber band, she would CUT IT OUT OF MY HAIR!! (YIKES)
#5. I overheard her one night saying to my father that she couldn't stand doing my hair anymore, it was knotty and unruly and she was sick of doing 2 heads, especially mine. (I cried myself to sleep that night) and for a few months I did go to a hairdresser. She wasn't harsh (hairdresser) but my scalp was also flaky, and because she used lie, it ate my scalp alive. My hair because it was curly also reverted. Mom wasn't happy so she decided to style my hair.
THINGS GOT BETTER AS A TEENAGER. My mother and I are thick as theives, and she continued to style my hair every two weeks until I was 27. When I got older, she didn't call my hair nappy so much, and no more pulling through it until it hurt. However, I still loathed wash day, because I knew if my edges weren't straight she'd still be burning me with a pressing comb.
I had enough sense to see that when my hair was wet, it would wave up, and suggested that couldn't I airdry sometimes in a ponytail. She told me my hair was too nappy for that, it wouldn't be smooth blah, blah, blah....so every week with the tortous heating instruments!
I grew up thinking everyone's hair was better than mine and my hair was disgraceful LOL. I also grew up thinking I could never manage my own wild unruly hair. It was not until I started doing my own hair last year that I learned so many things!
#1....the reason she had so much trouble with my hair is because it was curly. Now I know many of us relax, and that means we are all curlys, but I am saying that, my hair is much more curly, fine than hers, and it requires different things. She would always talk about how dry and thirsty my hair was, and how hers never was like that. All the while putting grease on my scalp which irritated the hair and the flakes. When I learned that I needed a leave in, it was like my thirsty hair was quenched.
I also learned that I can air dry my hair, and my hair behaves nicely. It waves and curls up with a heap of leave in and a quarter sized amount of gel. Not only is it presentable, but it is soft, fine and curly. I have gotten MANY COMPLIMENTS.
Then lets move onto my father. He is quick to talk about someone with knotty hair. He has that good "wavy hair". He would tease my mother and I sometimes because we didn't want to get our hair wet, b/c we knew it would frizz up.....talking about how he didn't have to worry about that.
He once made a comment regarding interracial marriages, a silly thing he said, about the reason that some young black men may be so prone to date outside their race is that other race women can let their hair go, (or not pay good attention to it), while it will still look a lot better than sisters who let their hair go. My mother and I argued hard with him about that one, and he came correct (white women look a hot mess with frumpy hair too)
His latest terrible comment, I was discussing the first lady Michelle Obama, and how nice her hair looked and how healthy, and I said to my husband, NOT MY FATHER, I heard she was natural and I think it's great....she's doing what's good for her hair, and she always looks on point, hair, shoes, clothes, so forth. Tell me why my father said "I've seen her sometimes and she looks like she could stand a relaxer in her hair. And those little girls too, when they looked like they just came out of the yard, hair looking like a bees nest, they need perms too,"
There was a tense moment in the car. My husband looked a little angry, b/c although fair, he's not big about the hair typing thing, as long as my hair doesn't look a nappy mess, he doesn't care if it's slicked back in a bun, or braid, or flat ironed and silky He's good like that...anyway I said..
"Well I have yet to see Michelle Looking ragedy, and even if she was, bottom line, her hair is going to be a lot healthier than women who relax their hair within a inch of it's life, and the problem with comments like this, are that they encouraged people to damage their hair, to forever live up to some impossible standard of "straightness"....like this friend of mine who is like 40 and her edges are bald, ate up, and her sl hair is stringy and lifeless...but at least it's straight right.
We ended up having to get out of the car, but I was mad at my father for his callousness....there is nothing wrong with Michelle's hair and her daughter's have GORGEOUS HAIR. And I said that they don't need to relax it, and if my daughters had hair like that I would never relax it like mine was relaxed, and I would learn to deal with their texture, and style it appropriately according to what they need.
NOW I'M SORRY TO GO OFF AND LEAVE SUCH A LONG POST AND SUCH ALONG RANT, BUT I REALLY WANTED TO GET ALL THAT STUFF OF OF MY CHEST!
I received so many negative hair messages growing up regarding my thick, healthy hair that has always been between sl and bsl, which ironically enough, they constantly praised me for having long hair (sick and twisted)....that I am sure if I ever go natural, even if they smile in my face they will be dogging me out behind my back along with the rest of my family......
I was taught to really HATE MY HAIR, fear hair styling, and wish my hair was like my friends who may have 3b, or 3a hair....
NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
that I know how to care for my OWN 3c hair with 4a edges, that's scraping bsl (that's what inspired this thread).....I am fully confident in my hair, in myself, and I no longer think that my hair is bad, or nappy, etc. I have even learned that my hair was "better" than some people who told me my hair was nappy.
But most of all I've learned that there's no such thing as good hair or bad hair, just DIFFERENT HAIR, and we all have different textures, and there is a variety of reasons for this! But hair should be loved, nurtured, and positive values should be imparted to each little girl regarding her hair..
wow..
that's enough...
Any of you ladies have any negative messages that were drilled into your head regarding your hair. Let it all go Purge them out here