@crisweetie912 ,
We are here for you, and most importantly, your Heavenly Father is here with and for you. I'm so grateful to have read your post above: It's full of strength. It is strength to take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. It is strength to stand in your truth, put it out there, and just say "It's time for me to get some care now, for me."
I found myself feeling very depressed one year in college, and I just had to "turn everything off" for a spell and get help and medicine. I'm so glad I didn't let the enemy trick me into seeing my severely deep hurt and pain for something it wasn't: It was just a signal for me to lay some things down and reconfigure the way I was looking at life, not a sign for me to not appreciate being alive, God's precious gift. Life will feel good again.
I can testify.
I am praying to the Lord that He soothes your heart, that He keeps whispering to your spirit what to do to get to better ground. Because believe me, it only looks and feels lost right now. The truth is, sometimes we get this down, but God is a healer and a redeemer! He is not just a redeemer, because THAT would be amazing enough, but He is THE GREAT REDEEMER. THE. GREAT. REDEEMER. He will not let your distress be a waste. His Spirit resides right there in your temple. He enjoys living with you when you are up, and when you are down, like the Ultimate Father would.
Again, I'm so grateful you posted. Please let us know once you've made moves to get care. That's why God equipped people with the gift of health care -- He wanted to make sure we got care when needed.
Thinking of you. I'll keep checking back to check in with you!