Single Christian Women's Support Thread

[Phoenix14]

My sister once told me that God doesn't give us the desire for a mate accidentally. He will fulfill His promise. I was telling her a few weeks ago how frustrated I was with the whole dating scene. She then told me something that has changed my outlook on life. She told me that somewhere, God has already prepared my mate and He is perfecting, shaping, and molding him just as he's doing with me. She said to open my heart to the Lord and fall so madly in love with him that my mate will have to seek God to find me. She suggested writing my desires and frustrations and my search for the Lord's innermost heart in my journal. And then she suggested something I'd never heard before:

She told me to pray for my husband. Pray for the man I'm yet to meet and to thank God for his creation. So since that moment I've been praying for my husband and writing my praises to God.

That conversation gave me the strength to end a relationship I knew I had no business being in and now my prayer, terrifying as it may be (because man we get lonely sometimes), is for God to turn my eyes upon Him first and that he keep me veiled and secluded from my husband until the opportune time. God's will. Not mine.

 

[Maracujá]

* poof poof *

 

[stephluv]

I did some serious soul searching and heart purging tonight. I'm single right now but I need to work on my relationship with Christ before I can even begin to think about a relationship with any man... I gotta get closer to Him.

I'll hv a seat next you. I'm in the same boat. Though I'll be honest, I'm 31 and I find myself thinking - please Lord don't let this take forever . But I realize I'm here fr own doing and trying to do what I thought was best. Since only He knows what's best and I'd like to avoid future heartache, why not let Him take the wheel? Why don't I start with even getting to know Him and have a relationship with Him?

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Well slide over and let me sit next to yall. Im 32 and think the same thing "please dont let this take a long time" but where do I start. I know I need to read my bible more but where do i begin, thats my question

Right here with you

JESUS take the wheel of the bus we're on lol *slides bus pass and takes seat* Glad to know i'm not the only one that cant wait for their stop so they can hop off lol

 

[stephluv]

^^^ @Divine. I agree wholeheartedly... Begin your relationship with God by getting to know Him and spending time with Him... I know the way... Smh... whoever coined that phrase "when you know better, you do better" they LIED!!! I know the right way.... But I haven't made it a point to do better.

I read recently in one of my daily devotionals: "friendship [with God] gives you favor; intimacy gives you access." This hit me like a ton of bricks.... I'm friends with God... But I'm not truly intimate with Him... Intimacy with God requires some serious work and COMMITMENT... As with any truly intimate relationship.

I'm ready to take my relationship with God to a higher level.... I'm ready to not just praise Him for what He has done or what I would like for Him to do for me... but I want to be in a place where I sincerely praise and worship the Lord God simply because of who He is and because He is ALWAYS worthy.... No matter what my situation is.

This is what I meant when I said I had to do some soul searching and heart purging last night.... There are too many past hang-ups and too many distractions that have been really prohibiting me from giving my WHOLE heart to God... For me I think I have to realize that there is no quick fix and just like with any relationship I will have to put in the work and commit to really learning about who God is.

That conversation gave me the strength to end a relationship I knew I had no business being in and now my prayer, terrifying as it may be (because man we get lonely sometimes), is for God to turn my eyes upon Him first and that he keep me veiled and secluded from my husband until the opportune time. God's will. Not mine.

bellatiamarie & Phoenix14 Both of these posts spoke to me and ITA! These last few wks i've been chatting with seasoned women who are married and alot of them told me that I need to ENJOY my single life...they actually admitted that intimacy they had with God was the best when single! It gave me alot of comfort and I realized yea they are right before I get settled with a husband and children I really need to get intimate with God!

 

[Maracujá]

Happy sunday ladies! Spent the day with my family and it was really nice. Just a lil something that has been on my mind lately: every so often when I'm online I'll read about a married woman talking about how she had to stop hanging out with her single gfs because they simply did not understand her life as a married woman or that she simply couldn't get any sound advice from them because well...they're single. It used to hurt me and at one point I even tried to look at it from their point of view but the good thing about reading Scriptures is that you start understanding things better.

One of the most profound sermons on singleness is the one Tony Evans preached, about how to be a Kingdom Single (I believe it was momi who posted it here). As singles we may be second class citizens on earth but in God's Kingdom we are first class citizens. To get to the point: it is no coincidence that God chose two people whose marital status read single to lay down the foundation of marital life, Jesus and the Apostle Paul. People love to quote Cor 13:4 at their weddings and then poo poo on single folks, umm yeah, miss me with that.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Why do y'all think God allows the marriage crisis to continue? I see many people who want to do marriage His way but still can't seem to find suitable partners. There are people out there who would be compatible with others and would be sorely-needed examples of marriage as God intended in the world, and yet He (seemingly) allows things to carry on as is. Why do you think that is? Why doesn't He just put more people together? I'm not sure we can answer this question obviously but it might be interesting to discuss. Do you think strong singles are more needed in the world today than solid married couples?

 

[Britt]

Here you go ladies ... Becoming a Kingdom Single

 

[Maracujá]

Do you think strong singles are more needed in the world today than solid married couples?

The way I see it, He needs both. And there's an interactional relationship between the two. To sorta piggyback on my last post: married couples need singles to thrive, they don't always see it that way but it goes back to what was said in the Bible. A single person is concerned with God's affairs and therefore knows Scripture better (or at least should), a married couple has to tend to the marriage & children and therefore has little time to devote to Scripture even though they may need it the most. That's where singles come in, Jesus had time to pray every single day for up to 4 hours, can you imagine? No married couple has time to do this, unless they're doing a not so well job of rearing their children and tending to their ministry (=marriage) . And as singles we need married couples for companionship and our very existence depends on them .

This is sorta OT but my sister told me a story that really had me like :s. She's friends with a couple; one day they decided to host a dinner but didn't invite her because it was for couples only they said (so they invited other couples). This reasoning makes no sense at all, singles are the ones who need company, not some other couple...to each their own though.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

The way I see it, He needs both. And there's an interactional relationship between the two. To sorta piggyback on my last post: married couples need singles to thrive, they don't always see it that way but it goes back to what was said in the Bible. A single person is concerned with God's affairs and therefore knows Scripture better (or at least should), a married couple has to tend to the marriage & children and therefore has little time to devote to Scripture even though they may need it the most. That's where singles come in, Jesus had time to pray every single day for up to 4 hours, can you imagine? No married couple has time to do this, unless they're doing a not so well job of rearing their children and tending to their ministry (=marriage) . And as singles we need married couples for companionship and our very existence depends on them .

This is sorta OT but my sister told me a story that really had me like :s. She's friends with a couple; one day they decided to host a dinner but didn't invite her because it was for couples only they said (so they invited other couples). This reasoning makes no sense at all, singles are the ones who need company, not some other couple...to each their own though.

I need to get back to a structured devotional life.

Yes, I think married people forget what it was like to be single. I always said that if I marry, I will try to remember the singles, especially the women. It gets lonely.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Ladies, how are you dealing with your desire for motherhood erplexed
Seeing the pics of Tia's and Ivanka's babies in the entertainment forum made me a little sad. Just wondering if I will get to experience that?

 

[bellatiamarie]

^^^ I feel you.... Seeing these cute babies all over the place has my womb jumping, leaping, and doing front and back flips.... When I worked with kids I'd be like "nope, I don't want it" but now I work with older adults and find myself really wanting babies and a family.... Also, I don't know why but working with the elderly has me feeling like I need to hurry up and get married/have kids because life is short.... But the devil is a liar and my God is the father of time so I'll wait on Him.

 

[Rae81]

I feel like it won't happen honestly. I'm trying to be positive and have faith that it will happen. But it is difficult because I am 32 and I'm not getting any younger, however I do know God can do anything and I have things I need to work on with myself first before I can even think about getting married.

 

[stephluv]

Belle Du Jour && bellatiamarie
I know how you ladies feel....i'm getting these emotions as well...I experienced assisting with a natural birth 2wks ago and now i'm like Lord when did all these emotions and yearning to be a mother come from. I mean i like kids but now i cant wait to be a mother whereas before I just wanted to know how it felt to be pregnant lol

I wont let anyone tell me that my clock is ticking tho I have faith that I will have SEVERAL children and get married and be an active God seeking humble Christian with a successful career! I claim that and ladies dont let the enemy have you questioning things only God can control. Stay in survivor mode at all times with a praise before, during and after these storms!

Rae81 - dont even let that feeling take over! Stay faithful 32 is young to our God and to me! He's opened up the wombs and married off females older. Just stay in his word and enjoy having this time to develop a relationship with the Lord. I talk to women now who are like I had such a great relationship with the Lord and I loved it and when I got married and had kids I was not able to commit as much time with the Lord. So think of it this way He thinks your sooooooo special Hes holding off your man and kids just so he can have a little bit more of you to himself precious! Dont forget that love God has for you cause he knows your worth and not just anyone can call you their wife and or their mommy!

whew we may need to start a weekly prayer just so we can rebuke these negative feelings

 

[stephluv]

Here you go ladies ... Becoming a Kingdom Single

Brittster - thanks just wasnt enough!!!

 

[Britt]

@Brittster - thanks just wasnt enough!!!

You're welcome !!!

 

[Rae81]

Thank u so much for what u wrote. I really needed to hear that stephluv

 

[Britt]

@Belle Du Jour && @bellatiamarie
I know how you ladies feel....i'm getting these emotions as well...I experienced assisting with a natural birth 2wks ago and now i'm like Lord when did all these emotions and yearning to be a mother come from. I mean i like kids but now i cant wait to be a mother whereas before I just wanted to know how it felt to be pregnant lol

I wont let anyone tell me that my clock is ticking tho I have faith that I will have SEVERAL children and get married and be an active God seeking humble Christian with a successful career! I claim that and ladies dont let the enemy have you questioning things only God can control. Stay in survivor mode at all times with a praise before, during and after these storms!

@Rae81 - dont even let that feeling take over! Stay faithful 32 is young to our God and to me! He's opened up the wombs and married off females older. Just stay in his word and enjoy having this time to develop a relationship with the Lord. I talk to women now who are like I had such a great relationship with the Lord and I loved it and when I got married and had kids I was not able to commit as much time with the Lord. So think of it this way He thinks your sooooooo special Hes holding off your man and kids just so he can have a little bit more of you to himself precious! Dont forget that love God has for you cause he knows your worth and not just anyone can call you their wife and or their mommy!

whew we may need to start a weekly prayer just so we can rebuke these negative feelings

Thank you thank you thank you !!!

 

[bellatiamarie]

Soooo.... Today is my 29th birthday!!!! And for the last few days I have been dreading today and just feeling sad and lonely because here it is yet another year gone by and I am still single... Well, yesterday, my grandmother called and left me a voicemail message saying "Do not fear! You are of more value than many sparrows!" this had come from the daily devotional that she gets for me so I immediately began crying then I read the devotional for the day.... God knew I needed that word... It TOTALLY lifted my spirits instantly and all I could do was cry and praise Him!

So today's devotional is a continuation/part two from yesterday's and when I tell you ladies it is RIGHT ON TIME!!! I thought I'd share it with you girls.......

"I am like... A sparrow alone on the housetop" Ps 102:6-7 NKJV Friday 10/18

A lonely sparrow. The psalmist wrote, "I am like... A sparrow alone on the housetop." Has your nest been torn apart by a storm? Have you lost your mate? Jesus can relate. His disciples didn't "get Him." They argued over who would be the greatest. They failed to pray with Him in His most difficult moments. On the cross He cried out, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Mt 27:46). We smile at the story of the single lady who hung a pair of trousers on her bedpost, then sent God a letter: "Father in heaven, help me if you can. I've hung a pair of trousers here, please fill them with a man.". Seriously, loneliness can be devastating to your self-worth. Young people wonder if they will ever find the right person to marry. Older people fear ending life all alone. The God who knew that Adam was incomplete not only created Eve for him, but actually introduced them and brought them together. And He can do the same for you. If you are widowed, divorced, or never married and want to find a mate, don't be anxious. God says, "I know... where you dwell" (Rev 2:13 NKJV). God knows your name, your address, and every detail about you. And better yet, He cares! And one more thought: sometimes loneliness is not the absence of affection but the absence of direction; not the absence of people but the absence of purpose. So begin to reach out to others. Find a need no one is meeting, pour your life into it and watch how things begin to improve for you.

 

[PinkPebbles]

bellatiamarie :birthday2 Roses for you :Rose::Rose::Rose: .

Enjoy your day...if you are able - take yourself to see a movie, buy something special for yourself ( perfume, earrings, an outfit); pamper yourself at the spa...whatever you do, don't let this special day go to waste.

You don't have to wait until someone joins you in order to have a good time and cherish this special day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...go and Celebrate!!!!

 

[Rae81]

Happy birthday!!! bellatiamarie . Thank u for sharing that with us. It was right on time

 

[Divine.]

Every time I think about idolizing another relationship or friendship, I always have to put things into perspective. What is more important? Temporary love and acceptance or God's unconditional love?

Even though we have our days where it feels like it's not getting better, just know God's love is always surrounding you. People won't give you the peace you're looking for. The comfort of the Holy Spirit will.

The longer we run from our season, the longer God will keep us in it. Keep that in mind the next time you feel like giving up. Embrace it. Garner wisdom. Use this time to worship God with every bone of your being.

I say this as I am currently going through a tough season. But I know in my heart that God is preparing me and one day I will be able to use my current situation for His glory.

I hope you all have a great Sunday.

 

[Phoenix14]

Apparently I've had an air of defeat and negativity around me and others are noticing. I am frustrated as heck! Can I say that? I'm just done with this desire for a spouse that it feels as if it's draining me. It seems as if everyone from family, close friends, even strangers, keep asking me why I'm single. I just smile and say I don't know because honestly I don't.

In the past week I've had two men I formerly dealt with, seek me out to apologize for how they treated me in the past. And both have been a result of their own personal spiritual walks and self awareness. They both told me they did not know how to receive my kindness and affection and that they did not and currently do not deserve it. So basically I have the right love, but not the right time, or the right target. God, you're speaking to me in such a way that I can't ignore it anymore. You are my one and only love and you are a jealous God who clearly isn't tolerating me sharing my energy, time ,and heart with these non-deserving men.

Did I mention that all of this happened as soon as I made the decision to embark on a man fast? That said, I have this book my other sent me that I keep ignoring. She told me that she prayed I would not find a spouse until I complete this book and truly understand what God is trying to tell me. Gee thanks Mom.

Off Topic: I had the biggest crush on this guy from church for months now. I disobeyed my sister and tried to make things happen on my time. I am no longer attracted to him, he went from staring at me and smiling and being friendly to essentially treating me like every other person around him. It hurts, but it's all good.

 

[Sosa]

I'm officially single now. I sure hope I made the right decision

 

[Divine.]

I'm officially single now. I sure hope I made the right decision

If the relationship was putting a wedge between you and God, you did If something in your spirit was telling you to end it, you did.

 

[Sosa]

If the relationship was putting a wedge between you and God, you did If something in your spirit was telling you to end it, you did.

Thank you so much for saying that Divine. The relationship was putting some wedge in between me and God...but I was confused because we are both PKs and everything looks right on paper etc.still I couldn't keep dealing with the same issues any longer. *sigh*

Never thought I would be single and childless at my age, but here I am! I'm fighting not to let fear set in, because God has been soo faithful in the past it's really silly to stop trusting Him now.

Great woman of faith that my mother is, she still believes I can give her 4 grandbabies before I am 40.

 

[Divine.]

Sosa You're welcome

It's so funny that you mention everything looks right on paper. I was in a situation like that. Sometimes we are given a person who looks great on paper, but things still don't come together "perfectly". This could be because they are a counterfeit from the enemy, or God could just be saying time out.

You already know God is faithful. He will not forsake you during this time either. It's okay to be afraid, but take comfort in knowing that God knows all. Everything that happens is a part of his great plan for you. He knows the decisions you will make even before you make them. Although this break up may hurt, the pain is only temporary.

If you let Him, God will show you how faithful He is to his children. This situation is no different. Cling to God and He will show you all the areas you need Him the most right now. Let the Holy Spirit lead you. Not your feelings. The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Like I said, you made the right decision. Do not let your emotions tell you otherwise. Trust God wholeheartedly.

 

[mscurly]

Ladies I need to vent............

I'm feeling better now but the last few weeks have not been easy for me at all. I'm 31 and have been single/celibate for 2 years. It's starting to drive me crazy. I so desperately wanted to be married and have children. I have friends that are married heck I even have friends & family that are dating men that aren't even divorced yet! And they're going on living happy lives while I sit here alone. Even if you have a life and friends it STILL gets lonely. I think about it most at night when I come home to an empty apartment

It's gotten so obvious that people are now starting to ask me the questions "What are you waiting for?" "You're still not married yet?" You don't wanna get married?". My mother has never been the type to be pushy about marriage or ask me when I'm going to settle down. But the other day we were having lunch and she says to me Your Dad and I were talking about how nice it would be if you met someone and got married. That really almost brought me to tears. I cry on the phone to my sister all the time about how lonely I am. My sister just left her husband and is living with a man who's not even divorced himself! She talks about how much he loves and supports her. I'm like Lord this really sucks. Here I am being faithful and still nothing.

I ended this relationship with a guy who I thought God intended to be my husband. I'm still devastated about that one
I started dating these 2 new guys in the hopes to help me get over him. Plus I started to feel like maybe I should be more proactive about meeting someone. Truth is I know neither one of them is my husband and I should end it and keep on waiting on God.

I'm trying to learn to be content with just God but some days are harder than others.

This is so hard pray for me y'all..........................

 

[Glib Gurl]

I have this book my other sent me that I keep ignoring. She told me that she prayed I would not find a spouse until I complete this book and truly understand what God is trying to tell me. Gee thanks Mom.

Phoenix14 What book, if you don't mind my asking?

 

[Phoenix14]

Phoenix14 What book, if you don't mind my asking?

It's called The Sacred Search (What if it's not about who you marry, but why?) by Gary Thomas