White Men's Interest in Black Women's Hair....

[chocolat79]

First, let me preface this thread by saying that I DO feel some kind of way when people ask me, "Is that your real hair?" Black, white, or otherwise; male or female. But, this was one of those complex moments where I wanted to be annoyed, but it didn't quite go there.

I've also noticed that more white men that I've run into have expressed "interest" in my hair, real or fake. Here's the most recent example:

Today I was walking one of the patients, an older WM back to lobby. On the way back, he said, "Is that your real hair?" (I wear a wig to work, not only for PS, but other reasons as well). I said no. He said, "Is your hair kinky?" huh: (I was kinda taken aback and amused at the same time). I said yes. He was like, "Why don't you wear your hair out?? You should wear it in an Afro. I don't see those much anymore. I think they're sooo sexy!" :blush3: I told him to come back in December and I'd have it out then. We both started laughing and he went on about his business. This was kinda interesting, as to look at this man, you'd never think he'd know anything about "kinky" hair. Older, affluent, white male...funny

Another example: An older white guy who worked for our company, but whom I didn't know that well, would always kind of look at me oddly when we'd greet each other. More of a perplexing look than anything. Anyway, I guess one day, after a few weeks of his curiosity KILLING him, he got up the nerve to ask me, "is that your real hair?" I said no and he seemed just as satisfied as he could be. (I was wearing a wig similar to Mona's hair in in Half & Half)

Last example: A white male patient was/is just enthralled with my hair (wig). Every time he comes in, he always makes a comment about my hair (wig). I didn't feel like explaining it was a wig AND he didn't ask, LOL, so I just let him think what he wanted. He was like, "where did you get all that pretty hair?" I was like, "My daddy" which IS true; my daddy has nice hair, LOL.

Anyway, I'm curious to know if any of you ladies have had any stories where white men have expressed some interest in your hair. Is it a trend? Where you amused? Offended? Indifferent?

I'm more curious to know about random white men rather than ones you know, associate with regularly, or SO/DH/FH's etc.

 

[UrbainChic]

Usually they just tell me they love it and tell me they think I should wear it bigger, as big as possible.

Some either reach out and touch or strategically bump into it, touch it whatever only to exclaim how soft it was.

And the ones i have dated just love to get all up in there.

Other ethnicities comment too, but I sometimes get an impression theres a different element of interest/curiosity my hair when it comes to white men. I dont know if its in my head or if its real.

 

[faithVA]

I can't say that random white men ask me questions but I over the years I have had people that I pass by on a regular basis ask me about my hair because they got to see it change over time. I like their openess. The only way to learn is to ask.

The thing I found that seems to fascinate them the most is how often I change my hair. When I was relaxed I changed styles every 2 weeks. Now that I am natural I change it every 4 or 5 days. It seems to be an interesting topic around the office. They like to comment on which styles they like over other styles. And when I went from kinky twists to my own, they thought I cut my hair. They are VERY observant.

I find the whole thing entertaining. It also lets me know they watch us a lot more than I thought. I do agree though there are times I don't feel like explaining - especially on a Monday.

 

[VirtuousBeauty]

bumping............

 

[EllePixie]

I wouldn't say it's just white men, but white people in general sometimes...and I'm not offended to a POINT but sometimes it's a little much. When my boss saw my curly hair she felt the need to CONSTANTLY comment on it to the point where I just found it ignorant, even if she was complimenting it. She went into another girl's office just to tell her how much she loved my hair, and she was like, "I like this so much better than when you were on that whole straightening thing." - when I had a relaxer. Then she proceeded to tell me how much prettier I looked with curly hair and my eyes just popped and you could see all my facial features better. I was actually EXTREMELY offended and I was about to tell her she needed to stop talking to me like I was her pet monkey or something.

A compliment or inquiry or two is fine, but seriously, get out my head...lol.

 

[RedVelvet310]

Men in general express interest in my hair black,white, south asian, east asian. I get the most compliments from men when my hair is not in a straight style.

 

[Mari-Cris]

Maybe this is not really answering the question and I am going off on a tangent, but here goes: I find it very perplexing that so many black women wear wigs and weaves. Maybe I can sorta understand the ones who have snatch-bald length, but even a lot who have SL-hair resort to them. It is especially perplexing to me why women, who are members here, and have a knowledge-base at their fingertips to grow long hair, would put something fake on their head. Learn to love what you got.

I guess I am just really frustrated because I just started my LHJ, and I have only worn a weave once (and that was after I had experienced some breakage and was going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding. I did not like it, I took it out after a few days because I could not stand the itching). I have always been content with my SL-hair. Now that I have the knowledge that would hopefully one day lead me to the length I desire, most people, black and white, will question if my hair is 'really mine' because so many other black women use fake hair.

I do not mean to judge anyone but I will be glad when more black women stop wearing fake hair. I mean what is the point of joining this board and going on a LHCJ if you are just going to continue to wear fake hair on your head. Nobody except immediate family will know the difference - and certainly not co-workers anyway, unless you tell them.

Outsiders ask questions and you may answer them and get a polite response back. I know some of them are well-meaning, but there are others who ask and when you tell them it is not your real hair, they are snickering inside. How are we, as black women, ever going to debunk the myth about our hair not being able to grow beyond SL if, even when we do have long hair, we still go back to what is comfortable and slap on fake hair? What is the point of growing hair to MBL or WL if you are still going to wear a wig/weave? You are going to keep paying $300 for somebody's hair!?

I know I am about to get slammed right now but this is something that has been on my chest for a while now and you are free to disagree if you like.

 

[arosieworld]

Ummmm most people here who use weaves and wigs are using them to PS. I think you should get to know the board before saying things like that. You know, get your barrings.

 

[Mari-Cris]

I wouldn't say it's just white men, but white people in general sometimes...and I'm not offended to a POINT but sometimes it's a little much. When my boss saw my curly hair she felt the need to CONSTANTLY comment on it to the point where I just found it ignorant, even if she was complimenting it. She went into another girl's office just to tell her how much she loved my hair, and she was like, "I like this so much better than when you were on that whole straightening thing." - when I had a relaxer. Then she proceeded to tell me how much prettier I looked with curly hair and my eyes just popped and you could see all my facial features better. I was actually EXTREMELY offended and I was about to tell her she needed to stop talking to me like I was her pet monkey or something.

A compliment or inquiry or two is fine, but seriously, get out my head...lol.

I understand why it was an irritating situation for you, but this is just my point: Many of us have these experiences of others, even non-blacks, telling us that they like our hair when we are not trying to go so far to the opposite extreme of what our hair naturally is. It is black and white people telling us this. Maybe we should just take that as a hint.

 

[Mari-Cris]

Ummmm most people here who use weaves and wigs are using them to PS. I think you should get to know the board before saying things like that. You know, get your barrings.

There are other methods of PS other than wigs/weaves.

 

[arosieworld]

Yes but not all work for all people. People here use wigs and weaves for a purpose to CARE for their hair not hid it in shame or replace it with something they think is better because it is store bought.

Judging people on how they walk their hair journey is a little presumptive.

 

[lea86111]

@mari-cris
most people here wear wigs/weaves as protective styles


to answer the question, when i was texlaxed (a short lived endeavor) this one mother that i used to see at the park all the time (i'm a babysitter) had never seen my real hair, i was always in braids, so when she saw it she was very very enthralled. She came up to me and asked me if it was my hair and i told her yes then she said it was very pretty and she loved the curls. Lol i found it very funny cause she seemed so interested/surprised etc. I didn't take offense.

 

[ebonylocs]

Well, I really haven't had the random white guy on the street thing, but had a white male acquaintance see me surfing on nappturality and then went on there himself. He then came back and asked me if I "hid my hair." I told him no, I chemically straightened it. (I had long texlaxed / relaxed hair). He said it was nice, but he preferred braids.

One white guy who was interested in me told me that in all his years of dating black women he had learned two things:
1) Contrary to stereotype, not all of us can dance (we were discussing dancing), and
2) Our hair isn't ours.
I informed him that all of my abundant hair was mine and told him to be careful how he went around making that blanket statement to BW. But I guess that was his experience with the women he dated. *shrug* I don't disbelieve him, from what I saw of London BW's hair in the years I was there. *shrug*

 

[Tamster]

Just the other day I was walking down michigan ave and a random younger (prob my age, or older so like 22-25) made eye contact with me and was like 'miss, can I ask you a question about your hair?!" and wanted to walk and talk. I was on the phone and caught off guard so I just shrugged him off...

But I do find that random white guys are interested in my hair, especially when its big. I think I'm flattered by it usually, unless its just extra random, or when its too much. Then its ignorant like one poster mentioned above.

 

[southerncitygirl]

There are other methods of PS other than wigs/weaves.

at the end of the day everyone must protective style in manner that is flattering to their facial features and relevant to their lifestyle....you're a newbie here so you don't quite get it. many women on this board have beautiful healthy hair under their wigs.

 

[southerncitygirl]

Maybe this is not really answering the question and I am going off on a tangent, but here goes: I find it very perplexing that so many black women wear wigs and weaves. Maybe I can sorta understand the ones who have snatch-bald length, but even a lot who have SL-hair resort to them. It is especially perplexing to me why women, who are members here, and have a knowledge-base at their fingertips to grow long hair, would put something fake on their head. Learn to love what you got.

I guess I am just really frustrated because I just started my LHJ, and I have only worn a weave once (and that was after I had experienced some breakage and was going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding. I did not like it, I took it out after a few days because I could not stand the itching). I have always been content with my SL-hair. Now that I have the knowledge that would hopefully one day lead me to the length I desire, most people, black and white, will question if my hair is 'really mine' because so many other black women use fake hair.

I do not mean to judge anyone but I will be glad when more black women stop wearing fake hair. I mean what is the point of joining this board and going on a LHCJ if you are just going to continue to wear fake hair on your head. Nobody except immediate family will know the difference - and certainly not co-workers anyway, unless you tell them.

Outsiders ask questions and you may answer them and get a polite response back. I know some of them are well-meaning, but there are others who ask and when you tell them it is not your real hair, they are snickering inside. How are we, as black women, ever going to debunk the myth about our hair not being able to grow beyond SL if, even when we do have long hair, we still go back to what is comfortable and slap on fake hair? What is the point of growing hair to MBL or WL if you are still going to wear a wig/weave? You are going to keep paying $300 for somebody's hair!?

I know I am about to get slammed right now but this is something that has been on my chest for a while now and you are free to disagree if you like.

at the bolded: expensive hair can be used for up to year if cared for properly, people don't keep buying new hair with every install....please learn more about this board before you assume.

 

[LushLox]

People wear wigs on here because it is an excellent way of running a low maintenance regi with great results. If you take a look at some of the long term wig wearers you'll see that some of them are able to achieve excellent retention and are able to grow long lengths of hair relatively quickly.

If I could find a wig that suited me I would have no hesitation in rocking it as I think it is one of the best protective styles as you still have easy access to your real hair.

Maybe this is not really answering the question and I am going off on a tangent, but here goes: I find it very perplexing that so many black women wear wigs and weaves. Maybe I can sorta understand the ones who have snatch-bald length, but even a lot who have SL-hair resort to them. It is especially perplexing to me why women, who are members here, and have a knowledge-base at their fingertips to grow long hair, would put something fake on their head. Learn to love what you got.

I guess I am just really frustrated because I just started my LHJ, and I have only worn a weave once (and that was after I had experienced some breakage and was going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding. I did not like it, I took it out after a few days because I could not stand the itching). I have always been content with my SL-hair. Now that I have the knowledge that would hopefully one day lead me to the length I desire, most people, black and white, will question if my hair is 'really mine' because so many other black women use fake hair.

I do not mean to judge anyone but I will be glad when more black women stop wearing fake hair. I mean what is the point of joining this board and going on a LHCJ if you are just going to continue to wear fake hair on your head. Nobody except immediate family will know the difference - and certainly not co-workers anyway, unless you tell them.

Outsiders ask questions and you may answer them and get a polite response back. I know some of them are well-meaning, but there are others who ask and when you tell them it is not your real hair, they are snickering inside. How are we, as black women, ever going to debunk the myth about our hair not being able to grow beyond SL if, even when we do have long hair, we still go back to what is comfortable and slap on fake hair? What is the point of growing hair to MBL or WL if you are still going to wear a wig/weave? You are going to keep paying $300 for somebody's hair!?

I know I am about to get slammed right now but this is something that has been on my chest for a while now and you are free to disagree if you like.

 

[Blackmagic]

For me it's mostly White people in general and *GASP* black women...

I've had occasions when I was in boarding school (this was in Australia) where random male classmates would randomly start pawing my head...After I went "Angry Black Woman" on them it didn't happen again.

My SO loves it and usually his fingers will end up in my head...he's white...

 

[L.Brown1114]

Maybe this is not really answering the question and I am going off on a tangent, but here goes: I find it very perplexing that so many black women wear wigs and weaves. Maybe I can sorta understand the ones who have snatch-bald length, but even a lot who have SL-hair resort to them. It is especially perplexing to me why women, who are members here, and have a knowledge-base at their fingertips to grow long hair, would put something fake on their head. Learn to love what you got.

I guess I am just really frustrated because I just started my LHJ, and I have only worn a weave once (and that was after I had experienced some breakage and was going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding. I did not like it, I took it out after a few days because I could not stand the itching). I have always been content with my SL-hair. Now that I have the knowledge that would hopefully one day lead me to the length I desire, most people, black and white, will question if my hair is 'really mine' because so many other black women use fake hair.

I do not mean to judge anyone but I will be glad when more black women stop wearing fake hair. I mean what is the point of joining this board and going on a LHCJ if you are just going to continue to wear fake hair on your head. Nobody except immediate family will know the difference - and certainly not co-workers anyway, unless you tell them.

Outsiders ask questions and you may answer them and get a polite response back. I know some of them are well-meaning, but there are others who ask and when you tell them it is not your real hair, they are snickering inside. How are we, as black women, ever going to debunk the myth about our hair not being able to grow beyond SL if, even when we do have long hair, we still go back to what is comfortable and slap on fake hair? What is the point of growing hair to MBL or WL if you are still going to wear a wig/weave? You are going to keep paying $300 for somebody's hair!?

I know I am about to get slammed right now but this is something that has been on my chest for a while now and you are free to disagree if you like.

i totally understand where your coming from from but theres a difference between wearing weaves and wigs because you dont have the knowledge to grow your own hair and wearing them to protect your own hair. Its a journey so having some people snicker inside to keep their self esteem up isnt a big deal because YOU know the end goal and thats all that matters. you just gotta keep your eyes on the prize and when you do reach you goal, the next time they ask that question you can proudly say it is yours and you can be the one snickering.

 

[brianna-alyssa]

I've had white men and women tell me my hair is beautiful and that it looks nice etc. I'm growing out of a TWA but mostly wear twists.

I can understand why people would get offended if the person was super duper over the top. But if a person is just curious, I don't see why they would be upset.

 

[Transformer]

I think "natural" hair is very appealing to non-Blacks. I tend to have more non-Blacks compliment me on my hair than Blacks. Asians tend to go crazy over naturally curly hair.

In the corporate world, I think commenting on a natural hairstyle is one way a lot of managers like to show acceptance and diversity. Plus, a lot of the women around here that do wear wigs/weave aren't wearing the best quality hair or don't know to do the upkeep and the fake hair has the appearance of a dead horse. Thinking about it, we don't have a lot of fake hair wearers in my workplace of 2000 people. The younger girls will wear it...but since the average age here is 40....there's not a lot. There's a lot of relax heads though. I'm currently in two strand twists pulled up which has garnered a lot of comments from everyone.

Personally, I think the fake hair movement has gone too far when I see 13/14 years old with weaves. These young ladies are growing up with no practical experience of caring for their own hair or/and have a poor opinion of their hair which adds to lower self esteem.

 

[Kurli-Q]

The white people at my job love my hair; they even notice when I switch gels.

One over the top exclamation from one of them occurred when I wore twists; most just said it looked nice and kept it moving, but I guess my boss wanted to prove how "down" she is, so she proceeded to tell me how she went to the Caribbean and one of those ladies on the beach braided her and her DDs hair. I was like "ummm, that's nice, but these are not braids".

Another time was when I straightened last christmas. That was right before I cut it again, I think my hair was between bra strap and my waist. my white MALE coworker came up to my desk and just put his hand in my hair!!!!!!!!!! Then he said "this is pretty, but I prefer it curly". I couldn't even respond properly, I think I said "mmm, k...".

The BEST time, or at least the most bizarre, was when I was still in High School and I was riding the train to school. My hair was still relaxed at the time. So, I'm sitting down minding my business when this white guy in a business suit sits next to me, runs his fingers thru my hair, smells it, and says "mmmm, your hair is so nice" and stares deeply into my eyes. i was in such shock that I couldn't even say anything; my friends said I looked dazed and confused, like I just didn't understand what was going on. Maybe he was trying to hypnotize me.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I don't think I've ever had a random white person comment on my hair. I have been told though that my hair looks "wild"

@mari_cris: I completely agree with you. I too wish for the day when the majority of black women stop wearing other people's hair. I'm really confused by constant wig/weave wearers.

 

[ebonylocs]

The BEST time, or at least the most bizarre, was when I was still in High School and I was riding the train to school. My hair was still relaxed at the time. So, I'm sitting down minding my business when this white guy in a business suit sits next to me, runs his fingers thru my hair, smells it, and says "mmmm, your hair is so nice" and stares deeply into my eyes. i was in such shock that I couldn't even say anything; my friends said I looked dazed and confused, like I just didn't understand what was going on. Maybe he was trying to hypnotize me.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[ConstantlyDynamic]

people are always curious about things that are "exotic" to them but i think white people might be more forward about it for some reason. i have theories as to why but i don't want to change topics haha i did have tons of white friends who acted like they were experts on black hair care though smh

and i like weaves when done correctly. i hate most that i see because a lot of women will put the shiniest thing in the store on and it's way too obvious that it isn't theirs. i used to hate them completely but after seeing a few on here, i changed my mind. idk if i would get one because i don't know how to maintain it. i'd have to read up on that. but yeah if done properly to the point where it looks like it is yours, i don't see an issue. it's a good PS and has nothing to do with hating your hair (at least on this forum). i admit that i wouldn't want someone asking me if it was real though so i'd wear a kinky weave or an APL straight one. something "believable". if they do ask, i'd tell them the truth and i'd be nice about it but i would also be a bit embarrassed. i think that's due to the fact that weaves are a no-no in my family. i wish i could care less

 

[EllePixie]

LOL @Kulri-Q. I mean, I understand they are trying to be nice but I think it reaches a point where it is almost mocking; I mean, I never saw her commenting on my white coworker's hair like that...even a compliment can be excessive...it's like when you have one of those friends who constantly calls you pretty...it just gets creepy, like the hypnotizing man.

@mari_cris: Most people have already addressed this, but I also think there is a HUGE difference between alternating hiding your hair and wearing it out (Like many of the women on this board, I'll wear wigs sometimes, but only for a few days in a row at the most, and then I'll wear my fro again), and then there are those people who WILL NOT go out of the house without their weave/wig on, or if they do, they HAVE to be wearing a hat or scarf on the way to the salon to get their weave put in. Now that, is sad. Hair is hidden as a protective style because almost everything weathers your hair especially when it gets to shoulder length (not just heat/chemicals), which can cause it to break and split.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Waist Length wig wearer checking in! Wearing my hair in protective styles (using fake hair) was what allowed me to go from an inch of hair to mid-back length in 3 years. I don't regret it at all.

There have been some times, especially once I hit waist length earlier this year, that I have worn my hair in braid-outs that hang to about APL. I cannot tell you how white men go crazy for this. I'm married with kids, so I'm not out in the dating game. If I was, though, I would be cleaning UP. White men LOVE my big long curly braid-outs. Sometimes I feel a bit uncomfortable because they look at me like they are hypnotized by me, and I have no interest in them! It's especially bad sometimes because they see me with my kiddoes and can see I'm down with the swirl because of my little mixed babies. I can see the emotions playing out on their faces and they are sprung. I still get admiring looks when I wear my wig, but the factor is cut by at least half.

White women love and compliment my natural hair too... and have told me I should wear it like that ALL the time (subtle way for them to say WHY do you wear a wig?? ) I don't tell them all of my business, I just thank them for the compliment and move on. It does let me know I'm not fooling anyone with 99% of my wigs though, because folks stop and do a double take, then all up in my scalp, and THEN compliment like crazy on the natural hair... nobody does that when I'm wearing a wig.

Once I get to hip length I may ease up on the wigs.

 

[Sasha299]

I've had comments from random yts. In fact, Sat I went to a BSS I had never noticed before just to see what they had. In it was a little jewish man and he proceeded to hold a whole long 1 hour convo with me about black hair care - he knew more than many black women I know. I have never had anyone other than my own mother touch my hair without my permission - Tell me how to make her stop since as she is running her hands through my hair and frizzing up my curls she is telling me I have to do something with my hair.
I could never find the denman in stores here and he carried them and proceeded to show me how his niece uses it - his niece has some KINKY KINKY KINKY red hair. I even found the OLD black and white bottle of Roux Pourosity Control that works so much better than the one in the new blueish bottle - he told me that.

 

[Janet']

Interesting thoughts...

Thus far, I have had more non-White people have stuff to say about my hair than my lighter skinned friends, lol.

 

[Miss*Tress]

Personally, I think the fake hair movement has gone too far when I see 13/14 years old with weaves. These young ladies are growing up with no practical experience of caring for their own hair or/and have a poor opinion of their hair which adds to lower self esteem.

I couldn't thank you enough for this. Well said.