I need help!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been single and celibate for four years. I've been waiting and praying to God for a husband. God is answering my prayers. He sent a nice anointed man into my life. He likes me a lot. The only problem is that he isn't attractive, and doesn't fit my physical description of a potential mate. He asked me on a date. Should I give him a date or just keep waiting?
Why did God send me an ugly man?
- Thread starter destiny30
- Start date
Enchantmt
Progress...not perfection
LOL...ugly folx need love too. 
(Hoping mine is handsome...j/k...sorta )
I dont mean to laugh at your situation but the way you phased your question is so funny.
As I've gotten older I've realized that ugly is relative. Someone can be very handsome, cover-model fine, and have such an ugly attitude that they become repulsive to look at. Other folx can be aesthetically challenged
, but they have such a good heart, and such a good personality, well groomed, etc that they become attractive. For me its had to be around someone I like, whose personality I like and not have them take on some level of attractiveness, so it makes me wonder if are worried about his looks or worried about what others will think of his looks. I think sometimes what we think others EXPECT us to have colors our decisions. So, dont date him if you have zero chemistry, but dont dismiss him based solely on his looks. I dont believe in dating folx you arent attracted to. The physical isnt the most important, but it is equally important to other qualities folx have. Besides, even if this person isnt your romantic destiny, they can still end up as a very good friend, (who has handsome friends they can introduce you to. )
(Hoping mine is handsome...j/k...sorta )I dont mean to laugh at your situation but the way you phased your question is so funny.
As I've gotten older I've realized that ugly is relative. Someone can be very handsome, cover-model fine, and have such an ugly attitude that they become repulsive to look at. Other folx can be aesthetically challenged
, but they have such a good heart, and such a good personality, well groomed, etc that they become attractive. For me its had to be around someone I like, whose personality I like and not have them take on some level of attractiveness, so it makes me wonder if are worried about his looks or worried about what others will think of his looks. I think sometimes what we think others EXPECT us to have colors our decisions. So, dont date him if you have zero chemistry, but dont dismiss him based solely on his looks. I dont believe in dating folx you arent attracted to. The physical isnt the most important, but it is equally important to other qualities folx have. Besides, even if this person isnt your romantic destiny, they can still end up as a very good friend, (who has handsome friends they can introduce you to. )
crlsweetie912
Well-Known Member
BINGO:
We have to be really careful what we ask God for. You wanted a person who loves the Lord and who could be a husband. (probably left out superfine in your prayers) But at this stage in my life, if I met a good guy who was good to me and loved God and I had things in common with, looks would be way down on my throw him to the curb list.
And besides, it's just a date.
We have to be really careful what we ask God for. You wanted a person who loves the Lord and who could be a husband. (probably left out superfine in your prayers) But at this stage in my life, if I met a good guy who was good to me and loved God and I had things in common with, looks would be way down on my throw him to the curb list.
And besides, it's just a date.
I'm laughing here too. Not at you precious OP, but at the way you put it. I can ony imagine the expression on your face when you first saw that he was not what you expected.
But as Enchantment shared, ugly is relative. It really is. And actually unfair to apply to any man of God. Granted, there are degrees of physical attraction and we all have our different tastes; but never ugly can a true man of God be. Never. What if a man thought the same of you?
You cannot be fair to this man or to yourself or to God, if you 'make yourself' go out with him. Love isn't something that is forced, it just happens and it connects two hearts no matter what the two look like physically. That's truly the best love of all.
Don't do this to him. How unfair to his heart. How unfair to yours as a daughter of God our Father. The real question to ask is, 'Father, what is in my heart? Show me beyond the surface part of me and allow me to see, what is in my heart. If this be the man for me...let it flow. If not, let him go. I place this into your hands and not my eyes to make the right decison, in Jesus' name. Amen. "
(((( Hugs )))) to you, angel. I've been there. But then I had to see what was so much prettier about me, to call any man of God, ugly. For to call him ugly, was saying I was better than he was. I learned that I wasn't so pretty after all.
I bet this man is more beautiful inside and out than one could ever imagine. He's a man of God and I'd rather sleep beside him as my husband than any Denzel or of his kind, any night. And I'd love him...all over.
But as Enchantment shared, ugly is relative. It really is. And actually unfair to apply to any man of God. Granted, there are degrees of physical attraction and we all have our different tastes; but never ugly can a true man of God be. Never. What if a man thought the same of you?
You cannot be fair to this man or to yourself or to God, if you 'make yourself' go out with him. Love isn't something that is forced, it just happens and it connects two hearts no matter what the two look like physically. That's truly the best love of all.
Don't do this to him. How unfair to his heart. How unfair to yours as a daughter of God our Father. The real question to ask is, 'Father, what is in my heart? Show me beyond the surface part of me and allow me to see, what is in my heart. If this be the man for me...let it flow. If not, let him go. I place this into your hands and not my eyes to make the right decison, in Jesus' name. Amen. "
(((( Hugs )))) to you, angel. I've been there. But then I had to see what was so much prettier about me, to call any man of God, ugly. For to call him ugly, was saying I was better than he was. I learned that I wasn't so pretty after all.
I bet this man is more beautiful inside and out than one could ever imagine. He's a man of God and I'd rather sleep beside him as my husband than any Denzel or of his kind, any night. And I'd love him...all over.
Last edited:
SweetCaramel1
Well-Known Member
i would give him a date to see how it goes. his heart, character and personality may outweigh his appearance. looks do fade with time, however, if you are not attracted to him after the date (because of looks, personality, family issues, whatever) i wouldn't waste more time with him on an intimate level. maybe you can being friends. imo there must be at least a minor attraction between a man and a woman. sometimes the attraction is physical sometimes it's not. it depends you.
And he's a real 'deer' hunter. He's still looking for that deer who attacked his sweet baby girl (you) today...dlewis said:When I first got with my husband my mother said, "Please don't have children with him". I thought he was a little hard on the eyes but after 10 years together it's not so hard for me to look at him.
He could be a real gem like my husband.
BlkManWithSomeSense
New Member
Looks fade but character is eternal.
kbragg
Well-Known Member
Think of it this way....Jesus wasn't attractive at all and no doubt He'd have made the perfect husband
Isaiah 53
1Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?
2For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
3He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
5But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
6All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
7He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.
8He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.
9And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
10Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
11He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.
12Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.
Isaiah 53
1Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed?
2For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
3He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
5But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
6All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
7He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.
8He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.
9And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
10Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.
11He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.
12Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.
**Tasha*Love**
New Member
I like what you had to say Shimmie...you summed up everything that I was thinking....
Shimmie said:I'm laughing here too. Not at you precious OP, but at the way you put it. I can ony imagine the expression on your face when you first saw that he was not what you expected.
But as Enchantment shared, ugly is relative. It really is. And actually unfair to apply to any man of God. Granted, there are degrees of physical attraction and we all have our different tastes; but never ugly can a true man of God be. Never. What if a man thought the same of you?
You cannot be fair to this man or to yourself or to God, if you 'make yourself' go out with him. Love isn't something that is forced, it just happens and it connects two hearts no matter what the two look like physically. That's truly the best love of all.
Don't do this to him. How unfair to his heart. How unfair to yours as a daughter of God our Father. The real question to ask is, 'Father, what is in my heart? Show me beyond the surface part of me and allow me to see, what is in my heart. If this be the man for me...let it flow. If not, let him go. I place this into your hands and not my eyes to make the right decison, in Jesus' name. Amen. "
(((( Hugs )))) to you, angel. I've been there. But then I had to see what was so much prettier about me, to call any man of God, ugly. For to call him ugly, was saying I was better than he was. I learned that I wasn't so pretty after all.
I bet this man is more beautiful inside and out than one could ever imagine. He's a man of God and I'd rather sleep beside him as my husband than any Denzel or of his kind, any night. And I'd love him...all over.
cocoberry10
New Member
destiny30 said:
Now, let's not jump the gun Destiny30! This man may or may not be the one. Sometimes we as women get so excited and eager and you can't know exactly why God has put this man into your life just yet.
MAYBE HE HAS A SUPERFINE COUSIN, OR FRIEND that he will introduce you to or somehow connect you to. Maybe he will be one of your best friends. Maybe he will be someone you will go on a simple date with just for practice
. Or, maybe he is the one. Only time and the Holy Spirit's discernment will show you what this man coming into your life is.So I say, relax, relate, and release. Be calm and then decide how you want to proceed!
His Heart...
Sometimes I wonder....
Why I spend so much time at the gym?
45 minutes on the Treadmill;
25 minutes with weights;
hours at home with body stretches
hours at numerous Dance classes
at home -- more Dance...
Focusing on my appearance never ends...
And though I'm no teenie weenie Barbie Doll...
Yet I wonder...
As I workout in the gym, I can see out of the large wall-to-wall window, a man and a woman walking hand in hand, just talking and smiling full of joy.
But....what does he see in her? The man who is holding the hand of a woman whose size is not so small; who really has -- no sexy figure at all.
Yet, what does he see in her? She wears a ragged ponytail...I don't. She needs to polish her toenails and smooth out the heels of her feet; I wear pretty sandals, with pretty pink toes; she has on dirty flip flops chipped polish on her toes; She has a harsh sounding voice, I don't. Her clothes are in disaray, mine are neatly draped...
Hmmmmm, I no longer wonder...
For it's not what he sees in her, instead it's what she sees in him. A man of heart and loving soul who holds her dear, in public and at home unashamed. A man who sees past all of the outward imperfections and sees only the woman who somehow captured his heart; the woman to whom he committed never to depart.
What does he see in her? Reflecting from her, he sees the better man that he's always wanted to be; the better man loving her totally and completely... eternally.
No wonder...
Sometimes I wonder....
Why I spend so much time at the gym?
45 minutes on the Treadmill;
25 minutes with weights;
hours at home with body stretches
hours at numerous Dance classes
at home -- more Dance...
Focusing on my appearance never ends...
And though I'm no teenie weenie Barbie Doll...
Yet I wonder...
As I workout in the gym, I can see out of the large wall-to-wall window, a man and a woman walking hand in hand, just talking and smiling full of joy.
But....what does he see in her? The man who is holding the hand of a woman whose size is not so small; who really has -- no sexy figure at all.
Yet, what does he see in her? She wears a ragged ponytail...I don't. She needs to polish her toenails and smooth out the heels of her feet; I wear pretty sandals, with pretty pink toes; she has on dirty flip flops chipped polish on her toes; She has a harsh sounding voice, I don't. Her clothes are in disaray, mine are neatly draped...
Hmmmmm, I no longer wonder...
For it's not what he sees in her, instead it's what she sees in him. A man of heart and loving soul who holds her dear, in public and at home unashamed. A man who sees past all of the outward imperfections and sees only the woman who somehow captured his heart; the woman to whom he committed never to depart.
What does he see in her? Reflecting from her, he sees the better man that he's always wanted to be; the better man loving her totally and completely... eternally.
No wonder...
live2bgr8
New Member
Shimmie said:I'm laughing here too. Not at you precious OP, but at the way you put it. I can ony imagine the expression on your face when you first saw that he was not what you expected.
But as Enchantment shared, ugly is relative. It really is. And actually unfair to apply to any man of God. Granted, there are degrees of physical attraction and we all have our different tastes; but never ugly can a true man of God be. Never. What if a man thought the same of you?
You cannot be fair to this man or to yourself or to God, if you 'make yourself' go out with him. Love isn't something that is forced, it just happens and it connects two hearts no matter what the two look like physically. That's truly the best love of all.
Don't do this to him. How unfair to his heart. How unfair to yours as a daughter of God our Father. The real question to ask is, 'Father, what is in my heart? Show me beyond the surface part of me and allow me to see, what is in my heart. If this be the man for me...let it flow. If not, let him go. I place this into your hands and not my eyes to make the right decison, in Jesus' name. Amen. "
(((( Hugs )))) to you, angel. I've been there. But then I had to see what was so much prettier about me, to call any man of God, ugly. For to call him ugly, was saying I was better than he was. I learned that I wasn't so pretty after all.
I bet this man is more beautiful inside and out than one could ever imagine. He's a man of God and I'd rather sleep beside him as my husband than any Denzel or of his kind, any night. And I'd love him...all over.
I'm so glad you said this! I had jumped in with my quick 2 cents before reading many of the responses... Enchantment and you, as well as many of the other posters, have made many good points.
Beauty is relative and it fades over time. But a man who fears the Lord is to be praised. (A quick twist on Proverbs 31)
Glib Gurl
Well-Known Member
Hey There
I have been in your situation and even though it's easier to give advice and take it, I say give him a chance. It's interesting. They were talking about this just this morning on Tom Joyner. Al Roker was the guest. Tom asked him, "So, how did you hook up with fiiiine Deborah Roberts?" And Al explained that he was "just a friend" from the industry -- she was dating athletes and investment bankers and such. (Now remember, this is pre-gastric bypass Al Roker!) So, one weekend she asked him to house sit and when he got to her apartment, he described it as the "typical single woman's apartment." Specifically, there was nothing in the fridge except a bottle of champagne, some cheese, and maybe one other thing. So, he decided to cook her something. But, when he looked in her oven, he found that cardboard still in it -- so she had never cooked in the oven! So, before the weekend was over, he stocked her refrigerator and left her fresh flowers on the table. Then, he left the friend zone and went into the dating zone.
Both Tom (who is also married to an attractive woman his junior) and Al were like, "Look. Give the ugly dudes a chance! You *know* that the Matt Lauers of the world are only gonna go down hill! But we can get better!"
I have been in your situation and even though it's easier to give advice and take it, I say give him a chance. It's interesting. They were talking about this just this morning on Tom Joyner. Al Roker was the guest. Tom asked him, "So, how did you hook up with fiiiine Deborah Roberts?" And Al explained that he was "just a friend" from the industry -- she was dating athletes and investment bankers and such. (Now remember, this is pre-gastric bypass Al Roker!) So, one weekend she asked him to house sit and when he got to her apartment, he described it as the "typical single woman's apartment." Specifically, there was nothing in the fridge except a bottle of champagne, some cheese, and maybe one other thing. So, he decided to cook her something. But, when he looked in her oven, he found that cardboard still in it -- so she had never cooked in the oven! So, before the weekend was over, he stocked her refrigerator and left her fresh flowers on the table. Then, he left the friend zone and went into the dating zone.
Both Tom (who is also married to an attractive woman his junior) and Al were like, "Look. Give the ugly dudes a chance! You *know* that the Matt Lauers of the world are only gonna go down hill! But we can get better!"
kelouis75 said:
What a wonderful 'twist' ...
I love it. You know, it's us, the women who really make the men. What we say and do matters from the moment a male is conceived within our womb. The men we love reflect what we project and say about them, early on.
Ever notice that every mother's baby is the most beautiful? How every mother's son, is the smartest and most handsome; every father's daughter is the most beautiful and his son the most skilled in sports and the 'guy' things that matter?
May I add another twist? Beauty lives on and continues to bud and grow. What fades are the lies that mis-define what Beauty truly is.
And that's all I see, for the man who lives in my heart, his total beauty is all I see inside and out.
Love does that. Love makes everything beautiful and NO Illusion... it really is.
Last edited:
LizLeila
Well-Known Member
Maybe when you come to know him as a person, you will see the beauty of him. That has happened to me. I thought I had a certain "type". I met a man who I connected with on EVERY level, except he didnt really fit the body type I was looking for. I am so thankful I did not pass him up, because although we are not together today, he was truly a blessing to my life at that time.
On the other hand, if you have been faithful and diligent (and specific, cuz God brings surprises at times) that you want a certain man and he isnt it, then let him go because he may not be what is in store for you. I pray that you have the eyes to see this man for who he TRULY is in all aspects of his character and person, positive and negative.
On the other hand, if you have been faithful and diligent (and specific, cuz God brings surprises at times) that you want a certain man and he isnt it, then let him go because he may not be what is in store for you. I pray that you have the eyes to see this man for who he TRULY is in all aspects of his character and person, positive and negative.
He_Leads_I_follow
New Member
Hi Destiny-
I've been waiting for 8 years. Just becuase he asked you out doesn't make him the one. Did you think every guy that asked you out before the Kingdom were potential mates?? Probably not. I just think we sometimes put too much pressure on ourselves and men. I think the problem is that while we ascend to Agape love it can be confused with romantic love when it is between the opposite sex. We don't know what true Agape feels like so it can make you think that this person may be the one and all you are feeling is the affectionate love that God wants us to have for one another. So then the "weirdness" enters in. Is it him? Is it her? Is HE the one?
No, my sister just relax. The light within you is already attractive along with your physical beauty! So prepare yourself for a few men asking you out. The enemy will send his crew to detract you and the Lord will send HIS selection to bless you. No I don't beleive in one choice for each person. As long as we have free will , you're free to choose between the short man of God and the tall man of God!
I've been waiting for 8 years. Just becuase he asked you out doesn't make him the one. Did you think every guy that asked you out before the Kingdom were potential mates?? Probably not. I just think we sometimes put too much pressure on ourselves and men. I think the problem is that while we ascend to Agape love it can be confused with romantic love when it is between the opposite sex. We don't know what true Agape feels like so it can make you think that this person may be the one and all you are feeling is the affectionate love that God wants us to have for one another. So then the "weirdness" enters in. Is it him? Is it her? Is HE the one?
No, my sister just relax. The light within you is already attractive along with your physical beauty!
So prepare yourself for a few men asking you out. The enemy will send his crew to detract you and the Lord will send HIS selection to bless you. No I don't beleive in one choice for each person. As long as we have free will , you're free to choose between the short man of God and the tall man of God!
BlkManWithSomeSense
New Member
RelaxerRehab said:I know you're serious...(pun intended from the other thread!
Ive never been caught up in looks because I indulge in a lot of 'forward thinking', meaning when I see a woman I picture whether I can see myself with her for a long time. While other men are thinking of how good she looks on his arm, I'm only concerned if she is someone that I can trust and love. I want to know if she will be supportive in my goals (as I will be with hers) and would she be there if all I had in this world was the clothes on my back and the faith in my heart.
Looks are really superficial. Id rather be with a woman who looks like the armpit of a chia pet than a model because I NEED someone who is truly sincere. Unfortunately, many men dont feel this way and they get caught up in looks and how she will look in front of his 'boys'. I guess thats why the Lord didnt make me a celebrity because if I was famous, the paparazzi might find me with a woman who looks like tree bark on my arm and I'd make sure every frame of film shows me alllllllllllll hugged up on her cuz she'd be beautiful to me.
Some people gotta understand. Looks dont matter when you're old and grey. You just want companionship and love. You dont care about the world because the world isn't paying you any mind. It's just you two.
So choose wisely.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Ugly is a frame of mind dawlin!
You might want to get a lil frisky and worried once you guys date, court, marriage and Whammo you gotta lil muffin in the oven.
All I'm really tryin ta say is "don't be scurrrrred"
He may be really beautiful on every other level that you could totally ignore the mugly.
You might want to get a lil frisky and worried once you guys date, court, marriage and Whammo you gotta lil muffin in the oven.
All I'm really tryin ta say is "don't be scurrrrred"
He may be really beautiful on every other level that you could totally ignore the mugly.
BlkHoneyLuv2U
Well-Known Member
Gurl you betta give that man a chance. After all, its not really about who you love, its about who loves you. If a monkey kiss you on the lips in the middle of your town square, kiss the monkey back cause the monkey loves you baby!!!
Thank sooooooooo much! God has used you all to help me see clearer. I want God's will to be done. I see God using me with this man for ministry purpose and His Glory. I admit that I'm worried about what others think and I've been teased by others because of his looks. He is a God sent and I'll learn to see through God's eyes and not my eyes. I repent for calling what God has made ugly. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by God.
(Blessings Upon Everyone)
(Blessings Upon Everyone)
crlsweetie912
Well-Known Member
destiny30 said:Thank sooooooooo much! God has used you all to help me see clearer. I want God's will to be done. I see God using me with this man for ministry purpose and His Glory. I admit that I'm worried about what others think and I've been teased by others because of his looks. He is a God sent and I'll learn to see through God's eyes and not my eyes. I repent for calling what God has made ugly. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by God.
(Blessings Upon Everyone)
That says VOLUMES.
You can't be worried about what others think. Most of the "others" that will tease you are the main ones that are unhappy and wish they had someone to love and care about them. I wish you luck!
meek&quietspirit
New Member
It really is the content of the book that matters and not the cover.
Before I married, I dated extremely fione men and also those that were considered bow-wow-wow's.
My consensus? Just about all of the good looking men, but not all, were so arrogant, full of themselves and downright rude. But, guess what? So were some of the arf-arf's! Boy, not only were some of them ugly outside, but they were ugly inside too, which made it even worse. But, in my personal opinion, most of the un-attractive men seemed to be much nicer.
Give him a chance. He'll either treat you like a queen or garbage, but that will be determined by the kind of heart he has, not his look's.
I agree with what was mentioned earlier, if he's a good man, and some of your friends had him, they'd be steppin high and could care less about what you or anyone else thought about it.
Finally, when the lights go out, you can't tell the difference between cute or ugly.
Before I married, I dated extremely fione men and also those that were considered bow-wow-wow's.
My consensus? Just about all of the good looking men, but not all, were so arrogant, full of themselves and downright rude. But, guess what? So were some of the arf-arf's! Boy, not only were some of them ugly outside, but they were ugly inside too, which made it even worse. But, in my personal opinion, most of the un-attractive men seemed to be much nicer.
Give him a chance. He'll either treat you like a queen or garbage, but that will be determined by the kind of heart he has, not his look's.
I agree with what was mentioned earlier, if he's a good man, and some of your friends had him, they'd be steppin high and could care less about what you or anyone else thought about it.
Finally, when the lights go out, you can't tell the difference between cute or ugly.
Last edited:
Similar threads
