What would you have said in this situation?

[toyagurl]

Good morning. So I have nice hair. I know this because I put a lot of time, money and research into it. I mean since joining this forum the information that I have gathered took my hair to another level. By most people's standards I have very nice hair. I get asked a lot about if my hair is fake or a wig so much that it really doesn't bother me. I probably should get offended but for some reason I take pride in being able to say "No it's not."

So today at church an older white woman, I've know her for some time says to me "Your hair looks soooooo good. Is that a wig?" I say to her "This is like the second or third time we have had this conversation, no it's not." She says "It just looks so good." I say thanks and keep it moving.

I see the lady later after service and she says that she owes me an apology. Her daughter overheard her and told her that she was extremely rude and that she should apologize. I assured that no offense was taken and she was relieved. She then proceeds to say that it's just that "Most black girls hair doesn't look like that."

Some people don't know when to shut up!

I looked at her and said that may be true down here (I live in a small town) but in my circle and in other places hair like this is not uncommon.

What would you have said in this situation? I wanted it to be a teachable moment without going into all of the stuff that I could have. She would have been there for 10 minutes.


Pic of my hair today (Sorry not the best pic, I was also holding my daughter)

 

[Nya33]

You do have very nice hair, ok well you said exactly what I would have said in that it is my hair and no it is not a wig furthermore even it was a wig why are you asking, do you want to buy one ? Ok j/k with the last part.

It is true you would be there for days explaining, however why should you explain. For me it is now a case of people will think and say whatever but you know what you do to make and keep your hair looking good and I will just keep being polite until somebody decides to try and pull my hair!

 

[taz007]

PERFECT response. Short, clear and firm.

Oh, and you DO have nice hair!

 

[toyagurl]

Thanks. I was just processing it after I got home and wanted to get some other perspectives. I think us healthy heads have a heavy load to carry sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I am supposed to say more. When it's another AA woman I feel obligated to say more. Does anyone else?

 

[Empressive]

I definitely don't think you should get offended when people ask you if it is your real hair. Some people ask out of general curiosity because your hair looks very healthy. I have to admit that I weave check with my eyes sometimes but not with my mouth because I know some women do get offended (usually the ones with the weave)

I am pretty sure I would have told her exactly what you told her. No need to go into deep details.

BTW: Love the hair!

 

[*CherryPie*]

I think your response was good enough. Clear and precise!!!

 

[BlackGeisha]

Your hair is very pretty, and I think you handled the situation well.

 

[southerncitygirl]

You do have great hair. sad thing is that the longer it gets the worse these comments are going to get cause folks are ignorant and don't understand boundaries. I think you handled it well. You were clear, concise,and to the point. Great job in handling this situtation

 

[Mrs. Verde]

Yes, you do have very pretty hair. Looks so healthy and shiny!

 

[supermodelsonya]

Your hair does look great! I'd kill to have that shine and body!!!! : )

It would be so funny to me the day I get told I'm wearing a weave (and I'm actually not wearing one)

Some people tend to put their foot in their mouths but from some people's experience, they may NOT see a lot of Black women with nice hair.

Lord KNOWS on the South side of Chicago it can get hard.....Perm burns/sores, traction alopecia, NO EDGES whatsoever from wearing those braids too tightly....it just goes on and on and on.

And thanks to a couple of movies and overzealous TV hosts, they think WE ALL WEAR WEAVES! SMH

 

[charmtreese]

I find it to be in bad taste when women (regardless of race or nationality) ask other women "is that your hair?". If, you are truly admiring someones hair, what's wrong with just saying "Oh, you have very pretty hair" or something of the like. If women walked around asking each other "oh, you have very perky breast are they yours?" or "Your face is sooo smooth, do you botox?" this would be considered blasphemy, and I think most women wouldn't take kindly to being asked such things.

OP, I guess for the situation you were in you handled it well!

 

[wheezy807]

Your hair does look great! I'd kill to have that shine and body!!!! : )

It would be so funny to me the day I get told I'm wearing a weave (and I'm actually not wearing one)

Some people tend to put their foot in their mouths but from some people's experience, they may NOT see a lot of Black women with nice hair.

Lord KNOWS on the South side of Chicago it can get hard.....Perm burns/sores, traction alopecia, NO EDGES whatsoever from wearing those braids too tightly....it just goes on and on and on.

And thanks to a couple of movies and overzealous TV hosts, they think WE ALL WEAR WEAVES! SMH

I was just about to say around my parts people don't have like that, sadly. But you handle yourself well. If it were me, she wouldn't even gotten a reply. I would have just KIM.

 

[IDareT'sHair]

YES..........You Do Have Beautiful, Healthy, Shiny, Well-Groomed Hair.

She was out of place, But you Kindly Put her Back in it!

Compliments seem to be a "Lost Art" These Days

Nicely Handled.

 

[toyagurl]

I wish that there were more AA women down here that took care of their hair. It is depressing down here sometimes. I live in a college town so there are some girls with nice heads of hair but I imagine they get the same "compliments" that I do. I guess we are a minority. I wish we weren't though.

 

[shunemite]

Hit her with a fact about her own race. I would've replied with, "most white women bleach their hair blonde, and statistically most of the weave world wide is purchased by Caucasians, not blacks".

It's the same reply I give to a white woman complaining about blacks and welfare. I say, "I'm glad you brought that up. Most people don't know that about 60% of the people on welfare are white".

Or the one about blacks and rap music, to which I reply, "I know, 40% of rap music is purchased by white females."

 

[toyagurl]

Your hair does look great! I'd kill to have that shine and body!!!! : )

It would be so funny to me the day I get told I'm wearing a weave (and I'm actually not wearing one)

Some people tend to put their foot in their mouths but from some people's experience, they may NOT see a lot of Black women with nice hair.

Lord KNOWS on the South side of Chicago it can get hard.....Perm burns/sores, traction alopecia, NO EDGES whatsoever from wearing those braids too tightly....it just goes on and on and on.

And thanks to a couple of movies and overzealous TV hosts, they think WE ALL WEAR WEAVES! SMH

In these parts she is definitely seeing more of what you mentioned. I see it too. I just know better.

 

[toyagurl]

Hit her with a fact about her own race. I would've replied with, "most white women bleach their hair blonde, and statistically most of the weave world wide is purchased by Caucasians, not blacks".

It's the same reply I give to a white woman complaining about blacks and welfare. I say, "I'm glad you brought that up. Most people don't know that about 60% of the people on welfare are white".

Or the one about blacks and rap music, to which I reply, "I know, 40% of rap music is purchased by white females."

I think she will think twice before she approaches someone else. Especially if she tells her daughter about the extra stuff she said. The daughter knows what's up I think.

 

[lalaland88]

First off, you have lovely hair!

2nd, Considering that you said she is old (and a lot of old ppl take it far, like Barbara Walters), I think you handled it extremely well. Good job!

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I think you handled that flawlessly

Unfortunately this kind of interaction is inevitable from time to time we have to school some people its only gonna escalate as your hair grows longer. But as long as you continue to handle yourself with poise and class as you did in this situation, you'll breeze through.

Your hair is beautiful btw

 

[Beaute Noire]

Beautiful Hair! You handled this perfectly...I get asked if I'm wearing a wig a lot as well and people have gone as far as check my scalp. I had a cousin try what Sheree did to Kim, from Real Houswives . It used to bother me but now I don't even sweat that ish.

 

[toyagurl]

I think you handled that flawlessly

Unfortunately this kind of interaction is inevitable from time to time we have to school some people its only gonna escalate as your hair grows longer. But as long as you continue to handle yourself with poise and class as you did in this situation, you'll breeze through.

Your hair is beautiful btw

Thank you so much. You have absolutely beautiful hair!

 

[toyagurl]

Beautiful Hair! You handled this perfectly...I get asked if I'm wearing a wig a lot as well and people have gone as far as check my scalp. I had a cousin try what Sheree did to Kim, from Real Houswives . It used to bother me but now I don't even sweat that ish.

Thanks. Your hair cut is the biz!

 

[darlingdiva]

I find it to be in bad taste when women (regardless of race or nationality) ask other women "is that your hair?". If, you are truly admiring someones hair, what's wrong with just saying "Oh, you have very pretty hair" or something of the like. If women walked around asking each other "oh, you have very perky breast are they yours?" or "Your face is sooo smooth, do you botox?" this would be considered blasphemy, and I think most women wouldn't take kindly to being asked such things.

OP, I guess for the situation you were in you handled it well!

I COMPLETELY AGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP, you handled the situation well & your hair is absolutely beautiful!

 

[Creatividual]

I think you handled the situation fabulously. And you do have very nice hair! Happy Hair Growing!

 

[Ganjababy]

Your hair is gorgeous- the shine is killing me. Imagine the reaction when it reaches waistlength! I wonder if she was also comparing your straightened hair to natural, tightly curled or c-nap hair.

 

[happylife]

Very pretty! I would have thanked her quickly for noticing my hairand excused myself away from their company.

Reasoning with her might have been like putting a tear in a large bucket.....not gonnna put much of dent on the philosophy that black women with "nice" hair probably have on a wig/weave.

 

[FluffyRed]

Since she does it repeatedly, how about for next time:

"Beautiful smile. Are those dentures?"

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

I remember being in the mall in high school with a friend of mind who had BSL wave textured hair. We were in the record store when a BW comes out to her commenting on how pretty my friend's hair was. My friend replied "thank-you." The lady then asks "where did you get your weave done?" My friend stated "this is my hair." The lady was like "yeah right!"

I tell this story to say that if you have nice healthy hair, a lot of people assume it's not yours...which is a dumb assumption.

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

Since she does it repeatedly, how about for next time:

"Beautiful smile. Are those dentures?"

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Given that you have had this same conversation with her twice, or three times previously, and she felt the need to keep asking if you have on a wig, you handled it VERY well.

I don't have a high tolerance for that kind of thing. I might have reminded her that she needs to get out of that small town and meet more than the few Black women that she runs into at church to get a true perspective of healthy Black hair.

Kudos for having such healthy hair!

Good morning. So I have nice hair. I know this because I put a lot of time, money and research into it. I mean since joining this forum the information that I have gathered took my hair to another level. By most people's standards I have very nice hair. I get asked a lot about if my hair is fake or a wig so much that it really doesn't bother me. I probably should get offended but for some reason I take pride in being able to say "No it's not."

So today at church an older white woman, I've know her for some time says to me "Your hair looks soooooo good. Is that a wig?" I say to her "This is like the second or third time we have had this conversation, no it's not." She says "It just looks so good." I say thanks and keep it moving.

I see the lady later after service and she says that she owes me an apology. Her daughter overheard her and told her that she was extremely rude and that she should apologize. I assured that no offense was taken and she was relieved. She then proceeds to say that it's just that "Most black girls hair doesn't look like that."

Some people don't know when to shut up!

I looked at her and said that may be true down here (I live in a small town) but in my circle and in other places hair like this is not uncommon.

What would you have said in this situation? I wanted it to be a teachable moment without going into all of the stuff that I could have. She would have been there for 10 minutes.


Pic of my hair today (Sorry not the best pic, I was also holding my daughter)