Strange Feeling At Night

Discussion in 'Christian Fellowship' started by janiebaby, Apr 11, 2018.

  1. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    I just wanted to take a moment and just say how blessed I am that God is merciful. Thank you everyone for your prayers and well wishes it truly has meant alot to me. I hope I can do half as much for someone as what's been done for me. I am so grateful.
     
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  2. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Romans 15:13
    13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

    I'm going to think about what I've learned throughout this time. I normally can't concentrate on work evenings because I'm too wound up but I'll come back to this. What I can tell you is the other day something just came over me. I don't know if it was peace or what but I haven't been struggling as much internally. Mentally I'm exhausted and feel defeated more often than not but I'm putting my trust in God. At the time I created the thread this job was new and wasn't an issue so it's interesting to see things unfolding. I posted the scripture above to capture how I'm feeling internally despite everything happening around me. Side note: I always hesitate to write things like this because I feel like it only takes one thing to completely throw everything off but I'm praying that I'm going to have a testimony come out of this.

    ETA: been forgetting to edit this for clarification...but I just found it strange that I started to have the feeling and dreams before I noticed everything happening around me. Now that I'm deep into the things that are going on I feel like it would make more sense for me to be having the weird dreams and feelings now. Not that I want or need them that's for sure.
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2018
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  3. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    I put this in another thread and kinda felt it should be here.

    I really want to shift my focus from work back to myself. It's like I forgot that you give power to whatever/whoever you're focusing on and I want to shift that focus, attention, and energy onto myself and finding a way out of my situation. A few people at bible study asked me about my job on Wed. I just shrugged and said it was the same but I decided to submit a prayer request when the time came. Now I wanted to pray for a couple things not just one thing (work) and I just asked for prayer about work and stopped short because I started to feel tears coming so I just stopped there. The next day I just was like look I'm tired of talking about this job and these people. I need help yes but I don't want to get to a point where I'm just complaining all the time but I'm in the same situation. It's exasperating for me and I just don't want to become "that person" in other people's eyes either. I don't want to take my eyes off what I truly need to tend to outside of my job.
     
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  4. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Long story: Ok some background....I've been serving in my church for over a year unpaid like everyone else...A few times I've had the person I work under ask me if I would be interested in a position at the church (like 2-3 times since last year) if one should open up and I've always been really hesitant about it so I'll say uh maybe it depends....The assistant to the pastor (not the person I've been working under) has been saying he's been wanting to talk to me since like forever....no really, I feel like he asked me either last year or the beginning of this year (before I started working at my current job) about what I was looking for in a job and I said some things I can't remember but I do recall talking about salary.

    Then like a couple months ago he said he needed to talk to me but he never did. Then a few weeks ago he said he needed to talk to me and again he never did. So today he comes up to me and says it again and I'm like ok you said that a few weeks ago and he said I know we'll talk today. So in my mind this whole time I've been thinking he needs my help with a big event that we hold every year. Preparation is like a year round thing which is why I keep thinking that it's about that particular event. However, now I'm busy and the event is around the corner and I'm like uh if he asks me to do something how am I going to fit it in with everything I'm currently doing but.... I'm probably going to say yes because it may be an opportunity to serve in a different area.

    So we meet in his office and he says that he doesn't know if I know that he'll be transitioning out of his role at the end of the year. Nope I had not a clue so I'm thinking ok he better not be relocating or nothing because I'm thinking he can't possibly be about to talk to me about his position....I've always thought maybe the person I work under's position or a whole nother position altogether but never in a million years his position.

    He said that he's been watching me over the past year and he thinks that I would be a good candidate for the position and he's considering me and one other person. Now, the first thing I'm thinking is uh the leadership team does not play any of the games so I didn't know that they were even considering me. I don't even talk to leadership besides saying hi and bye...I have felt like leadership has always been watchful of me but expected it because I do my work primarily in the front office which puts me pretty close to them. Non-leadership may not know anything about me other than seeing me in the front office so that reflects back on them. I have felt things lighten up some with leadership over the past few months (2-3 months lol). I say all this to say I didn't even think leadership was messing with me all like that.

    There's more that I want to say but I'm a little tired since I just got home about an hour ago. Sundays are like another work day. Of course I thanked him for even considering me but I don't know if I'm going to apply. At first it was a strong no and on the ride home it became a strong no, maybe. I told the person who I work under about the talk me and the guy had so we're scheduled to talk more about it on Monday night.
     
  5. Sharpened

    Sharpened A fleck on His Sword

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    It's good you understand that this is a process. Life is a process. Salvation happened, yet it is an ongoing process.
    Check this out:
     
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  6. PhonyBaloney500

    PhonyBaloney500 Well-Known Member

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    Why are you reluctant?
     
  7. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Imposter syndrome...I always tend to feel like I'm not good enough or that I'm going to let people down who are depending on me so I tend to shirk responsibility which I recognize and am working on.

    That being said, I have an administrative asst background which I have been trying desperately to get away from over the past few years. Even the stuff I do now for the church I would say is more project based which I like alot. I like working but I like working odd hours and I tend to become a workaholic when it's something I really enjoy. I enjoy being busy and working with a lot of moving pieces so 9-5 in an office doesn't appeal to me. I do like that the job has some odd hours which leads to a small amount of flexibility and I will never ever be bored that's for sure.
    ------
    I was typing and I got the call I was waiting for. Just got off the phone with the person I work under. Uh I'm scared. She said alot of great things about my work ethic, character, and my ability to be proactive and anticipate things but she did say pretty much what I said about my confidence. She said that she feels I would be diplomatic but timid. She also said that people in the position have typically just followed the boss's orders and there hasn't been alot of coordinating. I mean I was thinking ok I can manage up but I feel like I may need to wear him down to get to that point.
    ---
    I don't feel any more confident about the position after having the discussion. To follow up on what I was saying before the call...I feel like I would need to commit to at least 2 yrs in the position. No one has spoken with me about this but I just feel like this would be so....

    Plus c'mon y'all know church folk are some special people. I dont want to feel like step and fetch. I have not grown up in the church and don't know nor have interest in all the various customs :look: yet I wouldn't want to say or do anything to embarrass my boss either.

    Aside from all that I have some grown woman concerns like benefits...career path, retirement. It would be different if I were married but I'm not it's just me and my salary/benefits/future retirement.
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2018
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  8. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for this @Sharpened :kiss:

    When I was reading Coretta Scott King's autobiography it had occurred to me that ordinary people can do extraordinary things if they just keep going.
     
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  9. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    I just submitted my resume and cover letter for the Church position! I'm horrible at interviews so I'm going to try to practice.
     
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  10. Laela

    Laela At Home, in Mela Nation

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    Hey @janiebaby ..
    I'm glad you applied! :yep:

    I'm reading thread and your reluctance reminded me of Moses lol.. yours is a decision of faith...

     
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  11. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Last night I had a different dream. I dreamed that I may have been at a concert (that part is foggy) but I remember watching someone sing the song "Great Is Your Mercy". I don't recall the last time I heard this song.
     
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  12. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    I was struggling to figure out if I was going to post this but....

    1 Peter 2 is....
    strumming my pain with his fingers
    singing my life with his words
    killing me softly with his song
    killing me softly with his song
    telling my whole life with his words
    killing me softly with his song
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2018
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  13. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Since this thread is like my blog lol.......

    I got my annual physical last week. Sunday I went to an event where I had a little too much to eat and I've been feeling gassy ever since. I've been taking probiotics left and right to no avail.

    Last night I got a weird feeling in my upper stomach not painful at all really it just made me overall kinda feel a small amount of fear and I wasn't sure why. I went to sleep and that's that. Still gassy.

    This afternoon my Dr called and I knew it was something because I don't have any appts since next year so I knew it wasn't an appt reminder. My Dr said my liver tests came back abnormal and she wants me to retest.

    Looking back on things I feel like this may have been a problem that has remained undetected for years (if there is a problem). At least 6 or 7 years ago I complained of upper abdominal pain on my right side and was given an ultrasound which came back OK. I remember about 4 years ago I had to get a blood test for a job and I may be mistaken but I think the same test came back high. I (think) I let my Dr know and I may have (must have) retested ok plus I got a physical last year so it must've been normal then too.

    I don't take Tylenol just baby aspirin occasionally and my Dr said that wouldn't cause the level to increase. The only thing I'm taking is BCP and I might have been taking them before when my level went up. I can't recall. I feel like I can't afford to stop taking BCP because it helps regulate my cycle. I was bleeding through my clothing and even after my period stopped I would still bleed smaller amounts my entire cycle. It also has helped regulate my moods. And of course with the option of taking it continuously I'm experiencing less pain which had been becoming unbearable.

    Hopefully things will get figured out.

    Also my blood sugar came back high as well.
     
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  14. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Update: retested yesterday and got my results today. My results came back "improved"! It's still elevated but not as much as it had been. My Dr wants me to retest next month and continue to stay away from Tylenol and alcohol.

    ETA: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

    Just wanted to get that out there lol

    11/6: this isn't the health forum so I don't want to bump this thread because of this but this morning I almost threw up bile. I remember reaching down for something and coming up and it just happened. I'm not sure if the fact that it was bile was because I didn't have anything on my stomach and maybe it would've been something else if I had eaten idk.

    Also, I'm feeling ridiculously full right now after eating dinner. I ate about 3 1/2 hours ago and I'm still uncomfortable.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2018
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  15. Sharpened

    Sharpened A fleck on His Sword

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    Are you documenting all your experiences somewhere? I use spiral notebooks and a Word document to keep track of spiritual things and biblical revelation.

    Keep seeking the will of the Father, His truth, His wisdom, His knowledge, His refinement, no matter how much it cuts you. That plus purity leads to Him revealing more of Himself to you. He values consistent and persistent loyalty overall.
     
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  16. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Proverbs 13.........I'll come back to this.
     
  17. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    I have been buying notebooks all my life but I never go back to what I write nor am I consistent with writing anything and alot of the notebooks go unused or half used. I lost all my word docs that were on other computers because I didn't save them to a drive or anything. That's kinda the reason why I've been posting here because I know I will come back to it here but yea I should def note this somewhere else too because things do happen. It's also weird when I write things for my eyes only....I feel like I don't go into as much detail.
     
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  18. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Prudence
    Careful, wise discernment; the avoidance of rash behaviour or speech; the good management of talents and resources and the showing of tact and wisdom in relationships with other people.
     
  19. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    I might not get the position mmm hmm and that's ok....no I haven't heard anything back about the interview yet...and nope that's not why I don't think I'm going to get the position.

    Inwardly I feel like I need a little more seasoning and I also feel like my job isn't quite accomplished in the role that I'm currently in right now. However to be clear....if someone else sees something in me they may think is a right fit for the position and I don't get another offer then...

    It's something I need to pray about.

    I'm so exhausted from today that I just wanna shut up and look at the wall for a few mins :lol:
     
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  20. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    1 Samuel 18:14-16
    1 Samuel 18:28-30
     
  21. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Still waiting to hear back about the position. Meanwhile..........my first insurmountable task....breaking down communication silos in my volunteer church position.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2018
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  22. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    A couple things have happened over the past few days...I was thinking about not posting but meh whatever

    1) I had a dream that one of my teeth was loose....this normally means change for me......I went back to a text my friend sent in 12/2017 asking what me what it meant and that's what I texted back to her. I kinda forgot about the dream until I was reading a book that mentioned teeth and I found myself running my tongue over my teeth to make sure mine were ok.

    2) I like putting my covers over my face sometime...don't really think i sleep like that (?) but I fell asleep with my covers over my face. I felt like something had happened to me but I attributed it to sleep paralysis. I guess this would be the second case of sleep paralysis in about 3-4 months maybe.
     
  23. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    James 1:4
     
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  24. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    I got the position and found out on Friday before I posted. I guess I just feel weird. I feel happy and scared. More scared than happy. I know I'm lacking self-confidence but I just feel the weight of this position and I'm relying on God to help push me through it. I just want to be effective. A big part of me knows I have what it takes to get the job done and another part of me is like ok what if I'm not effective. I know this position is going to strengthen my faith in ways that I can't even imagine.
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2018
  25. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Just got off the phone with a relative. We were talking about my anxiety around alot of the communication issues going on and she said I know the answer, I know what you gotta do, I'm gonna tell you what you have to do.......pray!......man o man good stuff I love that woman
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2018
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  26. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Still scared.............but God put me here for a reason. I don't know what that reason is but this is what I prayed for. I prayed earlier in the year that I would have a testimony to share. I know that we all have testimonies but I could never pinpoint what mine currently is to share. I know some people may feel that me getting this job is a testimony but I don't feel that this is completely the case. I don't know what this job entails in its entirety and what I'll face but when I look at the things that I've prayed about....this job description seems to fit the bill.
     
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  27. Sharpened

    Sharpened A fleck on His Sword

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    He is the God of minutia. He cares about the little things and does little things around us every day. It is up to us to recognize His work.
     
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  28. Laela

    Laela At Home, in Mela Nation

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    @janiebaby, congrats on the new position. God will guide you...
     
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  29. newgrowth15

    newgrowth15 Well-Known Member

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    Don't forget to give God thanks and praise for answering your prayers. On the days when your flesh rises up and tempts you to grumble and complain about the new position, come back here and read your documented journey and, once again, give God the glory. Amen!
     
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  30. janiebaby

    janiebaby Well-Known Member

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    Thanks!! @Laela
     
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