Single Christian Women's Support - THE REMIX!

[Glib Gurl]

I just stumbled upon the Single Christian Women's Support Thread and I clicked on the first page and then skimmed through the last page. And I was disturbed.

There seemed to be much hope and excitement in the first page . . . and much frustration and despair in the last page. (Again, I admit that I did not look through the intervening 40 pages so I'm sure that I missed lots of ups and downs that people have shared over the last three years of the thread.) But, as a single Christian woman myself, I was troubled that so many of us are frustrated in this walk.

A while back, I was talking with the Lord and He confirmed in my heart that it is very important for me to enjoy this journey (even as I remain unsure of the outcome ) While it certainly is a time to grow spiritually and nurture my relationship with Him, to spend time in the Word, to do service in the church and in the community, and so on it is also a time to enjoy the freedom of being unattached to a mate. (Also, and please don't stone me for this - I just don't want to see us end up succumbing to the ill-fated strategy of so many Christian single women of just toiling away faithfully for years in church basements while our youth passes us by...and we end up alone )

So, I'm wondering - single Christian ladies - what are YOU doing to enjoy your singlehood? Also, for those of you who (like me) are desiring a husband and a family, how are you going about meeting potential husbands? While the club isn't the idea place to meet a suitable partner, unfortunately I'm finding that my church isn't either. (Virtually all of the adult men in my church are married and attend with their families.) So, I'm trying to get out more and just do more things that I enjoy doing (book clubs, lectures, comedy shows, etc.) ...and also trying to be "prepared" (looking my best at all times, smiling, being approachable, etc., etc.). I'm also doing some online dating....

I hope this sparks some good, supportive conversation!!

Tagging @bellatiamarie mscurly Divine. Phoenix14 Sosa PinkPebbles stephluv Brittster Rae81

 

[Phoenix14]

So, I'm wondering - single Christian ladies - what are YOU doing to enjoy your singlehood? Also, for those of you who (like me) are desiring a husband and a family, how are you going about meeting potential husbands? While the club isn't the idea place to meet a suitable partner, unfortunately I'm finding that my church isn't either. (Virtually all of the adult men in my church are married and attend with their families.) So, I'm trying to get out more and just do more things that I enjoy doing (book clubs, lectures, comedy shows, etc.) ...and also trying to be "prepared" (looking my best at all times, smiling, being approachable, etc., etc.). I'm also doing some online dating....

I hope this sparks some good, supportive conversation!!

I'm making an effort to be a better friend. I have the time to go above and beyond at work so I'm focusing on making my mark in my company. As far as meeting a suitable partner, I'm kind of lost there. I don't really go out anywhere so finding someone to date or be courted by is proving to be difficult. But truth be told, I'm not really looking. An old flame has recently re-entered my life after having his own rededication to Christ these past few months since we broke things off. I'm going about this totally differently this time. I've also let it be known to him that I want a God led and fearing relationship. Nothing is being done in the dark and I'm allowing my friends to meet him.

I still need to work on looking my best and remaining hopeful. I'm taking the time right now to focus on me and being the best spouse as I can be for whenever I meet my future husband.

 

[LovingLady]

I just stumbled upon the Single Christian Women's Support Thread and I clicked on the first page and then skimmed through the last page. And I was disturbed.

A while back, I was talking with the Lord and He confirmed in my heart that it is very important for me to enjoy this journey (even as I remain unsure of the outcome ) While it certainly is a time to grow spiritually and nurture my relationship with Him, to spend time in the Word, to do service in the church and in the community, and so on it is also a time to enjoy the freedom of being unattached to a mate. (Also, and please don't stone me for this - I just don't want to see us end up succumbing to the ill-fated strategy of so many Christian single women of just toiling away faithfully for years in church basements while our youth passes us by...and we end up alone )

So, I'm wondering - single Christian ladies - what are YOU doing to enjoy your singlehood? Also, for those of you who (like me) are desiring a husband and a family, how are you going about meeting potential husbands? While the club isn't the idea place to meet a suitable partner, unfortunately I'm finding that my church isn't either. (Virtually all of the adult men in my church are married and attend with their families.) So, I'm trying to get out more and just do more things that I enjoy doing (book clubs, lectures, comedy shows, etc.) ...and also trying to be "prepared" (looking my best at all times, smiling, being approachable, etc., etc.). I'm also doing some online dating....

I hope this sparks some good, supportive conversation!!

Great idea Glib Gurl, I love your spirit.

As of right now I feel that I am not in a position to be dating anyone, because of that I really don't go out and socialize. Before I get to know someone I should know myself completely first.

I am deep in the preparing stage. This thread > http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=702057 < is a good place to start.

You are right it is important to enjoy this journey and the peace of being unattached to a man. The ways that I do this is by engaging in thing/activates/topics that make me happy and in turn I get to know myself better. I do for myself know what I would expect a man to do for me.

 

[mscurly]

Thanks for this Glib Gurl

You're right about staying positive and enjoying the single life while you can. I had been doing that and doing real well then after 2 years it started to get frustrating. It's not easy to keep that up for years at a time. I'm just being real.

But keeping positive females around me and support systems like this definitely help.

 

[Divine.]

Thanks for starting this thread! I actually had this moment too. It made me sad to see everyone so down and out about being single. Being single isn't a death sentence Yes it's hard at times, but that is no reason to stop living our lives to the fullest.

I have been embracing my singleness lately. Staying focused on my relationship with God makes me forget about my singleness most days. I'm trying to work on all the things that have prevented me from being content. I'm purposely secluding myself so I'm forced to deal with the emotions.

I'm also trying to get my Proverbs 31 woman on. All last week I cooked and cleaned as I was doing it for my husband. I'm trying to make this a habit.

I haven't met anyone new. I'm still sort of in contact with the last guy I talked to. Currently we're just friends. He respects my relationship with God and that's what matters to me most. I feel like you can meet guys by joining a bible study or singles ministry. But from love stories I have heard, most people have met through friends or at some church function (event, bible study, etc).

Stay positive ladies! The wait will be worth it.

 

[bellatiamarie]

Thanks for tagging me @glib_gurl. Personally, I've had ups and downs as it relates to my singlehood and if we can all be perfectly honest with ourselves as single women with the desire of marriage being embedded in our hearts... We can admit to experiencing the "downs" of being single at some point or another... Am I down about being single all of the time? ABSOLUTELY not!!!! I actually enjoy being single overall and I know soon enough I will be married. I'm in preparation right now for my God ordained marriage, but some days I still feel like I don't think I want to share a bed with anyone so, no, I'm not rushing the process

I think for me, being in my 20s, and attending so many weddings, and hearing about so many engagements, baby showers, etc... It gets to be overwhelming and some doubt may even begin to creep in... I get lonely, sad, and even a tad bit envious... But after I rebuke the enemy for making me feel that way and realize that God is STILL and will FOREVER be on the throne... It's very easy for me to pick myself up, give God all the praise and continue on my journey to preparing myself to be the Proverbs 31 wife that God (and future husband) will be pleased with. I'm still waiting on God to fulfill His promise to me and I believe that He will... As I said, I have my ups and downs; but I've realized for me, the closer I get to God, it becomes easier for me to wait and prepare for my God-lead marriage.

As far as positioning myself to meet more men.... Personally, I've decided that I'd rather position myself in God's will. He is able to do ALL things so I know He can write my love story and I've made the choice to allow him to do just that. So, the short and long of that is.... I'll continue to look presentable, dress nice, look good, smile, work on myself, do things/go places i enjoy, and all that stuff but I'm not going out of my way to position myself to meet more men (i.e., going to places with the specific intent of meeting men, online dating, etc)... I've done it in the past and each.and.every.time has been a complete fail and even caused some setbacks in my spiritual growth!!! So, personally, I'm done looking for a man... To each his own. I've realized God will only do what I allow Him to... He's able and clearly I'm not... So it's easier for me to leave it up to Him

 

[TwoSnapsUp]

joining thread...

 

[sounbeweavable]

I'm making the most of my singleness by getting closer to God. I'm also focusing on my education, friendships, and work. I do get lonely sometimes, but it passes more quickly than it used to.

In terms of meeting men, I'm not necessarily trying to meet anyone, so if a guy is in the cards for me at the moment, I'll meet him during one of my regular activities… most of which happen at church.

There is a guy who I'm interested in and who might possibly interested in me, but it's hard to tell and I'm not going to chase after him, so he'll have to make it more obvious.

 

[Sosa]

...but the desire of the righteous shall be granted. Proverbs 10:24b

I BELIEVE this verse is true! The clear and certain promise in this verse not only keeps me from being down about being unmarried but also keeps me from settling for someone I *know* I don't really desire.

God knows what I desire in a husband, I told Him. I know He has a good memory, so I feel like I don't have to cry and beg Him for a husband every day. When counterfeits show up...I remind Him (or myself really. Lol) that this is not what I want. And I will sometimes get a 'knowing' that dude isn't who God would want for me either. I can't stress over it..I already KNOW God's Word is true. In fact, I would have to re-program my mind to start worrying about being single. Being in the medical field I fight against knowing the optimal age for women to bear children, which is why I ask God to keep my body young inside and out . He did say ask(!)and it shall be given. I'm 30 btw.

In the meantime...I am exploring and enjoying life!!! I am getting to know more of God and His kingdom, my friends, my family members, my city, people at church, children etc. I'm talking to people more and getting out of my head (I am an introvert and can hermitize easily). I am working on perfecting my finances, I am dreaming BIG etc.

There is SO much to do, so much more I can be, so many people to get to know more, so many kids I can reach out to and mentor or just take out for a treat... that would be difficult to accomplish if I were not single. Add in the quiet time I need to spend with Jesus-just so I know more about how to live abundantly according to His will- and I like to spend whole days with Him. Tbh...my days and especially weekends are not long enough!!!! I don't have time to waste dwelling on the things I lack.

Anyhoo...I'll keep coming back to this thread and post more later. I didnt mean for this post to be so long. Thanks for tagging me @GlibGirl .

I mean...if I *know* the LORD is keeping me, what am I going to worry about?

 

[AnjelLuvs]

joining thread, i have my bouts with this single journey, often times questioning self... I actually think I am at point where I want to step back, regroup/refocus and get re-aligned... firstly redeveloping my walk with the lord... I have stepped back tremendously from the church, although I still speak to him, right now it just feels in heart that not sufficing... so many outside entities that I escape to for reality withdrawal, this board being one...

Currently in process of developing goals and signing up for reading plans, because the lord when the center of my thoughts is my strength...

Thanks gilb for starting this...

I really really needed to see it, as current events in life have me realizing that I a root cause, procrastination is never a good thing... I been "saying" I am going to start this process, start and then stop, now I want this to be a radical change as I been doing the same for so long and still in same space... Thanks for letting me share in this thread.

 

[sweetvi]

very good thread!

I have been making an effort to read my bible more, staying in prayer and closing doors to those counterfeits I have been meeting lately.

My friend recently located near me and we have been making plans to go out more so that will definitely help me to leave the house ( movies, dinner, brunch, etc). I've noticed that whenever I do step outside of my home, majority of the time I do meet someone. I need to live my life but also keep God first.

My other goal is to attend weekly prayer services at church because I know prayer is a strong weapon for battle. I enjoy crying out to him, speaking to him, and praising and worshiping him. It is like releasing a mountain of stress off my soul and onto his lap! I feel refreshed and rejuvenated every time.

One thing I started to notice about us single women is that we walk around wondering not when we are getting married but if? We are in a state of fear, anxiety and uncertainty. We have to start proclaiming and speaking the word on our lives. Start acting as if our prayers has already been answered!

 

[tlbaby23]

I'm always wondering what God will do in my life relationship wise. Have I met my future husband already or have i yet to meet him? When will I meet him if I havent already, how will I meet him? So many questions! Lol and please tell me im not the only one!

Its very hard for me because as a nursing student i dont go out, I always have my head in the books. Then when I do want to go out, I dont have many friends. During the summer I was questioning the loyalty of my friends and prayed to God about it and before I knew it, he removed so many people out of my life. So theres that frustration of when I am able to go out and meet different guys, im not going to go alone so I end up staying home.

As much as i try my best to be patient and let God work, there are those moments where you wonder: where, when, and how Lord so I can be prepared and look my best! Lol. Im going to try my best to stay positive, keep my mind focus on God, and eventually everything will fall in place. God does speak to me and he keeps telling me to be patient and focus on school so I know his Will for me at the moment. I also have a male friend that has the gift of prophecy (he is the real deal, ive tested him lol) and he said it will be a year from now seems so far away, but if thats God will, then I will obey. Pray for me ladies!

 

[LovingLady]

very good thread!

Start acting as if our prayers has already been answered!

Would this also be the same thing as "walking in confidence"?

 

[LovingLady]

I'm always wondering what God will do in my life relationship wise. Have I met my future husband already or have i yet to meet him? When will I meet him if I havent already, how will I meet him? So many questions! Lol and please tell me im not the only one!

Its very hard for me because as a nursing student i dont go out, I always have my head in the books. Then when I do want to go out, I dont have many friends. During the summer I was questioning the loyalty of my friends and prayed to God about it and before I knew it, he removed so many people out of my life. So theres that frustration of when I am able to go out and meet different guys, im not going to go alone so I end up staying home.

As much as i try my best to be patient and let God work, there are those moments where you wonder: where, when, and how Lord so I can be prepared and look my best! Lol. Im going to try my best to stay positive, keep my mind focus on God, and eventually everything will fall in place. God does speak to me and he keeps telling me to be patient and focus on school so I know his Will for me at the moment. I also have a male friend that has the gift of prophecy (he is the real deal, ive tested him lol) and he said it will be a year from now seems so far away, but if thats God will, then I will obey. Pray for me ladies!

First bold: You are not the only one.

Second bold: I would highly recommend that you go out alone. The experience will give you more confidence, teach you self reliance, and you can improve on your communication skills by talking to new people and empathizing with them. The best people in medicine are the ones that can get down to your level and make you feel comfortable. It will be awkward at first but it will get better when you find your own rhythm. Guys are also know for not approaching women when they are in groups, you want to be alone.

Last bold: Don't sit idle, make sure you are preparing yourself, mentally, physically, emotionally, etc.

 

[Divine.]

http://www.devotionaldiva.com/2013/10/discontent-with-singleness/

This was a really good read! My favorite part: "It’s okay to be discontent through singleness, but it’s not okay to let that discontentedness rob us of our very lives."

 

[LovingLady]

@Divine.

That was a great article that you for sharing.

My favorite line is: "It’s okay to struggle through singleness, but it’s not okay to stop living life because of it."

 

[sounbeweavable]

That's a great article. Sometimes I feel like people look down on or disapprove of my desire to be married, but it's a natural desire/longing. I'm at a place where my desire for a husband isn't the center of my universe, but it's definitely still there.

 

[JaneBond007]

\ I also have a male friend that has the gift of prophecy (he is the real deal, ive tested him lol) and he said it will be a year from now seems so far away, but if thats God will, then I will obey. Pray for me ladies!

Does he take requests?

 

[sounbeweavable]

Does he take requests?

My thoughts exactly lol

 

[Phoenix14]

I've met someone who is expressing interest and we've known each other about a year. Last night I told him very frankly, that as I am coming to care for him, if I feel that he is not who God has ordained for me I will easily turn around and walk away from him. My first love is and always will be God.

 

[tlbaby23]

First bold: You are not the only one.

Second bold: I would highly recommend that you go out alone. The experience will give you more confidence, teach you self reliance, and you can improve on your communication skills by talking to new people and empathizing with them. The best people in medicine are the ones that can get down to your level and make you feel comfortable. It will be awkward at first but it will get better when you find your own rhythm. Guys are also know for not approaching women when they are in groups, you want to be alone.

Last bold: Don't sit idle, make sure you are preparing yourself, mentally, physically, emotionally, etc.

Im going to give going out alone a try! I have planned this week to take myself on a movie date then a little bit of shopping.
And Ive heard that before too! Lets see if its true!

 

[Phoenix14]

Following up to say, I'm supposed to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. Apparently I'm the first woman he's brought home. I would like my friends and family to meet him because I'm wary of being clouded by my attraction to him. Only thing is, my family lives across the country. We'll see. I told him that if they don't approve, I'll also say goodbye. These people have prayed and stood in the gap for me and my love life so of course I trust them.

 

[tlbaby23]

Following up to say, I'm supposed to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. Apparently I'm the first woman he's brought home. I would like my friends and family to meet him because I'm wary of being clouded by my attraction to him. Only thing is, my family lives across the country. We'll see. I told him that if they don't approve, I'll also say goodbye. These people have prayed and stood in the gap for me and my love life so of course I trust them.

That is so important! Ive been in relationship in the past where if i'd just listen to my father I would have saved myself from drama! Its crazy how much your judgement can get so clouded by your feelings

 

[Phoenix14]

That is so important! Ive been in relationship in the past where if i'd just listen to my father I would have saved myself from drama! Its crazy how much your judgement can get so clouded by your feelings

I know! This is going to be a big deal for me because I usually prefer to keep all areas of my life separate but I know this is important.

Ladies, how do you recognize the voice of God when it comes to choosing your mate?

 

[Divine.]

I know! This is going to be a big deal for me because I usually prefer to keep all areas of my life separate but I know this is important. Ladies, how do you recognize the voice of God when it comes to choosing your mate?

I always think back on the "list" I created. For me personally, my future mate needs to be a leader, know how to pray, and understands my relationship with God.

I find that God always reminds me of those three important things when I get ahead of myself in fantasy land. Would God's best for me be a man that can't lead a family? A man who can't pray for my well being? A man that I have to dumb down my relationship with God for? I don't think so.

I think it is okay to see the potential in a man but I wouldn't pursue anything officially until he has reached it. I am learning that now. If I don't feel like the man I'm talking to can lead me as a husband then that is a huge red flag God sends to me.

 

[Ms Red]

Joining the thread...

@glib_gurl I'm glad you infused something new into the thread. I've been lurking. I agree with bellatiamarie and you as well. God laid Isaiah 55:8-9 on my heart recently regarding my desire for marriage and children. I know that I was not ready to enter the role of a wife years ago. I believe that I have only recently learned what it truly means to be the kind of spouse God intends. So I thank God that I've come to this realization prior to being married. I have put it all in His hands, totally. I am readying myself as always but He is in charge.

Thanks for tagging me @glib_gurl. Personally, I've had ups and downs as it relates to my singlehood and if we can all be perfectly honest with ourselves as single women with the desire of marriage being embedded in our hearts... We can admit to experiencing the "downs" of being single at some point or another... Am I down about being single all of the time? ABSOLUTELY not!!!! I actually enjoy being single overall and I know soon enough I will be married. I'm in preparation right now for my God ordained marriage, but some days I still feel like I don't think I want to share a bed with anyone so, no, I'm not rushing the process

I think for me, being in my 20s, and attending so many weddings, and hearing about so many engagements, baby showers, etc... It gets to be overwhelming and some doubt may even begin to creep in... I get lonely, sad, and even a tad bit envious... But after I rebuke the enemy for making me feel that way and realize that God is STILL and will FOREVER be on the throne... It's very easy for me to pick myself up, give God all the praise and continue on my journey to preparing myself to be the Proverbs 31 wife that God (and future husband) will be pleased with. I'm still waiting on God to fulfill His promise to me and I believe that He will... As I said, I have my ups and downs; but I've realized for me, the closer I get to God, it becomes easier for me to wait and prepare for my God-lead marriage.

As far as positioning myself to meet more men.... Personally, I've decided that I'd rather position myself in God's will. He is able to do ALL things so I know He can write my love story and I've made the choice to allow him to do just that. So, the short and long of that is.... I'll continue to look presentable, dress nice, look good, smile, work on myself, do things/go places i enjoy, and all that stuff but I'm not going out of my way to position myself to meet more men (i.e., going to places with the specific intent of meeting men, online dating, etc)... I've done it in the past and each.and.every.time has been a complete fail and even caused some setbacks in my spiritual growth!!! So, personally, I'm done looking for a man... To each his own. I've realized God will only do what I allow Him to... He's able and clearly I'm not... So it's easier for me to leave it up to Him

 

[nlamr2013]

So this is the new thread? Ok!
I have been out here frauding. Ive been single but not living like a single Godly woman. I've just been floating along. And lusting after other peoples relationships even the ones I KNOW are toxic.
I think really I'm just bored and broke lol
I havent really made any friends since being here in august and havent found a job yet, so no one to just hang with and no misc money to go and do things by myself.
I need to set up a few dates with Jesus.

 

[felic1]

nadaa16...do you have a nice church home?

 

[bellatiamarie]

So this is the new thread? Ok!
I have been out here frauding. Ive been single but not living like a single Godly woman. I've just been floating along. And lusting after other peoples relationships even the ones I KNOW are toxic.
I think really I'm just bored and broke lol
I havent really made any friends since being here in august and havent found a job yet, so no one to just hang with and no misc money to go and do things by myself.
I need to set up a few dates with Jesus.

Don't just set up a few dates with Him... Commit to a lifelong, forever-more, lasting, trusting relationship with Him! Do this, and watch your situation change for the better.

I agree with the poster above me... Go to church... It's free! visit different churches until you find one that your soul is excited by.

 

[Maracujá]

So, I'm wondering - single Christian ladies - what are YOU doing to enjoy your singlehood?

I immerse myself in The Word on a daily basis, I've also bought a notebook to take notes of sermons by pastors who preach The Gospel. At first I was like: what's the point of studying about marriage? What if I never get married? But I liked what Voddie Baucham Jr. said: single Christian women and married Christian women shouldn't live all that differently from one another, chastity should be the main goal for all Christian women. I also try to attend church on a regular basis, been doing so for the past three years or so and I truly enjoy it, it's like rebirth every sunday.

I've been living alone for nearly 5 years now and it has taught me so much on so many levels; I now know how to cook up to 4 different dishes from scratch, not just edible ones but finger licking ones HA! I'm working on decorating my place and it helps that I work in a home furnishing store . I take care of my mental and physical health, earlier this year I took swimming and biking lessons, planning to take them again in the summer next year. Although I'm an introvert, I no longer see it as a disadvantage, I just do what works for me. I do very well in one-on-one settings, extremely well even, I just need to channel that to group settings, it's a challenge I'm willing to take up.

As far as formal education goes, it hasn't been easy, but if all goes well I will graduate with my MA degree in African Studies next summer. After that I plan to take Portuguese lessons at the same college to improve my proficiency and writing skills in that language. As far as personal development goes, I found a site earlier this year for women who wish to become more eloquent in their speech and it really sparked my interest, I think I'll also take some online classes from them. I try to find single Christian role models as much as I can, so far there's Nancy Leigh Demoss and another Black American lady who happens to be a preacher whose name I've forgotten. They give me hope, often times we think that a life without a husband and children is devoid of laughter or joy, but when I saw them I was like: wow, they've been single their whole life and they don't look miserable, they're well put together. I also want to read and see the movie of the Delany sisters, who were both unmarried well into their 100ths.

As Demoss said: You may be single for a lifetime, but you will not be single for forever. Puts things into perspective .