Whatshould I have said?

[Purtygurly]

My mom asked me if her hair looked nice this morning.

This is her regimine. Every 2 weeks she gets her hair done at her stylist. She gets it washed, deep conditioned, blow dried, the HOT combed with ALOT of pressing oil. It's blue and thick... when she gets home she rolls it up with sponge curlers every night and adds royal crown hair grease to it. Well, she couldn't make her appointment last time so she wen t a month without doing anything but greasing it every day.

She doesn't agree with what I do to my hair, She says that I think I'm white. I offered to do her hair and she said "never", only her stylist can touch it.

Anyway, needless to say, it doesn't look good... at all. It's all this dandruff and stuff stuck in it. It's really greasy and stinky. It never grows.

Anyway when she asked me if it looked nice I talked gibberish.. it's just something that I do when I don't want to talk or if I'm just acting stupid.

What would you have said?

Is it impossible to at least try to convince her to go to another beautician???

 

[PrettyBrownEyes]

You should have told her about the dandruff and the smell in a pleasant concerned voice. If she asked what she should do about it once you mentioned those two things then you could give her suggestions.

 

[adrienne0914]

girl, i'll have to remember to talk gibberis with some folks!!

sometimes people are not ready for the truth. unfortunately, i think your mother falls into that category. i don't think i would have lied to her. i probably would have told her that "all the dandruff isn't cute, but i like the style" or something like that...

 

[babyblue]

Wow you just described my own mother

My mom is worse cause she only goes to the stylist once a month to wash and style. I've just about given up on her

 

[Isis]

Tell her the truth in a loving way and offer to assist her in finding a good solution, without being condescending. You may let her know about all the great information you are learning from this hairboard and share some of the suggestions with her. Because she asked you, it sounds like she values your opinion. Maybe she is noticing how good your hair is looking and wants the same for herself.

 

[Angelicus]

My mom is the same way. Since she gets panic attacks a lot, she won't let me do her hair unless she takes tranqulizers. I have done her hair twice and both times she received numerous compliments.

I try to give my mom some suggestions about protein treatments and not putting grease on the scalp but she just goes on about how much of a white girl i am for [conditioner] washing my hair sometimes twice a day.

 

[katie]

[ QUOTE ]
Purtygurly said:

Anyway when she asked me if it looked nice I talked gibberish.. it's just something that I do when I don't want to talk or if I'm just acting stupid.

[/ QUOTE ]

I thought I was the only one who did that.

 

[CocoaCure]

Why are people calling you guys White girls?? I don't understand. Because you're shampooing your hair often?? I thought most Black folks these days knew that water isn't the enemy and that it's good for us to Shampoo it at LEAST once a week! But if they are like my Mom and DON'T know that yet.........YES, you must talk to her and convince her to let you do it! Or at least help her with her maintenance in between going to that awful hairdresser! It sounds as if she's just stuck in a time warp - back when we greased our scalps and stuff like that and WE were the cause of the dandruff due to some much nasty product build-up! Please explain these things to her in a loving way! Plus when they see you guy's hair they should take notice that you guys are doing something right! My Mom loves how my hair is looking so now I have some credibility with her and she's starting to listen finally! This is a woman who has worn the exact same hair style (I call it the Nancy Reagan) for over 50 years!!! 52 to be exact - since she was like 15!!! Sad but true!

 

[ms_kenesha]

Re: What should I have said?

I don't know what I would have said since your mother has said that she will never let you do her hair and she thinks you think you'ree a white girl because of your own hair practices. Maybe this was her call for help because she's noticing how nice your hair is looking in contrast to hers.

I will tell my mom that her style looks nice but she needs to wash it because it's dandruffy or whatever. Now she goes to her stylist every week or every two weeks so at least it's cleaner than usual, but she still believes in the old school grease and less is more school od washing, too

 

[Lilydrake]

Proceed her what you look.

 

[cybra]

There truly are tactful ways of telling people we love that they look like a nut

I starting with a compliment, followed by the "bad news" is the best way to approach anything. For example, I would have started with: "Mom, I think it is great the way you have tried to keep your hair up despite the fact that you haven't been able to get to your stylist. I also admire you for wanting to take care of your hair...." Now, here comes the bad news,"...but, maybe you can't tell but all that grease is making your flakes more obvious because the flakes are sticking to your hairs. Also, you probably can't tell it, but the oil combined with the flakes, which by the way is dead skin, makes your hair have a slightly unpleasant smell." Then turn it back on her, "Have you asked your stylist what you can do to reduce the smell, GREASE BUILD UP, while maintaing healthy hair when you can't make it to the shop?"

Now, you have covered everything: You've pointed out something good about her (she could never say you never see the good she is doing), you've told her your concern (her hair sucks), and you've in a subtle way suggested her current hairdresser may not be the best if she isn't covering homecare.

Okay, HTH.

 

[ms_kenesha]

Great Advice Cybra!!! I'll definitely start using that method.