True Life: I’ve Spent $25,000 on Weave in My Lifetime

Soratachi

Well-Known Member
Confessions of a Hair Weave Addict

Posted: 04/15/2013 12:24 pm

It was a long road to recognizing my racial identity crisis. I did not realize it in junior high when I basked in the glory of being told by my friends that they did not consider me black because I "wasn't loud and didn't talk like the other two or three black girls [in our grade.]" I did not catch a whiff of it in high school when I would spend hours of my freshman year with a test tube clamp on my nose, desperately trying to make it smaller and narrower. It was years later, when I was in my 30s and I proudly proclaimed, "I am the least intimidating black woman I know!" The words had barely left my mouth before the shame and awkwardness of that statement hit me. My stylist and I were talking about my latest crush and the chance he may not like black women while I sat in her chair and she weaved fourteen beautiful inches of slick straight Indian Remi hair onto my head. The nausea came with the following thought, "Since when do I buy into that 'intimidating' stereotype?" Do I really mean whitest black woman? Am I still trying to be white?"
Before anyone gets upset I am not saying that women who get hair weaves have fantasies of being white. This is my story and my experience. If you see yourself in it or feel indicted after it, think about it -- then forget it; or don't, it's up to you.
I grew up going to predominately white schools and continued to do so throughout my entire educational career. From kindergarten through graduate school I was the one or one of the few black students. I am also very much a product of my family lineage; no matter how thin or heavy I am, I always have full hips and thighs -- and they started to look that way when I was about 13. Just around the time when my white female classmates all looked like what Vogue idealizes as the perfect woman, super thin and lanky. My body image took a beating until I went to acting school (college for me) and my voice and speech teacher told me to get over myself; "some woman somewhere is spending tens of thousands of dollars to implant the lips and hips that you were born with." I saw myself differently after that. But nothing could make me appreciate my hair.
I have always hated my hair. That is not true -- I can remember a time, pre-kindergarten, when I wore afro-puffs and would go to my Aunt Georgia's house and she would cornrow my hair for the summer. During that time I was indifferent about my hair because I was four. I remember being little and running around with a half-slip on my head, pretending it was my long blonde (sometimes dark brown) super straight and shiny hair. I would fling it over my shoulder and whip it back and fourth, decades ahead of Willow Smith. In hindsight, I'm pretty sure I imagined my eyes were blue which should have been a warning. But I was a little kid; I didn't know to look out for these things.
My real hair did not blow in the wind or swing back and forth. It was not yellow and shiny like Karen's, or brown and slick like Judith's or even braid-able like the other black girl's hair. It never got long; it was just frizzy and big. Kids would touch it and say "Eww greasy." My mom would tell me to tell them not to touch it, which I'm sure you know was super effective in second grade. There was this one kid who loved to complain he couldn't see over my Afro in class. Grade school seriously sucked.
When I got to high school, I discovered relaxers -- but that was a nightmare. I had grown my hair out to my shoulders at the start of freshman year, but I damaged it so badly with curling irons and blow dryers and whipping it around, that by second semester I had to have it cut into a permanent Halle Berry hair cut until I graduated. But the year before my graduation, a film that would change everything had been released -- Poetic Justice. If you haven't seen Poetic Justice you're crazy and there's no hope for you and also you missed the dawn of the box braid. Janet Jackson and Regina King wore these beautiful long box braids in the film. Black women with long hair that they did not have to grow! What?! I wanted them immediately.
My sister knew someone that knew someone who knew this woman that could give me the hook up. I finally convinced my mother that braids would be a good thing, and she took me to this woman named Star's house and left me there for nine hours. That's right, nine hours. That's how long it takes to have long hair. Star braided my hair so tightly I couldn't lay my head down to sleep. I took Advil for three days. She smoked a pack of cigarettes as she braided, cussed out her kids and a host of other things I wish I didn't know. But when she was finished, I could put my hair in a pony tail and wear it on top of my head. I could whip it, and throw it over my shoulder. I was never going back to my hair again.
I left for college in Chicago two days later. While at school, I tried all different types of extensions and braids. I explored the African hair braiders that were famous up and down Clark Street, I found students willing to do hair for pennies and I discovered weaves! I got so much attention for my hair. I changed it nearly every two months and everyone always thought it was really my hair, or at least I convinced myself they did. I prided myself on getting realistic styles. I didn't even really know what my own hair looked like. I was cast in roles based on my hair -- but which hair? Once I had to reshoot a scene for a movie and could not remember which hair I had for continuity. That was pretty funny.
But even with my weaves and extensions, I still felt like an outsider. I felt like I was not black enough for one group or white enough for another. I felt like I confused people and that they did not know what to make of me, but in reality I didn't know what to make of myself. Trying to "fit in" had made me feel more misshapen and gray than ever. So one day I just decided -- because I only operate from two points, inaction and impulse -- to walk into the salon and have them remove my weave and cut all of my hair down to its natural state. I loved it. I felt free and centered and beautiful. Then I walked onto the street and immediately felt like everyone was looking at me differently and I did not like it. They did not smile at me the same way. Men didn't look at me the same way. Friends did not know what to make of it. "It makes you look more severe", "You look more 'ethnic'" and "I liked it long" were the most common responses. Twice in the grocery store a clerk called me "sir."
I bought a wig.
Over the next 15 years, I spent 90 percent of the time in some form of weave, wig, extension or braids and 10 percent of the time impulsively cutting it all off and trying to wear my hair natural. Inevitably a day or two into being natural I would go running back to the beauty supply store to buy more hair of some type. I was so confused that once after watching Chris Rock's Good Hair, I literally had an emotional breakdown in my stylist's chair. I have done the math and from the time I was 18 until early 2013, I have spent $25,000 getting my hair weaved, braided or extended and just over one and a half years sitting in a chair having it done. When you want to fit in you'll do just about anything. I am not saying that people that wear extensions want to be something they aren't anymore than someone who drinks is automatically an alcoholic. But I was still a little girl with a slip on her head, flipping her blonde hair around, imagining herself with blue eyes. I just didn't realize I was still doing it.
To start recover from alcoholism, you have to come to believe that a power greater than yourself can restore your sanity; to beat an eating disorder you have to realize that controlling your food will never give you control over the things of which you have no control; and in order to recover from an acute addiction to hair weaves, you must realize that no amount of Kanekalon, Yaki or Indian Remy is ever going to make you anyone else but some woman with a bunch of store bought hair on their head. The thing is, I kind of love my hair. It has giant curls in some spots tight coils in others and some parts are just tangles of zig-zags. It is a little bit crazy, strong but fragile, coarse but soft and completely unpredictable. We have the same personality.
I have been natural now for longer than I have ever been, which is not long. I'm not going to lie, it has a challenge. But the more time I spend being natural, the more I like my hair and the less gray and misshapen I become. Sure, in the beginning, I wanted to run and hide whenever I thought someone was looking at me funny or when a shampoo commercial came on, you know the ones with all of the straight hair flowing down the screen? But a friend reminded me recently that hair is not just hair; it is intrinsically wrapped up in who we are as individuals. It is as much a form of expression as the clothes we put on everyday. If you don't believe that, drastically change your hair and walk around in the world a bit.
Originally posted to Dog Park Media Magazine.



Follow Erikka Yancy on Twitter: www.twitter.com/yanseepants






I originally saw this article on BGLH:
http://blackgirllonghair.com/2013/04/true-life-ive-spent-25000-on-weave-in-my-lifetime/
 

Live.Laugh.Love

Well-Known Member
The Asian BSS is making out like a fat cat..they are making millions in the middle of the hood selling weave and hair products!
 

Lita

Well-Known Member
Wow,I'm not surprised..A lot of money goes into hair wigs,weaves & products..Hope things work out for her...


*I had a tenet,that paid top dollar for a weave & didn't give me rent that month...She had the nerve to admit it..SAD.



Happy Hair Growing!
 

bydebra

Well-Known Member
I think the title of the article is for shock value. If a woman goes to the salon 25 times a year at $35 per visit for 25 years, that's over $20,000 right there. There are women of all colors spending way more on hair care than this lady.

It's strange because her identity issues are deeper than hair. She should be happy with herself whether her hair is natural, relaxed, or weaved-up. It's not the money. The issue is that she is still tying her identity too strongly to her hair.
 

naturalmanenyc

Well-Known Member
I can imagine how one would spend $25,000 on weave over a few years. Keeping your hair up, weave or your own hair, is expensive if you cannot DIY. Once I sat down and added up what I was paying for weaves, it was an easy decision to stop.

I can see how the hair industry reached $10 billion in annual sales.

I started with sew-ins
$200 install (every 12 weeks)
$196 wefted hair - Adorable Spanish Wavy #2 & #4 mixed with streaks of #8 every 2 inches on thin wefts
$35 W & S every 2 weeks (6 times per install)
$75 relaxer every 12 weeks
-------------------------------
$681 every 12 weeks
I was able to reuse the wefts on two different installs so I saved about $400.


Then I found out about strand by strand aka fusion weave
$500 install (every 12 weeks)
$180 bulk hair - Adorable Spanish Wavy 6 ounces #2 & #4 mixed 2 ounces streaks in #8
$35 W & S every 2 weeks (6 times per install)
$75 relaxer every 12 weeks
-------------------------------
$965 every 12 weeks (bulk hair was not reusable)
 

belldandy

New Member
I just think Black women look way better with their own hair, whether it be short, medium or long. Beyond occasional protective styling, I pretty much abhor how we wear weaves.
 

Gryphyn

Active Member
That was a good read. I can relate to her story in a few ways, coming from a predominantly white country in Europe. I've also known black girls exactly like her in school. At the end of the day it's the things that are different about us that make us special and I've learned to milk my "specialness" for all its worth instead of deliberately trying to fit in. I feel for girls and women like her that have a hard time really seeing themselves in the mirror.
 

Mahogony7

Well-Known Member
I did not do squat to my hair for years I tell you YEARS. I got a relaxer once or twice a year that I put in MYSELF:nono:, mind you I have zero experience. My passion has always been clothes. It was just last year that I started to take care of my hair at the age of 26. My BF has photo album of my bad hair from the past 7 years and I did not see how bad I looked until I became natural. I also know that he truly loves me for me because that hair was enough to give me nightmares:lol: I would just part it to the side, sleep on it and curl it the next morning. I shiver at all the abuse it had to endure. I now wear wigs because of my job and I like exercising. I adore my hair and wear it out proudly on my days off.
 

Carmelella

Well-Known Member
Like others have said, she has bigger problems than hair. Even with her own train of thought,..if the alcoholic gave up boos and changed nothing else, he would still be in a sad state of existence. I feel bad for her b/c her environment hoodwinked her and in order to fit in she started to associate 'black' with loud, aggressive, and undesirable. A TWA can't change that.

Notice how she STILL describes the few black girls that she knew of in high school. Were they really loud and aggressive?? Any louder than a group of white kids? Did she ever give them a chance or Try to know them? I'm going to guess NOT, but yet her description remains the same.

Anyone notice how she answered the question ' do u think ppl wear weave b/c they want to look white?'. Her mouth said one thing but her intonation and body language said something else.

She should have saved this story for when she was really recovered. :nono:
 

Carmelella

Well-Known Member
And WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES " Being white mean??". What does being black mean?? Culture is one thing... But what is a black woman's personality? If I want to act white what are the list of things I should do? This just made me upset. Generalizations are oppressive.
 

BostonMaria

Well-Known Member
I know plenty of people that wear weave that would rather die than to take the weave off. I don't think its my place to make them feel bad for their choice.

The woman in the article is struggling with her natural hair. I wish I could invite her to this site or share a few blogs that would help her.

I too was a slave to the salon, but I learned to be a DIYer and empower myself
 

LovinLea

Well-Known Member
I thought $25,000 on weave meant the hair itself, not for the services associated with it. I guess the title did what it is supposed to do.

I feel empathy for the black women who go through this and thankful that I can not relate. I didn't really get exposed to white people as the majority until high school and it could have changed a lot about me but by that time I was already set in who I was regarding how I feel about myself physically.
 

Urban

Well-Known Member
I think the title of the article is for shock value. If a woman goes to the salon 25 times a year at $35 per visit for 25 years, that's over $20,000 right there. There are women of all colors spending way more on hair care than this lady.

It's crazy because that's not even including the price of the hair!!!

I wish black women would wake up to just how much spending power they have! Also black owned BSSs (if they still even exist :nono:) need to realize that they can't just carbon copy what the Asians are doing. They are going to have to somehow offer more value for money and find different ways of attracting the black market ... because in terms of just absolute product prices, they can't win, they get locked out of Asian supply chains from what I've heard.

It's not just black people they do this too. I once went to hear an Australian business man who owns one of the biggest online electronics retailers here. When he started out, he would go to China to draw up deals with factories. The factory owners/lawyers etc would always chatter away in Mandarin during the meetings. In one meeting, while they ignored him and chatted amongst themselves, he took out his phone and started recording their conversation, got it translated when he got back to Australia and founded how much price gouging was going on!

All that to say that I think black stores need a better strategy. We need our own factories that can produce better quality, our own products being stocked rather than stocking Asian supplied products. Better awareness in the community about our hair and how our products are better quality, reasonably priced and better for us (lots of good, natural products out there!).
 

LexiDior

Well-Known Member
I feel like this person is looking down on those of us who do wear weaves. I dont wear it because I have a problem with my race, i wear it because I love the way it makes me look. I wear different colors because I do gyaru sometimes but I have no problem with how I am and I dont want someone to think that just because I wear weaves. Someone with their natural hair could hate themselves just as much!
 

pearcey

Well-Known Member
I wonder if she feels guilty, because of others' perceptions. so she 'outs' herself as if she is accused.

I mean if she enjoys weave and hair, why make it a self loathing issue.

I love hair as a hobby. always have, have spent plenty. but i have also spent plenty on food, soap, bathroom tissue, etc.. definitely...I mean I am 39...that is a LOT of dial over the years.

That is why I work, to buy what I enjoy.

sometimes I think were worry about simple stuff. But then if we oversimplified EVERYTHING, we wouldn't have fun on messageboards such as these, I suppose.

;-)
 
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LivingDoll

Well-Known Member
Some of the ladies here have probably spent that much on hair products which isn't much better.

ETA: myself included...lol
 
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Saga

The Generous Queen
I feel like this person is looking down on those of us who do wear weaves. I dont wear it because I have a problem with my race, i wear it because I love the way it makes me look. I wear different colors because I do gyaru sometimes but I have no problem with how I am and I dont want someone to think that just because I wear weaves. Someone with their natural hair could hate themselves just as much!



Before anyone gets upset I am not saying that women who get hair weaves have fantasies of being white. This is my story and my experience. If you see yourself in it or feel indicted after it, think about it -- then forget it; or don't, it's up to you.

:look: I figured you didn't see it so i reposted it for you.
 

Leona28

Active Member
I think many of the comments being made here derive from different experiences, cultures and mindsets.

I believe I understand the culture Soratachi has lived in bc I live in the same country. (assumption from recent posts)

There is a stereotype here which associates all blacks as being from one country in the world, seeking to sponge the system, unemployed, rough, aggressive, uncouth, disrespectful and argumentative. This has been quite evident since 2000. Prior to this, blacks who came to this country were either priests, doctors,engineers..bringing economic wealth, in other words. So they were reverred and respected. Today, unless you're celeb status, most blacks are placed in a 'box,' and undermined until it's realized that you've a different identity.

My experience has thankfully been two sided- a commodity and curiosity during most of my school years. Yes, predominantly schooled with white skinned kids but most of my family was white anyway so skin color didn't mean much to.me. (I am black skinned, adopted at birth). Dad would be black African but he was not considered ' black enough' according to those in his own birth country- we've always thought this was funny

I started to notice glimpses of change from 1999 when I felt rejected by guys in my cram school..one guy saying he was not sexually attractive to me- whereas weeks prior, on a visit to the US East Coast and Abidjan, I was quite sought after. It didn't make sense to me until college that racism was thriving, ridiculous and ongoing.
In university, a group of lebanese guys spoke in french stating that I was 'cute but black' for ex. I heard that type of line a lot, did comfort eat for a big proportion of my university years and then decided to forgive all the rubbish. Didn't get me great dates in college but it was obvious that the majority of guys there were not willing to step out of their comfort zone because of what their friends and family would think. Weight and my hair were not the issue.

Outside of uni, guys of all races did approach me but at times I wondered if they regarded me as being easy. All they wanted was sex with no strings...bc of my beliefs, it didnt go anywhere ironically. For the most part, I didn't believe I was 'pretty' enough to be dated respectfully bc my nose wasn't narrow enough, I always have looked about 10 years younger than my true age, and I wasn't thin enough.


My hair had nothing to do with it.
 
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Leona28

Active Member
It's taken me years to come to terms with 'me' bc like you Sorotachi, eventhough I wanted to spend more time with 'black' friends, it was only those who were kind, weren't jealous of my background or ability to date many 'white guys', who chose to hang out from time to time...I was considered 'not African' and acting like a 'white girl' from time to time. To 'white' people outside of my family, many would be superficial because of the association with a 'black person' or as many put it ' a foreigner.' As I get older I believe this is a heart issue...they do it to their own...

I think you need to breath a little...I know of many stories of kids who are 'white skinned' but either not from here or only partly. Bc they look darker or speak different, they get bullied. Being black, is easier to target but it's not the only reason.

I too went through a phase of wanting to have more european features however I was desired despite my African features. I NEEDED TO ACCEPT IT. I've always loved my skin and never got into the lightening skin bandwagon. I've also desired long thick type 1 hair but after reading a Brazilian beauty manual, I learned that hair is beautiful no matter the texture or length once its kept in good condition.

I tried braids 1x in my life, weaves 5 x but disliked wearing false hair. After finding this site, I realized that it was possible to reach BSL on my hair! Finding what works has been challenging but I'm confident it will make happen. I tie my hair in a bun most of the time. I'd like dynamism to my hair as I have more personality but it can be a bit limited here. Did link with Brazilian stylists for sometime but super expensive!

You have 2 cultures or more you can identify with. Embrace them all even if people can't or chose not to understand. If you identify more with one culture than another, this is you. You don't need to mould into them. People are more inclined to reject the facts but you've got to not live for others and start to live as you would have your life. Reality sucks but make it work for you.
 
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mzteaze

Pilates and Yoga Kinda Gal
As a person that has worn a weave in the past, I get the extreme expense associated with wearing weaves. Lord knows I spent a grip between hair, installs and maintenance.

However, I disagree with the mass assumptions that weave wearers are doing because they want to white. Let's get away from this assumption. A woman's hair is her glory is a familiar saying but it goes a long way in connecting how any woman feels about their hair.

Very few women wants to seen in public with torn up, rats nest of hair long or short. Up until weaves became cheap enough for women of all economic backgrounds to afford it, wigs were popular. Wigs in all different lengths, textures, etc were worn by women of color. Different hairstyles changes a persons look and in some social circles determines a women's level of attractiveness.

Who hasn't heard or noticed that some men express a preference for a specific hairstyle on a women then watch the number of women willing to make that look happen in the hopes of attracting that man?

I don't doubt that there are a few woman who might ID with the author of the article. However, it's not the mass reason why women wear weaves.
 

koolkittychick

Well-Known Member
Very few women wants to seen in public with torn up, rats nest of hair long or short. Up until weaves became cheap enough for women of all economic backgrounds to afford it, wigs were popular. Wigs in all different lengths, textures, etc were worn by women of color. Different hairstyles changes a persons look and in some social circles determines a women's level of attractiveness.

So are you saying that hair that is not worn in a wig or weave--say, a WnG or Afro puff, or even freeform kinky coils, is a "torn up, rats nest of hair" that is not attractive?

Who hasn't heard or noticed that some men express a preference for a specific hairstyle on a women then watch the number of women willing to make that look happen in the hopes of attracting that man?

So you're saying that because some men prefer White women (or at least women who do not have Black hair), Black women run out and get weave, and that's okay?

I don't doubt that there are a few woman who might ID with the author of the article. However, it's not the mass reason why women wear weaves.

Based on the arguments you just gave, I think you just refuted your last statement. :ohwell:
 

PinkSunshine77

New York's Finest
I've probably spent more than that in hair, getting my nails and hair done, braid instals and beauty salon visits. Glad I'm au naturale now. I do need to kick my wig habit though.
 
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