Relaxed Ladies...I wanna know...

Syrah

Well-Known Member
Does it hurt, even just a little, when you hear someone make the claim that black females relax their hair because of mental enslavement, trying to be white or even buying into white standards of beauty?

I grew up with a headful of relaxed hair and stopped relaxing at age 22 (it's been 2.5 years for me). And I remember it driving me crazy when I would hear some natural headed sister tell me about my degree of self-acceptance and self-esteem as far as black sister because I had relaxed hair (meanwhile she's talking to me with hazel contacts on...but anywhoo). Now that I'm "natural" (HAHA...and sometimes wondering why the heck I decided to do this "transition" and other times glad I did) - I've had those some natural sisters come down on me for defending one's right to relax. The debate used to bother me and it still does.

Personally - a sister learning to love and accept herself, regardless of the form, is beautiful in my eyes. I'm just wondering when some of us lost site of that concept of "live and let live".

Note: Any of the above does not apply to all or even a majority of natural sisters... I actually was reading someone's blog and this thought came to my mind. But c'mon - we've all met at least ONE. :)
 

Healthb4Length

New Member
MsNadi said:
Does it hurt, even just a little, when you hear someone make the claim that black females relax their hair because of mental enslavement, trying to be white or even buying into white standards of beauty?

I grew up with a headful of relaxed hair and stopped relaxing at age 22 (it's been 2.5 years for me). And I remember it driving me crazy when I would hear some natural headed sister tell me about my degree of self-acceptance and self-esteem as far as black sister because I had relaxed hair (meanwhile she's talking to me with hazel contacts on...but anywhoo). Now that I'm "natural" (HAHA...and sometimes wondering why the heck I decided to do this "transition" and other times glad I did) - I've had those some natural sisters come down on me for defending one's right to relax. The debate used to bother me and it still does.

Personally - a sister learning to love and accept herself, regardless of the form, is beautiful in my eyes. I'm just wondering when some of us lost site of that concept of "live and let live".

Note: Any of the above does not apply to all or even a majority of natural sisters... I actually was reading someone's blog and this thought came to my mind. But c'mon - we've all met at least ONE. :)

I hear ya, when I was younger and impressionable I would let these things get to me. I'm not gonna front and act like they don't anymore because yes at times they do. But now I'm grown, I am learning to accept myself and brush off the hate. Alot of times people (particularly females) try to push their insecurities on you and pull you down. Obviously it's one's personal decision to go natural or relaxed and their choices should be accepted. SOmetimes those who are preaching that they are natural and high and mighty are the biggest hypocrites of them all (her chastising you with grey contacts?? Hello! Reality CHeck!) Anyways part of adulthood is a spiritual process that involves several changes throughout one's lifetime, being that we are women (BLACK) our hair is going to go along for the ride! Please don't let ignorant people whether relaxed or natural try and deter you, you only have yourself in this world, you don't need to impress anyone except the man above.
 

Allandra

Well-Known Member
Nope, it doesn't hurt me one bit. Just before some people may feel that way, doesn't mean everyone feels that way.
 

Supergirl

With Love & Silk
It doesn't hurt. I find it annoying though. Because like many other beauty treatments, it's a personal preference or enhancement.

If someone makes a comment like this, but they use any kind of make up (including nail polish on finger or toe nails), have made any kind of weight loss attempts, or use any kind of lotion and a host of other things, then they should say the same thing about self. :lol:

There are more important serious things in the world than taking time to say someone has slave mentality because of what they choose to do with their hair.
 

seeminglysweet

New Member
Supergirl said:
It doesn't hurt. I find it annoying though. Because like many other beauty treatments, it's a personal preference or enhancement.

If someone makes a comment like this, but they use any kind of make up (including nail polish on finger or toe nails), have made any kind of weight loss attempts, or use any kind of lotion and a host of other things, then they should say the same thing about self. :lol:

There are more important serious things in the world than taking time to say someone has slave mentality because of what they choose to do with their hair.

ITA and to take it one step further I know someone that is natural, she has never tried to push her views on me personally but she does make general comments about how she doesn't want chemicals on/in her body, which is why she doesn't use depilitory creams, etc.....HOWEVER she smokes weed, drinks and takes prescription drugs.

I just think people should look at themselves before judging others. There is always something that can be said about someone else's personal choice but if it isn't directly affecting then why do you care what I or the next person does.
 

sareca

Well-Known Member
None of them hurt. But they definitely annoy me. I consider them a product of low self-esteem. That particular one only bugs me if they have colored hair esp. blonde or red. :huh:
 

fiveleven

New Member
I say sweep around your own front door. Hey for get that, I know I look pretty with straight hair and I love it.I love me with natural, relaxed, or know hair. How dare you judge someone on their physical appearance, everyone who knows me knows that I am proud to being black. I relaxed three months for the first time in two years, and I absolutely don't regret having to spend so much time on my hair now. I believe to each its own, if you like I love it (for you). Right know I am focusing on growing spiritually, and I can get into to heaven with a perm. So I'm cool. For all those relaxer-haters I say we dont need any of that negative evergy in the Relaxer World.
 

pebbles

New Member
Nah, it doesn't bother me, though I agree with Supergirl that after a while, it gets tiresome to hear that same argument presented over and over again about women who choose to relax. While that sentiment may apply to many women who do relax, it certainly doesn't apply to everyone.

I'm natural now. I cut all my hair off in January, wore an afro for 6 months and then put in braids last month. I like to change the style of my hair every 3 to 5 years, and I go back and forth between relaxing my hair, and cutting it all off and wearing it natural. Different women have different reasons for doing what they do. I say if your happy with what's on your head, more power to you. Other people need to respect the fact that we all have the right to do whatever we want with ourselves. Sure, it's great to reflect on why you do the things you do, but it's wrong for people to tell you they KNOW why you're doing anything in your life when they don't know you from Eve. :)
 

Poohbear

Fearfully Wonderfully Made
When I had relaxed hair and heard about the mental enslavement, trying to be white or buying into white standards of beauty, it didn't hurt, annoy, or affect me in a negative way either.... mainly because it was all new to me. I never thought of it that way until I found the hair boards in 2004.
 

SilkyandSmooth

New Member
No, because I know why I texlax my hair. No one can tell me why I choose to do what I do to my hair. No one. I went from natural to relaxed to natural and now I'm texlaxed. I love my hair in any state.
 

MizaniMami

New Member
sareca said:
None of them hurt. But they definitely annoy me. I consider them a product of low self-esteem. That particular one only bugs me if they have colored hair esp. blonde or red. :huh:

*Smirks at Sareca's comment*:elf:

But back to the original question, no it doesn't bother me. But it does make me kinda angry/annoyed.Them usually are the same sistas with self esteem issues. I'm all for lifting up one side of an argument but when you have to down the other that that to me helps me validate your self-hatred/jealousy/insecurity.

I think that helps some of these women validate their decision. A lot of them (keeping it real, this is my opnion) I think made the decision to go natural not for themselves but to prove something to other women. Shoot, life is too short to be living, what you THINK OTHER PEOPLE think is right. Do you, relaxed or natural.
 

Poohbear

Fearfully Wonderfully Made
MizaniMami said:
I think that helps some of these women validate their decision. A lot of them (keeping it real, this is my opnion) I think made the decision to go natural not for themselves but to prove something to other women. Shoot, life is too short to be living, what you THINK OTHER PEOPLE think is right. Do you, relaxed or natural.
Well I'm definitely in the minority there! :) I feel sorry for the ones that do go natural to prove something to other women.
 

pebbles

New Member
Poohbear said:
When I had relaxed hair and heard about the mental enslavement, trying to be white or buying into white standards of beauty, it didn't hurt, annoy, or affect me in a negative way either.... mainly because it was all new to me. I never thought of it that way until I found the hair boards in 2004.

YES!!!!!!!

It wasn't until I found hair care boards that I found out this was even an issue! I couldn't believe my eyes! I was stunned to see that this relaxed/natural debate was so divisive. Who the heck knew... I have so many girlfriends who wear their hair in so many different styles: relaxed, texturized, big afros, twists, braids, you name it, and in all our years of being friends, never did the issue ever come up, never!! And we spent a lot of time together. To this day, I have to admit that I'm still a bit amazed by it.
 

Poohbear

Fearfully Wonderfully Made
pebbles said:
YES!!!!!!!

It wasn't until I found hair care boards that I found out this was even an issue! I couldn't believe my eyes! I was stunned to see that this relaxed/natural debate was so divisive. Who the heck knew... I have so many girlfriends who wear their hair in so many different styles: relaxed, texturized, big afros, twists, braids, you name it, and in all our years of being friends, never did the issue ever come up, never!! And we spent a lot of time together. To this day, I have to admit that I'm still a bit amazed by it.
YEAH!!!! Maybe because I didn't grow up around a lot of blacks, but even if I did, I probably still wouldn't have found out it was such an issue until discovering the hair boards! Plus, I didn't even know there was a such thing as natural hair! Haha! I thought all blacks had relaxed hair. If you had weave and fake hair, it wasn't natural! LOL!

And hey pebbles, I haven't seen you around for a while... where have ya' been!?!? :D
 

pebbles

New Member
I've been working hard! LOL! :lol: Seriously, business has really been booming for me, and I just didn't have as much time to be on, but I'll try not to stay away for so long again, if I can help it! :)
 

Lovelylocs

Well-Known Member
Nope. For two reasons:

1) The rest of society is "mentally enslaved" too. :p

2) No matter how much I relax my hair or how I straighten it, my hair will still look like a black person's. (As far as I know, cuz I dont know of any hair technique that will do otherwise.) Relaxed hair doesnt look like non-black hair. It looks like the straightened version of non-black hair.

And besides, at least it's MY hair. Some people will talk about how much they love being black and having black hair, but those same people never show their hair. It is always hidden underneath braided extensions, etc. :( But that is another subject. :ohwell:
 

Southernbella.

Well-Known Member
Ditto to what most have already said. It doesn't hurt, but it's annoying. It's also somewhat condescending, as if they are on some higher level than I am and are therefore qualified to judge me and teach me.

I agree that's it's probably low self-esteem and/or insecurity about their own choices.
 

Crackers Phinn

Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
I was relaxed for 20+ years and somebody woulda got cussed out rolling up on me with that nonsense. I didn't relax cuz I was trying to look like a white chick. I did it because every stylist I ever went to (all of them black/most licensed) said that my hair would break without a relaxer and that relaxers help black hair to grow. Now when the so-called professionals have been telling me this for 20 years then why would I go natural? That's why you will NEVER (and I mean NEVER) see me poppin off with that ole oversimplified self hate B.S.

Even now that I'm natural, I know what I put up with dealing with my hair (granted-which to me isn't a lot), but I don't knock anybody for not trying to re-invent the wheel as far as their hair is concerned (i.e., stumble into a new regimen)
 

Tee

Active Member
No, doesnt bother me at all. To each her own. Just let me do me and you do you.

People will talk to the end of time. I just brush off negativity and keep moving on.
 

Sarafina

New Member
I was suprised by how intense it gets on hair boards. I encountered some of this in college but I didn't know it was like that on the net too. The funny thing is the loudest at my school were the first to texturize or relax when they graduated. As black women hair is can be a very sensitive topic for us. But honestly, I see valid perspecitves on both sides. I just don't agree with bashing and judgment on any side.
 

mahogany66

Member
Nope, that does not bother me at all because I know there are alot of ignorant people out there who think that THEIR WAY is the ONLY RIGHT WAY. I come across alot of people like that and they remind me of religious finactics who can't accept another person's beliefs. I always make a comment and then keep it moving, there is no need to go back and forth with people like that..:ohwell:
 

sareca

Well-Known Member
JCoily said:
I was relaxed for 20+ years and somebody woulda got cussed out rolling up on me with that nonsense. I didn't relax cuz I was trying to look like a white chick. I did it because every stylist I ever went to (all of them black/most licensed) said that my hair would break without a relaxer and that relaxers help black hair to grow. Now when the so-called professionals have been telling me this for 20 years then why would I go natural? That's why you will NEVER (and I mean NEVER) see me poppin off with that ole oversimplified self hate B.S.

Even now that I'm natural, I know what I put up with dealing with my hair (granted-which to me isn't a lot), but I don't knock anybody for not trying to re-invent the wheel as far as their hair is concerned (i.e., stumble into a new regimen)
Sorry, I haven't read the rest of the post. I got stuck there. I'm still laughing. :lachen:
 

Stormy

Well-Known Member
No, it doesn't bother me. I know myself and my hair. I know what it can and can't do, and how I like to wear it is my business. Besides, they're not the ones who have to take care of it. If anything when I hear women talking that nonsense I think something is wrong with THEM.

By the way, I also didn't know about all that until I started visiting hair boards.
 

sylver2

Well-Known Member
I tend to get upset thats why I do try to stay away from those topics.
You do u..I do me. All that energy needs to be put to positive use elsewhere..Don't worry about what I do to MY hair.
 

dynamic1

Well-Known Member
To quote a line from "Two can play that game", I believe this is what they call "the tranference of emotion" :lol: Sometimes people like to project their dissatisfaction and beliefs onto others.

A lot of women relax out of habit. Re-learning your natural hair takes time and patience. If you are trying to wear your hair long/big/full it takes a lot of work. My experience - detangling is not a breeze, shampoo is unkind and looking like a hot mess, when you haven't figured it out yet is not fun. People will always have something to say. You have to do what is best for you and your lifestyle. We must pick and choose our battles, so just do you.

But, if a person talks negatively about someone else's nappy/natural/kinky/curly hair, I think they need to do a self evaluation.
 

Supergirl

With Love & Silk
seeminglysweet said:
ITA and to take it one step further I know someone that is natural, she has never tried to push her views on me personally but she does make general comments about how she doesn't want chemicals on/in her body, which is why she doesn't use depilitory creams, etc.....HOWEVER she smokes weed, drinks and takes prescription drugs.

I just think people should look at themselves before judging others. There is always something that can be said about someone else's personal choice but if it isn't directly affecting then why do you care what I or the next person does.

Girl, weed is "natural!" I thought you knew. :rofl: Okay, bad Supergirl! :nono:
 

Isis

New Member
Actually, the first time I ever heard this was when I discovered the hair boards in 2003. Every female relative I have is relaxed so this issue wasn't ever discussed. Relaxing the hair at some point in childhood was expected. My black friends have been both relaxed and natural and we didn't have this conversation either.
 

Poohbear

Fearfully Wonderfully Made
I remember there was a post on another hair forum about black women who are relaxed or straighten their hair are trying to White. Natural ladies one by one agreed. Well, I had to ask them something. I said that there are White women who straighten their wavy or curly hair everyday, what race are they trying to be like? A few of them did not like that because it went against what they believe I guess. :lol: Some tried to say that most Whites have straight hair, or straight hair is what's acceptable to society, yada yada yada.
But I felt like what I said was a valid point. Some women just simply may prefer and like straight hair, not to be like someone else or not because they hate their natural hair, just because they simply like straight hair. Yes, there are some women who hate their natural hair. But every woman who relaxes their hair relaxes it for different reasons. They can't put everyone into one category.
 
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