Relaxed Hair vs. Natural Hair – The Great Debate

[belldandy]

okay guys, confess, who is ordering from dana's loft?
lmao

 

[JuiceMobsta]

okay guys, confess, who is ordering from dana's loft?
lmao

...

You are.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Yeah I agree, I was wondering about that cowash thing, thats definitely on a personal preference basis only.

But you said you rarely have to moisturize due to your oily skin and coarse hair?:scratchch Oil doesnt moisturize...sooo...neither does coarseness...lol.

Oils secreted from the body actually do moisturize lubricate and protect the skin it also prevents wrinkles and aging of the skin. The only time I moisturize is on wash day, by day three post wash my hair is coated with my natural oils and never dries out except on the very ends and even that is only occasional so I pretty much don't have to moisturize. I mentioned the coarse nature of my strands to reference its overall resilience aka. its ability to thrive despite laziness or outright abuse lol

 

[belldandy]

It is only black people I hear judging one another CONSTANTLY for the decisions SOMEONE ELSE makes about their bodies, and it extends beyond hair; we like to critique our fellow sisters who choose to bleach, surgically modify their faces and bodies, or lose a certain amount of weight due to preference. Asian, white women I know quietly go out and get their nose,boob,eyelid,chin, blonde dye jobs done and they are either complimented or those who don't like it keep it to themselves. no accusations of self-esteem issues and this and that involved. WE, however, have to be vocal and treat everything that could be "against our blackness" as taboo or wrong.
Why can't we just live and let live, let those who do what they do, for whatever reason, be it self-hate or whatnot, just do whatever they want!
We already get enough flack from everybody else for everything we do. sheesh. We really can be our own worst critics.
This debate should have never started to begin with.

we are not the only ones.
blondes and brunettes have this thing with them to. Ever heard the expression "dumb blonde"
asians speak out against eye surgery. There was an mtv special about it even.

 

[JuiceMobsta]

Oils secreted from the body actually do moisturize lubricate and protect the skin it also prevents wrinkles and aging of the skin. The only time I moisturize is on wash day, by day three post wash my hair is coated with my natural oils and never dries out except on the very ends and even that is only occasional so I pretty much don't have to moisturize. I mentioned the coarse nature of my strands to reference its overall resilience aka. its ability to thrive despite laziness or outright abuse

Lol, Bad BMP...

And ok, I was just wondering, I dont even think my scalp produces oil!

 

[belldandy]

and if a sister is actually bleaching her skin I will say something because a lot of sisters don't understand what a gift melanin is. If she is really educated on it as well as the longterm health effects (cancers and damage to internal organs) then I gotta leave her alone.

that's why I said if a person already has the knowledge, then you should let the issue go because its their body @ the end of the day.

 

[Tiye]

It is only black people I hear judging one another CONSTANTLY for the decisions SOMEONE ELSE makes about their bodies, and it extends beyond hair; we like to critique our fellow sisters who choose to bleach, surgically modify their faces and bodies, or lose a certain amount of weight due to preference. Asian, white women I know quietly go out and get their nose,boob,eyelid,chin, blonde dye jobs done and they are either complimented or those who don't like it keep it to themselves. no accusations of self-esteem issues and this and that involved. WE, however, have to be vocal and treat everything that could be "against our blackness" as taboo or wrong.
Why can't we just live and let live, let those who do what they do, for whatever reason, be it self-hate or whatnot, just do whatever they want!
We already get enough flack from everybody else for everything we do. sheesh. We really can be our own worst critics.
This debate should have never started to begin with.

IDK - I'm pretty sure Asian people talk about it. As for white women - well if there was no taboo involved then high profile Hollywood types for starters wouldn't spend their lives lying that they don't have plastic surgery, will never have plastic surgery, tried it once but didn't like it, yadda, yadda while their faces get tighter, and tighter. My point - it's not a black thing, it's a people thing.

 

[SingBrina]

Very interesting and helpful, thanks! I have not used a relaxer in over a year!

 

[EccentricRed]

It's a pointless battle! Everyone has a commonality. They need to keep their hair healthy! 'Nuff Said...

 

[Kneechay]

I do not know what you want me to do...give up names?
this board has a lot of tension on it. It's not that serious because this is the internet, but the tension exists here. On other boards, not so much. I have read things where people feel the need to express their disapproval of people who change their texture. Constantly. Whether it be by using gel to manipulate curls or by using chemicals to change the curl pattern. I don't usually see many anti-weave or anti-dye threads. recently read a comment in which a user said more ladies weaves should be kinky texture. didn't even go back to see how many thanked the comment and I wasn't 100 percent sure what was meant by the comment...but as a texlaxed head I just felt like it means that even weaves need to not look "relaxed". (this is just one example that popped into my head and I'm sure that person is not in the majority, if that's what she meant). I don't really know what else to say on the matter...


eta: she didn't say that exactly so sorry if I misinterpreted her post.

no, i saw this post too, and you didnt completely misinterpret her. She meant she'd like to see more women in natural style weaves as opposed to straight/relaxed looking weaves. Meh. It's all part of the on-going debate and you can't really change minds about it. I wear straight weaves and I know I'M going to continue what I do, regardless of opinions, it's my head, my money and my prerogative.

One thing I'd like to stress on the board is that LHCF is not an end all be all of anything. What works for one person, won't work for everyone. This place doesn't PUSH being natural or relaxed. The goal of this board is achieving healthy, long hair and getting together for tips/advice. Everyone will go about their journey their OWN way. There is no ONE RIGHT way.

Although I'm natural and will always encourage people to consider the lifestyle, if they don't, no skin off my back. This has grown to be the most frivolous debate, esp amongst a board of educated women.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

It is only black people I hear judging one another CONSTANTLY for the decisions SOMEONE ELSE makes about their bodies, and it extends beyond hair; we like to critique our fellow sisters who choose to bleach, surgically modify their faces and bodies, or lose a certain amount of weight due to preference. Asian, white women I know quietly go out and get their nose,boob,eyelid,chin, blonde dye jobs done and they are either complimented or those who don't like it keep it to themselves. no accusations of self-esteem issues and this and that involved. WE, however, have to be vocal and treat everything that could be "against our blackness" as taboo or wrong.
Why can't we just live and let live, let those who do what they do, for whatever reason, be it self-hate or whatnot, just do whatever they want!
We already get enough flack from everybody else for everything we do. sheesh. We really can be our own worst critics.
This debate should have never started to begin with.

Sadly there will always be people that have negative things about someone else, it does seem that BW always have something to say to each other about appearance, however this was not posted to start a debate and the title of this post was the name of the article. I know every has strong thoughts about their choices but I assumed people would read it and just add their thoughts on the article nothing more nothing less, it's just words people! I think people get into there feelings too much in stuff like this and it wasn't meant to be that serious, the article was written in a light hearted way so why get upset? We all know the right and wrong way to do things when it comes to OUR hair so take it for what it is...

Sidenote- Although it was not my intention for this to be one, I see nothin wrong with having a debate as long as it is done by people who are mature and informed in the information they are discussing, I know things can go left quickly on here but as long as folks remain civil I say have at it..

 

[Evallusion]

Wow, I left "the other site" because of nonsense like this. Never thought I would have encountered it here...

 

[UniquelyDivine]

^^^ Did you actually read the article? Or just the title of the post? Whoo saaa people!!!

 

[Evallusion]

^^^ Yes, I actually read the article.

 

[KinkyGenius]

okay guys, confess, who is ordering from dana's loft?
lmao

I sure just bookmarked the site

 

[nikolite]

As for recruiting, converting, guilting, I realize some naturals will be zealous in their choice, shout it from the rooftops, and testify how they've reached the promised land. This can come off arrogant to some but shouldn't affect anyone comfortable with their own hair. But it's only a few out of the many. I think a bit of civility is being lost in the conversation on both ends and it's usually the same voices being heard. No ones preference should be an affront to you. Most ladies aren't relaxing to hurt your feelings and most naturals aren't BCing to hand out pamphlets and transitioning kits on the corner to up our numbers. I may miss some of the undercurrent of hostility because most of the time when a member asks for advice they get support and not lectures. It's usually the "What's your opinion", "What do you consider", "Why did you" threads that will get the free for all responses. And then again it's a few ladies that go hard in either direction.

Great post. Thanks for stating the bolded. I don't see the guilt-tripping either, but IMO, people who feel guilt-tripped normally do because they feel guilty about something. Guilt/shame is very much an internal thing. Pressure from others when you feel secure in what you are doing usually results in feeling irritated or dismissing them or just not giving a damn, but not guilt.

And the same goes for many naturals who feel pressured not to be natural because people have told them their hair is ugly or too kinky or not, ya know, the "cute curls." IMO, that's much more overwhelming of a sentiment in society (but definitely not on these boards) than the few naturals in our community that are bashing relaxed heads (which I've never seen). Because of my personal views, I do wish that more black women would go natural, but I've never looked down on anyone for not doing so. I was relaxed for much longer than being natural, so I do understand and I think most naturals get it and go natural for their own reasons. But its hard, much harder to be accepted than relaxing, so I think we should be able to state that we're "happy to be nappy" or "free from bondage" if we want without someone else taking offense to it.

These discussions kind of remind me of how mainstream groups feel about minority groups who assert themselves, proclaim their beauty, try to instill the pride they've been robbed of, but the majority ends up seeing it as a display of arrogance/supremacy or a threat. Blacks can't have their own cultural events without some white people feeling like they are being downed. LGBT people can't have parades without some straight on-lookers feeling like their lifestyles are somehow being attacked. Not that I think naturals are having pride parades or anything on the board, but just stating certain things is viewed as guilt-tripping the majority.

And btw, the article was completely wrong about the high maintenance thing. I love the fact that all I have to do most days is let my twists plump in the shower and go.

 

[UniquelyDivine]

^^^ Yes, I actually read the article.

It wasn't posted to start drama and I felt the article was pretty lighthearted, I hope it doesn't make you feel that it is like the "other" site.. So please breath easy

 

[Evallusion]

LoL, okay. I understand that the article is lighthearted and "cutesy" in nature. I'm just hoping that it doesn't spawn into something a little more sinister (because it almost always does). But yeah, I'm not getting worked up over it I'm just saying that I hope no one else does.

And for the record, I love all hair types which is why I left "there" and came here.

But yeah, I see where you were coming from with this. It's light-hearted and I hope it stays that way.