Sex and the Christian Single

[ebonylocs]

As a non-Christian, some of the recent posts by Christians in OT and this forum have piqued my interest.

Maybe because I grew up in a country that tends to view and enact Christianity very conservatively, my image is that anyone professing to be a "Christian" would be expected to remain chaste in thought, word and deed until marriage. So thinking of or calling someone as "sexy" would be out of the question, so would any kind of sexual interaction (words, touching) with someone not your husband.

So what exactly is allowed? Where are the lines drawn? What makes the forbidden forbidden? Is it the absence of sanctification by God? Is it the element of lust / objectification - (and if so, would that mean that some types of sexual behaviour are prohibited even after marriage)?

Please respond to the poll, and your thoughtful, honest answers would be appreciated.

 

[Shimmie]

"Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right." Song of Solomon 8:4....

Whatever 'awakens' one's love is where they should draw the line.

Meaning that whatever opens them up to seaxual desires or evven sexual fantasies (thoughts) which lead to desire, should be avoided.

Some may say that holding hands is innocent...Is it really?

Some may say, light 'kissing' is harmless. Not for most men and women take it to fantasy land.

Some may say, a light embrace is just that, an embrace. Not for a man. Almost always, he'll want to 'pull you in' closer.

And almost always, we'll let him if we're in love with him and we are 'alone'.

I'm telling you straight up there are no 'easy' answers to this. It's not easy, especially when a man and woman are truly in love with each other. As long as we are in this flesh and blood body, we have to avoid that which makes us tempted.

Men are extremely hard to resist; especially if it's a man that you are in love with. Wanting to be with him is as natural as breathing. So no matter how 'innocent' something may seem (such as holding hands or light embraces), we have to guard ourselves if it will lead into going all the way, let alone thinking about it.

Therefore,

"Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."

 

[Shimmie]

I was looking at your poll questions and I honestly could not 'vote' for any of them. I dunno.... the first two seem quite innocent and I have to admit I've 'been there' but, one still has to 'proceed with caution', because depending on the 'mood' one may be in......... Well, no explanation needed.

Here's your poll:

An unmarried Christian couple is allowed to (please choose all options that apply):

Hold hands and hug chastely
Kiss chastely (brush of lips)

Definitely none of this listed below!


Definite No's

Flirt sexually (in face-to-face, phone, text, and email conversations)

French kiss (with tongue)

Lie on a horizontal surface together, intertwined, and CLOTHED

Make out" or fondle each others' private parts

Lie on a horizontal surface, intertwined and UNCLOTHED

Have oral sex

Have penetrative sex

-----------------
Even a non-Christian such as yourself should not be doing so. Why allow someone else other than your husband, handle the merchandise?

Even when I buy new clothing, I wash before I wear them. Why? Because they've been handled by numerous other shoppers with dirty hands while on the rack.

Question: Are you asking these questions out of sincerity, or are you just sincerely trying to make 'mockery' of those who choose to live a modest life.

In this day and age, I would not dare 'brag' about being 'free' to have sex or have a thought that those who abstain are living a life in bondage.

Abstinence means 'smart'. The disease rates are astronomically alarming and spreading like the floods of Katrina. And why is that? Because of fools who didn't and still do not respect the gift of Virtue.

They are fools who do not respect their own bodies or their lives. There's no cherished protection over the beauty and true meaning of sex and the reaon that it is imperitive to be exclusive and in a committed marriage relationship.

Christians and non-Christians who abstain from pre-marital sex and are also faithful in their marriage, are those that we should be learning from, which is to value life and the quality of it.

It's nothing to mock about.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

The bible says it is good for a man not to touch a woman and oh how right they are....

"Love" is awakened very easily, its best not to touch each other at all. Especially, if your really attracted to the person. Caring for someone makes it feel impossible not to want to love them up.

Sigh...I need to go pray.

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

lol i love u

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

this poll is a bit personal??? lol be careful with ur answers ladies I'm nervous for EVERYONE lol
subscribing... can't wait...
Christian forum is like... Jerry Springer lol

 

[BeautifulFlower]

this poll is a bit personal??? lol be careful with ur answers ladies I'm nervous for EVERYONE lol
subscribing... can't wait...
Christian forum is like... Jerry Springer lol

 

[BeautifulFlower]

lol i love u

I've been good. Lord, knows my struggle.

 

[Shimmie]

this poll is a bit personal??? lol be careful with ur answers ladies I'm nervous for EVERYONE lol
subscribing... can't wait...
Christian forum is like... Jerry Springer lol

You need to 'retract' this statement. It's out of order.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

You need to 'retract' this statement. It's out of order.

You're right, Shimmie.

There may be drama here but no where near JS. Nisha...I dont think its that hardcore.

 

[jasmineleann]

There's a great book that I am reading right now titled "Single, Saved, and Having Sex" by Ty Adams. As a Christian, I myself am stuck with unaswered questions sometimes because in this age and time, having pre-marital sex and being a Christian is very common. This book anwers all questions, and I am left with no more doubts.

 

[Poohbear]

There's a great book that I am reading right now titled "Single, Saved, and Having Sex" by Ty Adams. As a Christian, I myself am stuck with unaswered questions sometimes because in this age and time, having pre-marital sex and being a Christian is very common. This book anwers all questions, and I am left with no more doubts.

Can you share with us some of the answers you have received from reading this book?

 

[ebonylocs]

I was looking at your poll questions and I honestly could not 'vote' for any of them. I dunno.... the first two seem quite innocent and I have to admit I've 'been there' but, one still has to 'proceed with caution', because depending on the 'mood' one may be in......... Well, no explanation needed.

Yes, I know. When I started to review the poll results, I thought "Doggone it! I forgot to put "None of the above". It's always like that with polls - always forget something.

Question: Are you asking these questions out of sincerity, or are you just sincerely trying to make 'mockery' of those who choose to live a modest life:

Sigh. I was hoping to avoid this kind of thing, that's why I put "your honest, thoughtful, answers would be appreciated".

I'm really not interested in the popcorn eating, drama seeking, "hardy-har-haring." I just want people to say what they believe, and why - whether it's scriptural authority, church teachings, personal discretion, etc. So your first response was really appreciated.

I put all options there just to cover all bases, and because, Who knows?, there might be some people who think that Christian morality does not circumscribe sex at all. But really, what confuses me is the grey areas - talking about men, touching, kissing, flirting, hugging, pressing up against each other, etc.

BTW: I've been celibate for 4 years, and don't make free with anything of mine. But even if I did make free, it is definitely not in my nature to mock *anyone's* choice to live by a strict moral code.

 

[ebonylocs]

this poll is a bit personal??? lol be careful with ur answers ladies I'm nervous for EVERYONE lol
subscribing... can't wait...

The poll choices are private.

 

[♥Lamaravilla♥]

There's a great book that I am reading right now titled "Single, Saved, and Having Sex" by Ty Adams. As a Christian, I myself am stuck with unaswered questions sometimes because in this age and time, having pre-marital sex and being a Christian is very common. This book anwers all questions, and I am left with no more doubts.

Another really good one (at least in my opinion) is 'No More Sheets: The Truth About Sex' by Juanita Bynum I highly recommend this book.

 

[Poohbear]

Yes, I know. When I started to review the poll results, I was thought "Doggone it! I forgot to put "None of the above". It's always like that with polls - always forget something.



Sigh. I was hoping to avoid this kind of thing, that's why I put "your honest, thoughtful, answers would be appreciated".

I'm really not interested in the popcorn eating, drama seeking, "hardy-har-haring." I just want people to say what they believe, and why - whether it's scriptual authority, church teachings, personal discretion, etc. So your first response was really appreciated.

I put all options there just to cover all bases, and because, Who knows?, there might be some people who think that Christian morality does not circumscribe sex at all. But really, what confuses me is the grey areas - talking about men, touching, kissing, flirting, hugging, pressing up against each other, etc.

BTW: I've been celibate for 4 years, and don't make free with anything of mine. But even if I did make free, it is definitely not in my nature to mock *anyone's* choice to live by a strict moral code.

I feel you ebonylocs. I believe that sexual intercourse (genital penetration and oral sex) outside of marriage is a sin against God, but I often wonder about the grey areas of touching, kissing, hugging, and flirting among unmarried couples as well. I believe these "grey areas" would be considered lust (craving for sexual intercourse) which is a sin as well. So like Shimmie said, none of these would be considered "okay" when it comes to living a Christian life to glorify God as an unmarried person.

 

[ebonylocs]

There's a great book that I am reading right now titled "Single, Saved, and Having Sex" by Ty Adams. As a Christian, I myself am stuck with unaswered questions sometimes because in this age and time, having pre-marital sex and being a Christian is very common. This book anwers all questions, and I am left with no more doubts.

Can you share with us some of the answers you have received from reading this book?

I would like to know too.

Another really good one (at least in my opinion) is 'No More Sheets: The Truth About Sex' by Juanita Bynum I highly recommend this book.

Care to summarise it's teachings?

 

[jasmineleann]

Can you share with us some of the answers you have received from reading this book?

Ty Adams explains how anything other than holding hands and a peck is wrong when you are engaging in these activities before marriage. Even thinking about lustful acts, and not phycially acting out on them is wrong. In scripture it says;

Matthew 5:28 (New International Version)
28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Also she was explaining how even when married oral and anal sex, even fondling each other, and masturbation is not to be allowed because you are un-fruitful. Yes, God gave us sex to enjoy with our partners in marriage, but also to have children.

The book gets way deeper than this, and I am still reading it. Now, some of the things I was reading, I was shocked to find out too, and Lord knows that temptation is always out there lurking, but I do agree with most of the things she is writing about.

 

[Shimmie]

You're right, Shimmie.

There may be drama here but no where near JS. Nisha...I dont think its that hardcore.

I'm this close.... this close to saying something that's been long overdue to this girl's comments about this Forum and the sincerity of the people on it.

This close ! ! !

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I'm this close.... this close to saying something that's been long overdue to this girl's comments about this Forum and the sincerity of the people on it.

This close ! ! !

I understand your passion for the forum. She's new here and I've known her for many years. Her sense of humor is quite eccentric but she doesnt mean to offend.

Jerry Springer is more than drama. It has no limits. We may have a fair share of cat fights but not Jerry status. I dont even believe that show anymore. They MUST stage that stuff.

 

[aribell]

As far as individuals posting about their experiences goes, I think we have to remember that even if a person is celibate now, that doesn't mean they always were. So if someone writes in OT as if they know what sex is like, it doesn't necessarily mean that they approve of sex outside of marriage, just that they've been there before.

Personally, I think that until marriage anything sexual is out of order, sexual as in pertaining to and leading up to sex. I don't think that all physical affection is foreplay, though. Kissing is ok with me. Tongue, probably not.

 

[ebonylocs]

"Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right." Song of Solomon 8:4....

Whatever 'awakens' one's love is where they should draw the line.

Meaning that whatever opens them up to seaxual desires or evven sexual fantasies (thoughts) which lead to desire, should be avoided.

Some may say that holding hands is innocent...Is it really?

Some may say, light 'kissing' is harmless. Not for most men and women take it to fantasy land.

Some may say, a light embrace is just that, an embrace. Not for a man. Almost always, he'll want to 'pull you in' closer.

OK, Shimmie. To go back to your initial response. (And those women who have already courted and married can pls chip in as well):

How do you (referring to the man as well) make your interest in someone known, without it being somehow "sexual"? (Because after all, sex is what occurs between a man and a woman once they are united). Without *any* form of sexual interaction, how do you get to the stage of loving someone "like that", or does that come after marriage? If flirting or physical closeness is not allowed, where does the "tingle" and the spark come from that says "This is the one"? Or is that purely a rational, spirtual decision? I would think that to marry someone, you'd have to feel bonded to them emotionally, spiritually, and physically as well. Or do you take care of the emotional and spiritual pre-marriage, and then feel secure that the physical will take care of itself after marriage?

I'm trying to articulate my question here, don't know if I'm succeeding. But if you understand, pls answer.

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

I'm this close.... this close to saying something that's been long overdue to this girl's comments about this Forum and the sincerity of the people on it.

This close ! ! !

What u gotta say boo let me know...
u paid $6.50 too so if u wanna talk u should
If I don't believe/ conduct myself similarly to what you guys do or think thats my right... even in a "Christian forum"
and if I feel like makin a joke thats my right too...
honestly, I have been really helped and encouraged by a lot of responses in here... including yours about the herbs that one time
and people have written me and said that my questions help as well as my sense of humor...
i don't take things very seriously, I'm not gonna tell you what to do or whatever, cuz this isn't work and you're not one of my employees...
for the sake of online peace, please speak your mind if u want cuz you are entitled to your opinion, and I wont be hurt...
in fact send me a pm if you really wanna destroy me...
I'm not gonna change the way I post and ask questions though, thats my right... Sorry.
And this isn't to be rude either... I just kinda cut to the chase, my sistas
like she said... im a bit eccentric, but Jesus loves me thats whats important...

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

Another really good one (at least in my opinion) is 'No More Sheets: The Truth About Sex' by Juanita Bynum I highly recommend this book.

i wouldn't read anything by her after that craziness with her husband... I think I may look that book up since u suggested it to see whats going on in that head of hers cuz her sermons seem a bit money hungry... I prefer Michelle McKinney Hammond I have heard her live like 4 times and read 2 of her books she is amazing on sex n stuff... i cry all the time from her lol

 

[Shimmie]

OK, Shimmie. To go back to your initial response. (And those women who have already courted and married can pls chip in as well):

How do you (referring to the man as well) make your interest in someone known, without it being somehow "sexual"? (Because after all, sex is what occurs between a man and a woman once they are united).

Without *any* form of sexual interaction, how do you get to the stage of loving someone "like that", or does that come after marriage?

If flirting or physical closeness is not allowed, where does the "tingle" and the spark come from that says "This is the one"? Or is that purely a rational, spirtual decision?

I would think that to marry someone, you'd have to feel bonded to them emotionally, spiritually, and physically as well. Or do you take care of the emotional and spiritual pre-marriage, and then feel secure that the physical will take care of itself after marriage?

I'm trying to articulate my question here, don't know if I'm succeeding. But if you understand, pls answer.

My Sweetheart and I don't need to touch each other for that tingle and spark.... Trust me, he sparks and tingles just hearing my voice or just thinking about me. The most treasured gift we have is being able to 'KNOW' that we truly love each other without mixing up the emotions that go with making love.

It's there and when it's there --- it's just there and it's not invisable. We 'allowed' it to be there by focusing on who we as individuals, our faith and by sharing so many other aspects of our lives which only continue to draw us closer to one another. He 'KNOWS' without touching me (sexually) that he is fully attracted to me as a woman. And I too 'KNOW' this about him as a man; and we both leave right there!

Having sex isn't the proof of having loving feelings for someone. It's not 'Rocket Science' to be aware of your feelings for someone without having sex with them. Being Christian doesn't mean we are robots. If nothing more, we as Christians love all the more and we cherish all the more every aspect of love, spirit, soul and body. I'd rather have these elements of a relationship in tack before committing to marriage and making love.

Do you know what it means to man and woman who have 'chosen' to wait until marriage? To know that there has been no other person who has meant that much to each other. 'We' choose not to have sex before marriage and therefore cherish each moment of living with that decision.

A lot of folks these days (in all walks of life) are touching and leaving. It's a 'Touch Phone' mentality with people, touching (scrolling) through one menu after another who can't figure what they really want.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

I feel you ebonylocs. I believe that sexual intercourse (genital penetration and oral sex) outside of marriage is a sin against God, but I often wonder about the grey areas of touching, kissing, hugging, and flirting among unmarried couples as well. I believe these "grey areas" would be considered lust (craving for sexual intercourse) which is a sin as well. So like Shimmie said, none of these would be considered "okay" when it comes to living a Christian life to glorify God as an unmarried person.

Isn't it the truth, not only for christians but for Muslims, Hindus, Ba'hais and Traditional Jews etc. I like to think of it this way, when in the company of the one you want to marry, imagine this alive and standing right beside you looking on.....















"Now, you know better!!!"

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

sex before marriage is lame and overrated...
i forgot to post my opinion cuz I was too busy defending myself... agh
but anyways, everyone I know who is a Christian and lost the V card before and then got married says Married sex is way better
I can't wait...
I'm not gonna lie though I love to cuddle... and if you've made a commitment not to have sex then I think it is fine to be intimate... I think that this even makes it easier to abstain
i realized at the end of the day this is really what I look for from SO... and when ur dating if a guy can't hug you without gettin a boner for an extended amount of time you guys either have an intense attraction or he has a problem LOL
no just kidding but I really think its up to the couple... different ppl have different weaknesses...
ps... Jerry Springer joke was funny... I'm still laughing lol I think God wants us to smile every now and then

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

OK, Shimmie. To go back to your initial response. (And those women who have already courted and married can pls chip in as well):

How do you (referring to the man as well) make your interest in someone known, without it being somehow "sexual"? (Because after all, sex is what occurs between a man and a woman once they are united). Without *any* form of sexual interaction, how do you get to the stage of loving someone "like that", or does that come after marriage? If flirting or physical closeness is not allowed, where does the "tingle" and the spark come from that says "This is the one"? Or is that purely a rational, spirtual decision? I would think that to marry someone, you'd have to feel bonded to them emotionally, spiritually, and physically as well. Or do you take care of the emotional and spiritual pre-marriage, and then feel secure that the physical will take care of itself after marriage?

I'm trying to articulate my question here, don't know if I'm succeeding. But if you understand, pls answer.

I'm not Shimmie but I'll take a shot at this. Through the mind. Even in marriage, the best sex starts in the mind. There's nothing more "sexy" than a spiritual man who loves G-d first and loves and respects you second (his mother 3rd lol) and is intelligent and well-balanced. Physical sex is important but connecting through the mind and heart is worth much more. The key is communication.

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

"Now, you know better!!!"

Lol i love your posts that was really funny I'm gonna start imagining that pic next to me all the time now LOL

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

I'm not Shimmie but I'll take a shot at this. Through the mind. Even in marriage, the best sex starts in the mind. There's nothing more "sexy" than a spiritual man who loves G-d first and loves and respects you second (his mother 3rd lol) and is intelligent and well-balanced. Physical sex is important but connecting through the mind and heart is worth much more. The key is communication.

I love this... sex feels so good but that mental connect is amazing... I think thats part of God's gift too... cuz it feels AMAZING when you have that