Bunny77
New Member
Here is an article about a black pastor in the UK who has instructed his church leadership to promote marriage. I found this very insightful, and I think the questions and his answers touch on many of the statements made and questions asked in the "To Be Content Alone" thread.
http://www.voice-online.co.uk/content.php?show=12460
Pastor helps end marriage drought
BY Marcia Dixon
Pastor Dave Daniels took action to end the marriage drought at his church. He tells Soul Stirrings how he did it.
Soul Stirrings (SS): You havebeen pro-active in promoting marriage amongst your members. What kind of things have you been doing?
Pastor Dave Daniels (PDD):The first thing we did was to confront the reality that not only were relationships not happening at our church, there wasn't even much possibility for them to happen. So I introduced these meetings called the 'relationship forums', which were basically an opportunity to teach about how relationships could develop, create an atmosphere of possibility in our church, and discuss the fact that relationships would be happening.
The subject of the lack of marriages was also persistently mentioned in our prayer meetings, and I asked one of the lecturers in our Bible Academy to teach about Christian relationships/marriage in one of the modules. The various departments in our church also took this issue to task. We just started to think differently.
SS: Why did you feel it was important for you to actively promote marriage in your church?
PDD: I could see people in our church were trying to cope with being single, but deep down there was a deep longing to be in relationship and hopefully enjoy married life some day. I also knew that if these believers were not in church, they would have no problem in developing a relationship with someone from the opposite sex. It was as if becoming a Christian meant signing a celibacy declaration FOR LIFE. This, in my opinion, was unacceptable. I basically told the church that this scenario was a curse. Eventually people started to recognise this. It took some time to persuade some people, because the hurt of believing then being disappointed would be too much for them.
SS: What kind of things started to happen when your church began praying for more marriages?
PDD: We drew a line between the world's understandings of 'dating' and developed our own principle for 'purposeful Christian friendships' but with spiritual oversight. And what happened was that in 2004 we had one marriage, in 2005 we had three. In 2006 there were four weddings, and in 2007 we had eight weddings. Right now, there are at least four couples with dates for their weddings in 2008. It truly is God's doing, our church is not particularly large and some of our members have found their spouses from other churches. But we try to ensure that all of our couples have good pre-marital preparation and are well supported by the fellowship.
SS: Christian woman often complain about the difficulties of finding a partner. Why do you think this is such a problem in the church?
PDD: I think church needs to relate to men more adequately; too often the number of women exceeds the amount of men in our churches. This problem needs to be addressed right now. Furthermore, the choices women have are not always encouraging. It would help if more men secured the mentorship of good, spiritually mature men, who have godly character, ambition, integrity, and the Word of God.
SS: Do you think that if pastors were more pro-active in praying for and promoting marriage, more of their members would find a life partner? If your answer is yes, why?
PDD: Yes, it is essential that pastors bring this situation to prayer. Things have to change, this curse of 'no possibility', has to be broken. If a person chooses to remain single that's ok, but singleness should never be forced on a person simply because of their environment. This cannot be God's will. We pastors are responsible for encouraging prayer but to be proactive as well.
SS: What advice would you give to pastors desirous of seeing more marriages take place?
PDD: Well, every church is different so what worked for PCF may not work for all churches, but I think the following might be helpful. Firstly, the situation has to be highlighted in prayer with the understanding that this environment where there is not much possibility for the developing of relationships does not please the Lord. Then churches need to give realistic ideas and methods as to how relationships can develop. The circle of friendships and ministry may need to exceed the local church setting. And one thing I personally found helpful, was speaking to other pastors about the lack of marriages and how they dealt with it in their churches.
SS: What is the benefit to the church and the black community of couples getting married and taking their vows seriously?
PDD: It is a great witness to this world when our marriages are loving and strong. God created marriage and we are supposed to experience all the fruit of this blessed institution. Healthy Christian marriages can bring balance to our community, and marriages are helpful in moulding the expectations of the emerging generations and can fill us all with a sense of hope.
http://www.voice-online.co.uk/content.php?show=12460
Pastor helps end marriage drought
BY Marcia Dixon
Pastor Dave Daniels took action to end the marriage drought at his church. He tells Soul Stirrings how he did it.
Soul Stirrings (SS): You havebeen pro-active in promoting marriage amongst your members. What kind of things have you been doing?
Pastor Dave Daniels (PDD):The first thing we did was to confront the reality that not only were relationships not happening at our church, there wasn't even much possibility for them to happen. So I introduced these meetings called the 'relationship forums', which were basically an opportunity to teach about how relationships could develop, create an atmosphere of possibility in our church, and discuss the fact that relationships would be happening.
The subject of the lack of marriages was also persistently mentioned in our prayer meetings, and I asked one of the lecturers in our Bible Academy to teach about Christian relationships/marriage in one of the modules. The various departments in our church also took this issue to task. We just started to think differently.
SS: Why did you feel it was important for you to actively promote marriage in your church?
PDD: I could see people in our church were trying to cope with being single, but deep down there was a deep longing to be in relationship and hopefully enjoy married life some day. I also knew that if these believers were not in church, they would have no problem in developing a relationship with someone from the opposite sex. It was as if becoming a Christian meant signing a celibacy declaration FOR LIFE. This, in my opinion, was unacceptable. I basically told the church that this scenario was a curse. Eventually people started to recognise this. It took some time to persuade some people, because the hurt of believing then being disappointed would be too much for them.
SS: What kind of things started to happen when your church began praying for more marriages?
PDD: We drew a line between the world's understandings of 'dating' and developed our own principle for 'purposeful Christian friendships' but with spiritual oversight. And what happened was that in 2004 we had one marriage, in 2005 we had three. In 2006 there were four weddings, and in 2007 we had eight weddings. Right now, there are at least four couples with dates for their weddings in 2008. It truly is God's doing, our church is not particularly large and some of our members have found their spouses from other churches. But we try to ensure that all of our couples have good pre-marital preparation and are well supported by the fellowship.
SS: Christian woman often complain about the difficulties of finding a partner. Why do you think this is such a problem in the church?
PDD: I think church needs to relate to men more adequately; too often the number of women exceeds the amount of men in our churches. This problem needs to be addressed right now. Furthermore, the choices women have are not always encouraging. It would help if more men secured the mentorship of good, spiritually mature men, who have godly character, ambition, integrity, and the Word of God.
SS: Do you think that if pastors were more pro-active in praying for and promoting marriage, more of their members would find a life partner? If your answer is yes, why?
PDD: Yes, it is essential that pastors bring this situation to prayer. Things have to change, this curse of 'no possibility', has to be broken. If a person chooses to remain single that's ok, but singleness should never be forced on a person simply because of their environment. This cannot be God's will. We pastors are responsible for encouraging prayer but to be proactive as well.
SS: What advice would you give to pastors desirous of seeing more marriages take place?
PDD: Well, every church is different so what worked for PCF may not work for all churches, but I think the following might be helpful. Firstly, the situation has to be highlighted in prayer with the understanding that this environment where there is not much possibility for the developing of relationships does not please the Lord. Then churches need to give realistic ideas and methods as to how relationships can develop. The circle of friendships and ministry may need to exceed the local church setting. And one thing I personally found helpful, was speaking to other pastors about the lack of marriages and how they dealt with it in their churches.
SS: What is the benefit to the church and the black community of couples getting married and taking their vows seriously?
PDD: It is a great witness to this world when our marriages are loving and strong. God created marriage and we are supposed to experience all the fruit of this blessed institution. Healthy Christian marriages can bring balance to our community, and marriages are helpful in moulding the expectations of the emerging generations and can fill us all with a sense of hope.
.
