Should A Pastor’s Wife Be Part Of The Same Church?
- Thread starter Iwanthealthyhair67
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Heyyyyy Pastor 
Kurlee
Well-Known Member
so does it work both ways or no? And forsake not the assembly of ourselves is definitely a key verse, but context is everything.
We have to be careful not to interpret the bible to mean what we want it to say rather than what it actually says. It is a tradition that pastor's wives are up under their husbands are are mini-pastorettes, but that doesn't and shouldn't always be the case. The pressure to live up to that ideal really puts a lot of otherwise solid relationships under too much pressure and makes them crumble with all the judging and projection. Women are still individuals with thoughts, emotions, trajectories, and with a specific path.
Of course the assembling of one another is important for spiritual growth, development, and sustenance, but we have to be realistic in our application of this verse. Men are the head, but the lord also commanded the man to love his wife as he loves the church. That includes working together and being considerate of each other's (including HER) needs, not just blindly following because he is the man. There are different leadership styles and good leaders recognize the strengths and weakness of their team members and delegate and compromise accordingly.
Verse 25 tells us not to forsake the assembling of ourselves, but verse 24 tells us "let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works". It's not a one way thing. We have to encourage and support each other and sometimes that means divergent paths that still lead us to Christ. There may be lessons that she needs to learn or people she is meant to influence that are outside of her husband's church and that's ok. We all have different gifts and talents and being one under marriage doesn't mean that the woman's talents, gifts, and spiritual path are subsumed by her husband's.
If a Baptist male minister meets a woman that is everything that he feels God has set out for him, should he pass her up because she might be Pentecostal and ministers elsewhere? What if her ministry is in health, education, or in prisons and she actively ministers there and does not attend church with him every week, but they have an active and strong spiritual life at home and she comes when she can? The only thing that could really cause a problem there is the outside judgment/criticism and egos. Is he expected to join in her health, education, or prison ministry and abandon his ministry to follow hers, even though that is not where his talents and gifts lie?
I think sometimes we take stuff and run with it because it makes sense and it fits tradition, but real life is so much more complex than that and while God is firm in his word, we have to be careful not to be so rigid in application that we throw out the baby with the bathwater.
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Kurlee
Well-Known Member
It is a wonderful discussion and can remain so if we are open to perspectives outside of our own. It's sad because we forget that while we may be convicted in our interpretations, they are still interpretations and we should not condemn those who may see things a little differently. There are hundreds of Christian denominations and while the core of all of them is the same, there are differences in interpretation and traditions, here and there. I just think we need to be respectful of that and not get in each other's way.
I have seen far too many young people marry, get into situations, and pass up things because of "what church people thought" and they suffered for it. Often times, the viewpoints were not biblical, but traditional and the pressure, gossip, and badgering really did more harm than good. We need to just be careful not to get so caught up in being right and that we cause our brothers and sisters to stumble or to do without when they don't need to.
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Hi Kurlee... Nothing in your post has scriptural support.
The question here in this thread is:
Should a Pastor's wife be part of the same Church?
The scriptural answer is: "Yes"
Why? God has made it clear that the Husband and Wife are 'One'.
God said regarding Adam, it is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a 'Help Meet' suitable. He put Adam to sleep, opened his side, removed a rib and closed his side thereof.
From that, God created Adam's wife, Eve. Eve, whom Adam said 'She is flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone...'
"Flesh of my Flesh ... Bone of My Bone" = 'One Flesh' (Man and Wife)
God ordained the two as 'One'. Together, they were created to worship God... as 'One'.
However, Eve (though for a moment) separated herself from her husband Adam and in doing so was deceived by satan. She listened and took heed to another voice.
Neither the wife nor the husband, should become spiritually separated from one another. Their call is to worship 'as One'. It closes the gap that becomes a 'divide', the prelude to a 'fall'.
All of the other excuses not to are from today's modern trends in society for a wife to 'break away' from becoming 'One' with her husband. It is a deception of satan to wedge a gap in the Marriage.
A wife attending her husband's Church where he 'Pastors' does not make her a 'Puppet', nor a 'Pastorette', neither a doormat, nor anything less. If nothing else, she becomes more and is honored and blessed for it. (Proverbs 31)
A husband and wife are not called to worship separately and God's Word makes this clear. The real danger is in those who 'select' to reject it to enable them to feel free in doing 'their own thing'. Worship is not a game. It's serious beyond anyone's trendy and shallow interpretation of it.
It's cool if you and others disagree, that's your choice, it's exercising the 'free will' that God has given you. However the disagreement is without scriptural support.
The question here in this thread is:
Should a Pastor's wife be part of the same Church?
The scriptural answer is: "Yes"
Why? God has made it clear that the Husband and Wife are 'One'.
God said regarding Adam, it is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a 'Help Meet' suitable. He put Adam to sleep, opened his side, removed a rib and closed his side thereof.
From that, God created Adam's wife, Eve. Eve, whom Adam said 'She is flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone...'
"Flesh of my Flesh ... Bone of My Bone" = 'One Flesh' (Man and Wife)
God ordained the two as 'One'. Together, they were created to worship God... as 'One'.
However, Eve (though for a moment) separated herself from her husband Adam and in doing so was deceived by satan. She listened and took heed to another voice.
Neither the wife nor the husband, should become spiritually separated from one another. Their call is to worship 'as One'. It closes the gap that becomes a 'divide', the prelude to a 'fall'.
All of the other excuses not to are from today's modern trends in society for a wife to 'break away' from becoming 'One' with her husband. It is a deception of satan to wedge a gap in the Marriage.
A wife attending her husband's Church where he 'Pastors' does not make her a 'Puppet', nor a 'Pastorette', neither a doormat, nor anything less. If nothing else, she becomes more and is honored and blessed for it. (Proverbs 31)
A husband and wife are not called to worship separately and God's Word makes this clear. The real danger is in those who 'select' to reject it to enable them to feel free in doing 'their own thing'. Worship is not a game. It's serious beyond anyone's trendy and shallow interpretation of it.
It's cool if you and others disagree, that's your choice, it's exercising the 'free will' that God has given you. However the disagreement is without scriptural support.
blazingthru
Well-Known Member
What I mean to say is, I will not continue doing things when I clearly understand that it is wrong. but I'll get back to this.
momi
Well-Known Member
Hey Sis. Shimmie!
I'm nobody's pastor though - my husband ain't about that life! Lol
Kurlee
Well-Known Member
I posted from hebrews 10:24 and 25 and you did not address my argument at all. Did you even read it?
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Iwanthealthyhair67
Well-Known Member
and that’s okay, but I believe a pastors biggest ministry is his family, they, particularly his wife who is also his support system, I know that the bible does not specifically say what a ‘Pastor’s’ wife roles are however, she is still a wife, Eph. 5: speaks about headship, so there is an order.
I think that it’s a handicap to the Pastor to not have his wife there. Questions arise; how effective is this man in leadership, how does headship come into play here, if they have children who’s church will they attend, these are valid concerns. The presence and support of his wife will also set an example for marriages in the church that he pastors imo.
If there are any pastor’s wives, we welcome your opinions @Nice & Wavy you are missed.
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momi
Well-Known Member
Kurlee - in theory I would agree with you. There are too many examples where people are led by legalism and not by the Word as it is written. However in this example I don't believe this is the case.
A wife who refuses to serve alongside her husband generally does so for a reason. Whatever that reason is I don't believe the congregation should be left to figure out what this reason is. Depending on the answer - he may or may not even be fit to lead God's people.
Also, what type of example is the couple setting for the congregation - especially the children? To strive for a marriage of separateness with your spouse? Or one of intimacy and oneness and Earthly example of Christ's relationship with the church?
A wife who refuses to serve alongside her husband generally does so for a reason. Whatever that reason is I don't believe the congregation should be left to figure out what this reason is. Depending on the answer - he may or may not even be fit to lead God's people.
Also, what type of example is the couple setting for the congregation - especially the children? To strive for a marriage of separateness with your spouse? Or one of intimacy and oneness and Earthly example of Christ's relationship with the church?
Hello Everyone! First of all I want to say that if I have offended anyone I wish to apologize. I actually believe that this thread is the most important one of all the threads being discussed. A wife should attend the church where the husband is the pastor. I know some ladies who were members of the family church. They married and remained as members of the church where their Dad was the pastor and are still there. Their husbands were members of another church. These ladies are related to each other and have been married for long terms. I dare say that they entered into the marriages with this understanding. They still appear together in public and appear to be happy. It might not be God's best though.
Let me share my own experience. I am not wishing to beat up on people. I married a man and was a backslider. I had a baby and then married the child's father a few month's later. He was a backslider also. This already has three red flags. I wanted to visit this church that I knew was a good one. I asked him to visit once and see if he liked it. It was a pentecostal church and he was a bit apprehensive. We went to the church and he said during this first experience that it was really nice as if he was shocked. He said Oh, we need to join this church. I was working and tired. Supposedly I was too tired to go to this fantastic church that was 35 miles for home. I missed God on that one. We had a twist for a relationship instead of a three strand cord which is not easily broken. Someone at work that I had not even talked to about the situation walked up to me and rebuked me for this. Needless, our relationship without the Holy One included in our being One went downhill and became zero. We divorced. I am not sad about the divorce. It was 22 years ago. It is difficult to have good results without God in the equation. He was not a bad guy. Worshiping under a sincere man of God with a strong annointing could have prevented some of the problems that were experienced. I did some good in the relationship but it could have been God's best.
Let me share my own experience. I am not wishing to beat up on people. I married a man and was a backslider. I had a baby and then married the child's father a few month's later. He was a backslider also. This already has three red flags. I wanted to visit this church that I knew was a good one. I asked him to visit once and see if he liked it. It was a pentecostal church and he was a bit apprehensive. We went to the church and he said during this first experience that it was really nice as if he was shocked. He said Oh, we need to join this church. I was working and tired. Supposedly I was too tired to go to this fantastic church that was 35 miles for home. I missed God on that one. We had a twist for a relationship instead of a three strand cord which is not easily broken. Someone at work that I had not even talked to about the situation walked up to me and rebuked me for this. Needless, our relationship without the Holy One included in our being One went downhill and became zero. We divorced. I am not sad about the divorce. It was 22 years ago. It is difficult to have good results without God in the equation. He was not a bad guy. Worshiping under a sincere man of God with a strong annointing could have prevented some of the problems that were experienced. I did some good in the relationship but it could have been God's best.
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blazingthru Forgive me. Maybe I misunderstood. I thought you meant move on out of the church away from him. I am truly sorry. We are not to continue in wrong doing. This is true.
Nice & Wavy has been summoned...
I sent her a text. When she has a moment, she'll send me a reply and a good 'lashng' 
Hey, we're cool.
I made the reference to this scripture in my previous post prior to yours.
I addressed the summary of your comments as not having scriptural support for a wife to not worship along with her husband.
As I said, 'We're cool'.
Kurlee
Well-Known Member
Thank you for your polite honesty. I think that the children raise an important and overlooked issue. However, I still take issue with the lack of context and application of these principles. It's one thing to say that something is biblical and quite another to say it's tradition and we have to be clear which one we are talking about. Logistically, yes, it is easier to do things in the way some are proposing here, but is that biblical, tradition, or interpretation? I just think we should be clear and honest about where these views come from so people who are watching us and that we are trying to inspire don't get confused.
I listened to a message from Mack and Brenda Timberlake some years back. Sister Timberlake said if you cannot follow the man into a church, how will you follow him into other aspects of life. Suppose the husband's job needs him to move. Will you move with him or stay in the original town and have a long distance marriage. I do think that many people believe that women do too much compromising as it is. There has to be some compromise to make it work. Love does not always have to have its own way.
If the man is kind and loving, doing what he asks is not hard. Sunday service is one day a week. The women refusing to compromise reminds me of womens lib. Jesus has liberated (bought) us to follow him and his word.
If the man is kind and loving, doing what he asks is not hard. Sunday service is one day a week. The women refusing to compromise reminds me of womens lib. Jesus has liberated (bought) us to follow him and his word.
Kurlee
Well-Known Member
Hey, we're cool.
I made the reference to this scripture in my previous post prior to yours.
I addressed the summary of your comments as not having scriptural support for a wife to not worship along with her husband.
As I said, 'We're cool'.
I'm coming from the perspective of watching my peers get into marriages because it had the ingredients that would please the people of the congregation, while not being personally happy or fulfilled, or watching them leave or overlook good people because the people didn't fit what the church would accept, but they were a better match and complemented each other well and could have thrived in those situations. The pressure was unreal and really put them in compromising positions. I just think more transparency is needed so people (especially young people) can make better decisions with clarity.
Kurlee
Well-Known Member
Refusing to and being between a rock and a hard place are two different things.
Kurlee I really did not understand what you meant. Are you referring to a womans refusing to join the church of her husband? Is being between a rock and a hard place referring to suffering in a church we do not wish to attend? Thank you
Kurlee
Well-Known Member
Kurlee I really did not understand what you meant. Are you referring to a womans refusing to join the church of her husband? Is being between a rock and a hard place referring to suffering in a church we do not wish to attend? Thank you
I think for some people it's a zero sum game, rather than looking at the reality of a situation. Using words like refusing implies defiance and that is not always the case
. There's a way in which people are wording things that forces the response to only have one answer. All I'm saying is that it's not as Black and White as you all are making it. Some women (and men) pastors will have hard decisions to make and they should be able to make them with support, love, and prayer–not judgment and scrutiny. Some people are called in different ministries and careers and when getting married need to consider how they will work that out. It's not unbiblical, imo for people to find ways to work it out if they've prayed about it and it works for them. The judgment and scrutiny only serves to work against the couple and THAT is unbiblical (John 8:7; Romans 14:13-23;1 Corinthians 8:12/13 when applied to this conversation)
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O' My Goodness... felic1, I remember them.
They were a beautiful husband and wife team in Ministry. Their ministry was Marriage and it was amazing. They were a guest at one of our Camp Meetings, back in the 90's. They flowed together so well, never over-talking the other. We were so sad when he (Pastor Mack) passed away. He had some form of throat cancer and as he came through, Brenda stood with him upon the Altar for as long as he was able to stand there and minister.
Thank you for mentioning them.
blazingthru
Well-Known Member
blazingthru Forgive me. Maybe I misunderstood. I thought you meant move on out of the church away from him. I am truly sorry. We are not to continue in wrong doing. This is true.
I mean I am not going up in there with him anymore. He and the church are refusing to see the truth in the bible and so No I will not support the maddness any longer.
I believe that we are one, but that doesn't mean that because I am the wife, I have no say. God didn't give the husband the brain and the wife mush, we are clear thinking woman and if I have researched and discovered that we are doing things wrong and present it to my husband and to the church and both refuse to change, Well then I will Not be going back to that Church. My husband has to repent and go before God, because as my husband before God, he is to exam the text prayerfully and hear me out clearly. He should not move until he fully understands what the holy spirit is saying to him from the word, he also is to respect my intelligence and the fact that I heard the holy spirits pleading and heeded it.
This is my opinion. my ex wanted to become a BLANK, everything is a secret with them. I went to his induction and whatever he wanted, but to be honest, I thought it was very strange and not a place where I felt comfortable, but I was hoping this would help him. I snuck and read a page in his book that he hid from me. I could read short hand, well back then I could. I read a page in that book, I thought it was crap and I told him so and I told him I am not interested in that program any longer. something rang evil to me, especially, its talk about woman and I only read a page, he was very upset, but I didn't support him. Which mean I had no questions. I didn't ask about the meetings and I would look at him sideways. He gave it up. Eventually, he agreed with me and I didn't know much about it.
He as a Christian Pastor is to research what is said to him. If he is walking with Christ he will follow Christ. I agree that husband and wife should support one another but not in evil, because once you come to the knowledge of truth and do not heed it, thats evil.
blazingthru. Your husband is a pastor and is treating you this badly? He has been mean and is sho nuff overtaken in a fault. I guess we all tend to think that pastors don't get in the flesh
Some awful demons are after these ministers. The enemy wishes to discredit ministers and destroy or hinder gods plans for the lost. The yoke is destroyed....because of the annointing. I am not casting aspersions about your husband here. It is pretty unfortunately often that we hear of these men of god being accused of lurid sex practices. These are the last days. The enemy wants to silence the cry loud and spare not message. He is a liar.
Some awful demons are after these ministers. The enemy wishes to discredit ministers and destroy or hinder gods plans for the lost. The yoke is destroyed....because of the annointing. I am not casting aspersions about your husband here. It is pretty unfortunately often that we hear of these men of god being accused of lurid sex practices. These are the last days. The enemy wants to silence the cry loud and spare not message. He is a liar.
blazingthru
Well-Known Member
felic1,please forgive me evidently I am not very clear when I write, Thank you for your tender guardian of my spirit. But I am not a pastors wife, I apologize if I appear to portray myself as one. My point was hypothetical, except for the program he was joining.
But you made a really good point, I was going to use Eddie Long's wife, but she is still with him, though she is being harassed and talked about terribly. then I decided not to use no one. i really would go above and beyond to support and stand by my husband and he should do so for me, however, not in sin. Ultimately we will stand before God but not together, we will stand alone. I am being judge for the knowledge I understand, as we all come to a different level of understanding. ( I am not talking about my husband here)
There is that old saying God takes you as your are, which is true, just as you are BUT, you are not to remain that way. Once you fully come to the knowledge of the truth you will become changed and if your not changing then you have not come to the knowledge of the truth.
blazingthru We are supposed to change with revelation. Yes, Vanessa Long has fortitude. It is horrible to do or even be discussed in a manner in how her husband was accused. Yes, we are not to be of sin with our spouse. There is a lot that women have to deal with. Much love.
CoilyFields
Well-Known Member
I agree.
Pastoring is hard work and not having your spouse there to support you would be really hard.
And to me it's like your husband being a writer but you not reading his books or a musician but you don't know his music. Hes a chef but you don't eat his cooking. .. you spend your time at Barnes & Noble but he owns Borders.
Church takes up such a large part of life as a wife I would feel totally left out. It's deeper than just a job.
I would question the wifes confidence in her husband. Why marry someone you can't follow spiritually? Especially if he's the pastor.
ETA :
For the record I don't believe it's a biblical command but is an implied expectation as shown when Paul discusses the character and behavIor of an elders wife and children having a direct effect on his being chosen to lead.
I also think spouses should attend the same church so as to be under the same teaching.
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At the bolded...very much so.
As a child I participated in several plays, spelling bee programs, etc. And I can remember when one day, my parents were unable to attend because of work.
It broke my heart to be on stage and not being able to see them out there and yet the parents of other children were there.
Family supports family, and this is especially vital for a husband to have his wife's support if he is Pastoring a Church, to be there with him and for him. The wife is there in intercession as well as her physical presence.
Inwardly, she is praying (interceding) as he ministers the Word of God which wards off the distractions of the enemy and allows the flow of the Holy Spirit to move through her husband as he speaks a 'Word in Season' to those who are weary.
mz.rae
Well-Known Member
I know this thread is old, but this is very interesting as this is something I'm pondering now. I am not married but in a relationship with a guy who is now a deacon at the church. We met at church before he was a deacon and we're friends. However now I feel like my time is up at that particular church and as I mature I need something more for where I am at now in life. And frankly the last Sunday's I was at the church I was only there because he wanted me to be there so it's like one person is worshiping and the other person is thinking about being elsewhere.I know if me and him do get married it will make things different, but it's like what am I supposed to do. I have stated that if there are any special events or things he was doing I would be sure to come to show support.
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momi
Well-Known Member
@mz.rae Yes I believe this could pose significant problems if you all were to marry. The mystery of two becoming one is a mystery but it is still true. How can you be one if you are separate in this important area of your lives? Time together as a couple is a premium - would you want that premium time split for several hours every week? Your separation would also leave both of you vulnerable to the affection of others... What if you have children? Who would they worship with? They would have to choose mommy's or daddy's church which could leave the other parent resentful. Also, the husband "should" be the spiritual leader of his home. Your decision to branch out on your own could in a sense castrate him.
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