Spinoff: Black Women, White Husbands

[kbragg]

All right I know there's a handful of us on here. When God blesses you with a husband of a different race how do you deal with people who look down on you for it? How do you keep that ole' flesh from welling up and wanting to give them a piece of your mind? For example, both me and my mom re-married white men and our family give us so much junk about it. My grandmother constantly cuts down my husband's job and my mom's husband too. Here's the thing, before my mom's current husband my mom was married to a black man my grandmother LOVED. He beat her, broke bones, put her in the hospital, and although she's never said it outloud, I believe he cause her to miscarry. Now she's with a man that treats her like a queen and my family has a problem with him because he's WHITE? Is something not adding up? Should she have stayed in an abusive relationship to "preserve her blackness" and "Keep the religion alive?" Is she somehow less black because a white man that GOD sent into her life swept her off her feet and she fell in love?

Similar situation with me. My husband is white. He drives a trash truck. My grandma always has something smart to say about him. His family has NEVER said anything to him about me like that (I know, because he would'nt speak to them again). But you know what? That man works 60 hours a week so I can stay home with my kids and never complains! Tht's why I work my business so hard soI can retire him from his job like my fiend Janie did for her husband. I am on track to do so in 2007 God willing. My best friend's husband only gives her grief about trying to work at home and says "real women have jobs and contribute to the household" EXCUSE ME??? Raise his 2 kids and supporting his career isn't CONTRIBUTING?? But it's all good right? She's still "black" and "keeping the religion alive" even though she's with an emotionally abusive man and a prisoner in her own home.erplexed He doesn't support her in business at all. My husband has been there for me through thick and thin (and no, he didn't grow up in some rich white "Leave It To Beaver" type home. His parents were poor and both worked outside the home.) He's had my back in everything. He even adopted my oldest daughter as his own and is her father in every way that counts. We've been through it all together!

He even wants me to go natural and stop putting chemicals on my head (unlike my one friend's man who gives her a hard time for her hair being "jacked up" 4 weeks post). He's not intimidated by my blackness (on the contrary he actually has a thing for dark skinned big booty girls which I am not one of so I gotta watch my back around here in the summer!) at all. He appreciates me for who I am and loves me unconditionally. Someone mentioned struggle and that he could never love me like a black man because of the stuggle.(Ducking from tomatoes) But black people in America can't talk about struggle. You call getting turned down for a job or someone rolling their eyes in walmart "stuggle?" What out ancestors went through is stuggle. What baby girls in China who are murdered for being female go through is struggle. What Africans who are shot and killed for carrying Bibles go through is struggle. We have so much opportunity today in America it ain't funny. I mean who needs a job anyway. Start your own home business! Seriously, when I prospect on a daily basis the lack mentality our people have drives me up a wall. "I can't afford $50" EXUSE ME? How long have you been working? 20 years and you don't have 50 bucks in your pocket? All the more reason you need to FIND 50 bucks and get started TODAY so you'll have something to leave your kids besides DEBT! People wonder why white people make all the money. Yes part is policical but the other part is our people are way too complacent. I'vetalked to thousands of people and let me tell you, I've never seen more lack mentality, less work ethic, and more complacency than in OUR PEOPLE and it makes me so sad I could vomit.

Yes I am pouring out my heart right now because you know what? I'm sick of the excuses. Black men are this way cause....black women are this way cause.....ok fine, now GET OVER IT AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Ain't nan one of us ever been a slave. None of us have gone through a real struggle. So release it already, forgive, and move forward with your dang life already! You wanna know struggle? We had to live on 20-30 bucks a week in food for a family of 4. Beans, rice, ramen noodles, that's stuggle. But compared to the "real" world outside the US, that's not even close to struggle! There are kids in India who eat one meal a WEEK who have no parents. That's stuggle.

It is only by the mercy of God that we have breath in our lungs. Let's use it to glorify Him, not just to glory in ourselves worshiping the creation (our race) more than the Creator. When God created Adam and Eve, He didn't say He created a WHITE man, BLACK, man, or CHINESE man, just man. Yes we are fearfully and wonderfully made, yes we should appreciate the gifts and diversity God has given us, but not to the point of exhalting oursleves over others. That's pride and self idolatry, and straight from the pit of hell. Guess what? GOD MADE WHITE PEOPLE TOO and loves them just as much. HE MADE KOREANS TOO. Selah.

I really don't care if I get flamed or not I've just about had it up to here with the hypocracy in our race where man, we'd jump all over a white person if they said "white power" but we catch the Holy Ghost if someone says "balck power," gimmie a stinkin break!

So I guess my point is no point really lol. In all things let God's Word be true and everything else a lie. I am no less black for being married to a white man and if I am, so be it, I'm child of the King and that's the ONLY heritage that holds significance in the end. Our time here is a vapor, our time with Him is eternity, so forgive me if I focus more time on being a Chrisitan than "being black."

God Bless.


.

 

[pebbles]

Well, God does not show favoritism to any one race over another. He doesn't view us in terms of black or white, so in the grand scheme of things, none of peoples negative feeling on the subject really matter.

I think that most people will agree that you find love where you find it, and be happy and blessed to have love in your life.

Personally, if I had a choice, I would always choose to be with a black man first. I feel a connection to black men that I don't have with any other race of men. However, if God sends me a white man, you better believe I'm not going to turn my nose up at him. I'm going to accept him and love him for loving me, and go on with my life. If people can deal with it, good. If they can't, that's their problem, not mine. I can't get worked up over what people think. A good, godly marriage is what I seek. Let it come in whatever form the Lord sends it.

 

[Shimmie]

"K", don't be upset anymore. Especially from what I shared in the other thread. I could not be happier for you and your husband that God has blessed you with.

But let's be real. We've both come across as oppositional regarding this issue. You're not better off because you are married to a White man.

You are better off only because he is a Godly man and a Godly man does come in Black and takes care of his family as well.

I know because my daughter is married to a Black man who wouldn't forsake her if his life depended upon it. My son has the same values.

We cannot let the 'bad' guys who are of our race defeat God's purpose; by destroying our faith in each other. Just because it was a Black man who disregarded my value, doesn't make all Black men like that. And not only did my mindset become poisened that way, your comments above, echo and indicate the same way I felt, that Black men cannot offer what a White man can. Or that it took a White man to do what a Black man could or would not do. And that's where the problem is, for this concept is a lie.

That was my entire lesson from the Holy Spirit. White men are not better than Black men nor will they ever be.

The whole point is this. No matter who we marry, God will support it, as I shared, God is truly mending and blending the races. As I shared, I'm living this as I 'speak'. But I cannot and will not look down upon another Black man and call him the lessor.

Can you see what the enemy has done? Programming us against each other. Hasn't history done that enough? Now, I will not 'baby' or tolerate the unruly choices of behavor of some, neither will I allow them to whimper and cry because they will not tie their own shoe laces.

But I will not discredit those of ours who are men and those who do live up to Godly standards, those who do respect and love Black women and prefer them over a white woman, and those who simply deserve to be admired for even wanting to try.

We cannot hide behind God's apron with this. Believe me, I've been trying to do so and God and removed His apron to release my hold upon it.

What am I saying? Yes we are all one under God and we always will be. But there's something that God cannot allow. The hatred, the anger, the resentment and the unforgiveness of ourselves. We as a Black people have not given each other a chance to be fulfilled in our calling as one.

God says we are to love one another as we love ourselves. If I marry White, and blame it on Black, I'm wrong. And I'm in sin. I marry White without wrath and without doubting of who I am and where I'm from.

I hear your anger and I hear your hurt. I'm sorry that your family is giving you such a hard time about this. I support you and your marriage.

But instead of calling Black pride a sin, which it is not. Let the love of God allow you to see that the pride we feel and are trying to preserve, is just as much for you as it is for us. Be your husband White and in love with you...he will still never know who are for he has never been there.

This truth can never be hidden.

God bless you. I mean it....I know what it like to love a Whte man But not enough to leave my own.

 

[pebbles]

All right I know there's a handful of us on here. When God blesses you with a husband of a different race how do you deal with people who look down on you for it? How do you keep that ole' flesh from welling up and wanting to give them a piece of your mind? ...

.

I meant to address this question directly in my earlier post, but I forgot.

James 1:19-20 says: "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

Ephesians 4:31-32 says: "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

This is how you hold it together. I've always been a bit of a hot head, but these two scriptures have served me well where my temper is concerned. I now make every attempt to be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.

 

[dicapr]

I here what your saying. I've had the "opression" conversation with my brother many of times. Do we as blacks in America have a disadvantage-yes. But we also have it better than any of our ancestors ever did. For some, not all, the struggle is an excuse not to succeed. Our ancestors succeded despite the struggle. They layed down everthing so we would have the opportunities that we have now. Sure, we are still victims of racism. But letting HATE breed HATE is not acceptable.

 

[BlkManWithSomeSense]

All right I know there's a handful of us on here. When God blesses you with a husband of a different race how do you deal with people who look down on you for it? How do you keep that ole' flesh from welling up and wanting to give them a piece of your mind? For example, both me and my mom re-married white men and our family give us so much junk about it. My grandmother constantly cuts down my husband's job and my mom's husband too. Here's the thing, before my mom's current husband my mom was married to a black man my grandmother LOVED. He beat her, broke bones, put her in the hospital, and although she's never said it outloud, I believe he cause her to miscarry. Now she's with a man that treats her like a queen and my family has a problem with him because he's WHITE? Is something not adding up? Should she have stayed in an abusive relationship to "preserve her blackness" and "Keep the religion alive?" Is she somehow less black because a white man that GOD sent into her life swept her off her feet and she fell in love?

Similar situation with me. My husband is white. He drives a trash truck. My grandma always has something smart to say about him. His family has NEVER said anything to him about me like that (I know, because he would'nt speak to them again). But you know what? That man works 60 hours a week so I can stay home with my kids and never complains! Tht's why I work my business so hard soI can retire him from his job like my fiend Janie did for her husband. I am on track to do so in 2007 God willing. My best friend's husband only gives her grief about trying to work at home and says "real women have jobs and contribute to the household" EXCUSE ME??? Raise his 2 kids and supporting his career isn't CONTRIBUTING?? But it's all good right? She's still "black" and "keeping the religion alive" even though she's with an emotionally abusive man and a prisoner in her own home.erplexed He doesn't support her in business at all. My husband has been there for me through thick and thin (and no, he didn't grow up in some rich white "Leave It To Beaver" type home. His parents were poor and both worked outside the home.) He's had my back in everything. He even adopted my oldest daughter as his own and is her father in every way that counts. We've been through it all together!

He even wants me to go natural and stop putting chemicals on my head (unlike my one friend's man who gives her a hard time for her hair being "jacked up" 4 weeks post). He's not intimidated by my blackness (on the contrary he actually has a thing for dark skinned big booty girls which I am not one of so I gotta watch my back around here in the summer!) at all. He appreciates me for who I am and loves me unconditionally. Someone mentioned struggle and that he could never love me like a black man because of the stuggle.(Ducking from tomatoes) But black people in America can't talk about struggle. You call getting turned down for a job or someone rolling their eyes in walmart "stuggle?" What out ancestors went through is stuggle. What baby girls in China who are murdered for being female go through is struggle. What Africans who are shot and killed for carrying Bibles go through is struggle. We have so much opportunity today in America it ain't funny. I mean who needs a job anyway. Start your own home business! Seriously, when I prospect on a daily basis the lack mentality our people have drives me up a wall. "I can't afford $50" EXUSE ME? How long have you been working? 20 years and you don't have 50 bucks in your pocket? All the more reason you need to FIND 50 bucks and get started TODAY so you'll have something to leave your kids besides DEBT! People wonder why white people make all the money. Yes part is policical but the other part is our people are way too complacent. I'vetalked to thousands of people and let me tell you, I've never seen more lack mentality, less work ethic, and more complacency than in OUR PEOPLE and it makes me so sad I could vomit.

Yes I am pouring out my heart right now because you know what? I'm sick of the excuses. Black men are this way cause....black women are this way cause.....ok fine, now GET OVER IT AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Ain't nan one of us ever been a slave. None of us have gone through a real struggle. So release it already, forgive, and move forward with your dang life already! You wanna know struggle? We had to live on 20-30 bucks a week in food for a family of 4. Beans, rice, ramen noodles, that's stuggle. But compared to the "real" world outside the US, that's not even close to struggle! There are kids in India who eat one meal a WEEK who have no parents. That's stuggle.

It is only by the mercy of God that we have breath in our lungs. Let's use it to glorify Him, not just to glory in ourselves worshiping the creation (our race) more than the Creator. When God created Adam and Eve, He didn't say He created a WHITE man, BLACK, man, or CHINESE man, just man. Yes we are fearfully and wonderfully made, yes we should appreciate the gifts and diversity God has given us, but not to the point of exhalting oursleves over others. That's pride and self idolatry, and straight from the pit of hell. Guess what? GOD MADE WHITE PEOPLE TOO and loves them just as much. HE MADE KOREANS TOO. Selah.

I really don't care if I get flamed or not I've just about had it up to here with the hypocracy in our race where man, we'd jump all over a white person if they said "white power" but we catch the Holy Ghost if someone says "balck power," gimmie a stinkin break!

So I guess my point is no point really lol. In all things let God's Word be true and everything else a lie. I am no less black for being married to a white man and if I am, so be it, I'm child of the King and that's the ONLY heritage that holds significance in the end. Our time here is a vapor, our time with Him is eternity, so forgive me if I focus more time on being a Chrisitan than "being black."

God Bless.


.

I don't think anyone should be alienated for choosing outside their race. Thats insane. Everyone has the right to be with whom they want and should respect their union. I can speak of my preferences but those are just my own. This issue is two folded. There are some blk women who have been really hurt by blk men and they have developed a 'hate' towards us. Some may be obvious about it and some ( such as in Shimmie's thread) had it 'buried' over time and just acknowledged it's existence. It is not Christ minded to put one race over another and that includes whites over blks.

If a blk women dates outside her race, I think it's great that she found love. However, if shes been EXCLUDING Blk men because of buried issues, is that right? I wont let blk men be stereotyped as ungrateful abusers who complain, abandon and will never elevate themselves and I will not let other races be 'sold' as better options to take, guised as Christ's desire for us to love all races. That too is not being Christ minded.

Your testimony is awesome and I respect it but are you really going to say you don't have a negative opinion of blk men to a certain degree? Have some of us been a disappointment to you in general? I'm asking because I'm admitting that EVERY DAY I fight the urge to develop a predisposed stereotypical opinion of blk women. It's so easy to do because I constantly encounter hostilities from some blk women and all I did was step in the DOOR. In fact, my first day on this site was CRAZY.

It is only through prayer, my upraising and the women of this site ( such as You, Shimmie, Pebbles,and a bunch of others) that I overcome that. My heart is being real about this because some opinions that our race has towards each other is self destructive. If you find love, go in peace as it should be.

 

[kbragg]

I meant to address this question directly in my earlier post, but I forgot.

James 1:19-20 says: "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

Ephesians 4:31-32 says: "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

This is how you hold it together. I've always been a bit of a hot head, but these two scriptures have served me well where my temper is concerned. I now make every attempt to be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.

Oh boy, the flesh didn't like that one! I'm manifesting right now! On a serious note, great post!


.

 

[kbragg]

Your testimony is awesome and I respect it but are you really going to say you don't have a negative opinion of blk men to a certain degree? Have some of us been a disappointment to you in general?

Honestly no. My brother is a black man, my son will be a black man (when I have one). I've been disappointed by ALL men and have a general hatred for ALL men! You know I'm all about equality! I've dated black, white and hispanic and just never had a preference. Been hurt by all, don't like authority, my biological father never even saw me born, so I got issue with all men...and of course I had problems with God for YEARS because He's a HE! I still struggle with it, I have to repeat to myself over and over, God is not a man that He should lie, just to trust im. It's so hard for me. I wish ALL men would step up stop being so lazy, so childish, so irresponsible, so led by their members (can I say that?), and be the MEN God called them to be. I'm so sick and tired of women having to do it all and they pick up being the man when it works for them!!!! AHHHH! I'm manifesting again!

A person's relationship with God will be a direct reflection of thier earthly father. Think of your biggest struggle with God and I guarantee you it'll be the same issue you had with your father. For example, my hubby dad worked all the time, never really played with him, no real relationship, no connection. So my hubby always felt like God was distant and kinda looking over us but not really interested in our lives.

I never knew my father so I always felt God was never really there and didn't really love me or know me. I always felt abandoned by God and that still wells up in me.

Oddly enough I always dealt better with men than females...figure that one out. Who knows what about anything anymore. I'm confusing myself talking in circles. So in conclusion, I don't really trust any man of any race, not even my own husband. Sad I know but how do I fix it? I just pray and leave it in God's hands and focus on something else. Ok, rambling now, will post more in the am.


.

 

[BlkManWithSomeSense]

Honestly no. My brother is a black man, my son will be a black man (when I have one). I've been disappointed by ALL men and have a general hatred for ALL men! You know I'm all about equality! I've dated black, white and hispanic and just never had a preference. Been hurt by all, don't like authority, my biological father never even saw me born, so I got issue with all men...and of course I had problems with God for YEARS because He's a HE! I still struggle with it, I have to repeat to myself over and over, God is not a man that He should lie, just to trust im. It's so hard for me. I wish ALL men would step up stop being so lazy, so childish, so irresponsible, so led by their members (can I say that?), and be the MEN God called them to be. I'm so sick and tired of women having to do it all and they pick up being the man when it works for them!!!! AHHHH! I'm manifesting again!

A person's relationship with God will be a direct reflection of thier earthly father. Think of your biggest struggle with God and I guarantee you it'll be the same issue you had with your father. For example, my hubby dad worked all the time, never really played with him, no real relationship, no connection. So my hubby always felt like God was distant and kinda looking over us but not really interested in our lives.

I never knew my father so I always felt God was never really there and didn't really love me or know me. I always felt abandoned by God and that still wells up in me.

Oddly enough I always dealt better with men than females...figure that one out. Who knows what about anything anymore. I'm confusing myself talking in circles. So in conclusion, I don't really trust any man of any race, not even my own husband. Sad I know but how do I fix it? I just pray and leave it in God's hands and focus on something else. Ok, rambling now, will post more in the am.


.

I appreciate your honesty and that means tomorrow we're going to have a great thread..LOL..As for tonight.. I'm going to bed as well. LOL

 

[ThursdayGirl]

Your testimony is awesome and I respect it but are you really going to say you don't have a negative opinion of blk men to a certain degree? Have some of us been a disappointment to you in general? I'm asking because I'm admitting that EVERY DAY I fight the urge to develop a predisposed stereotypical opinion of blk women. It's so easy to do because I constantly encounter hostilities from some blk women and all I did was step in the DOOR. In fact, my first day on this site was CRAZY.

It is only through prayer, my upraising and the women of this site ( such as You, Shimmie, Pebbles,and a bunch of others) that I overcome that. My heart is being real about this because some opinions that our race has towards each other is self destructive. If you find love, go in peace as it should be.

Wow! I had no clue. This is very interesting. I missed your first day here. I did see the welcome thread, but I'm not sure what happened after that. Sounds like you might've had a rough time. I commend you for not hardening your heart. Although I have not read so many of your posts, the ones I have read have been very fair and well written. - a belated Welcome to you .

 

[deltagyrl]

Ok. Initially I was thinking, "this poster is crazy." You sounded very angry and bitter and I was going to list this thread as reason #999 to stay away from "christian" threads but I digress..

My point is that as I read through your posts I saw a little bit of myself in them.

I'm glad you had the courage to speak up and put it all out there.

Good luck to you!

 

[chica_canella]

"K", don't be upset anymore. Especially from what I shared in the other thread. I could not be happier for you and your husband that God has blessed you with.

But let's be real. We've both come across as oppositional regarding this issue. You're not better off because you are married to a White man.

You are better off only because he is a Godly man and a Godly man does come in Black and takes care of his family as well.

I know because my daughter is married to a Black man who wouldn't forsake her if his life depended upon it. My son has the same values.

We cannot let the 'bad' guys who are of our race defeat God's purpose; by destroying our faith in each other. Just because it was a Black man who disregarded my value, doesn't make all Black men like that. And not only did my mindset become poisened that way, your comments above, echo and indicate the same way I felt, that Black men cannot offer what a White man can. Or that it took a White man to do what a Black man could or would not do. And that's where the problem is, for this concept is a lie.

That was my entire lesson from the Holy Spirit. White men are not better than Black men nor will they ever be.

The whole point is this. No matter who we marry, God will support it, as I shared, God is truly mending and blending the races. As I shared, I'm living this as I 'speak'. But I cannot and will not look down upon another Black man and call him the lessor.

Can you see what the enemy has done? Programming us against each other. Hasn't history done that enough? Now, I will not 'baby' or tolerate the unruly choices of behavor of some, neither will I allow them to whimper and cry because they will not tie their own shoe laces.

But I will not discredit those of ours who are men and those who do live up to Godly standards, those who do respect and love Black women and prefer them over a white woman, and those who simply deserve to be admired for even wanting to try.

We cannot hide behind God's apron with this. Believe me, I've been trying to do so and God and removed His apron to release my hold upon it.

What am I saying? Yes we are all one under God and we always will be. But there's something that God cannot allow. The hatred, the anger, the resentment and the unforgiveness of ourselves. We as a Black people have not given each other a chance to be fulfilled in our calling as one.

God says we are to love one another as we love ourselves. If I marry White, and blame it on Black, I'm wrong. And I'm in sin. I marry White without wrath and without doubting of who I am and where I'm from.

I hear your anger and I hear your hurt. I'm sorry that your family is giving you such a hard time about this. I support you and your marriage.

But instead of calling Black pride a sin, which it is not. Let the love of God allow you to see that the pride we feel and are trying to preserve, is just as much for you as it is for us. Be your husband White and in love with you...he will still never know who are for he has never been there.

This truth can never be hidden.

God bless you. I mean it....I know what it like to love a Whte man But not enough to leave my own.

Thanks alot. your post has really blessed me tremendously.

 

[Shimmie]

Thanks alot. your post has really blessed me tremendously.

For you 'Chica'...

 

[Shimmie]

I don't think anyone should be alienated for choosing outside their race. Thats insane. Everyone has the right to be with whom they want and should respect their union. I can speak of my preferences but those are just my own. This issue is two folded. There are some blk women who have been really hurt by blk men and they have developed a 'hate' towards us. Some may be obvious about it and some ( such as in Shimmie's thread) had it 'buried' over time and just acknowledged it's existence. It is not Christ minded to put one race over another and that includes whites over blks.

If a blk women dates outside her race, I think it's great that she found love. However, if shes been EXCLUDING Blk men because of buried issues, is that right? I wont let blk men be stereotyped as ungrateful abusers who complain, abandon and will never elevate themselves and I will not let other races be 'sold' as better options to take, guised as Christ's desire for us to love all races. That too is not being Christ minded.

Your testimony is awesome and I respect it but are you really going to say you don't have a negative opinion of blk men to a certain degree? Have some of us been a disappointment to you in general? I'm asking because

I'm admitting that EVERY DAY I fight the urge to develop a predisposed stereotypical opinion of blk women. It's so easy to do because I constantly encounter hostilities from some blk women and all I did was step in the DOOR.

In fact, my first day on this site was CRAZY.

This, No longer a 'battle' for you, in Jesus' name...

It is only through prayer, my upraising and the women of this site ( such as You, Shimmie, Pebbles,and a bunch of others) that I overcome that. My heart is being real about this because some opinions that our race has towards each other is self destructive. If you find love, go in peace as it should be.

From the heart of God the Father:

For you shall be above only and not beneath; the head and not the tail.
(Deut 28:13)

So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man. (Proverbs 3:4)

For you are no longer cursed but blessed.

 

[pebbles]

From the heart of God the Father:

For you shall be above only and not beneath; the head and not the tail.
(Deut 28:13)

So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man. (Proverbs 3:4)

For you are no longer cursed but blessed.

I second that!

 

[Shimmie]

I second that!

Hey Darlin'... I Love you, too