Write the Vision: Make A List and Check it Twice

[BeautifulFlower]

I have been conflicted for a while whether it was right for me to make a list of qualities I wanted in a person for the following reasons:

1. Limits God
2. Closes my mind to other possibilities

But the Hab 2:2 says "And the LORD answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it."

So I came across this article yesterday entitled:Find the partner you want: Make a list and check it twice http://boston.personals.yahoo.com/us/static/relationships_partner

It instructs to make 5 lists:

- 6 Must Haves or The Deal Breakers
- 10 Very Importants
- 6 Must Nots
- Wouldn't It Be Nice If
- Envisioning 5 Scenarios

I followed the instructions and compiled a thorough document. The results amazed me.

I used my list and began to look back on my boyfriends that I thought I would marry. Came to find out, based on my MUST HAVES alone, they all score 3 out of 6. They wouldn't even make the cut. WOW, what was I thinking. I am grateful for the experience though.

It is also liberating because I don't have to second guess myself about them. I know because they dont even have the top 6 most important (and uncompromising) qualities I require, I can move on with no regrets. I also have confidence that THE RIGHT ONE is around the corner. And now, I can clearly identify him.

I encourage you all to complete these list if you have not. It was a lot better than the long extensive random list I used to make.
http://boston.personals.yahoo.com/us/static/relationships_partner

 

[Guitarhero]

I have been conflicted for a while whether it was right for me to make a list of qualities I wanted in a person for the following reasons:

1. Limits God
2. Closes my mind to other possibilities

But the Hab 2:2 says "And the LORD answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it."

You don't how much I'm smiling right now!!!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

You don't how much I'm smiling right now!!!

Well, explain why?

 

[Guitarhero]

Because I'm going to make a list and not worry that it will sound stupid lol. I'm going to trust!

 

[MSee]

Because I'm going to make a list and not worry that it will sound stupid lol. I'm going to trust!

You go girl

 

[nathansgirl1908]

That's great! Don't ever have qualms about making a list. And don't let anyone tell you that you are "limiting God." If they say that, ask them where their mate is. (I say that because many times the person saying that you are limiting God is also single lol)

 

[phynestone]

I've written a list down and have revised it as I've grown older and matured. There's nothing wrong with it. I think you should be as specific as possible.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I also think it is important to do this in other aspects of your life as well: career, dream home, financial goals, etc.

 

[loolalooh]

....................

 

[Guitarhero]

PrettyFaceANB, I read the article fully last night. In fact, I printed it and your post off and went into my chambers lol to contemplate. When you mentioned you prepared a document, I thought, "oh gosh, not another law student!' LOLOL. But it becomes a document!!!

I started writing with the intent of just brainstorming a few, knowing I would have to refine my list. It was tough at first, really. But after I got rolling, I couldn't stop. Not only did I have the items in each section, I had subdivisions lol.

It was a really good exercise and I can see where something like this can serve as a sort of therapy. When you put it on paper and look back on dislikes, comparing those with what you truly want - and this is easier with experience - you learn a lot about yourself, what you pushed under the rug, what you hid deeply concerning hurts and the like and certainly what your true desires are and have morphed somewhat to become. Me likey!

 

[maxineshaw]

This is totally irrelevant to the purpose of this post, but I had to look up what Hab is. This post on gotquestions.org was very helpful.

Anyhow, I plan on making a list and seeing what happens. I'm going to write it in my diary, and then rewrite it at a later date to see if what I want changes. I've never done anything like this because I have zero dating experience.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

PrettyFaceANB, I read the article fully last night. In fact, I printed it and your post off and went into my chambers lol to contemplate. When you mentioned you prepared a document, I thought, "oh gosh, not another law student!' LOLOL. But it becomes a document!!!

I started writing with the intent of just brainstorming a few, knowing I would have to refine my list. It was tough at first, really. But after I got rolling, I couldn't stop. Not only did I have the items in each section, I had subdivisions lol.

It was a really good exercise and I can see where something like this can serve as a sort of therapy. When you put it on paper and look back on dislikes, comparing those with what you truly want - and this is easier with experience - you learn a lot about yourself, what you pushed under the rug, what you hid deeply concerning hurts and the like and certainly what your true desires are and have morphed somewhat to become. Me likey!

I am happy it helped you. It so helps to clarify what you know you need.

I also find it helps to right down what you believe the Lord is telling you. To remember his promises and focus on faith not doubt.

This is totally irrelevant to the purpose of this post, but I had to look up what Hab is. This post on gotquestions.org was very helpful.

Anyhow, I plan on making a list and seeing what happens. I'm going to write it in my diary, and then rewrite it at a later date to see if what I want changes. I've never done anything like this because I have zero dating experience.

The practical application section was really good. Thanks!

 

[luthiengirlie]

I have been conflicted for a while whether it was right for me to make a list of qualities I wanted in a person for the following reasons:

1. Limits God
2. Closes my mind to other possibilities

But the Hab 2:2 says "And the LORD answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it."

So I came across this article yesterday entitled:Find the partner you want: Make a list and check it twice http://boston.personals.yahoo.com/us/static/relationships_partner

It instructs to make 5 lists:

- 6 Must Haves or The Deal Breakers
- 10 Very Importants
- 6 Must Nots
- Wouldn't It Be Nice If
- Envisioning 5 Scenarios

I followed the instructions and compiled a thorough document. The results amazed me.

I used my list and began to look back on my boyfriends that I thought I would marry. Came to find out, based on my MUST HAVES alone, they all score 3 out of 6. They wouldn't even make the cut. WOW, what was I thinking. I am grateful for the experience though.

It is also liberating because I don't have to second guess myself about them. I know because they dont even have the top 6 most important (and uncompromising) qualities I require, I can move on with no regrets. I also have confidence that THE RIGHT ONE is around the corner. And now, I can clearly identify him.

I encourage you all to complete these list if you have not. It was a lot better than the long extensive random list I used to make.
http://boston.personals.yahoo.com/us/static/relationships_partner

I wonder if I could apply this to career and finances as well hmm also friendships too???perplexed

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I wonder if I could apply this to career and finances as well hmm also friendships too???perplexed

YES!!!

 

[Coffee]

I wrote a list for what I wanted in a man, and God gave me that man, right down to height. After we got married, we wrote a list of what we were looking for in a home.....we got that, down to lots of windows (21 windows) for my plants. Obedience is key in God answering your prayers. So many times after God blesses us, we tend to forget God or become too busy for him, until the next need.

 

[delitefulmane]

I wrote a list for what I wanted in a man, and God gave me that man, right down to height. After we got married, we wrote a list of what we were looking for in a home.....we got that, down to lots of windows (21 windows) for my plants. Obedience is key in God answering your prayers. So many times after God blesses us, we tend to forget God or become too busy for him, until the next need.

This is so true! That is why it is important to thank God even in our sufferings (Romans 5:2-5). We should thank Him for what he already has in store for us!!

Thanks for this OP!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I wrote a list for what I wanted in a man, and God gave me that man, right down to height. After we got married, we wrote a list of what we were looking for in a home.....we got that, down to lots of windows (21 windows) for my plants. Obedience is key in God answering your prayers. So many times after God blesses us, we tend to forget God or become too busy for him, until the next need.

This is so encouraging.

Did you ever find that God asked you to pray for your husband before you two got involved? Did you ever feel as though God wanted you to be obedient toward something that made no sense to you and felt like would hurt you more if you did?

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

This is so encouraging.

Did you ever find that God asked you to pray for your husband before you two got involved? Did you ever feel as though God wanted you to be obedient toward something that made no sense to you and felt like would hurt you more if you did?

I believe that list can be really effective. I know a few people that have created list with traits that wanted in a mate and have found the man of their dreams. My cousin told me she really had to figure out what was important to her and what she really needed in a man. She spent a lot of time in prayer and just learning who she was in Christ, before even making a list.

I am not married, but I know that my season is coming. Sometimes I do feel lead by the Holy Spirit to write my future husband letters( Oh I don't mail because I don't know who he is), so you are not alone in feeling lead to do something that can be viewed a strange in the natural. Sometimes I write and sometimes I don't; and with that said, Thank God it is by grace that I am saved and not my actions.

 

[Peabody1]

This is a great idea and I'm proof that it works. After praying about it for a while I decided to write down a specific list of traits that I wanted in a man. I wrote my list in a notebook and looked back over it a few times, but later forgot about it. I started feeling a pull or a feeling that it was finally my season, but didn't really think much about it until I met my husband. My sister and I were cleaning out my old apt right before I got married and I found the notebook. I couldn't believe my hubby to be had every last one of the qualities I'd written down. I think the key is to be honest with yourself and be obedient. Don't write down what other people THINK might be good for you and don't settle. When I thought about my list and what to write on that piece of paper I thought "can I mirror this for my future husband?" If I couldn't offer him the same thing it was something I needed to work on or it didn't go on the list.

 

[KnottyGurl]

subscribing

 

[a_ caribbean_dream]

This is totally irrelevant to the purpose of this post, but I had to look up what Hab is. This post on gotquestions.org was very helpful.

Anyhow, I plan on making a list and seeing what happens. I'm going to write it in my diary, and then rewrite it at a later date to see if what I want changes. I've never done anything like this because I have zero dating experience.

NOT irrelevant whatsoever. Thank you very much for posting this link!!

 

[a_ caribbean_dream]

I have been conflicted for a while whether it was right for me to make a list of qualities I wanted in a person for the following reasons:

1. Limits God
2. Closes my mind to other possibilities

But the Hab 2:2 says "And the LORD answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it."

So I came across this article yesterday entitled:Find the partner you want: Make a list and check it twice http://boston.personals.yahoo.com/us/static/relationships_partner

It instructs to make 5 lists:

- 6 Must Haves or The Deal Breakers
- 10 Very Importants
- 6 Must Nots
- Wouldn't It Be Nice If
- Envisioning 5 Scenarios

I followed the instructions and compiled a thorough document. The results amazed me.

http://boston.personals.yahoo.com/us/static/relationships_partner

Thank you so much for sharing this with us prettyfaceANB! It couldn't have come at a more fitting time for me.


Also, general question for the ladies who testified to having a list prior to meeting their husbands: Did you also place superficial things on the list like appearance or a certain look you desire?

 

[Valerie]

PrettyFace, thank you so much for this, last night I went out to a friend's house and we were talking about husbands and getting a house and this has come in so handy.

Blessings all your help.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

This is a great idea and I'm proof that it works. After praying about it for a while I decided to write down a specific list of traits that I wanted in a man. I wrote my list in a notebook and looked back over it a few times, but later forgot about it. I started feeling a pull or a feeling that it was finally my season, but didn't really think much about it until I met my husband. My sister and I were cleaning out my old apt right before I got married and I found the notebook. I couldn't believe my hubby to be had every last one of the qualities I'd written down. I think the key is to be honest with yourself and be obedient. Don't write down what other people THINK might be good for you and don't settle. When I thought about my list and what to write on that piece of paper I thought "can I mirror this for my future husband?" If I couldn't offer him the same thing it was something I needed to work on or it didn't go on the list.

I believe that list can be really effective. I know a few people that have created list with traits that wanted in a mate and have found the man of their dreams. My cousin told me she really had to figure out what was important to her and what she really needed in a man. She spent a lot of time in prayer and just learning who she was in Christ, before even making a list.

I am not married, but I know that my season is coming. Sometimes I do feel lead by the Holy Spirit to write my future husband letters( Oh I don't mail because I don't know who he is), so you are not alone in feeling lead to do something that can be viewed a strange in the natural. Sometimes I write and sometimes I don't; and with that said, Thank God it is by grace that I am saved and not my actions.

This is a great thread.

Since a couple of you mentioned the bolded, how do you know when it's your season? What did you feel or what did God reveal to you? I'm curious because I'm just in an emotionally strange place right now and talking to God a lot, and I'm not sure what to make of it. . .

 

[delitefulmane]

 

[Renewed1]

My friend wrote out a list of what she wants in a husband (looks, personality, salary, etc) and as soon as her list was "finalized." The guy came, TOTALLY UNEXPECTED!!!

God told me they were going to get married. Plus, several people told him and her they were going to get married, before they even dated.

The last month, I felt this urgent need to finalize my "hubby" list. I wrote out some ideas, but it wasn't "final." Once I saw this person with the looks and personality I desire. It took me all of one day to finalized my very detailed (and realistic) list.